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Author's Chapter Notes:
I worked on this for a while. Just something ridiculous and stupid I came up with after all these snake rumors in my state lately. We even made the Letterman show. Enjoy lol
Nick had just come home from tour and was very excited to see his wife and the pets. He was also excited to sleep after the long flight from Europe. The tour was over- for now at least, and he was due some time off until the Nick and Knight tour picked up. Life was going pretty good.

He put his suitcase down on the floor and stretched, before looking around the house for Lauren.

"Baby, I'm home!! " he called out, but she didn't answer. He figured she'd taken the dogs down to the beach or something so he decided to go and do his business while the house was empty. He used the bathroom and came to find Lauren in the kitchen. He picked her up and kissed her, their arms wrapped around each other.

"I missed you so much, " Lauren cooed in his ear.

"I missed you too baby. It's good to be home."

"Well if you want to go wait in the bedroom, we can have a proper welcome back celebration."

Nick didn't even hesitate, he kissed her and ran off to the bedroom, hopping into the bed. It was then when he felt the pain. His crotch felt like it was on fire.

"Oh my god, Nick there is a snake in the bathroom!" Lauren called from the bathroom her husband had just used. Nick's eyes went wide with panic. All he could do was cry out on pain as it got worse and worse by the second. Lauren ran to him as soon as she heard him, then helped him to the car.

"We need to go to the hospital."

"My dick....the son of a bitch bit my fucking dick!" Nick groaned, holding the problem area which was beginning to swell up as if he had a boner.

"Don't bitch at me, I am going as fast as I can baby. Calm down."

"Calm down? I got bit by a snake. How the fuck am I supposed to be calm!?"

"How could this have happened?" Lauren asked herself as they pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Nick could not even walk at this point so they got him a wheelchair, Lauren beside herself with worry.

"You're gonna be fine baby. Just relax."

"They are taking forever. I could die waiting for them to check my shit out." Nick said grumpily, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his penis.

"I know you're hurt but you need to stay calm. Please baby. You will be fine." Lauren promised. Nick forced half a smile.

"Easy for you to say," Nick muttered. The doctors were busily trying to figure out what kind of snake had bitten Nick so that they could treat him, but he could not remember what it looked like as he didn't see it. His penis was swelling and Nick was in such pain that he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Someone please just fucking figure out what the fuck is wrong with my dick before it falls off! " he yelled in the operating room. The doctors didn't seem to be in a rush.

"Mr. Carter please stay calm, we are doing the best we can do, okay? You are in the best of care possible." the doctor said, annoyed by his constant bitching.

As soon as Nick uttered those words, the room began to shake. An earthquake was rattling everything in the room and people took cover.

"Just great. Of all the stupid-"

Nick was interrupted by the large light hanging over the operating table, swinging as if it were being blown in the wind. Nick began to panic again but everyone else was taking cover in the doorway. Nick was getting more and more annoyed.

"This is ridiculous. What kind of hospital are you running here? I could have died waiting for you guys to do anything."

As he spoke his final complaint the cable holding the light snapped in two, the light fixture falling down onto the operating table where Nick Carter was laying. It crushed him and killed him instantly, his swollen snake infected penis bursting from the impact. Lauren was beside herself with grief but managed to utter to herself-

"I suppose that's what he gets for bitching too much."