Chapter 15

"And no need to worry; that's wasting time

And no need to wonder what's been on my mind

It's you..."

"Do you remember this?"

Emma noticed the picture Nick was holding up. "Oh my god. Why do you still have that?!"

Nick laughed at her reaction. "I have everything. I pretty much saved it all."

"I can't believe you."

It was a couple of hours later when they had arrived at Nick's beach house. They were sitting in the living room, looking through Nick's old photo albums and remembering all the times when they were young.

"Do you realize how ugly I looked back then?"

"Oh shut up."

"What, it's true."

"No, it's not. You've always been beautiful..."

Emma looked at Nick and smiled. "Thanks."

"No need to thank me. That's a fact. Oh god, don't laugh but... look." Nick said, handing the picture to Emma.

"OH GOD. That haircut."

"Yeah." Nick laughed.

"I'm really glad you don't have that anymore."

"Really? How do you think I would look as a 27 year old man and a mushroom haircut?"

"Really, really ridiculous."

"Yeah..."

Nick continued to look through the pictures and put them back in order as Emma stared at him for awhile. She couldn't believe she was back in Nick's house; smiling and laughing with him.

Remembering old times. It was as if nothing ever happend. As if they were a couple once again.

Emma definitely liked the feeling, but she realized that they weren't a couple again and there were still things that they needed to clear up. Needed to talk about. Things that were bothering her and things that she, for sure, knew were bothering Nick.

"You called me 'babe'."

Nick looked at her, confused.

"Tonight. Outside the bar."

"Oh, right. Yeah... I'm-- sorry about that. It's just, you know, old habit." Nick sighed. Deep down, he really wasn't sorry.

"It's okay. I forgive you... for now." She smirked at him.

Nick laughed. "Thanks."

"So where'd you go? When you left. Where'd you go?"

"Atlanta."

"Uhuh." She said, taking a sip of her wine.

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink tonight?"

"No. I'm not a lightweight. Don't you think you shouldn't change the subject, Nick?"

"Brian's house."

"I figured that. How's he doing?"

"He's doing... really good." Nick said, distractedly.

"Did something happen?"

"No. No. Everything was great. I had a great time spending it with him. We went over alot of things. Songs, writings, talking..."

"You don't sound so convincing, Nick."

"It's just that... he... Baylee."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. I just--I don't know. It kind of got me thinking about--"

"Haley." She said, looking down at her hands.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"No, it's okay. I just saw how Brian was with Baylee and it just got me thinking. It's stupid." Nick said, getting up and heading towards the kitchen.

Emma followed him. "Nick, it's not stupid. You have all the right in the world to feel the way you feel. To think about her. She was apart of you as much as she was mine."

"I don't hate you Emma. I don't. I'm not mad at you either. I admit, when you told me, I was. That's why I left. I just needed to get away. Clear my head. I was wrong. I should've been there for you. I was too caught up with what I was doing that I didn't even notice that you were sick or that something was wrong and I know you tried to tell me a couple of times but, my selfish ways took over."

"Nick... it's okay. I don't hate you either. I'm sorry for not telling you. If I could tell you how much I'm sorry every single damn day, I would... I will." She said, getting closer to him. This time, he didn't back away.

"Emma, you don't have to do that."

"But, I want to. You deserve that much."

"And you deserve a whole lot better then me."

"Don't. Don't even say that."

"It's true."

"It's not. Jesus Nick, do you not even realize how much I love you? Every single minute, second, month, year, day that we were apart... it was like... like an entire part of me died. You were apart of me. I was apart of you. You gave me the greatest thing I could have ever gotten from someone; and that's your love... and Haley."

Emma noticed Nick's eyes were starting to fill up with tears and hugged him as she whispered to him.

"I love you. I have always loved you. I tried and tried but, this feeling... this feeling won't ever go away. I didn't think I understood how hard it was going to be once you weren't around. It seemed like it was almost killing me and it took me a long time to even begin to feel normal again. I tried to leave MY life. I tried to just forget about everything and move on but, the minute I saw you at Katsuya... everything came back and those old feelings that I had... came back again."

"Want to know a secret?" Nick said, backing away from her.

"Sure."

"I felt the same exact way that night."

Emma sighed. "I know you did Nick. I saw it in your face, your eyes. I just-- God... why didn't you at least call?"

"I couldn't Em."

"Why?"

"I just couldn't..."

"WHY? I want answers, Nick."

"Because just... listening to you. Hearing your voice. I know that I would've changed my mind and at that moment, I didn't want that. I had made up my mind already. Selfish me took over in that moment."

"You think that every single day I didn't cry myself to sleep? Did you think it was some sort of fucking marathon without you? It wasn't! I was alone. You left me alone and I had no idea what I was doing. I NEEDED you. I needed you to help me. I didn't know that this was going to happen to me. But, it did."

"And why didn't you call me? You're so worried about why I didn't call... you never called me once in the years that we were apart."

"You don't think I tried? I picked up that goddamn phone a thousand fucking times to call you. I tried Nick. Do you think I want to be standing here, in front of you, doing this?"

"No because I don't want to do this either."

Emma sighed once again and looked away. She stood there in silence for a few minutes playing back everything that happend and everything that Nick told her.

"Would you do something for me?"

"Anything." Nick whispered to her.

"Kiss me."