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I heard from Danny much sooner than I’d expected. That night after the show, all ten of us boarded the bus that we had taken together to the venue that afternoon and I went to the back, hoping to be alone. I was physically and emotionally drained after running into Danny, not to mention the whole Kristin debacle. I had sadly watched Kevin put her in a cab before boarding the bus. She had smiled and pecked him lightly on the lips, her hand lingering on his bicep before he gave her a long kiss on the cheek and told her goodbye. I felt like an idiot for thinking something was happening between the two of us when all this time he had a girlfriend. Had he just been working up to getting in my pants? Was that what all the stolen kisses and make-out sessions were about?

My thoughts were interrupted by a smooth baritone speaking from the aisle and the presence of Kevin’s body standing by the seat beside me. “Can I sit here?”

I raised an eyebrow. “I guess.” I shrugged, scooting towards the window.

“I think we need to talk,” he said, turning to face me so that our knees touched.

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Kristin.”

“Oh. Don’t worry about it Kevin.” I jumped as my cell phone rang from my tote bag on the bus floor and stooped down to grab it. I didn’t recognize the number on the screen, but answered it anyway, since I really didn’t feel like talking to Kevin at the moment. “Hello?”

“Hey! I hope it’s not too late to be calling you,” a familiar voice said excitedly on the other side of the receiver.

I glanced at my watch. It was 11:30. “Danny! No, it’s not too late at all. We actually just finished up a show and are heading back to the hotel. I’m usually pretty hyped up for at least a couple hours after getting back from a show, so it’s a perfect time to call.”

“I’m in Belgrade and heading on into Kosovo tomorrow. I don’t really know when I might have phone access after this, so I thought I’d try calling you tonight.”

Kevin sighed from the seat beside me and patted my knee as he stood up. “Later,” he mouthed.

I nodded and shooed him away. “I’m glad you did, Danny. I was really disappointed we didn’t get to talk more today. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I would even hear from you.”

“Why would you think that? This is me we’re talking about here.”

I bit my lip to try to stop myself from saying what I wanted to say, but it came out anyway. “Exactly. Two years ago you started acting like an idiot and got in trouble for it, then you disappeared without a trace, and not even so much as a good bye. Why would I expect to hear from you?” The bus slowed to a stop at the service entrance of the hotel and I stood up, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

“Ouch.” Danny was silent for a few moments then cleared his throat. “I guess I deserved that.”

“Yeah.”

“Will you at least let me explain?”

“Absolutely. I’ve been waiting for an explanation for two years.” I trampled down the steps and caught a glimpse of the back of Kevin’s head entering the hotel surrounded by bodyguards.

“Who ya talking to?” Christina whispered as we walked towards the door.

“Danny,” I mouthed to her.

Her eyes widened then she smiled. “Tell him I said hey.” Danny had been Chrissy’s first boyfriend back in seventh grade.

“Christina says hi by the way,” I told him.

“Oh, tell her hi for me too.” He laughed. “So um....the thing about juvie is that they don’t really let you have any contact with the outside world.”

“I know that Danny.” We got into the elevator and started riding up to the tenth floor. “But you obviously got out. Still, I heard nothing from you, though.”

Chrissy, who was my roommate for the night, leaned towards me. “I think I’ll stay with Amelia tonight, and give you some time to talk,” she whispered. I nodded and turned my attention back to Danny.

“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after I did what I did,” he muttered.

“Danny, I’m still furious with you for what you did, but you know I love you. Of course I would have wanted to talk to you.” I held the phone between my ear and my shoulder while I fiddled with the lock on the door and pushed it open. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my bag on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

I groaned as I climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up over me. “That doesn’t change the fact that I’ve missed you and worried about you for two years.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Quit telling me you’re sorry and tell me what you’ve been up to.”

“Sorry...erm...I mean uh....” We both laughed. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” I snuggled my head into the pillow and prepared myself.

“Well, uh....after they found the pills in my locker they checked my car and found them there too. And then they found some....money with them.”

“I know. Small town, remember?”

“Yeah. So, uh, the judge decided to go easy on me since I’d never really been in trouble before and sentenced me to 12 months. I got my GED while I was in the detention center and enlisted the day I got out.”

“I never knew you wanted to join the military.”

“Well I never really did when I was younger, but I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to do with my life, and I figured I was already such a screw-up that I should really try to do something meaningful for society. I can’t think of anything more meaningful than serving my country.” I could hear the earnestness in his voice and also the shame.

“That’s amazing Danny, but I’ve gotta tell you.....You’re not a screw up. You screwed up, yeah, but you’re not a screw-up. You’re one of the greatest guys I’ve ever known.”

“I don’t know about that.....,” he trailed off. “Does that mean I still have a chance?”

I gasped but smiled. “You’ve always had a chance Danny.” My thoughts fell to the past as I thought of all the wonderful things he’d done for me. “What other guy would squeeze into a pair of tights to fulfill my fantasy of doing the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet, or play his guitar for hours while I sang, take me to the homecoming dance when my date backed out, listen to me bitch for hours about my stupid boyfriend, hold me when I’m crying over everything from my grandmother dying to getting a bad grade?” It all tumbled out of me and for a moment I thought of Kevin and the surprise party he’d thrown for me on my birthday a couple weeks prior. It was definitely the type of thing Danny would have done.

“You don’t know how much that means to me, Em.” He chuckled. “You’re the girl who showed up at every baseball game I pitched in wearing a foam finger with my number painted on it, the one who would visit my grandmother and talk to her for hours, who gave me my first kiss, and just FYI, you’re still the only woman my mom says she’ll allow me to marry. I’ve missed you so much, Emmy.”

“Danny....” A single tear fell down my cheek and onto the pillow under my head.

“Can I ask you a question Emily?”

“Yeah.....”

“Why did we break up?”

“At the moment, Danny, I don’t really know. But honestly, when you started using the drugs, I would have broken up with you then. You know how I feel about that crap. Why’d you do it?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. I found some painkillers in my dad’s medicine cabinet from a surgery he’d had, and I liked the way they made me feel. Then, I got into the wrong crowd at school, but to them I was cool.”

“You didn’t seem so cool to the rest of us.”

“I know. But I was accepted. You know I got a lot of flack from the guys at school for pretty much only having friends that were girls.”

“They were probably jealous, you know. You were surrounded by ladies. They should have thought of you as a role model,” I giggled.

He laughed. “Well, that’s true, but you know, there were always the gay jokes. I was a guy hanging out with a bunch of girls and never getting any.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true...” I jested.

“Yeah, well, you were different. I couldn’t really kiss and tell when it came to you.”

“I appreciate that, Danny.” We were comfortably silent for several moments.

“So tell me about your tour. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of the Backstreet Boys, but judging by the big, burly men surrounding all of you at the train station, I’d say they’re a pretty big deal?”

“They’re huge in Europe, but they’re starting to get big in the US. Howie says they used to call the states ‘no-fan land’. Have you ever heard that song ‘Quit Playing Games With my Heart?’”

“Oh yeah. I like that song!” He lowered his voice to just barely above a whisper. “Don’t tell anyone though.”

I laughed. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“So, who’s Howie?” He asked, suddenly serious.

“Oh, he’s one of the guys. We’ve become really good friends.” I told him matter-of-factly.

“So, there’s nothing else going on there?”

“No, Danny.”

“Oh come on, there’s five 18 and 19 year old girls and five guys in their teens and twenties and there’s nothing freaky going on behind the scenes?” He questioned in amusement. “Yeah right.”

“Well....I just said there was nothing going on with me and Howie....”

“So tell me about the other guys,” he insisted.

“Well, there’s Nick. He’s 17 and crushing hard on Chrissy, oh and total cutie,” I gushed.

“Come on, Em. I’m not one of your girlfriends.”

“Well you asked!”

“Fine.”

I went on. “Then, there’s AJ, or as Amelia calls him, “Alex”. He’s Mel’s age, almost twenty, and obsessed with getting new tattoos.”

“Hmm...why does Amelia call him Alex?”

“Well, AJ’s short for Alexander James,” I explained.

“But why does Amy call him Alex?” he asked insistently.

“Because they’re friends.”

“Like you and I were friends?”

“Well, not exactly....” I trailed off.

“Ooh,” he taunted. He was really getting into this.

“I thought you weren’t one of my girlfriends,” I joked.

“Hush and just tell me if she’s doing him.” He demanded.

“Yes,” I replied simply.

“Oh.” He paused. “Really?! Little Amelia?”

“Yep. She’s drinking too. I’m a little worried.”

“Well, she’s a big girl, and you know how sheltered she always was. She’s going to have to make her own decisions,” he assured me.

“Like you made your own decisions?” I jabbed.

“Touche`.” He jabbed back. “Seriously, though. I think she’ll be alright.”

“I guess. But I still worry,” I lamented.

“Of course you worry. You’ve always been the mama bear.”

“That’s true. So anyway, that’s AJ, then there’s Brian. He’s a Kentucky boy. Played sports in school, real down to earth, a jokester. Reminds me of you in a way.”

Danny smiled. “So do you like him?”

“Um, no....not like that.”

“Oh.”
 
“There’s something about him that’s a little ‘off’....I can’t really put my finger on it, though. Like maybe he doesn’t feel well sometimes. I dunno. Anyway, so that’s the guys,” I declared, avoiding talking about Kevin on purpose and praying he wouldn’t ask about him. No such luck, though.

“I thought I saw five of them this morning? Howie, Nick, AJ, Brian....” I imagined him ticking them off on his fingers. “That’s only four.” I sighed, knowing I was caught. “Who was that tall, brooding one? The one with the eyebrows. Why didn’t you tell me about him?” he asked.

I groaned. Unfortunately for me at the moment, Danny knew me too well. “That’s Kevin,” I said quietly.

“And what’s going on with Kevin?” he urged.

“Nothing. Not anymore.” I took a deep breath and let it out. “There might have been some flirtation there, but it turns out he has a girlfriend,” I said shakily.

“This Kevin guy sound like a jerk to me,” he spat hatefully.

“He’s not a jerk....I guess maybe we just had a misunderstanding is all.” I shrugged. “A big misunderstanding.”

“I think he’s a jerk.”

“He threw me a birthday party,” I said, suddenly defending him.

“Sounds like something I would do,” he recanted.

“Yeah.....I guess maybe that’s one of the reasons I liked him.” Danny was silent.

“Danny? You still there?”

“Listen Emily, I don’t know that I can just sit here and listen to you talk romantically about another guy. Seeing you today....” I could hear him gulp audibly over the phone. “It stirred up a lot of old feelings.”

I blinked back tears, not even understanding why I was crying all of a sudden. “I’m not going to lie to you, Danny. It did for me too.”

He groaned. “So what are we going to do?”

“You’re going to Kosovo tomorrow, Danny, and I’m going to Vienna, then going back to the States in a couple weeks to finish up an album, then god knows what. We live in completely different worlds now. If this were another time and another place, I’d absolutely consider giving this a go.” I choked back a sob.

“Shhh Emmy, don’t cry. It’s not like I’m expecting you to wait around for me, I just....” He was interrupted by a loud bang and shouting.

“Yo Rankin! Quit tying up the damn phone!”

I glanced at the alarm clock on by bedside table in my hotel room. It was 12:45. “Wow, we’ve been talking over an hour,” I announced. “It feels....”

“So much shorter, I know,” he finished for me. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, but promise me something?”

“What’s that?”

“Can we keep our deal? If we’re both in the right place at the right time, and maybe even if we’re not, marry me in eleven years? Or at least give ‘us’ a shot?”

I nodded, tears still streaming down my face, then realized that he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, Danny. Absolutely.”

He beamed. “I love you, Emmy. I’ll think about you every day,” he breathed.

“I love you, too. Be safe.”

“Well now I have a really big reason to do my damndest to come back in one piece, don’t I?”

I laughed. “Let’s not say goodbye okay?”

“See you soon, Em.”

“See you soon.” I mashed the off button on my cell phone and leaned over to plug it into the charger on my nightstand, then drifted off to sleep wondering just how far away “soon” was. I also smiled thinking maybe it wouldn’t take eleven years.

_______________________________________________________

My cell phone rang at 2 AM a few days later while we were in Paris I bolted upward in bed with my heart racing. It’s never a good sign when your phone rings at 2 AM. “Hello?” I answered shakily.

“Rosebud.” It was my dad, whom I hadn’t spoken to in months, and he was using his pet name for me.

“Dad?” I heard him breathe heavily on the other end of the line and clear his throat. He always had distinct mannerisms on the phone when he was about deliver bad news and I detected them easily.

“Are you alone?”

“N-no dad. Amelia’s here. The phone woke her up.” Amelia frowned and got out of her bed and into mine. I gulped and braced myself, already fighting back hot tears, and I didn’t even know what he was calling about. In my mind, I prayed it wasn’t my mom or my brother, or dozens of other relatives.

“Joan Rankin called a few minutes ago.”