Apparently, Stuart thought it would be funny if I coordinated with Joey’s new hair, because everything he brought me to try on was red. When I finally called him out on it, Joey started laughing so hard that I had to remind him to breathe. We finally settled on a halter-style minidress in a black and red (of course) print. It was Joey’s choice, actually.

The next night, I got my first true taste of what it feels like to be a celebrity. All ten of us, the members of N’Sync and Forever, were piled into one stretch limousine, and as we filed out, cameras flashed from every direction. The girls got out first, and I was the last, followed by Joey, JC, Lance, Chris, and Justin. I only thought the camera flashes were insane when I got out of the limo. By the time Justin got out, I was was basically blind, and when the Backstreet Boys stepped onto the red carpet just moments later, it was pandemonium. We walked the red carpet together, and Joey and I acted as both the dividing line and the tie that bound the two groups together. Joey did most of the talking when we were asked about our relationship, and Mel did a lot of promotion for our debut album, which was scheduled to be released at the beginning of October. John Norris, and even Carson, congratulated us on our #3 position on the the TRL countdown. When we finally made it into the theater, I struggled to adjust my eyes to the stark contrast between bright camera flashes and dark auditorium, and stumbled over the threshold.

Joey grabbed my elbow to steady me and leaned his head down to whisper in my ear. “Can’t see a damn thing can you?”

I laughed. “No, not a thing. Add these stupid shoes,” I said, gesturing down to the strappy heels I was wearing. “And I’m toast.”

“You get used to it.” He smiled and wrapped his arm securely around my waist. “In the meantime, I can just hold on to you at all the red-carpet events. You know, I think I’d actually prefer it if you never got used to it.”

I stretched up on my tip-toes and kissed his cheek quickly. “No complaints here.”

It was a great night. I had a total fan-girl moment when Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey came on stage in those famous brown dresses. The Backstreet Boys totally rocked their “Everybody” performance, and at some point in the middle of it, I glanced to my right to see Christina literally fanning herself. “Have you seen my husband?” she whispered. “Too bad he had to take those glasses off to dance. My god, he looks hot in those.” I could only laugh. I was relieved that she was talking to me and finally in a good mood. She’d been pretty bitter about the fact that we were arriving with and sitting with N’Sync, and that I was sitting right next to my boyfriend while she stared at the back of her secret husband’s head from several rows back.

N’Sync was greeted with huge applause when they walked on stage to introduce Brandy and Monica singing “The Boy is Mine,” and as luck would have it, Forever ended up presenting the award for Best Group Video. I couldn’t have been happier when Amelia opened the envelope and we all got to scream “The Backstreet Boys!” When they all made it onto the stage,excited hugs were shared all around, but I was completely taken aback when Kevin gathered me into his arms and planted a kiss right on my lips. Strangely enough, Carson Daly and the rest of the media didn’t even make a big deal out of it afterwards. Perhaps that was because AJ did it, too. Nick and Chrissy even snuck behind the rest of us and stole a kiss.

The three groups all ended up at the same after party, and though I was pretty wrapped up in dancing/making out with Joey on the dance floor, I noticed when Howie answered his cell phone and his expression suddenly turned serious. When he slipped out the door and into the hallway, I pulled away from Joey, placing my hands on his upper arms. “I’ll be back in a little bit, okay?”

“Okay sure.” I’m pretty sure he assumed I was just going to the restroom or something, because he didn’t question it. I rushed outside, going as fast as my stupid heels, which were now rubbing blisters on the tops of my toes, would let me. I found him under an exit sign facing the wall, with the phone still pressed up to his ear.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He hung up, stuffed the phone in his pocket, and leaned his head up against the wall with his back still facing me.

“Howie?” I touched his shoulder hesitantly, and he jumped, jerking his head around to look at me.

“Oh. Hey.” His eyes were red and he sniffled, swatting at the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“What’s going on?”

He peeled himself off the wall and tried to push past me. “I have to go,” he said gruffly.

I grabbed his hand and stepped in front of him. “Howie, what’s wrong?” I could tell he was straining not to cry and squeezed his hand hard.

“It’s Caroline.”

“What about Caroline?” After nearly a year of close friendship, I knew a lot about Howie’s family, and I knew how he worried about Caroline.

“She’s um...had a bad Lupus flare, and they....” He trailed off and crumbled.

I pulled him into a fierce hug and he buried his face into my shoulder. He was shaking so hard that I could barely hold onto him. “Howie, what?” I pleaded with him.

“It’s bad,” he muttered into the crook of my neck. “Her doctor said it was a good idea to call the family..... in case we need to say our goodbyes.” His head shot up and he looked at me. “That’s why I need to go.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah you do. What do you need?” I saw Joey standing at the other end of the hallway, watching us curiously. “Stay here. Call the airport and get a flight. Do not go anywhere until I get back, okay?”


“Okay....” He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his cell phone while I jogged towards Joey.

“Have you seen Kevin?” I asked him.

“Uh...I think he was at the bar.” He answered, bewildered.

“Was he drunk?”

“How am I supposed to know?” He shrugged as he grabbed my waist and looked down at me, concerned. “What’s going on?”

I shook my head. “No time right now, Joe.” I started through the door, and as the music booming from outside got louder and spilled out into the hallway, I turned and pointed at Howie. “Watch him. Don’t let him go anywhere alone.”

“What? Em... Wait.” Joey held his hands out towards me, but I was already gone, and he was left “watching” Howie.

I pushed my way through the mingling crowd and headed for the bar where Kevin was perched atop a stool and having a beer with P. Diddy, or was he still Puff Daddy at the time? It was really a sight to see, and I kind of hated to break it up. I could only hope one of the paparazzos had already snapped a picture of the strange pair together. My hand fell down hard on his shoulder and he turned lackadaisically at first, but when he noticed who was standing behind him, he shot around and started to stand. “What’s wrong?” he asked, obviously noticing the distressed look on my face.

I was relieved that he appeared to be mostly sober. “It’s Howie.”

He immediately fell into “big brother mode” and started following me outside. “What’s wrong with Howie?”

“Something’s happened with his sister and they’ve called him to come home and say good bye,” I explained as I ushered him through the crowd.

“Damn,” he uttered under his breath.

“It’s not that I can’t handle him, but we have a show in a couple days, and I’m not really sure how to deal all of that,” I went on.

“It’s fine, Emily,” he assured me as we passed by Joey, who still stood there dumbfounded. “Thanks for coming to get me.” Kevin called the tour manager and helped Howie get his flight booked, then he pulled him into a “man hug” as we stood on the sidewalk outside and hailed a cab. I started to get into the car with Howie, but he placed a hand on my shoulder as I was climbing in.

“No, Em, you should stay.” His big, brown eyes stared me down.

“Howie, I can’t let you be alone right now,” I insisted.

“He won’t be.” Kevin squeezed by me and landed on the car seat beside Howie. “I’ll take care of him,” he assured me. I glanced at Howie warily and he nodded in agreement.

“Call me soon as you land,” I ordered.

“I will.”

“Let me know something, okay?”

He stared ahead and nodded as he fought back tears. “I will.”