- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:

Updated 6/12

Brian got the call in the middle of the night.

It was after 3 a.m. when his cell phone buzzed on the bed side table. Noelle pushed against Brian’s chest, not ever fully waking up as she told Brian to answer the phone.

Brian groaned and sat up in bed as Noelle rolled onto her side facing away from him. As the fogginess cleared in his mind, a nervous anticipation began to set in. A call in the middle of the night never brought good news unless you were in another country and the person calling had no idea it was the middle of the night.

Brian saw an unfamiliar phone number flashing on the screen. He recognized that the area code was based in Atlanta and tentatively answered. He didn’t even get a chance to finish saying ‘hello’ before a woman was shrieking at him into the phone. It was Leighanne’s sister, Suzanne. She was screaming at him and crying and Brian couldn’t make out most of what she was saying, but he got the general message. Something had happened to Leighanne and she was in the hospital.

Brian asked Suzanne to calm down, but that just caused her to shriek more nonsensical crap into his ear. Eventually, a doctor or nurse came over to talk to Suzanne, so she had to go. Brian shakily told her that he’d be on the next flight out.

He and Leighanne were in the process of getting divorced, but he wasn’t a completely callous bastard. He didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. The fact that he had seen her earlier in the day caused a mild panic to rise in his chest. Slowly, he set the phone on the bedside table and tried to take deep breathes. In an instant, he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his hands into his hair. He was saying a silent prayer. He didn’t know what had happened to Leighanne—he hadn’t been able to get that much out of Suzanne—but he knew that he would never forgive himself for the way that they had ended things if Leighanne didn’t end up leaving that hospital.

Next to him, Noelle knew that Brian had never laid back down. She’d heard the panicked phone call and sat up in bed next to Brian, but didn’t say anything. She knew that in stressful situations, Brian tended to curl into himself for a moment before letting anyone else in. She tried to give him his moment but after a few minutes of torturous silence, she rested her hand lightly on his arm.

Brian jumped and turned toward Noelle like he had forgotten that she was there. He let out a final, calming breath before turning his head to lightly kiss Noelle’s fingertips. He jumped out of bed and flew to the closet. In another second, one of his smaller suitcases was opened on the bed and he was throwing clothes inside.

“Brian,” Noelle asked, slightly confused and scared by his behavior. “What happened? Where are you going?”

“There’s been an accident,” Brian mumbled back as he knelt down in front of the dresser and pulled out his socks and underwear.

“Oh my God,” Noelle gasped, “what happened?”

Brian shook his head slowly. “I don’t know.”

Noelle jumped out of bed and rushed over to the closet. She pulled out a pair of pants and a t-shirt for Brian to wear on the plane. As she bent down to pick up his sneakers, she turned back to him.

 “Is it someone in your family? Do you need me to go with you?”

Brian scoffed and shook his head. “I think that you coming with me would be a really bad idea.”

Noelle visibly balked at how cold Brian had become. She tried to understand, but it was hard to gain any kind of peace of mind when the person snapping at you isn’t telling you anything.

“Okay,” Noelle mumbled softly and handed him the outfit that she’d grabbed. “For the plane.”

She turned back toward the closet and started to pull out a couple more pairs of jeans and a few more shirts. She had no idea how long Brian was going to be gone. Currently, they were in New York, where the Boys had planned to stay for a few days to do some appearances and various shows in the area. She assumed that he’d be back before the tour took off again—he’d have to be, right?

Brian got dressed and then watched as Noelle slowly and calmly helped him to pack his suitcase. She didn’t have any idea where he was going and he was acting like a jerk, but she was still staying up in the middle of the night to help him.

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s Leighanne.”

Noelle glanced up at him with wide-eyes. Brian half expected that she’d stop helping him pack. He thought that, perhaps, she’d get mad that he was pushing away to be with his ex-wife. Instead, she surprised him. Tears began to wash down Noelle’s face as she started to throw Brian’s clothes into his suitcase with more fervor.

Brian’s heart broke in his chest as he watched her.

Noelle didn’t even know what happened to Leighanne, but she felt guilty regardless. What more could the girl be put through? First, she loses her husband and ends up getting humiliated in front of one of his friends and her husband’s new girlfriend (not to mention the rest of the world). Then, she ends up in the hospital for God knows what?

Brian took the few steps toward Noelle and closed the gap between them. He pulled her into his arms and held her against him tightly. She needed to feel him next to her just as badly as he needed her.

“Is she going to be okay?” Noelle whispered into Brian’s shoulder.

Brian sighed again and clenched his eyes tightly closed. “I don’t know. That was her sister on the phone and I couldn’t really get much out of her. All I heard was that Leighanne was in the hospital and that she might not make it.”

“You don’t know what kind of accident it was?” Noelle asked as she pulled away and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She felt stupid for crying. She didn’t even know Leighanne.

“No, I don’t know,” Brian replied softly. He brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his palms over his cold cheeks. “I need to get out of here, though.”

He turned back toward the bed and zipped the suitcase that Noelle had packed for him.

“Do you want me to call the airport?” Noelle offered, but Brian shook his head.

“I’m just going to catch the next flight out whenever I get there.”

He pulled the suitcase down off of the bed and ran his hands nervously through his hair again. He grabbed the handle of his suitcase, turned toward the door and then stopped. He let go of the suitcase and walked back over to Noelle. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately.

“I love you, Noelle. You know that, right?”

Noelle tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Instead, she nodded and kissed him lightly again.

“I love you, too, B.”

In another instant, Brian grabbed his suitcase and shot out of the door.

***

Though the flight between New York and Atlanta was only a few hours long, it felt like the longest flight of Brian’s life. He didn’t know what had happened to Leighanne or what he was going to find when he got to the hospital. All night he had been holding back the nausea at the pit of his stomach. Throughout the flight, he had an airplane throw-up bag clutched in his fist, but the last thing that he wanted to do was use it.

When the plane landed, he tore through the airport, grabbed his bags quickly and caught a taxi to the hospital that he knew Leighanne was at.

He paid the cab driver an extra hundred dollars to bring his suitcase back to the house that he shared, or at least used to share, with Leighanne which wasn’t that far away. Then, he sprinted down the stone pathway through the front of the hospital. He gave the receptionist his wife’s name and was told that she was in the intensive care unit.

Nervously, Brian took the elevator up to the proper floor. When the doors opened, immediately he saw Suzanne pacing the floor in the waiting room. He ran over to her quickly with opened arms, ready to comfort and be comforted by one of Leighanne’s family members. Instead, he was met by her hand slapping him across the face.

Brian was stunned for a second, but then his jaw fell opened. “What the hell was that for?”

“You are a no-good, bastard, Brian Littrell!” Suzanne screamed. “You made promises to my sister and now because of you, she’s in a room down the hallway clinging on for dear life! This is all your fault.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Brian stammered quietly.

There weren’t many people in the waiting room, but the ones who were there were staring at the exchange between him and Suzanne.

“Leighanne tried to kill herself tonight,” Suzanne sobbed. “I don’t know what the hell she found when she went to New York to win you back, but it was bad enough to send her back here and have her swallow a near-lethal amount of muscle relaxers and pain killers.”

Brian shook his head slowly from side to side. He wouldn’t believe that her actions had anything to do with him. He wouldn’t have Leighanne’s blood on his hands.

“That’s not true.”

“You think that I’m lying to you?” Suzanne shrieked. “If she wouldn’t have smartened up and called me when she did, we wouldn’t even have the shred of hope that we have for her now.”

“Where is she?” Brian asked. His voice was barely above a whisper.

“No way.” Suzanne crossed her arms and shook her head slowly. “No way am I telling you that. You don’t deserve to know. You don’t deserve to see her. I just wanted you to be here so that if she does wake up, at least she has some hope that you still give a shred of shit about her and if she doesn’t, well, then you can see that sometimes, Brian, your actions do have consequences.”

Suzanne’s words stung him like they were sharp knives. He didn’t want to believe that it was true, but every argument that he had built up for starting over without Leighanne floated away. Suddenly, Brian’s notion of wanting to be happy dissolved like a distant dream. The thought just made him feel incredibly selfish and guilty.

“Where the fuck is she, Suzanne?” Brian found himself screaming a moment later. “I’m not playing this fucking game and I’m certainly not explaining myself to you! Where the fuck is she?”

Suzanne took a step back, shocked by the side of Brian that she’d never seen. Without saying another word she pointed down a narrow hallway to the left of where they were standing.

Brian turned on his heels and took off down the hallway. He stopped at the nurse’s station and asked for directions. He had to tell the nurse that he was Leighanne’s husband in order to gain admittance. The nurse led him down a series of corridors until they stopped in front of Leighanne’s room.

“Technically, visiting hours are over,” the blonde-haired nurse whispered. “But I’ll make an exception. Please just be quiet. When the doctor comes in to check on her, you’ll have to wait outside.”

Brian nodded slowly and thanked the nurse. He stood outside of Leighanne’s hospital room door for a second before entering. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he opened the door and let himself in.

Immediately, tears began to pour down his cheeks. Nothing looked that different about her since he’d seen her the day before. She was a little paler, but other than her coloring and the breathing tube that was wrapped around her nose and down her throat, she looked like she was sleeping.

Brian pulled the cushioned chair out of the corner of the room closer to the bed. He sat down and crossed his right ankle over his left and just stared at his estranged wife. Then, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He reached out and took Leighanne’s hand into his own as a fresh set of tears began to spill.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been everything that you expected me to be, Leigh,” Brian whispered as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “I’m so, so, sorry that I ever hurt you, but I’m going to make it up to you. I swear.”