The rented Backstreet Boys tour bus stopped in Germany around lunch time. Suspiciously quiet, the Boys exited the bus and entered through the back entrance of a restaurant at which the four remaining members had agreed to eat. They all stretched out their bus-ride induced kinks before sitting down at the white clothed table.
For Brian, the days were passing by in a blur. When he wasn’t putting on a show—pretending to be happy, hamming it up for the crowd—he was in his hotel room either asleep or simply driving himself crazy in his own mind. He put on a brave front, but the truth was that he was incredibly depressed. Realizing that your marriage is over—the one thing that you have put all of your faith into, the one thing that has occupied the majority of your attention and energy, the one thing in life that isn’t supposed to end—is humiliating and unbelievably painful.
Finally, the tour was going to be stopping for a while. They had a couple of German television shows to interview with and a couple of appearances to show up for, but a good part of the time would be their own. Though to Brian, the time off was bittersweet—sweet because he wouldn’t have to live a lie, bitter because it gave him more time to himself to think. It was getting easier to wonder if he was making the right decision, mostly because he didn’t have Leighanne around to argue with. There was finally peace.
However, in the end Brian would always remember. He would remember the suffocation that he felt when he was trapped in his own home. He would remember the sheer torment of Leighanne calling his name from across the house just to yell at him about something else. He would remember the annoyance that he felt over all of the quirks he used to love about his wife. He would remember the misery as he forgot every single reason why he fell in love with her in the first place.
Eventually, Nick broke into the silence surrounding the small table.
“So, Bri,” he started slowly as he popped a bite into his mouth. “Is Leighanne meeting you out here this week?”
The unexpectedness of Nick’s question startled Brian. He dropped his fork to the glass plate with a clang and then cleared his throat.
“Did I ask something wrong?” Nick continued, confused. He glanced pointedly at AJ and then Howie. “Did I not get the memo or something?”
Brian licked his bottom lip slowly and continued to stare down at his plate. If he made eye contact, Nick would know that he wasn’t telling the whole truth. He picked up his fork and started to move the remaining food mindlessly around his plate. “No, man. You didn’t ask anything wrong, I was just thinking about something else and you startled me. Um, no, she’s not meeting us. She’s staying home this time around.”
“So, she’ll be joining up with us when we get back the U.S.?” AJ followed up suspiciously. He was usually more perceptive when it came to Brian than the others were. This was probably the reason for their sometimes-tumultuous relationship.
Brian sighed. “I don’t know. I guess. She’s kind of got some things going on for herself these days.”
AJ nodded, but continued to look on skeptically. He knew when it was time to let things go.
Howie, on the other hand, had to make sure that his friend was okay. “Brian, is everything all right? Things okay with Leighanne and everything?”
“Yeah. Things are great,” Brian replied, trying his best to smile. “Like I said, she’s just got her own things goin’ on.”
Brian didn’t know why he felt like he couldn’t confide in his group mates. If anyone was going to understand his and Leighanne’s relationship and the pressure that they were under, it was his best friends. Brian sighed and closed his eyes.
Just as he was about to speak up, AJ broke in, “So, my sister is flying in tomorrow night.”
It was obvious to AJ that Brian was getting uncomfortable and if things really were bad at home, that was really none of the others’ business unless Brian chose to be open about it.
“Your sister?” Nick asked, surprise etched onto his face. “Really? That’s… interesting.”
“What’s interesting about it? Your sisters came out when we were in Japan,” AJ replied defensively.
“It’s nothing like that,” Nick responded quickly. “It’s just that it seemed like you wanted to keep her at a distance. None of us have ever met her, right?”
AJ shrugged. “Noelle is my dad’s daughter. We didn’t grow up together. Things were weird for a while. I guess I kind of resented her because dad actually stuck around for her, but over the last few years we’ve been talking a lot and I go to Florida when I can. She’s smart. She’s a med student at UF. I guess she needs a break. She asked to come out, so I agreed.”
“You need someone to go to the airport with you to pick her up?” Howie offered.
AJ shook his head. “No, I’m doing a showcase of my solo stuff tomorrow night, so she’s just going to get a shuttle to the hotel and meet up with me later or something.”
“Cool,” Nick replied, nodding his head slowly. “It’ll be good to get a little bit of a female perspective around here.”
AJ narrowed his eyes in Nick’s direction. “No, Nick.”
“What?” Nick asked. A mischievous glint flashed in his eyes.
“You know what,” AJ replied. “Just no.”
Brian allowed a small chuckle to escape his lips. He couldn’t remember the last time that he laughed for real, and it felt good. That small hint of joy sent a rush of warmth running through his ice-cold veins and he shivered.
AJ glanced at Brian curiously, but looked away before Brian could see him staring. AJ wasn’t sure what, but something wasn’t right with his friend. Whether Brian realized it or not, AJ could see the strain that Brian and Leighanne’s marriage was under. At one point, they were the picture of wedded bliss and everything that AJ wanted in his life. AJ didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors, but sometimes Brian looked like a ghost of himself. Hopefully, whatever Brian was going through wasn’t more serious than he was letting on.
***
Noelle arrived to Hamburg, Germany at 8 o’clock the night after AJ and the others had arrived. The flight was 13 intolerable hours long and her legs were stiff from sitting. As she walked to the luggage claim, her bones creaked as if she were 80-years-old.
Noelle grabbed her bags off of the luggage carousel and walked out of the double-sliding doors to the pickup area. She knew that AJ wasn’t going to be meeting her at the airport, but she had never taken the language barrier into consideration. Suddenly, she felt like an utterly stupid American.
Noelle set her bag upright on the wet pavement. It was also raining. Her luck really looked like it was changing over here in Europe. She shook her head slowly and looked up toward the heavens.
“God,” she whispered to herself. “Do you really feel the need to keep punishing me? I get it. Sleeping with a married man was bad.”
An old man in a black suit approached Noelle slowly.
“Excuse me, Miss?” he asked with a thick German accent.
Noelle turned toward him and smiled embarrassedly. “I’m sorry. I was just—“
“Yes, praying.” The man smiled to her kindly. “Are you Noelle McLean?”
Noelle nodded slowly. “I am.”
“Your brother, Alex, has sent a car for you back to our hotel.” He handed her a pixilated version of a picture that Alex must have taken off of her Facebook page. “He gave me this so that I would recognize you.”
Noelle breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. “Thank you. Thank God one of us was thinking.” Noelle laughed to herself.
The old man nodded and pointed down at her bags. “Are these your suitcases?”
Noelle nodded and thanked the man again as he led her to a white conversion van that had the hotel’s name and logo painted onto the side in red. She climbed inside and settled herself in a corner next to the window.
Noelle took in the fresh German atmosphere during the short ride to the hotel. Already, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was ready to venture out into a world that didn’t know her from any other tourist. She was ready to be a 25-year-old woman in the world. She was ready to forget Rob Matheson and everything about the life that she thought that she was living with him.
Noelle breathed a sigh of relief. She was finally ready to pick up the pieces and live her life again.
