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Author's Chapter Notes:

Oh my, is that... is that an update? I believe so. I'm sorry it took so long, I really am. There's probably no good excuse other than that my computer accidently on purpose did not save the file and I had to redo the whole chapter all over again, and since this one is longer than the usual, I may have kinda ragequit for a month or two...

Anyways, I still hope you enjoy this one, it's actually the first one of three parts in which we will hopefully see some progress in the situation, haha. It may be a little corny here and there, but, why not have a bunch of fluff once in a while from these two? Next chapter will have some more action, seeing he is angry all the way through now.

  1. When Frick met Frack

 

Today I started walking.

Like I've been wanting to do for months

 But just when everyone had told that I couldnt

 I started walking,

 See me walking here,

 It's where I go.

 

He’d only needed one single glance at the ravage shattered across the dark attic. It seemed like a thunderstorm had taken place. He’d taken a few tentative steps forward, trying to find what he was looking for.

“Ow! Goddarnit!” He jumped a mile up in the air and heard someone else do the same in the furthest corner of the attic. Still cursing, he bowed down to pull a rather large piece of glass out of his socked foot. He frowned, rubbing the wound painfully. Making up his mind, he went down the stairs to retrieve his shoes. Leighanne and her stupid ‘no shoes’ rule. Surely she hadn’t been prepared for this.

After he’d dropped Baylee off at school, he’d wandered through the city on his own, not wanting to go back. He’d wanted to give Leighanne and Brian as much time as he thought they needed. Just one more wrong decision to add to the pile, he though moodily as he returned to the attic. Heaving a deep sigh, he cautiously stepped into the darkness again, this time hearing the sharp pieces of glass scrunching underneath his leather sneakers. What the hell happened here? But he could already guess. Something must have snapped… Could he have prevented it? Nick doubted it.

 

September 2014

“So… you nervous for t’night?” Nick asked to be sure. It was Brian’s first day back after all.

“Nope,” Brian answered sternly. The incessant tapping of his left foot on the floor as they were sitting in the cafeteria gave him away though.

“Either you’re lying, or you had too much coffee,” Nick stated cheerfully.

“Why not both?” Brian mumbled and Nick laughed. It was good to have Brian back. Sometimes, Nick could barely believe his friend had been so sick. He still had a hard time accepting that fact. The first thing he did when Brian had had his surgery, was deny it ever happened. He was still ashamed of that. He’d only visited him after three weeks, just briefly, and, to his surprise, Brian too, acted like nothing ever happened. It drove the gap that was already between them even wider.

“You’ll do great,” Nick assured with a smile.

“I hope so.”

“Good to have ya back.”

“Good to be back.”

 

November 2015

There were hands on his back, his shoulder and eventually on his face. He didn’t want hands there. He was perfectly fine with staying in this curled up position, thank you very much. he didn’t know whom the hands belonged to and neither did he care. He wanted to tell the hands to fuck off and intended to do so.

“F’ck off,” he slurred. The hands disappeared. A low, incessant grumble followed and then the hands were back with a vengeance. He didn’t understand most of the words, but could tell the hands weren’t too happy with him.

“Don’t give a flying fuck… don’t even know what… hell happened here… sure you don’t… medication?” the voice sounded familiar and the hands were insisting, but gentle. They’d hoisted him upright by now and although the rushing in his head made any other thoughts impossible, for once, he wasn’t scared.

He shook his head momentarily and the hands went away again, causing him to almost lose his balance, but he kept himself upright. He can sit on his own! He thought moodily and now felt the pang of fear when he heard footsteps going away from him, leaving him alone again. He sighed, letting himself slip again. There was too much noise, too many images in his mind to make sense of anything and when the hands returned, the voice sounded even further away than it had before. Something was shoved in his mouth and the hands forced him to swallow, so he did.

 

September 2014

To say he was thrilled would be putting it mildly. He could barely contain his overflowing energy as they waited backstage for the show to start. They’d been in this situation a million times, but he’d never been as excited as he was now. He often wondered what the other guys had told the public exactly about their sudden cancellation of the remainder shows. But the best he’d gotten out of Nick was ‘Pneumonia’, which didn’t help anything to calm his nerves. He couldn’t help but feeling guilty for all the trouble he’d put his bandmates through.

“We’re up in ten minutes!” Kevin yelled, and Brian could hear all the excitement his cousin had displayed since yesterday. A pang of fear that had been all too familiar the past few years ran through him when he figured that unfortunately, his voice hadn’t come back with the surgery. Of course it hadn’t, he wasn’t going to be that lucky. Well, he could always just throw it on the ‘pneumonia’, as Nick had so randomly put it. He sighed inwardly, why tell the truth to your fans, if you could lie about it?

“See, I told you guys we were doing this too soon!” he heard Kevin urge suddenly and looked up. He’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Kevin coming to stand in front of him, calling his name.

“Huh?” he replied, shocked.

“Don’t you think we’re starting this up a little too soon? It’s only happened two months ago!”

“N-no, I’m fine, it’s fine. I was just wondering… about… stuff…” It sounded lame and not very convincing and Kevin was not impressed.

“You sure about this, we don’t have to do it, you know…”

“It’s a little late for that,” Brian called when he saw the line-up moving. Kevin sighed deeply.

“Alright, but hear this. You’re taking it easy. No jumping off of high things or other stupid stuff like that, okay? Oh, and no dancing.”

“Oh come on,” Brian whined, “What’ll the fans think?”

“They’ll understand,” Kevin convinced.

“Alright fine,” Brian grumbled. Ever since he’d told them what was going on they had been like this, hovering over him like he’d shatter in a million different pieces if they didn’t watch him at all times. He didn’t need that, he was better now, open for the future. No more headaches, no more nausea, no more chemo’s, no more hospital. he was done now.

 

November 2015

Nick wondered if there were rules for these kind of situations. Cause right now, he had no clue on what to do. He sat in the corner of the attic while he watched his best friend struggle in the other far corner. It was his fault really. He should have stayed at home, cause he knew what was coming. But instead, he’d run, ran like everybody else did. He’d told himself he was better than that, but apparently, he wasn’t. Cause when it had really come to it, he hadn’t been home. He should have been there to pick up the pieces for Brian after showdown, but instead he now had to pick out the pieces off Brian, that had found their ways into his face, hands and feet.

But he’d only come so far before Brian had told him in no uncertain terms to leave him the hell alone. Of course, he’d ignored his friend at first, but when Brian became really agitated and screamed at him to go away, fuck off, Nick had seen no other option than to retreat into the corner furthers away from Brian. Now he couldn’t even get within 20 feet of Brian without the other man panicking. No need to get his friend all worked up, so Nick remained seated where he was, and wondered if there were rules for these kind of things.

“Hey, remember that time we put that balding stuff in AJs shampoo bottle?” Nick started. No need in keeping things quiet, right? Of course there was no reply, and he hadn’t expected one either. Talking to himself was more like it, but it had never made this much sense. That’s the first step, start off talking lightly, we’ll come to the point soon enough.

“Man, he held a grudge for about two weeks, sprinkling me with every colourful insult he could think of, it was sure worth it though.” Nick remembered. The ever present silence was all he got for a response.

“While all the time, it had been your prank, hadn’t it? Just like every prank I got accounted for, was, in reality, all your idea.” Nick recalled how everyone always accused him of being the prankster, but all the while, he’d just been following the instructions of mister B-Rok himself.

The second step is reminding him of something important. “I never told anyone though, and you know why?” The hateful ignoring lasted and Nick didn’t know if he could say another word. What was the point in all this if Brian didn’t listen anyway? At one point he’d thought his friend had fallen asleep but seeing the tensed curled up position he was in, Nick disregarded that statement.

“It’s because I’ve been looking up to you since I was thirteen, Bri. You were my big brother, my hero,” he admitted softly, remembering all those times when they were younger and he’d chased Brian around like an excited puppy, studying him, wanting to be just like his brother, “So yeah, I never told them, cause hero’s don’t get caught. Just like you telling Lou that it had been your fault we missed the plane. Or when I accidently pushed you down the stairs and you told Kev you tripped,” Nick chuckled.

The third step, be the little brother. “Hero’s don’t give up Brian, and I need you not to give up. Right now, I feel like everything’s falling apart, man. Please, just hold on and be my brother again.” Nick wasn’t one to beg usually, but he did his best with Brian’s back still facing him. He sighed, defeated, wondering what he could possibly say to make everything alright again.

That’s the fourth step, get to the point. It was now or never, if he really wanted Brian’s attention, he’d have to make him listen. “You know she didn’t mean it right?” he began, almost too scared to speak the words out loud. He was again met by silence though.

“Sure, I know what she did was wrong, and selfish, but… it’s also human, you know?”

“Shut the hell up.”

Well, it was something! Nick sat up a little straighter. Congratulations, against every expectations, you’ve made it through step one to four, you may go on to step five, now that you’ve got his attention, try to keep it. “See, I’ve talked to her, and I don’t know, she seems honest, man. I believe she still loves you. I guess it was just her reaction to all the shit that happened to you and your family.”

Nick didn’t know if he could get through to Brian, and he knew even less why he was defending Leighanne like this. No, remember you’re not doing this for Leighanne, you’re doing this for your friend.

“Shut up, what do you know? You don’t know anything!” Brian had finally rolled over and faced him and Nick winced involuntarily at the venom in his brother’s eyes, “You and ya pretty words! When was the last time your wife cheated on you, huh? When’s the last time you had to deal with a tumour? You think you know what I’m going through? You think you know how this feels? You have no idea!”

Nick frowned and looked at his friend severely. Self-pity was not going to help anyone. Step six, cut the bullshit. “No Brian, I don’t know how that feels, because you never tell anyone! We just have to sit back and watch you suffer, so is it any wonder your wife left?” It fell out of his mouth before he even knew it and Nick quickly clasped a hand over his lips. He’d said all the words he wasn’t supposed to say. There was a long, heavy silence and Nick could see his friend staring at him wordlessly. You idiot! You were supposed to make it better! Not end your friendship!

“Could you leave me alone now?” Brian asked in a voice, shaking with anger.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Nick stated defiantly, strengthening his point by planting his feet firmly against one of the drawers. The look on Brian’s face told him to disregard steps seven to ten and run for his life, but Nick was stubborn, and so was his brother.

“Go! I hate you and your stupid stories! Fact is, you knew everything before I did. You already freaking knew, but you didn’t tell me, and I fucking hate you for that!”

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

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