My Breathless Mistress VI

Chapter Sixteen

                AJ sat on the white chair, alone.  No one was around him, they had all gone to their cars, they had all started to head to his place for a small collation but he sat alone on this white plain chair staring at the ivory box.  His hand sat on the bottom of his chin, his eyes dripped with tears and his mind raced with pictures of what could have been.  What Logan would have looked like at one, trying to walk, holding himself up on the tables and being all around annoying to his sister.  He thought about what his first day of school would have been liked, the little brave boy waving goodbye to his scared parents as they watched him find his friends and play.  He thought about having the little boy on stage, letting him run around and play much like Brian and Howie do with Baylee and James.  His eyes closed pushing the tears from them and he sniffed as something touched his shoulder. 

                Chelsea sat in the car waiting patiently for AJ.  Her daughter on the other hand was ready to burst from the doors.  She sighed wondering what was taken AJ so long but she didn’t want to look over and see the box.  Her chest tightened and she took a deep breath but the tightness made it choppy. Her son was lying in the box ready to be put into the ground.  She thought about not being able to hold him again and wished she had held onto him longer during that visit.  Again the sadness over whelmed her and her whole body tightened as she tried to fight it.  She was tired of crying, hell she was just tired. All she wanted to do was sleep.  From the moment she stepped foot into her house after the hospital to when Alex woke her this morning to get dressed.  Even now she wanted all the people at her house to go home, leave her alone so she could go upstairs and sleep.

                “Mom” Nadia said but she ignored her daughter.

A small feeling of guilt came over her but it was washed away by the grief that consumed her these last few days.  Even the guilt of not being able to protect her son wasn’t enough to hold back the sadness and sorrow.

“Mom” Nadia said again.

“What?” Chelesea replied a little snappish.

At first Nadia looked shocked and then she pointed out the window.  “I think you should go get Dad.”  Her daughter said to her and she looked at the girl confused but looked to where she was pointing too.  It was hard to see past the dark blue tint of the windows so she moved closer to get a better view.  Her eyes went wide when she realized what Nadia was talking about. AJ stood there toe to toe with his Dad. Quickly she reached for the handle, opened the door and flew out of the car but stopped dead when the pain of getting up to fast hit her.  She grunted in pain as she grabbed her stomach but looked up when something caught her eye.  She relaxed a little when she saw it was Kevin running a few feet away on her right but then she realized the hair was too light.

She gasped. “Jerald.”

His Father had done some pretty ballsy things but this, this took the fucking cake.  AJ couldn’t believe his Dad was standing here, that he had the nerve to show up here today.  He didn’t think there would be anything that could take away the sadness he felt right now but the rage was doing a pretty good job in keeping up.

“Give me one fucking reason why I shouldn’t knock you the fuck out right here!” AJ snapped as he put his face in his Dads.

“Alex I just want to talk.” His Dad pleaded.

“Talk!?” AJ shouted. “You have no right to be here! Chelsea doesn’t want you here and I definitely don’t want you here, so fucking leave.” He growled.

“Alex” His Dad pleaded again.

“Leave!!” AJ screamed and slammed his hands against his Dad’s chest and his Father stumbled back but didn’t fall.  As he reached back ready to send a fist flying two arms grabbed him and pulled him back.

“Not here man.” A voice said and at first he thought it was Kevin’s but it was just a little bit deeper than his.  Quickly AJ pulled away when he realized who it was and looked at the man shocked.

“Alex” He heard Chelsea say and he turned to look behind him.  She walked up to him and took him by the arm.  “Let’s go home okay?”

“I’m not going anywhere until I talk to you Alex.” His Dad said as he started walking with Chelsea back to the car.  “I’ll follow you to your place if I have too.”

“No you won’t.” Jerald said and he slowed his pace a little.  He noticed Chelsea did too.

“Excuse me.” He heard his Father say and he stopped walking, Chelsea too and they both turned a little to see what was playing out behind them.

They both watched as Jerald sat down in the chair.  “I’ll sit here all damn night if I have too; you’re not going to be bothering them anymore today.”

Chelsea and AJ looked at each other, he raised his eyebrows at her a little shocked and she looked back to Jerald.  A light smile broke from her lips and then she turned around heading back to the car.  He followed her, helped her into the car and then got in himself.  When the Limo pulled away AJ looked over to his wife ready to discuss the weirdness that had just happened.  He frowned when he saw the pain on her face.

“Chels you ok?” He asked.

“I got out of the car way to fast.” She replied.

“Should we go to the hospital?” AJ asked.

“No, I’m ok.” She replied.  “I didn’t feel anything rip, it just hurts, I think it’s easing off though.” He looked at her not happy with the uncertainty in her reply.  “That was weird.”

“Very” AJ replied as he looked out the window and noticed they were leaving the cemetery. 

“Are you ok?” She asked and he looked at her.

He took a deep breath the rage and anger disappearing when Jerald showed up.  “Yeah” He sighed.  “Why was he still here?”

“I don’t know I was sitting here and Nadia showed me your Dad had shown up.  I got out of the car and that’s when I saw Jerald walk up well run up.”  She told him.  “I thought it was Kev at first.”

“Me too” AJ replied with a light chuckle.  AJ looked up at Nadia and she was staring at the both of them.  “How are you doing?” He asked her.

“Me?” She asked and he nodded.  “I’m fine.” She replied, she always said that.  “So who’s all going to be at the house?”

“Basically just everyone that was there in the morning plus Howie, his wife and Nick.” AJ told her.

“Cool.” She replied with a nod and looked back out the window.

The rest of the ride home was pretty quiet; he wondered what everyone was thinking.  Were they thinking about the things that could have been or were they thinking about something else, anything else beside what the last few days had brought.  He wondered if Chelsea was thinking about what happened now.  What would happen tomorrow and the day after, and the day after that.  Living every day without their Son and without the love his little life gave them.

The Limo jerked and AJ looked up as the car stopped in front of their home.  He waited for the driver and then got out when the door opened.  When he climbed out of the car he turned to Chelsea and helped her out.  They both waited for Nadia and then made their way to the front door.  AJ walked into the house and he heard the chattering voices coming down the hall.  He waited for his wife and daughter to walk inside and then he closed the door behind them.

“Is everything alright?” Kevin asked as AJ turned around.

“My Dad showed up.” AJ told him and Kevin’s eyes almost bugged out of his head.

“What?” His friend replied.

“I’m going to go change.” Chelsea said before AJ could reply to Kevin.

“Okay” He replied with a light nod.

“So what happened?” Kevin asked as they both watched Chelsea slowly carefully walk up the stairs.

“I almost knocked him out.” AJ replied.  “But your Brother showed up and stopped me.”

“My Brother? Tim’s been here the whole time.” Kevin said confused.

“The other one.” AJ replied.

“Jerald?” Kevin gasped in shock.

“What did my Son do now?” Anne asked and AJ could tell she was annoyed.

“Nothing.” AJ replied.  “He actually helped us, holding off my Dad so we could leave.”

“My Jerald?” Anne asked confused as she tilted her head a little and AJ lightly laughed with a nod.

“Weird” Kevin said.

“Yeah” AJ replied still chuckling. “Maybe he’s not such a heartless prick after all.”

Kevin smirked and laughed as he walked with AJ into the Kitchen.  He saw Nadia in the fridge and got her attention.  “Dew” He told her and she reached in and grabbed him a soda.

“The whole thing was very beautiful AJ.” Howie’s wife said to him and everyone in the kitchen nodded.

“Thanks” AJ replied.

“Where’s Chelsea?” Kristin asked.

“She went upstairs to get changed.” AJ told them.

“Do you think she’d come back down?” Kevin asked.

AJ took a deep breath.  “I dunno”

“Are you sure her not being at the burial was the right thing to do?” His Mom asked.

He took another deep breath.  “I wanted her there but she didn’t want to be.  Like I said she didn’t want to see any of it, she just wanted to remember what she had.”  A couple of people mumbled in protest and AJ sighed.  “Look when she came back from Mexico everyone thought they knew better but they were wrong, she knew what she wanted, what she needed, so I just have to have faith that she knows how to handle this as well.”

Chelsea sat upstairs staring back at herself in the long mirror on the other side of the room.  Her mind played tricks on her.  It played tricks with her eyes and ears.  She heard her Father speaking too her.  She saw her Father staring at her as he sat beside her.

“Horrible” He smirked and she knew what he meant.  She closed her eyes and tried to push him out of her mind.  “Just horrible”

“You’re one to talk.” She whispered back.

“I never killed you.” He replied.

“I didn’t…” She stopped.

“You couldn’t protect the first one and you thought you could protect this one?” He asked. 

“Shut up” She whispered his words cutting into the fresh wound.

“That’s two children you’ve failed, one up on me.” He said and she put her head into her hands.

“Shut up” She moaned with her sobs.  The sound of her Father laughing ate away at her; so many times she had heard that laugh.  So many times she just wanted to silence it, forever.

“Chels?”

“Shut up!!” She screamed and shoved the person in front of her.  She opened her eyes stunned at what she had done but she was even more stunned to see it wasn’t her Father that lied on the floor.  Instead it was the eyes of her husband looking at her a little bewildered.  Quickly she looked into the mirror it was just her, she looked beside her and no one was there.  Then she looked at Alex.

“What the hell was that about?” He asked and she could tell in his voice there was no anger in his tone.

“I-I…” She stopped now a little confused herself and then she sighed realizing she had let her imagination get away from her.  “I’m fine”

“Chelsea you just screamed in my face and shoved me to the floor.” AJ said as he got up on his knees and knelt in front of her.  She looked at him embarrassed she didn’t want to tell him.  He pulled her into his arms and she slowly wrapped her arms around him. Right now this was the only place where everything didn’t over whelm her; right now everything was calm and peaceful.  “Talk to me Chels.” 

“Talk to him?” She thought.  How could she talk to him, sure he was in pain over the loss of their Son but it wasn’t his responsibility to protect him, it wasn’t him who failed Logan.  He would just tell her it wasn’t her fault and things would get better because he didn’t understand.

“I’m fine Alex really, I was just confused and upset and you scared me that’s all.” Chelsea told him.

He pulled away and looked at her.  She could tell he was studying her.  “Okay” He replied and she was relieved he dropped it.  “Are you going to come downstairs?”

“I’m really too tired to talk to people.” Chelsea said.  “I was kind of hoping just to nap for a little bit.”

“Chels I know you’re hurting but there’s a little girl downstairs…” Chelsea gave him a puzzled look.  “Okay she’s not little but she’s down there wanting to spend time with her Mom, she’s worried about you.”

“Alex I’m fine really, I just want some sleep it’s been a long day.” Chelsea replied.

“It’s been a long day for all of us.” AJ replied and she thought he sounded a little snippy. 

“Alex I want to sleep.” She told him.

“Well I want a fucking drink but I haven’t been spending all day at the bars.” He snapped.

“Don’t compare me wanting to sleep to that!” Chelsea snapped back.

“Why it’s the same thing.” He replied.  “All you’ve done since you’ve gotten home is sleep, you’ve spent no time with me but most importantly you haven’t spent any time with Nadia.” AJ told her.  “But yet she’s been very patient giving you the time you need.”

“She’s fine Alex.” Chelsea replied with sigh.

“Is she?” AJ snapped back and she looked at him shocked.  “Damn it Chelsea she hasn’t been with us that long, she was still adjusting when we found out about the baby, she had to get use to this new family and then a new baby. Now…” He stopped and she waited for more. 

“Now, what?” She asked.

He paused and stared at her.  “And now she’s having nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Chelsea replied confused and AJ nodded.

“The first night we got home after you went into the hospital.” He started to tell her as he sat down on the bed.  “I was awake couldn’t sleep and I heard her talking, thought I was going to bust her on the phone with Kandis but when I walked in she was sleeping, talking in her sleep.”

“What was she saying?” Chelsea asked as she looked at him.

“At first it was just mumbling, I wasn’t sure if I should wake her but it was looking pretty intense.”  He told her and she frowned.

“Intense?” She asked unsure just how intense he meant.

“She was tossing, kicking a little and mumbling, so I woke her up and that’s when…” He paused.

She looked at him worried.  “What Alex?”

“She started swinging and screaming stop it over and over.” He told her.  “I didn’t tell you because there was everything going on with Logan and I didn’t want you to worry and then…” He paused.  She looked away knowing what he was going to say.

“Have you talked to her about it?” Chelsea asked.

“No and I’m not sure she really remembers waking up.” AJ told her.  “I don’t think she’s had another one since but with everything going on…” She nodded knowing they both missed it if anything more was happening.

Chelsea looked down when she felt his hand slid over hers.  “We lost our Son Chels but we still have our Daughter.” He told her and then pulled her into his arms.  With a sigh she started crying again and he held her a little bit tighter.

“I’ll make you a deal.” AJ said as he gently pulled her away.  “Come downstairs, spend some time with Nadia and then if you want to take a nap you can take one after.”

She really didn’t want to go downstairs and it was nothing against her daughter, it was just everyone else.  Looking at her with sad eyes, asking her eighty times a day whether she was ok or not, and the constant hugging.  But she knew he wouldn’t leave her alone if she said no.

“Alright” She replied.  He smiled and gently kissed her on the lips.