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Chapter Four: Score One to Nuthin'


It was four in the morning when I woke up, still in my desk chair, my face plastered to the keyboard. My avatar was swishing his sword retardedly as my nose held down the key that commanded him to swing. I sat up and rubbed my face.

It all came back to me as I stared at my poor little gnome who was probably dizzy from spinning all night. I'd spent the night trying to find the cave where I'd found Princess Neryls at again, vengence hot on my mind, swearing that I'd find her, destroy her, and take whatever it was inside the cave that she was hiding. Bitch was going down. Thing was, I couldn't remember how I'd got to the cave in the first place. I'd meandered around in this complex graphic forest for over an hour before I stumbled upon the cave and I hadn't been planning on running the route again at the time so I hadn't been memorizing any landmarks to get my way back.

Consequently, I'd spent the night combing through maps and moving systematically through that forest, trying to find her. But Princess Neryls was well hidden.

Then I realized what had woken me up: my phone was vibrating on the desk beside my computer. It was Chris.

"Urggggh?" I groaned. It was supposed to be hello but it definitely didn't sound like a greeting in any sort of human language. On the screen, I saw my email was flashing. I minimized my WOW screen and pulled my email up as Chris started talking.

"I'm sorry Sleeping Beauty, did I wake you up?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"No," I lied, but it was obvious he had.

Chris laughed, "What's the matter? Was nobody around to keep you up all night?" he asked.

"I didn't feel the need to begin immediately," I lied again.

"Or you couldn't find anyone who didn't know who you were is more like it."

"Piece of cake," I said.

"Well while you've been sleeping, I've been working on securing my stake for first pick for life," Chris said, "I'm driving back to my apartment as I speak from a hotel room where I had sex."

"Masturbating in a hotel room doesn't count," I muttered.

"Score is one to nuthin', my sexless friend."

My inbox had a new message from Monica from San Diego. I opened it and read through it quickly while Chris started describing the woman he'd bagged. Monica wanted to meet up in downtown San Diego later that day at a cafe for lunch. She thought I was cute and bold for asking her out so quickly.

"Yeah well, I have a date later today so I hope the ladies on the strip take your credit card cos you're gonna have to utilize their services to keep up with me," I said.

Chris laughed. "Rush me to the burn unit, your trash talk is killing my freshly-laid heart."

"Bastard."

"Sore loser."

"Don't ever call me again at four in the morning," I said in a snappy voice, though I knew Chris would because he knew that I wasn't really mad.

I hung up and put the phone back down on the desk. I emailed Monica from San Diego back and signed off my email account. Pulling WOW back up, I stared at the screen for a few moments before I noticed I had an invitation to a new chat channel. I clicked on it. It was from Neryls. I opened the window.

[PrincessNeryls] says: arent You the gnome I killed earlier at the cave?
[PrincessNeryls] says: AFK again I see
[PrincessNeryls] says: Getting dizzy?
[PrincessNeryls] says: You should really watch what's happening on your screen when you're logged in Nate the Great...
[PrincessNeryls] says: luckily for you, I don't feel like killing you and looting you for all your worth
[PrincessNeryls] whispers: goodnight Nate the Great

I must've been somewhat close to the cavern because she'd found me. Found me and teased me. And after teasing me for God knows how long, she'd added me as a friend.

A friend.

She clearly didn't know what was good for her. With friend status, I could locate her and her stupid cave next time she logged in and went to it.

I quickly clicked onto my browser to locate her profile. Well shit she was good. I scrolled through looking at all her stats and info. She was damn good. I pulled WOW back up, accepted her friend request, and sent her a message:

[NatetheGreat] says: I see you want to be my friend...
[NatetheGreat] says: Couldn't resist my sexy body?

She wasn't logged on, so I didn't get a reply immediately. I logged off, went and took another nap, and when I woke up I quickly logged back in and went back to work trying to find the stupid cave, combing the forsest once more. It'd been quite awhile when the chat box moved and I looked over at it. It was her.

[PrincessNeryls] says: aren't we conceited
[NatetheGreat] says: More honest than conceited
[PrincessNeryls] says: Well either way... I only added you so I could keep tabs on you. Keep you out of my cavern.
[NatetheGreat] says: most of the ladies beg me to go into their cavern ;)

I grinned to myself.

[PrincessNeryls] says: I'm not like most ladies, if you havent noticed yet.
[NatetheGreat] says: Oh I noticed.

It occurred to me suddenly that Princess Neryls could've been a 47 year old man with a beer gut in the backwoods of the Appalachian mountains. I pictured a guy that looked like Lou Pearlman in dirty underwear hiding out in his momma's basement wearing one of those construction style hats with the beer cans and last night's nacho cheese still stuck in his chest hairs, all crusty and stuff.

[NatetheGreat] says: You are a lady arent you?
[PrincessNeryls] says: Last I checked.
[PrincessNeryls] says: why do you care?
[PrincessNeryls] says: is your clan going to disown you for being beat up by a girl?
[NatetheGreat] says: it hardly counts as being beat up by a girl when your avatar is slain in cold blood
[PrincessNeryls] says: Slain in cold blood? You all but BEGGED me to kill you dumbass
[PrincessNeryls] says: What were you doing in the woods anyways if you didnt know my cavern was there? You obviously dont know your way back or you'd have been there by now.
[NatetheGreat] says: I was just wandering.
[NatetheGreat] says: I saw you don't have a clan or a guild.
[PrincessNeryls] says: Neither do you.
[PrincessNeryls] says: I'm a loner.
[NatetheGreat] says: I think we would make a good team.
[PrincessNeryls] says: realize you'd have been dead yesterday if I hadnt killed that Orc, huh?
[NatetheGreat] says: No I had that under control But I saw your profile and its impressive
[PrincessNeryls] says: I know.
[NatetheGreat] says: Now who's being Conceited?
[PrincessNeryls] says: still you
[NatetheGreat] says: Wanna start a guild? You and I? See how many XPs we can earn each other? Maybe level up, get some good orc slaying practice in?

I don't know what made me suggest it. Something about Princess Neryls had got under my skin, I guess. Somewhere between being impressed she knew who Princess Neryls of Hatteras was and this confrontation had made me want nothing more than to get into her head right back.

[PrincessNeryls] says: I dont think so
[NatetheGreat] says: aw cmon at least think about it
[PrincessNeryls] says: I'm fine alone
[NatetheGreat] says: But theres a ton of quests you cant complete alone and your leveled high enough that some of those quests would probably really do you good...
[NatetheGreat] says: same for me. It's a win-win

She didn't respond.

I glanced at the clock. Somehow I'd managed to waste another several hours since Chris' call. If I was going to get ready and go meet Monica from San Diego, then I really needed to get a move on.

[NatetheGreat] says: You think about it and if you're interested show up at the bar in the town due south tonight around seven and we'll have a pint.

I logged off before Princess Neryls could answer.

I turned off my computer and headed upstairs, stopped by my room to grab a fresh shirt and pair of jeans, and got in the shower. I used my best body wash and shaved real good. I needed to be on my game for Monica from San Diego if I wanted to break even with Chris's score.