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Twenty Three

"How do you DO that?" I whined as I watched AJ successfully complete a shot on the pool table that I’d previously thought was impossible.

He smiled before moving to make his next shot ending the game, "It’s all in the hands baby…" He walked up to me where I’d been leaning against another pool table in the bar and wrapped his arms around my waist after leaning his pool sick against the table. "Gotta know how to let your fingers glide along the stick…"

I laughed and pushed him away as I began to rack the balls. "Yeah, yeah, I haven’t heard you complaining about my fingers on your stick…" Once finished racking the balls I walked back up to him and reached into his back pocket pulling his wallet out. He watched silently as I searched through the wallet for cash and pulled out several bills. "We need music, I’m going to load up the jukebox and you’re paying since you’re beating my ass at pool."

He smiled and kissed my cheek, "Okay…"

I returned the wallet to his pocket and turned to go toward the jukebox but stopped, "And don’t you dare break without me… It’s my turn."

He held his hands up in surrender and laughed, "It’s all yours, baby…"

"Good…" I smiled and stuck my tongue out at him before walking away and making my way up to the front of the bar where the jukebox was located. Standing before the jukebox I fed it bills and picked a few hours worth of music knowing that it was going to be an all-nighter. When AJ got it in his system to play pool out in public, it was never a short event. He’d wanted to get out one last time before the tour began, and pool was his natural choice.

I giggled as I deliberately chose a few songs that I knew he hated thinking that maybe if he was moaning enough about the music that his pool skills might be thrown off at least a little. "I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone enjoy picking out music so much…" I heard a familiar voice chuckle from behind me.

Turning around I met his eyes briefly with a stutter, "Nicky… uh… I… hi…"

"Hi…" he smiled and took a drink from his beer bottle before moving to stand next to the jukebox with an arm perched on top of it.

I looked back down at the jukebox nervously and continued to look for songs, "So what brings you all the way to a bar in O-Town?"

"Your boyfriend invited me."

I looked up at Nick in shock, "He did? He didn’t tell me…"

He shrugged, "He said something at rehearsal today about mending relationships before the tour began and how you and I should hang out more… get used to being together again. So he asked me to meet you two here."

I looked toward the back of the bar where AJ was, I could see him playing pool by himself and I then looked back to Nick, "How do you feel about that?"

"About what? Being here with you?"

"Yeah… and mending relationships…" I said as I pushed a code into the jukebox.

"I told you, I don’t want to fight with you. I hate not being able to talk about things with you. And AJ’s right, we need to try and fix this because we ARE going to be together so much this year." I nodded silently and chose another song. "What about you?"

"I never wanted to hurt you…" I sighed. "I don’t know how many times I can say that. When you freaked out on the phone the other night and wouldn’t talk to me, it killed me to know that I’d done that to you."

"I did that to myself…"

"No… if it wasn’t for what I did, what I’ve done, you wouldn’t have been so upset that night and…"

"And if I’d listened to you when you tried to talk to me before and hadn’t been such an ass to you we could have worked things out before then. Plus I was drunk that night that I called you. You know that. I was drunk and feeling sentimental and sorry for myself and when I called you I didn’t know what I was doing. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Let’s face it, we both fucked up once or twice in the last few weeks. But we can fix that now."

I smiled and nodded my head, "Okay…"

He watched me picking out music silently for a minute and I kept my focus on the jukebox. "So… can I pick some of the music or are you going to torture us?" he grinned.

"Oh I’m thinking that the Mistress in me is aiming toward torture. You two will be kicking my ass all over the place. I’ve gotta have some tricks up my sleeve to try and win a game."

He laughed and shook his head, "I’ll let you win if you let me pick a song or two…"

"Nice try, blue eyes, but no. I’ll pick something out for you, now go away and let me work my magic. Go back there and drag No Ass away from the table long enough to let me break, he’s hogging the table."

"No Ass?" he chuckled.

"You know he doesn’t have one… I mean yeah he’s got one, but it’s nothing like yours…" I laughed.

"I do have a nice ass don’t I?" he smiled proudly.

"Yes, Nicky, you do… now go away…"

"I’m not feeling much love here, Kel…"

"Uh huh… you can feel the love later," I grinned as I picked out a song for him and coded it into the jukebox.

He shook his head with a smile, "Fine… be that way…" he said and began to walk away.

"I will… oh and, Carter?"

"Yeah?"

"Get me another beer why don’t you?" I chuckled as I looked over my shoulder at him.

He shook his head again and threw his hands up in the air, "Women!"

"Love me!" I called out as he walked away.

"Always have…" he replied and walked up to the bar to get me another beer.

~~~~~

"God you two SUCK!" I groaned as Nick and AJ continued to beat me at pool.

AJ laughed, "Actually baby I think it’s you that sucks… we’re both doing pretty good here."

Nick giggled and I smacked him in the head, "Shut up, AJ."

"Hey!" Nick whined. "Why did you hit me and tell him to shut up?"

I laughed, "Because you were closer…"

AJ laughed and grinned at Nick, "That’s what you get for standing so close to her…"

"Yeah well I’m moving away from her…" Nick smiled as he moved away to a seat further away from me rubbing his head.

"I really hate this damn game…" I sighed and then smiled at both of them as they grinned at me. "Shut up…"

"Did you say something, Nick? Cause I didn’t hear you say anything and I know I didn’t say anything…" AJ chuckled.

I shot him a look, "You two play, I’m done. I’ll just admire the view as you two bend over the table sticking your asses out…"

I sat down next to Nick and he laughed, "Don’t you mean No Ass for him?"

I giggled and looked at him wide-eyed, "Nick!"

"Are you calling me No Ass again?" AJ whined only making Nick and I laugh harder.

"Dumbass, you weren’t supposed to tell him that…" I said out of the side of my mouth as I elbowed Nick in the side gently.

"I’ll get you back… I’ll give you some bad nickname and call you it all through the tour and get even the roadies to call you it."

"No you won’t…" I said matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"Why not?"

"He wants to know why not…" I said to Nick quietly making a face and he laughed. I then looked at AJ and stood up crossing the room to stand in front of him. I slid my hands over his chest under his shirt but on top of his wifebeater and smiled then took his pool stick and slid my hand down it slowly. "Because if you do… I’ll stop letting my fingers slide over the stick…" I grinned and then laughed as Nick cracked up from his seat. "Now be nice and play with your stick, baby…" I kissed him gently on the lips as he smiled and then sat back down next to Nick.

"You’re horrible…" Nick laughed.

"And you’re just now figuring this out?"

"Has she always been this evil?" Nick asked AJ as he stood up.

"Yeah… she’s getting worse though…" AJ laughed and set up the next game.

"I thought so…"

"Y’all can both bite me…" I laughed and took a drink of my beer.

"Sounds like a good idea to me…"AJ smiled. "Winner gets to bite Kel!"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "Whatever… just shut up and play."

Twenty minutes later AJ was running around the room after me cackling like a wild man trying to bite me after winning yet another game. Nick meanwhile wasn’t much help as he stood there laughing at us and eventually helped AJ catch me by grabbing me and holding me still. The boys played another couple of quick games of pool and then I beat both of them at air hockey. We closed down the bar and then all headed back to AJ’s house when I refused to let Nick make the drive back to Tampa that night.

The night was what we would all consider good. We all got along and after a while the weird tension faded away and we just had fun. I’d missed being able to joke around with the two of them, and it was pretty apparent how much they’d missed it too. Once back at the house, we goofed around for a bit and then drug ourselves to bed.

Sometime in the middle of the night though I woke up feeling the effects of all of the drinking we’d done at the bar and I got up. Unable to go back to sleep I made my way downstairs after downing some pain killers and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I felt a warm breeze blow through the kitchen window and decided to go outside for a while and enjoy the warm night figuring that the fresh air might help clear my head enough to get some sleep.

As I closed the sliding door and stepped out on the deck I noticed Nick sitting near the pool and my heart skipped a beat. I tried to back up and go back inside without him hearing me but he turned his head and looked at me over his shoulder, "Hey…"

"Hey…" I said quietly. "I didn’t realize that you were out here… I’ll leave you alone."

"Kel…" he called out as he looked back toward the pool and my hand lingered on the door.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Yeah?"

"Don’t go back inside yet please."

I opened my eyes and turned back around to look at him. He looked over his shoulder again and I nodded silently and walked across the deck and stood beside him. He held his hand up to me to help me sit down and I took it gently and sat next to him at the edge of the pool. I took my hand back from him and then looked into the pool. "You okay, kiddo?"

"Just been doing a lot of thinking. I couldn’t sleep."

I nodded and looked at him as he stared into the pool. The reflection of the moon on the pool was lighting his face softly and he looked so innocent. "Yeah I do that a lot myself. AJ always wakes up and walks around the house like a lost puppy trying to find me in the middle of the night." I chuckled and played with the cap of my water bottle, "Of course he usually falls asleep again shortly after he finds me. One night I was sitting out here and he came out to find me and he curled up next to me on the deck and fell sound asleep…" I smiled at the memory and looked up at Nick again.

"Do you know what it did to me that first time you kissed me out by the pool on New Years all those years back?"

Nick’s question threw me off track and I shook my head as my smile faded, "I… no…"

He sighed and shook his head, "God… I can’t stand it sometimes when I think about it and everything that came after it. I know you’re with AJ now, and I’m not going to do anything to try and mess with that. But I can’t help but wonder."

"Wonder what?" I asked hesitantly.

He looked into my eyes, "Why you thought it was okay to be with him, but not with me."

" Nicky…" I sighed and shook my head looking away.

"I just don’t get it… why?"

"Don’t do this…" I pleaded. "We can’t do this."

"Why?" he asked defensively.

"Because it’s useless okay?" I groaned as I stood up. "It’s just going to drudge up a bunch of shit that we don’t need. Just be happy with what we DID have… Things were so different back then, Nick. We can’t change that…"

He stood up and looked down at me, "Okay so we can’t change what happened in the past. But we can’t ignore it either. You said that you loved me. You said that the reason you ran away was because you fell in love with me and you didn’t want to hurt me. But did you ever stop to think about how I felt? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I’d fallen in love with you?"

I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me and I’m pretty sure I let out a gasp. I shook my head and felt my throat closing up, "No…"

"Right…" He said with a nod. "I did fall in love with you," he said reaching out and grabbing my hands in his. I closed my eyes and shook my head, "I still love you…"

That did it. The tears began to flow and I tried pushing away from him unsuccessfully, "Don’t…"

"What? It’s okay for you to tell me that you loved me but I can’t tell you?" he said holding my arms so I couldn’t get away.

I struggled against his hold, "No, I’m not saying that. But I… Goddamn it, Nick, let me go!" He let go and I stepped back rubbing my arms. "You can’t love me. You can’t still love me like that. I’m with AJ…"

"I can’t turn it off. Just because you’re with him doesn’t mean that I automatically can turn off all of my feelings for you. I told you… I’m not going to try and break you two up. But I’m not going to lie. Not to you or myself. I’m not going to lie and pretend that every time I’m around you I don’t want to kiss you. That I don’t want to be close to you and touch you and run my fingers over your skin. I’m not going pretend that I don’t dream of you and that I’m not jealous as hell when I watch AJ doing all of the things to you that I wish I could be doing. It hurts like a bitch to see you with him. To see him touch you, to imagine him making love to you like I should be doing…"

"What am I supposed to say to that?" I whispered, as I wiped at my face frustrated.

"I don’t know…" he said back to me softly.  "I guess though that I want you to know that I know how you felt." I looked through my tears up into his eyes not understanding what he meant. "You let me go because you loved me and knew it wouldn’t be right…" He shrugged, "I’m doing the same thing. I love you, but you’re with AJ and I know that I can’t break that up. So I’m letting you go… it sucks."

I nodded as I bit my bottom lip trying to stop it from trembling, "Yeah it does…" As more tears fell down my cheeks I sighed and turned away from him.

"Promise me just one thing…" he said as he placed a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him and waited for his statement. "Promise me that if he hurts you, you’ll come to me."

I looked at him not exactly knowing what he meant but the look in his eyes shot straight through me and I shivered. I took a shaky breath and stepped away from him, "I’m um… I gotta go. I’m going back to bed."

Turning I started to go back toward the house when I felt Nick grab my wrist and pull me back toward him, "Wait…" Nick looked down at me and held my wrist in his hand. I looked into his eyes and he smiled carefully, "Sleep sweet…" He bent his head to mine and kissed my cheek gently before letting go of my wrist.

I looked at him in shock and my head was spinning trying to process everything, "Night…" I whispered and turned away moving as quickly to the house as I could.