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Part 41 – Voice of Reason

I couldn’t stop thinking about babies.  Ever since the whole conversation about how apparently everyone in my circle of friends had decided that Kevin and I needed to have a child, that’s all I could think of.

It didn’t help that the next day was a day off from book stuff and all I had on my agenda was getting ready for the ball and then, of course, the ball that night.  My mind had all sorts of time to go completely nuts thinking about babies and wondering if Kevin had really meant that he wanted to have one with me.  I told myself that maybe he’d just been trying to appease the masses and get them to change the subject.  Then I told myself to stop being so damn negative and just let it be.

Jules and I were at a salon having a whole afternoon of beauty to get ready for the ball when I finally pulled myself out of my brain and looked at her, “Do you think he meant it?”

She looked up from a magazine she’d been going through as we sat side by side getting pedicures.  Well, I was getting a pedicure on my good foot and a very gentle nail painting on the bad foot which was starting to finally look a little better.  I still had the Robo-Cop brace on though, no way was I ready to bareback it yet.  “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sorry…” I said and sighed.  “I’ve been having this whole dialogue in my head without you and now I finally need you to input.”

She laughed, “Okay… so who are we talking about then?”

“Heartthrob.  What he said last night while we were making dinner and you guys were going on about…” I looked at the top of the head of the girl doing my pedicure and decided to censor myself.  She was young enough to know who Kevin was and possibly be a fan.  After the Kristin drama I was becoming very paranoid about who I opened my mouth around.  “The stuff you were talking about last night.”

Jules gave me a look that I was very familiar with.  It was one that said, I love you dearly but I have no idea what you’re getting at.  “You’re going to have to give me a better clue, babe.”

“In the kitchen, you and your new boy toy were talking all about how I need to do something with Heartthrob.”  I caught the chick doing my toes look up at us as Jules was trying to decode my lame cover up. 

“Ohhh!” Jules finally said and laughed. “Yeah, he can be my boy toy, that’s for sure.  But yeah, I remember now.”

“So do you think he meant what he said?”

“About how it would happen when it was time?” she asked and I nodded.  “That’s why you’ve been so quiet today?  You’ve been ruminating about that the whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want him to mean it?”

I thought about it for a moment and nodded, “Yeah, I do.”

She smiled.  “I know you do, I just wanted to hear you say it.”

I flipped her off, “Suck it.”

“No thanks,” she said and giggled.  “But honestly, I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who says things he doesn’t mean.  He seems like he’s got a habit of making sure that he’s sure before he opens his mouth, you know?”

“Yeah… that’s true.  He’s pretty cautious.”  I went to bite my thumbnail nervously but then remembered that I had a fresh manicure and quickly pulled my hand away from my mouth, “I keep trying to tell myself that he only said it so you guys would change the subject.”

“Oh, honey… No way.  He wouldn’t do that to you.  You both know how important that subject is to each other.”

“Right,” I said and stared at my manicure. 

I lost myself in thought again for a moment until I felt Jules put her hand on my arm.  “Get out your phone.”

“Huh?”

“Just do it,” she said and pulled her own phone out of her purse. 

She began typing a text as I got my phone out and within a minute my phone was buzzing with the new message.

He loves you.  He’s not going to hurt you, honey.  He’s one of the good ones.  Don’t talk yourself into thinking that he’s some ass who is going to break your heart.

I couldn’t help but tear up as I read the message.  I bit my lip as I typed out a response and sent it to her.

I’m trying.  It’s so freaking hard though! I look at him and he’s so damn perfect and I love him so much.  Then I think to myself that it can’t be real. He can’t love me like this.

Jules read my message and smiled, “But he does.”

I looked down at my phone and sent her another message.

If you make me cry in this salon I’m going to kill you.

She laughed, “Fair enough.  But you know what I say is the truth.”

“Yeah I do.”

“So stop listening to that damn critic in your head and just flow with the go.”

I cracked up to the point that I snorted.  Back when Jules and I had first met she hadn’t been in the States for long and sometimes struggled with American slang.  One day while we were having a heated disagreement about something book related she’d told me to flow with the go instead of go with the flow and I’d laughed so hard I’d nearly peed my pants.  We knew from that moment that we were going to get along great and had been buds ever since.  She always knew to pull out incorrect slang to make me giggle like a nut job. 

I was lucky that I hadn’t gotten my makeup done yet because if I had, I would have cried my eyeliner off while laughing.  I wiped at my eyes with my fingertips and continued to giggle, “I love you…”

“And I adore you, my love.  Anytime you work yourself up into a doubting frenzy just call me and I’ll slap you around verbally to make it all better.  Okay?”

“Deal… You’re always my voice of reason when it comes to my books, you might as well be it in other departments, right?”

“Precisely!  And the only payment I want in return is to live vicariously through you.”

“That, I can do.  Ooh and babysitting! When I’m in town I’m always able to stay with the Baby Man.”

“Well that’s a given, you’re the Godmum.  You’ll always be a built in baby sitter.  But yes, that’s another form of payment.  That and free books, a cozy place to stay on the beach when I’m in Florida and visitation privileges with Vinnie, of course.” 

“Most definitely!”

“Now stop being all serious, you’re going to a freaking ball tonight!  It’s time to pretend you’re a princess!  Got it?”

I giggled and saluted her, “Yes, ma’am!”