AJ spent the next two weeks hanging around his mother’s house, writing and trying to figure out what he was going to do next. He had only been back to the house to pick up some clothes and when he got there, he noticed that all of Alissa’s things were gone. No matter how much he said that he was over it, it crushed him to see her ghost all around his house. It would never be the same there without her.
Denise had finally convinced him to try reconciling with the guys. She understood how AJ felt and the position where the guys were coming from. She eventually got Brian and Howie to agree to come over. Unfortunately, Nick and Kevin were a little less forgiving. It was going to take more than a simple conversation for everything to go back to normal for them.
Howie and Brian showed up in the Denise’s kitchen for breakfast one morning. AJ had to admit to himself that he was happy to see them. The guys were like family and he had missed them the last few months.
“Hey J.” Brian said giving him a hug. “How’re you feeling?”
“Liar.” Howie said. He paused for a minute before he continued. “Look man, we want to get this issue resolved but you’ve got to start being honest with us and yourself.”
AJ just looked down at his shoes.
Brian pulled out a chair and sat down. “AJ, all this has to end. It’s gotten old. You didn’t fool anyone back on the tour and you’re not fooling anyone now. We all get that you have a serious issue with Alissa having your baby, but you can’t tell any of us that your life is better without her in it.”
AJ started to say something but Howie cut him off. “Brian’s right. You can walk around saying that you’re ok with her being gone but we all know you’re full of shit. You miss her every day and you love her no matter what else is happening.”
AJ stayed quiet.
Brian smiled. “Well at least we’ve gotten over the denial part! That’s a relief. I thought we were going to have to start back at square one.”
All three guys laughed. It had been way too long.
“Wow! I think I just saw a smile on his face!” Howie chimed in. “A miracle!”
“Ok. I get it.” AJ said. “I understand what you guys are saying.”
“Are you going to admit it or do we have to beat it out of you?” Howie asked joking around.
“Alright, alright. I miss her.” AJ said sadly. “I fucked up. Things shouldn’t have gone down like that.”
“Good start. Now the hard part, are you going to talk to her?” Brian asked quietly.
“I don’t think so.”
Howie looked at him stunned. “I’m sorry, was I listening to another conversation a second ago? I thought you just said that you missed her and that you fucked up. Now you’re not going to talk to her?”
AJ shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know what there is to say. I love her and its killing me not to be with her. The problem is, I still don’t think I’m ready for a baby. And honestly, after the way I treated her, I know she’s not about to welcome me with open arms. I was a complete asshole and I would tell me to go screw if I were her.”
None of the guys said anything for a few minutes.
“You know Alissa’s not like that J.” Brian finally said cautiously. “She loves you more than anything and she was devastated when you walked out. I think you should at least try talking to her. You owe her an apology.”
“I agree. I doubt it’s going to make things any worse than they are now.” Howie said
AJ knew he should but he was afraid that Howie was wrong and things could get a lot worse.