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3rd of October 2005


I stared down at the weapon in my hands, almost in trance.

I sighed, still not entirely sure what had possessed me to buy the thing. I wasn’t one to wield guns and knives, but yet here I was, fascinated by the shining metal in my hands. I turned it over a few times, feeling its weight, the smooth, brand new iron frame, not daring to touch the trigger. I knew it wasn’t loaded, I had made sure about a dozen times, but the whole thing seemed so surreal, it might just as well be.

I bit my lip hard, suddenly very glad the room was dark.

The unsettling feeling of being watched was ever present and my grip around the pistol tightened. I tried to take deep, even breaths, calming myself down slowly. I was alone, I was sure of it. I checked about a dozen times.

Through the years, I had learnt there were typically two types of stalkers: the ones that loved you for all eternity, and the ones that didn’t. They either wanted to marry, or kill you.

Slowly but surely, we had learnt how to handle both types.

Basically, all we did was report them to the police and wait and see. Type one was usually after me, type two went after my wife. I hated them both. Stupid girls put their noses where they didn’t belong. I didn’t let it get to me.

They normally weren’t too smart and in that way, they could be taken care of rather quick.

Then there was this... freak.

I didn’t know who it was, or how he knew the things he knew. I hadn’t even seen him, really. The messages he left were enough to send me into a panic. I only knew it was a guy, and that he signed every text message and note he send me with ‘love, P.’ He was a lot more passionate and devoted in this job then I was used to, and had made it pretty clear that if I even thought about going to the police, he’d know. I still hadn’t figured out which one of the types he was.

I shuddered at that thought, and then gained a little bit of hope out of the fact that if he did manage to come close, I had a way to defend myself.

“Hey Brian T, Howie D is back!” a voice blasted through the dark room and I jumped about a mile into the air.

Howie and I had had the rest of the day off when we finished the melodies that morning. He’d asked me to come shopping with him, but I had refused, making up a lame excuse about prior made commitments. He’d looked at me with narrowed eyes, trying to decide if I was lying and had then just walked away. He seemed rather chipper now though.

“Jeez Howard, do you always intend on walking in on people to scare the crap out of them?” I growled angrily, trying to hide the tremor in my voice.

“That depends if their conscience is bugging them or not,” Howie said, studying my face. I swallowed, suddenly remembering to put the weapon behind my back. Of course Howie noticed.

“What you got there, B-Rok?” He questioned with a frown.

“Nothing.” It was a stupid comeback, but it was the only comeback I had at that point.

Howie didn’t believe me and in a flash, his hand flew around my waist, clasping the pistol I still held against my back. I closed my eyes in resignation, knowing how busted I was. Howie looked up at me in utter shock.

“Brian, what are you planning to do with that?” His tone was authoritative, but a bit pretentious, like he was impersonating someone.

“It does not concern you, D.”

Howie didn’t agree and told me that when he saw someone that was in the same room with a gun, he was allowed to be concerned. That logic was as solid as it could get and I sighed, assuring I wasn’t planning to shoot him. He asked who I was going to shoot instead and I thought about that for a few seconds.

“It’s not to shoot someone, it’s precaution.”

I wasn’t lying, not entirely. It was precaution, I just didn’t tell him… everything. Howard was still not convinced. “Precaution?” He sounded incredulous.

“Yeah, so I can feel safe?” It seemed obvious.

Howie scoffed, telling me we had the best bodyguards in the world to keep us safe. I wanted to say I doubted that, but managed to keep my mouth shut. I listened as he suggested to give the gun to him, so he could put it away.

“What? No! Why?” I said, panicked. If Howie took the gun, I had nothing left to defend myself. P would just show up and… well, I wasn’t entirely sure what he’d do, but he scared me enough to take precautions when that happened.

‘’For one, what if Baylee sees it? What if he touches it?” He explained patiently. He did have a point. Baylee and a gun was the last thing I wanted. The whole idea of buying a gun seemed incredibly selfish suddenly. Maybe I should have just told Howie everything right then and there, but I didn’t. I only handed over the weapon without a word, making Howie promise, like I always made everyone promise, not to tell anybody about any of this.