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Author's Chapter Notes:

oh wow, the beginning is pretty depressing, so if that's not your thing, you better skip to the 2000 part

enjoy!

  1. Come Alive

 

October 2015

He’d been driving nervously for over ten minutes, trying to calm his raging mind, but feeling the anger still burn within him. Harry was sitting next to him, talking nonstop about his wife and children, and his happiness. Nick wasn’t really listening, because as it turned out, happiness didn’t actually exist. He realized that every time he glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw the curled up figure lying miserably in the backseat. Nick had thought Brian was happy, and maybe that had been true for a very long time, but he really didn’t want to think about his friend’s reaction if his suspicions were true. Brian would be totally devastated. Then maybe you shouldn’t tell him! No, Brian had a right to know. Besides, it wasn’t Nick’s fault Leighanne had decided to taste her chances elsewhere. Why should he keep it a secret then?

You’ll first need to know for sure! 

That seemed right. He wouldn’t tell Brian anything until he knew for sure.

Nick frowned, thinking about what he’d do if he ever found out Lauren having the guts to pull such a stunt on him. He’d always known she wouldn’t do that to him, or thought he had. He couldn’t be too sure, cause he’d also thought Leighanne would never do that to Brian. Nick fumed, cursing the woman who was purposely making his best friend’s life all the more miserable.

Ten minutes. That’s how long it took for Nick to rethink his strategy, for Harold to finish his story about a fishing trip with his father, and for Brian to actually keep the contents of his stomach in his stomach.

Nick had wanted to stop the car almost immediately  when he heard Brian’s violent retching. Something told him to get the vehicle off the road first though and when he’d found a place that was good enough to park his car, he’d turned off the engine and jumped out of the car. He went to stand next to Harold, who’d left the passenger seat earlier and watched helplessly as Brian struggled to get himself under control.

“Harry, you drive, I’ll get in the backseat with him,” Nick ordered urgently and swung the door to the back open. He scolded himself for not thinking about this setting in the first place. Slow and carefully he pushed Brian’s legs out of the way and knew it was a bad sign when the former Backstreet Boy didn’t even notice Nick touching him. Gently Nick lowered himself down besides his sickly friend  and noticed Brian trying to roll onto his back, lifting himself up. Trying to ignore the sour smell coming from the other side, Nick pushed his friend back down. Brian moaned weakly and Nick felt him shaking beside him, his breathing coming out in ragged, shallow gasps. He began talking soothingly to him, his hands making comforting circles on the troubled man’s back. He knew Brian didn’t understand a word from what he was saying, that his friend was only listening to the soft tones of his voice, but it did seem to work somewhat when Brian finally calmed down.

Suddenly the older man began to struggle though, trying to push himself up, probably noticing the smelling substance he’d just thrown up. Nick placed a hand on his chest, all the while keeping his voice low and steady.

“Don’t move.”

As by a miracle, his friend instantly became as still as a statue and Nick smiled, proud of the trust Brian seemed to have in him. His smile turned into a frown when he noticed the heat pouring off of his best friend. Nick put his own cold hand on Brian’s flaming forehead and winced. It almost felt like he’d been burnt! The fact that he had his own personal heater lying next to him, should have made him panic, but for some strange reason, it didn’t. Nick had never been really good in dealing with crisis’s, but somehow he knew exactly what he had to do. He gently lifted Brian’s head, let it rest on his own leg, while keeping his own cool hand on his friend’s head, and he heard him sigh in relief.

“There you go, that’s better, isn’t it?” he babbled softly. He didn’t get an answer and didn’t expect one. Instead he turned to the driver of the car.

   “Harold, please hurry, he’s burning up!” he urged his friend’s brother, who mumbled something back about already going 15 miles above speed limit. At that moment, Nick really couldn’t care less about speed limits, he just wanted to get home already, he wanted to get out of the stinking car, he wanted to get Brian out of the stinking car and into a clean bed, he wanted to yell at Leighanne for all of eternity.

“It’s alright, Bri, we’re almost there, hold on. You’re doing great, man, we’re almost home, okay?” he said nervously and felt Brian moving.

“Nick?” he heard him croak incredously, his eyes opening slightly, “you doin’ here?”

Nick sighed, helpless. If Brian only knew how many times he’d asked Nick that question this past week. At first he’d tried to explain his attendance to his friend every single time, but had given up eventually, knowing that on bad days it only took about 15 minutes for Brian to ask him the exact same question all over again. Looking down, he noticed his best friend had closed his eyes again, completely oblivious to the rest of the world.

Nick retrieved the fallen baseball cap from the floor and put it back on Brian’s head. When he reached back a little further, he felt the blanket he always kept under the backseat. Wordlessly he covered his friend with the thick fabric of the sheet. He felt the tears stinging his eyes when he recalled Brian doing the same to him over 22 years ago, in a forgotten, much happier universe, somewhere on a godforsaken airport at the beginning of their dreams.

“I’m going to miss you so much, brother,” he murmured brokenly.

Suddenly he hoisted Brian’s limp body up and hugged him tight, gently rocking them both. He put his chin on top of his friend’s head and started to cry hopelessly,  his tears fading into the fabric of Brian’s cap. I’m going to miss you so much…

 

January 2000

“You look like you’re gonna get married or something,” Nick mumbled and he saw Brian’s jaw drop in astonishment.

“How’d you know?” he exclaimed surprised.

Nick looked at him suspiciously, wondering whether Brian was serious or not. You could never know for certain with that guy. He had seen the dreamy look in his friend’s eyes and could now clearly see the glittering ring on his finger.

“No!” he exclaimed, just as surprised as Brian. It had only been a joke, commenting on the absent stare in his friends eyes as they rehearsed some of the dance steps for the upcoming tour.

“Yes!” Brian stated and the biggest grin Nick had ever seen, spread over his face. There had been many times Nick had wanted to smack his friend in the face for looking so ridiculously in love, but this time Nick figured that even a bulldozer could not wipe the goofy smirk off of Brian’s face.

“I didn’t mean… I… that was… seriously… wow…” he stammered perplexed.

“I know!” Brian declared and the smile grew even wider.

“You actually asked her?” Nick asked incredulously.

“I did! On Christmas Eve!”

“And she said yes?” Nick questioned still as unbelieving.

The smile faded a little. “Well, yeah.”

“Do you know what that means?” he asked seriously, looking Brian in the eyes.

“What?” his friend faltered uneasily.

“It means you’re gonna be with her the rest of your life…” Nick said in a threatening tone.

“Well yeah, that’s kinda the point of marriage,” Brian explained uncertainly.

“You’re only twenty four dude!” Nick exploded, “don’t you wanna, you know, explore your options?

“I’m not sure what you mean?” Brian stated, frowning.

“I mean, are you sure you want to be with her for the rest of your life?” It sure did not come out the way he had intended to and he winced when the words flew out of his mouth, seeing Brian’s frown grow deeper.

“Look, I know you don’t like her…”

“No, that’s not what I meant! She’s just… not my type…”

“Good, cause she’s mine now,’’ Brian declared and that was that.

“But still…” Nick lingered.

“Okay, I see. You want me to explore my fields? Way I see it, I really gotta take this chance, cause Leighanne is one of the only girls I’ve met that didn’t run screaming after I tried to ask her out,” Brian explained and Nick laughed. Now that he came to think of it, Brian was right. He remembered all the times he’d seen his friend return from battlefield, with a desperate and dumbfounded look on his face. Brian had always been a complete doofus when it came to asking out girls, and Nick had soon learned that Brian was not the one to go to for advice on the female gender.

“In that case, I can’t believe she said yes…” he stated jokingly.

“Me neither,” Brian admitted and they both started laughing.

 

October 2015

“Did you know it’s Halloween tomorrow?” Harry questioned and Nick looked up, shocked.

“No, I totally forgot!” he exclaimed dramatically and saw Harry looking weirdly at him. Well, it may not seem like a big deal to the older man, but it was a big deal for Nick! How could he forget his favourite holiday? Dressing up scary had always been one of his life goals, or rather year goals. Every year he’d tried to top the previous one, and now, somehow, he had forgotten.

“Okay, umm I was just saying,” Harry tried to reason when he saw Nick clasping a hand in front of his mouth. “It’s not that big of a…”

“It is that big of a deal!” Nick interrupted him hysterically.

“Okay well, I’m sorry,” Harry apologized quickly, looking nervously at the sleeping figure lying at the other side of the couch Nick was on. “You might not want to wake him up.”

“Oh, he’ll be fine,” Nick waved him off abruptly and Harry knew he was right. With the strong pain killers Brian had taken, he would probably not even wake up if a plane would crash right next to him. Harry smiled. His brother was finally sleeping peacefully and Harry did not want to disturb him now. He looked a hell of a lot better than he’d done when Harry had arrived at the hospital. God, he’d never seen such a mess as Brian. He hadn’t known what else to do than just tell his little brother all the senseless stories he could think off. He knew Brian calmed down when you talked to him, even though his brother wasn’t able to actually understand you. He knew, because it had been exactly the same as when his baby brother had been five. He’d been dying then too. It was all just a terrible déjà vu in Harry’s eyes.

“Do you know if Baylee’s gonna do Halloween this year?” He asked and saw Nick looking angrily towards him. “What?”

“Baylee’s gonna be a vampire, if you must know, in fact, they’re shopping for that now,” Nick answered enviously.

“Haha, maybe you can borrow one of Brian’s old costumes?” He tried to comfort the younger man in front of him, who, for some reason, had never entirely grown up.

“I could, if Brian had been five inches taller,” Nick pouted and patted the sleeping form next to him softly on the leg, “Just a little taller man, that’s all I’m asking of you.”

Harold laughed, remembering his brother had been so set on growing taller than him. He never did though, and Harry still mocked him every time for that fact. “You should have seen him when we were kids. He’d always been small for his age and our parents manipulated him into eating his vegetables, claiming he’d probably grow taller than me if he ate enough broccoli,” Harry remembered. Brian had been the perfect subject for him and Nick, just because he was the one that could not participate in the discussion. It seemed a bit mean, but Harry figured it wouldn’t hurt his brother. So he’d gone on telling jokes and stories about his brother that Brian would probably have never told Nick himself, just because of the fun of it.

They were interrupted by the phone ringing though and Harry picked it up, without thinking.

“Hi, this is Harold,” He introduced himself politely, as he’d learnt to do in primary school.

“Harold? Harold who?” A husky voice questioned. Harry sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Littrell, AJ, Littrell.”

He could almost hear the Backstreet Boy wrecking his brain for a suitable comeback. “The father or the brother?” he asked instead and Harry glared at the phone in his hands, seeing Nick’s eyebrows rise up in question.

“The brother,” he answered reluctantly and saw an understanding smile forming on Nick’s mouth.

“Oh hey man, how’re you doing?” AJ replied, trying to rescue what was left of his politeness.

“I’m doing pretty well, how are you?” Harry replied, wondering when they would be done with the small talk. He knew it took a lot for AJ to be calling to Brian’s house, and saying that he was curious for Alex’s reasons, would be an understatement.

“Umm, great. Listen, is Brian there?” AJ asked nervously.

“Yep, but he’s sleeping, so I don’t think you can talk to him right now,” he explained friendly.

“Oh okay…” he could hear the disappointment in the younger man’s voice.

“I’m really sorry dude,” he apologized and looked up when he noticed Nick staring questioningly at him. “Oh hold on, Nick’s here though, you wanna talk to him?” He figured that if AJ couldn’t get one Backstreet Boy on the phone, he might like to talk to another.

“Nick’s with you?” there was something close to astonishment in AJs voice and Harry frowned. “The son of a bitch!”

“Err, okay?” Harry answered uncertainly.

“So he did do it after all,” AJ mumbled shocked.

“Yeah, I guess. Hey, do you wanna talk to him or not?”

“I sure do,” the Backstreet Boy answered sternly.

Finally he handed an expecting Nick the phone. “Here, it’s AJ. Have fun and don’t fight.”

Chapter End Notes:

hope you liked it. please review and i will continue!

thanks for reading!