Daddy’s Ear

Group

When we finished with week one, it seemed like we were going to plow through everything. The songwriting process, the recording process and decision making went off without a hitch. We should have figured it couldn’t possibly last the entire time we were here.  

This week has been rough.  The songs weren’t coming out quite the way we wanted some of them too. Hours were lost rewriting and reworking things we at first thought sounded perfect and the worst part of it all, we were starting to second guess ourselves. Once we started doing that, I knew we were in trouble.

Of course we all didn’t agree on everything that was happening and petty little arguments started to make their faces shown.  The main difference is, none of us actually yelled or threw a fit. No one walked out of the studio or the business meeting and most importantly, we all made sure our line of communication stayed open. We talked through our problems and for the most part were able to work them out. That was the hardest part for me. I was used to just sitting back and rolling my eyes. Throwing sarcastic comments at the guys under my breath until finally I would be so mad I’d eventually crack and have a meltdown.

Seems like that me was gone. Instead I just kind of sat back and let my mind do the screaming as I put on my headphones and listened to music to calm down. I noticed that Howie kind of did the same thing, but instead of listening to music, he’d go over to the keyboard and start fiddling around on the keys playing one of three songs he must have learned when he was five. Kevin would just take his camera and start taking pictures of things and AJ and Brian instantly texted their wives. We all found outlets to channel that anger, which was a great thing.

Being homesick didn’t help much either. We all were really starting to miss home. I knew that was going to happen as well. I personally didn’t think it would hit me as fast as it did, but by the middle of the week, it’s all I could think about.

I missed my bed, I missed my animals but I especially missed Lauren. It felt good to miss someone again. It’s something I always used to be jealous of when the guys would talk about wanting to get back to their families. I never got it. In fact I would be jealous because in my mind I was their family and I would actually get offended that they wanted to leave me to be with someone else! As much as I’d love to say that was way back when I was a kid, I’d be lying. I had those feelings all the way up until the Never Gone tour.

Pathetic, I know!

I just never had much in the way of a family to go home to. All I really had were a bunch of toxic friends that I enjoyed hanging out with and sometimes still do. Lauren changed all that for me. Now I felt like I did have someone waiting for me and I hated that she wasn’t with me at the moment. 

This was also the first time that I was dating someone all the guys really seemed to approve of.  It felt good knowing that the guys thought for once I was making a great decision when it came to my relationship. Kevin was the only one pressing me to take the next step though, which to me was the biggest compliment and most annoying thing all rolled into one.

I took out my phone and looked at a picture of Lauren and me taken at the beach just before I left. I think I actually even let out a sigh when Mr. Speak of the devil came and sat down beside me.

“When are you going to put a ring on her finger?”

Whenever he used to nag me about things when I was younger, I would say “You have at least nine years on me. Give me that long before you start bugging me!”

Since he and Kris just celebrated their twelve year anniversary, I was out of luck.  

So, I did what I do best and just avoided the question.  “Are you homesick too?”

He nodded, “Really homesick.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

And I was, really, really homesick. This was much harder than I ever thought it was going to be. It made me start thinking about what it would be like once we started promoting this album and then eventually went out on the road touring. We were lucky because Mason wasn’t quite old enough to be in Kindergarten so taking him along wouldn’t be so bad, but I also knew with Kris’s busy schedule, they weren’t going to be with me as much as I‘d like. It’s something we talked about extensively before I signed my life away on the dotted line. We had to be sure we were willing to make the kind of sacrifice’s being a Backstreet Boy was all about. I told her it didn’t matter how much I wanted to do it, if she had any hesitation about it at all, it was fine with me. One thing about my wife though, is her undying support of not only me, but all of us. It’s one of the reasons why after all our on and off years, I always found myself going back to her.

It was nice seeing that maybe Nick finally had some of that same happiness in his life. I took the camera from his hands and stared down at the picture of him and Lauren. I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. He deserved it after all the hell he’s been through.

“That’s a great picture of the two of you.” I handed him his phone back. 

“Thanks.”

He seemed a little low today. I knew he had a lot on his mind lately, including thoughts about his sister but it didn’t hurt to make sure he was doing okay. Even though he’s come such a long way, there’s always room to take two steps back and I wasn’t going to allow that, not as long as I was around. I just needed to find a less intrusive way to do it, I guess.

“Everything good, little man?”

He laughed, “When are you going to stop calling me that?”

I shrugged at him, “Do you want me to stop calling you that?”

He seemed surprised by the question. He placed his hand on his chin as if to really think this monumental decision over. No matter what he said, it wasn’t going to make a difference. I would still call him that just like Howie would always call him Nicky.

“Nah, it’s okay.”

I knew he liked it.

“So?”

“So, what?”

“You seem kind of down today. Did something happen?”

He shook his head, “Nah, I’m just a little tired and a lot missing home. That’s about it really.”

Looking in his eyes, I could see he was telling me the truth, so I smiled at him, “Okay, well if you need me…”

I stood up and made my way over to the kitchen. It was time for some coffee.

“Kev!”

I turned to Nick as he smiled at me, “Thanks.”

I nodded and winked at him, “Anytime.”

Walking over to the coffee maker I saw my cousin sitting at the table texting away.

“Hey.” I grabbed a mug and decided to sit across from him.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey,” I answered placing the phone on the table and letting out a sigh.  I was feeling a little humdrum today.

“Homesick?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

“The time difference doesn’t much help either. When I feel like talking, they are still asleep!” I was bummed that my last text went unanswered but I also understood. It was around 7 or so in the morning in Atlanta. If Leighanne was awake, which she probably was, she most likely was giving Bay breakfast or taking a shower. Just thinking about my wife in the shower made my heart race.

“I know the feeling.”

I nodded at Kevin as he blew on the already kind of cold coffee. This transition had to be particularly hard on him. It’s been a while since he’s had to deal with this kind of thing.

“So, about the songs…”

He let out a sigh when I said that. We have been working with Craig David the last few days and it has been going great, except we all weren’t in agreement about some of the songs we actually decided on recording. Kevin and I in particular weren’t seeing eye to eye which was kind of backwards. Arguments about song choices in the past, tended to be me and him versus AJ and Nick with Howie being our swing vote. This was the first time it almost seemed like anything I agreed with, he disagreed. None of us wanted to waste Craig’s time with indecision and petty arguments so we decided we’d wait until the end of the week to make any choices and then we’d let him know.

“We can’t wait forever.” I said probably a little snippier than I wanted to.

“I know, Brian, just not now!”

“Fine.”

I got up and decided it was best to leave the room before I took the conversation further. This was the Kevin that Leighanne and I role played before I left on this trip. Yes, we actually role played. He could be very intimidating when he wanted to be and I was not going to back down. Not this time.

He didn’t say anything to me when I left the room and believe me, I didn’t cry about it. When I entered the studio area again, AJ was sitting on the purple couch while Nick was banging away on the drums.

“Hey.”

“Hey there Rok.”

“You know, you keep sitting on that thing and it’ll have your ass grove indented on there.”

“Maybe that’s what I’m going for, wanna join me? There’s plenty of room?”

I thought about it for a second and decided, why the hell not. I plopped down beside him. He was right, this thing was comfortable. No wonder he always tried to claim it when Nick wasn’t already hogging it for himself.

~*~*~*~*~

I shifted over a little bit for Brian, instantly regretting my decision to share my couch with him, but in all honestly, I didn’t think he’d actually take me up on the offer. 

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much, I’m homesick today, what about you?”

“Same.” I sighed and placed my arm in back of my head letting the plush tickle it.

I couldn’t wait to get back home to my Monkee. She showed me a picture of her belly last night. She was really bursting. Rochelle told me she had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for the Monday after I got back. She said she wanted to wait for me and I’m glad, because I didn’t want to miss a thing. How often do you have your very first child? Once, that’s how often. I wanted to be able to say I was there for everything concerning Ava. Hell if I could reach in and pull her out of my wife’s Petunia, I would. Yes, that’s what I call it. Anyway, we should find out a more approximate due date at that time. I think a Thanksgiving birth would be nice because what could we possibly be more thankful for than our mini monkee?

“I tried to talk to Kevin about the songs…”

I closed my eyes for a second, not in the mood to deal with family drama. I woke up with a pretty obnoxious headache and wasn’t really in the best of moods. I don’t think any of us were. Luckily the sound of Nick’s drumming tuned out Brian as he complained about his cousin.

I have always enjoyed listening to Nick play the drums. I know it sounds weird but drumming in general, tended to calm me. I should live in an African village somewhere, where they all click and bounce…click and bounce.

“What the heck?” I asked opening my eyes when I heard a mangling of Do Re Mi being played.

Brian laughed, “Sounds like Howie is homesick too.”

I got up and made my way over to the keyboard just as he started up again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The Sound of Music is James’s favorite movie. We watch it about ten times a day, no joke. Most kids love the cartoons, or some of those Pixar movies, not my son. Nope, James loves Maria twirling around and around on her mountain, bursting into random songs with singing and dancing nuns. I blame my mother for this. She gave him the movie on his first birthday. Who gives a child The Sound of Music on their first birthday?

I guess it’s payback for all the times I made my family sit through Benji.

“Hey.”

I looked over at AJ who was standing in the doorway.  “Hey”

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It sounds like you’re trying to play that Do Re Mi song and failing miserably.”

“If you knew what it was, it means I wasn’t failing that miserably.”

“Good point. James isn’t even here.”

They all know about this movie…see?

“I was thinking about him.”

“Homesick?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

When I talked to them on the phone last night, James sang the song to me like he always does when the movie is playing. I could hear it in the background as we talked. Instead of “doe a deer,” he sings” Daddy’s ear,” too cute. I admit I kind of cried a little when he did that.

Sitting at the keyboard made me feel a little better and closer to my son while I tried to figure out the right key. I know I was too high but this would have to do!

I tried to play along to Nick’s drum beat and did a god job at keeping up for a little bit but I always lost my place when we hit the “sew a needle pulling thread” part. My damn fingers wouldn’t go as fast as my brain. That’s okay, just doing it made me a little happier.

I started to sing along this time and was surprised to hear AJ sing along with me! Everyone is a closet Sound of Music fan! Soon, Brian came in to see what was going on and of course Kevin wasn’t too far behind, with his camera.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The gloomy feeling that had been in the air just an hour ago had left once everyone started jamming along to Howie and me. It’s funny what music can do. Even something as corny as the song we were massacring at the moment was able to revitalize us.

I knew at that point we’d make it through the day and the rest of our time here.

Too bad Lauren wasn’t here to see this though; she would have really enjoyed it!

*sigh*