Thirty Two

~ Philadelphia, PA… Day One ~

It was harder getting rid of AJ than Kevin and I had planned. He’d begun whining horribly about leaving me alone with Kevin pouting that he "needed" to be with me. After a little bit of urging though and several promised sexual favors we convinced him to go. The four of the other Boys and their respective security went to a nearby pool hall while Kevin and I settled in his room on his bed for the night with a pizza and beer. It wasn’t like either of us needed to drink after Nick’s birthday bash the night before, but Kevin figured I’d probably need a little loosening up to get the conversation about Nick going. He was right.

For a while we just talked about whatever came to mind. We talked about how his marriage was going, how my relationship with AJ was, and pretty much anything else that came up. Kevin and I were both talkers and never had a problem carrying on a conversation for hours.

"How’s the book coming along?"

"Good… I think…" I said and took a drink. "I’m supposed to get the pictures from last week back sometime this week. Sucks to have to send all of my film away for developing, but I can only imagine what would happen if we used a local shop."

"Eww… yeah that wouldn’t be good. The pictures would all be out there before the book even showed up."

"Exactly. I’m tempted to set up a traveling dark room though so that I can get the pictures back faster. At least the black and whites, that’s not too big of a deal to do…"

"Don’t ask me… you know I know nothing about photography except that you kick ass at it."

I laughed, "You’re cute…"

"Naturally…" he grinned.  "I’m sure the pictures are great though. Are we going to get to peek?"

"Of course! Some of them I may keep secret so that you can’t see them until the book comes out, but I want your input on it too. It’s just as much your book as it is mine. I want you to be happy."

"Cool…" We sat and ate for a little while longer and then stretched out lying on the bed next to each other.

"You know…" I laughed as I lay on my side with my head propped up on my hand looking at him. "I was totally intimidated by you when I first met you."

"No way…" he laughed.  "You’re never intimidated by people."

"I know, it was weird. I kept telling myself that I was being silly because I never let people get to me like that, but until we got to know each other I was totally afraid of being around you. AJ kept telling me that you were cool, but that you just were a perfectionist and that’s probably what I was picking up on."

"That’s funny…"

"I think now though that I could tell how much alike we were and it worried me that we’d clash. I was the surrogate parent until you came around and I think I kind of wondered if you were going to come in and take over for me and push me out of my job."

"Little did we know that we’d end up sharing the job…" he smiled.

"Oh god, remember how they used to call us Mom and Dad for a while?" I laughed.

"I totally forgot about that… They were relentless about it too…"

"I know… I swear for a good half a year no one but you called me Kel. It was ‘Hi Mom…’ ‘Mom can we go play basketball?’ ‘Mom I’m hungry!’"

He smiled, "We had a lot of fun back then… Still do, but those days were so different."

"Yeah…" I smiled. "We’re pretty lucky to have each other. Not many people can survive in a group of friends this big for so long."

"True. But we all love each other so much that it keeps us fighting for the relationships…" I nodded and looked at the bedspread and traced the pattern with a fingernail. "Which leads me to go ahead and ask since you’ve got that look on your face… What’s going on with Nick?"

I sighed and rolled over onto my back, "God this is such a long and complicated story. I should have told you about this ages ago, but kept telling myself that it was going to work itself out."

"We’ve got all night…"

I smiled, "Yeah I know…" I looked at him again, "So tell me something. How much about Nick’s eighteenth birthday do you know about? What did he tell you?"

"His eighteenth? Wow… um… Isn’t that the year that his family took him sailing or something? We couldn’t celebrate with him on his birthday because Jane wanted to keep it a family thing, so we got together with him later that week…"

I nodded, "Yeah. That’s the story. But that’s not what happened. He never told you what he really did that day?"

Kevin looked at me and shook his head, "No, I thought that’s what he really did… what happened?"

I shook my head, "I can’t believe he didn’t tell anyone. Wow…" I sat up and crossed my legs underneath my body not being able to get comfortable lying there. "He didn’t spend the day with his family. Hell they weren’t even in Florida. Jane called at the last minute and told Nick over the answering machine that they had to stay in New York with Aaron because of some recording stuff."

"You’re kidding? He never told us…"

"Well he didn’t feel real great about it. I mean think about turning eighteen and having your family call and leave a message telling you that they weren’t going to see you for your birthday. They’d abandoned him again."

"God… poor kid.  But how do you know all of this?"

"I was home on break from college. I knew it was his birthday, and you know how my relationship with Jane is. I didn’t give a rat’s ass if she didn’t want non-family showing up, I wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday in person and give him my gift on his actual birthday. So I drove out there to see him. I showed up at his house to find him alone and practically in tears. He’d invited his girlfriend over that afternoon since his family was around and he didn’t want to call any of you guys and have to explain what happened. But they’d gotten into a fight and she’d left a few minutes before I got there."

"Wow… talk about a suck ass birthday…"

I laughed and shook my head, "Yeah but it got better."

"Because you took care of him," Kevin smiled.

"Yeah…" I said and nodded. "I guess you could call it that…"

"Go on…"

"Can I ask you a question?" Nick asked as we sat in the middle of the living room floor watching MTV on mute and eating junk food.

"Yup…"

"Anything?"

"Yup… what is it?"

Nick sighed and looked at the Oreo cookie in his hand as he twisted it apart, "How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Too young…"

"How young is that though?"

"I was fourteen. Slept with one of my dad’s interns from work. He was a college student. Probably the worst lay I ever had. He was sexy and all, but sucked in bed. He rushed through it, didn’t know how to do it right, and it hurt. He probably still doesn’t know what he’s doing. Why?"

Nick shrugged, "I dunno. Just wondered."

I watched him playing with his cookie and I licked the icing out of my own, "How old were you?" Nick shrugged again and picked up another cookie and took it apart. He had a row of four cookies all separated into the halves with and without icing. "Have you?" He shook his head no and continued to look at his row of cookies, "That’s good, kiddo… trust me, it’s better to wait. I wasn’t ready when I did it. I thought I was, but I wish now that I’d been older. I mean I was fourteen and he was twenty. That’s statutory rape, you know?  But I did it, and can’t take it back."

"It’s different for guys though…"

"How?"

"Well the guys are always talking about how they’ve screwed this girl, and did this with that girl… I just sit there and listen. They all look at me like Poor Nick the Virgin."

I smiled, "I bet if you asked any of them if they regretted losing their virginity at an early age they’d say yes. Hell I know AJ does. He was much too young when he lost it. Showed up at my house in the middle of the night knocking on my bedroom window all upset afterward. He slept next to me cuddled up in my arms all night long that night he was so upset with himself."

"Really?"

"Yup really…" I grabbed one of his cookies from the icing row and ate it.

"Well I guess I never thought about it that way. But I still feel like I’m such a loser."

"You’re not a loser," I smiled supportively. I reached out and made him look at me, "You’re not…"

"My girlfriend thinks so…"

"What happened with her today? Why did she leave?"

"Because she didn’t want to sleep with me…" he mumbled quietly.

I nodded, "Okay… so she’s not ready?"

He shrugged, "She said that she was but then freaked out and pushed me away. Said I was being too rough or something and that she’d changed her mind. She thought that I was only with her because I wanted to sleep with her."

"Were you?"

"No…"

"Just checkin’."

"But that was part of it. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t."

I nodded again, "Okay… You do know that for most girls, especially when they’re young… How old is she again?"

"Seventeen…"

"Yeah… she’s young, honey. And for a lot of young girls it’s a really big deal. Really big. And it’s not to say that she doesn’t want to with you, but she needs to feel totally comfortable with it before she can do it."

"Well I don’t have to worry about that cause she’s not coming back…"

"I bet she’ll be back…"

"No. She broke it off. Said that she didn’t want to see me anymore. That it was too hard to date me because I’m never around Florida anymore and we don’t go to school together or anything."

"I’m sorry, honey…"

"Whatever…"

"No, not whatever. It’s okay to be upset. Especially with me. Don’t hide that for my benefit…"

"I just don’t get it. I’m this ‘superstar’ and people have my face all over their walls and in their lockers but I can’t get a girl to even stay with me."

"It’s not going to be easy to have a relationship considering what you do, that’s for sure. But it’s not impossible. Just don’t assume that you’re doomed. It’ll happen when the time is right."

"Well the time IS right as far as I’m concerned."

I smiled, "Hang in there, Nickers…"

"I’m trying to. But I want it so bad…"

I laughed slightly and nodded, "I know…"

He rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, "Let me ask you something else…"

"Anything…"

"When we kissed on New Years, did I do it right?"

"Let me guess, she had a problem with your kisses too?"

"Yeah. Said I was too erotic or something. How the fuck is a kiss too erotic?"

I giggled, "That’s one I’ve never heard before. But, honey, you have nothing to worry about in the kissing department. Nothing at all…"

He grinned at me, "You liked it…"

I blushed and nodded, "Lots…"

"Cool…"

It was my turn to roll my eyes, "So forget about this girl. She’s obviously a prude… I never really liked her anyway… And I KNOW she didn’t like me."

Nick laughed, "Yeah she hated when you were around. Every time I told her we were meeting up with the guys she asked if you were going to be there."

I laughed, "Did she know about the kiss she missed on New Years?"

"Nope… kept that one to myself," he smiled.

"Cool…" I smiled back.

"Technically we’d broken up that night too, so I figured she didn’t need to know."

I nodded, "Makes sense…"

"Can I kiss you again?"

I about choked on the Oreo I was chewing on, "What?"

"Can I kiss you again?"

I looked at Nick for a moment and watched him, "Why?"

"Because I want to? I dunno… I just want to make sure that I’m doing it right."

"Honey, I told you that you’re doing it right."

"You were drunk that night… maybe you just thought it was good, but it wasn’t."

"I was NOT drunk that night," I laughed.

"Never mind…"

I sighed and shook my head looking at him, "It is your birthday…"

"Yeah…" he mumbled.

"And you are technically legal now…"

"Yeah…"

"And I haven’t been kissed in a while…"

"Yeah… wait, you haven’t?" Nick’s head shot up and looked at me.

"Good Lord, Nick I’m not that much of a slut. I know I get around but I do go without sometimes…"

"Sorry…"

I smiled and winked at him, "It’s okay…"

I watched him for a while longer and he looked up at me, "What?"

"Just thinking about what it’s going to be like kissing you again…"

"Wait a second. So you and Nick made out on New Years and on his birthday that year?"

"Yeah… God, I didn’t mean to do it. I mean I guess I did, but I didn’t mean for it to blow up like it did."

"How did it blow up?"

I sighed and looked down at my lap, "It didn’t stop with a kiss…"

The kiss that Nick and I shared turned into a full on make out session in the middle of the floor. Once he’d begun kissing me I’d gone back to that place that he’d taken me to out by the pool on New Years and I forgot all about him being my Little Nicky. My fingers were in his hair and our bodies were pressed together tightly rubbing up against each other every now and then to heighten the mood.

When we broke the kiss Nick was laying over me and I pushed his hair back from his face and smiled, "That was some kiss…"

"Does that count as just one kiss?" he smiled.

"Not really…"

"Was it really okay?"

I nodded and took note of the feeling rushing through my body, "Definitely. That girlie of yours just doesn’t know what a good kiss is, cause the way that you kiss… it’s damn good."

He blushed and smiled, "Thanks…"

"I don’t know what you did to her today but I doubt you did anything wrong if you kissed her like you just did me."

Nick frowned, "But how do I know I didn’t do anything wrong, touch her wrong?"

I bit my lip and thought about it, "Well you have to pay attention to how she reacts to you. Like if you kiss her and she doesn’t kiss you back, then something is wrong."

"You kissed me back…" he smiled.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah I did. And let’s say you touch her somewhere… if she tenses up and doesn’t relax, or she moves your hand away, she’s not comfortable."

"Okay, but still… how do I know that when I touch her that I’m touching too hard or touching the wrong things…" he blushed and I smiled.

"You just figure it out, honey… either that or she’ll teach you…"

"I want to know ahead of time though. I want to know that I’m doing it right. I don’t want some girl thinking about how bad of a lay I was while I go around thinking I’m a super stud. Like the guy you slept with. He probably doesn’t even know that he sucked in bed…"

I laughed, "Yeah… that’s true. And he did think that he was a super stud."

Nick groaned, "See? I don’t want that…"

"Honey, you’re already a better kisser than he ever was… I think you’ll be fine."

"You THINK I’ll be fine. But you don’t know…"

"You’re thinking about this way too hard. Most people don’t know what they’re doing the first time. It’s just a fumbling mess and eventually you figure it out." Nick sighed again and I reached up to his face and ran my thumb over his cheek, "What can I do to help you feel better about this?"

"Teach me…"

Kevin choked on his beer and began to cough. "Sorry… I… you? You and Nick? You’re the woman who taught him?"

I rolled my eyes, "He told you about that?"

"Yeah… he said that someone taught him how to make love. That she’d taken her time with him and showed him everything so that he knew the right way to do it all. But he never said it was you. Holy shit… I thought it was some fan or groupie… but you? God it all makes sense now…"

"What makes sense?"

"Why he’s so good at fucking. You taught him how to do it."

I rolled my eyes again and groaned, "Kevin!"

"I’m serious, Kel… I’ve talked to women that he’s been with. They would go on about how attentive he was to them and how they’d never experienced anything like him before. I thought it was all because they’d put him on a pedestal but they all kept saying the same thing so I asked him about it and he told me about the woman… well you, and how you’d taught him… I believe it all now."

"Yeah… so I taught him…"

"Teach you?"

"Yeah… teach me what to do. How to do it right."

"Nicky I don’t…"

"Kel come on… it’s not like we don’t know each other. I’d rather learn this from you than to learn it from some groupie or something."

I sighed, "Don’t you dare let a groupie teach you about sex…"

"Well then teach me!"

"Nick…" I sighed and looked into his eyes. Damn his blue eyes. "But…"

"But what? You know I love you. So I’m not in love with you, but I didn’t even love Sarah and she was my girlfriend. I was going to sleep with her today if she’d let me. But with you at least my first time will be with someone that I care about. And I trust you. I trust that you know what you’re talking about when it comes to sex…"

"Cause I’m such a slut…" I sighed.

"You are not a slut. But you’re older than me and you’ve had more experience…"

"Slut…" I mumbled. "Nick I just don’t…"

"You’re not going to hurt me. I know that’s what you were going to say right?"

"Yeah…"

"But you’re not… I heard you once talking about how you and Kevin are both able to separate the physical act of sex from the love part. That’s what this can be. Just physical and a lesson for me."

"When did you hear us talking about that?"

"On the bus once. I was supposed to be asleep but was lying in my bunk listening to you talk."

"Nicky that’s not exactly a good thing. I mean, sex and love should go together. I want it to be right for you, not all warped like it is for me. Sex for me isn’t about love. But that’s because I started way too young and kept going from there. I don’t want you to have to separate the two…"

"But I told you, I love you. You’re one of my best friends. My only best friend who is a girl. Who better than to do this with?" I stared up into Nick’s eyes as he looked down at me and sighed. I could think of a dozen reasons why I shouldn’t do it, but could find a dozen more why it would be okay. Had it been some other kid, I probably would have been so flattered that he wanted me to be his first that I would have ravished him. But I loved Nick so much, he’d been such a big part of my life, and I’d always prided myself in taking care of him, making sure that he was okay and that no one hurt him, that I was scared. I was scared that I was going to hurt him, and I didn’t want to be the cause of any sort of pain for him. He brushed my lips with his and my eyes fluttered shut at the softness of his kiss. His breath covered my lips as he whispered to me, "I want you to teach me… show me how to please a woman… show me how to please you…"

I swallowed hard and tried to think clearly. "Um…" He kissed my lips again and slowly ran the tip of his tongue against mine before pulling it out again. "That’s good…" I whispered. "You’ve uh… gotta move slow like this at first. Lots of kissing, all over…"

"Like this?" he asked as he kissed my lips again and then moved them down along my jaw to my neck.

My hands fisted his tee shirt and I sighed as I nodded, "Yeah… behind the ear… it’ll drive her wild… use your tongue…" He followed my guidance and licked slowly over the sensitive spot behind my ear. "Good… the pulse point on my neck…"

"Here?" he asked as he nailed it perfectly and began to suck at it.

I gasped quietly and nodded, "Mmm hmm…"

He chuckled at my gasp and I thumped him in the head, "Don’t laugh…"

He chuckled again, "Sorry…" I smiled and ran my hands through his hair. "God I like that…" I smiled again as he looked down at me, "Now what?"

I took a deep breath still not convinced that I was going to follow through with this. "Touch me…"

"Where?"

"Where does your mind tell you to touch me?" He blushed and bit his lip looking down at me, "If you can’t do this then it means you’re not ready…"

"No I am…" he said quickly. "It just… well I’m new at this…"

"Follow your heart…" I told him quietly. "Kiss me and follow your heart. Remember to pay attention to my body too…" He nodded and swallowed before beginning to kiss me again. I was pleased that he didn’t automatically begin to grope me. Once he got back into the kissing his hand cautiously touched my waist and his thumb rubbed gently over my tank top. I didn’t resist and his hand slid down my hip and I pressed my hips to his eliciting a whimper from him. I slid my hands through his hair again and then down his back, slowly dragging my nails up his back. He pressed his body to me and increased the speed of the kiss. His hand began to slide up the inside of my leg and I tensed up purposely to see if he paid attention. He did, and pulled back looking into my eyes, "Good… not yet though…"

"Oh…" he said with a nod. I pulled him back to my mouth and slid my tongue into his mouth taking charge of the kiss. His hand returned to my waist and then moved upward and I smiled inwardly. Quick learner. Moving to my breast his hand practically trembled as he touched me. I pulled away from the kiss and licked at his neck slowly. He sighed in my ear as he began kissing my neck again and his hand squeezed my breast finally. I arched against his hand and slid my hands down his back again.

I was so used to not having to teach anyone what to do that it was killing me that Nick wouldn’t move on unless I told him what to do. I needed him to keep going, he was heating my body up like mad, and his slowness was torture. "Um… okay… skin…"

"What?" he asked looking at me again.

I half laughed and half groaned, "Skin… touch my skin. Slide your hand under my shirt, kiss my skin…"

He nodded and smiled, "Yeah… skin…"

Nick followed my orders like a pro. He carefully slid his hand under my top, running his fingers over my skin with an expert touch. I sighed and urged him silently to go further. He pushed my shirt up revealing my stomach and slid down my body to kiss around my belly button. I slid my fingers in his hair again and arched my back slightly. I sat up and pulled my shirt over my head not wanting to take any longer before he could explore my skin. He looked at me and licked his lips, "Do you know what licking your lips like that does to a girl?"

He laughed, "Nut uh…"

I smiled and shook my head, "It’s good…" I reached out and tugged his shirt over his head throwing it across the room. I ran my fingers down his chest and he shuddered watching me. I scooted closer to him and kissed his neck, "Relax…" I kissed down his chest and he took a deep breath. I sat in between his legs facing him and putting my legs over his wrapping them around his waist. I pulled his head down to mine again and licked his lips and then slid my tongue into his mouth as I reached behind my back and undid my bra and slipped it off. I then pressed my chest to his and he pulled me closer. He kissed my neck again as his hands slid up and down my back, and I did the same to him. His kisses trailed their way down toward my breasts and then he hesitated again, "Do it, Nicky…" I sighed. Carefully he moved his mouth to one of my breasts and kissed it gently. I guided his hands to my breasts and he resumed fondling them as he had before. He naturally got the point and began sucking at my flesh and took one of my nipples in his mouth running his tongue over it. I tipped my head back and took in a deep breath, "Oh, God, yes… that’s good…" He moved his mouth to the other breast and did the same before laying me back on the floor. Definitely a quick learner.

I worked at undoing his shorts and pushed them down his body and then used my feet to kick them off onto the floor. He then followed my lead and undid my shorts. I watched him with a breathless smile as he took such care unzipping my zipper. So careful, so slow, never wanting to make a mistake. I raised my hips and helped him pull my shorts down and as he moved back up my body he ran his fingers up my legs producing goose bumps over my body. When he reached the top of my legs he leaned down and ran his tongue along the crease where my leg met my body then moved to do the same with my other leg. All thoughts of turning back had completely fled my mind and my body was calling out for more. His eyes met mine as he ran his thumbs under the fabric of my panties and I nodded to him signaling that he could go further.

He discarded my panties with the same gentle movements that he’d removed my shorts and then looked down at my body with a blushing smile, "You’re beautiful…"

I smiled, "Thank you…" I reached my arms out to him and he lay back down on the floor with me.

His hand slid up the inside of my thigh once again and when I didn’t hesitate he did, "Kel, I…"

"What, honey?" He blushed and couldn’t form the words but I understood. I guided his hand over my body with my own and showed him what he needed to know. "Look at me," I smiled and he looked into my eyes. "You need to know how to do this without looking…" He smiled and chuckled. He let me move his hand between my legs feeling the moist heat that he had been producing within and the look on his face was priceless. He bit his lip as his eyes glazed over with lust at the feeling against his fingers. "Feel that?" I said as I guided his fingers to my clit.

"This?" he asked as he ran his finger over the bud.

My hips moved toward his hand and I gasped at him, "Stop…"

"What?"

"Don’t do that while I’m trying to talk…" I smiled. "But remember that spot… don’t ever forget it…"

He grinned at me and stroked it again with his fingertip, "So you like it when I do this?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, "Shit… uh huh…" I pressed his fingers so that they’d enter my body and I moaned at the sensation.

When I started to move my hips, Nick got the hint and began moving his fingers in and out of me at the same pace. "Damn…" he whispered as he watched the effect he was having on me.

I couldn’t take any more, I needed him inside of me and I reached out to stop his hand, "Now…" He looked at me in shock and I pulled his boxers down his body. His chest was heaving with nervous excited breaths and he watched me run my hands down his thighs. I guided him back on top of me and reached out and touched his erection slowly and carefully stroking it making sure not to get him too excited and cause him to lose it early. I placed the head of his cock to my opening and he looked into my eyes as I pushed at his ass urging him to enter me fully. I had to remind him to breathe as he began moving within me and squeezed him within my grasp slowing down his movements, "Let me hear you, Nicky… don’t hold it back…" I whispered as I licked as his earlobe. Nick let go of the sounds he’d been holding in and within a few minutes his body shuddered with his orgasm and I held him close running my fingers gently up and down his body as he calmed down.

When he’d regained his composure he lifted his head and looked at me, "Damn, Kel… I…"

"Shh… I smiled and kissed him.

"Thank you…" he whispered against my lips. I smiled and pushed his sweaty bangs out of his face gently. "Did you um… was it okay?"

I nodded, "It was really good…"

"Yeah? But did… uh…" He sighed and looked at me, "Don’t make me say it… did you?"

I laughed, "Say it, Nicky… ‘Did you cum?’ It’s not hard to say…"

"Did you cum?" he mumbled.

I chuckled at his shyness, "Um… almost. But it’s okay…"

"What? You didn’t? Oh god I suck!"

I began to laugh again, "You do NOT suck! Oh my god, Nick, you SO don’t suck. You just…"

"Just what?" he sighed.

"Just have to hold out a little longer. It’s partially my fault because I made you stop the foreplay early…"

He sighed and shook his head. "I can do this right…"

"I’m sure you can, honey… you did do it right…"

His mouth was once again on mine before I could say anything else and his tongue pushed past my lips into my mouth. I moaned against his kiss as he pulled his length from me and replaced it with his fingers. His mouth explored my body as his fingers probed me and again pushed me to another level. Everything I’d shown him the first time around he remembered and embellished as he found the courage to try new things. He truly listened to my body language and found pleasure points that I hadn’t even pointed out. Some that I didn’t even know where there.

Instead of focusing on one act at a time as he head before he combined them. His fingers pushed in and out of me as his thumb rubbed at my clit slowly and his tongue ran along the crease of my leg meeting my body. I couldn’t stand it. It was pure heaven and pure torture all at the same time. Then just as I began to lose it he pulled his fingers away from me as I whimpered and then slid his recovered erection into me. "Tell me how you like it…" he said quietly in my ear before moving.

I could barely breathe, but somehow I found the strength to speak, "Deeper…" He pressed deeper into me and I moaned, "Yes…"

"What else?"

"Faster…" We fell into a comfortable groove with one another moving together and working against each other’s movements. "God, Nick," I sighed as I could feel my release building. "I’m almost there." Then just when I was about to pass the threshold he slid his hand between our bodies and began rubbing my clit as he continued to move within me. That was all it took and an earth shattering orgasm swept over me.

I looked at Kevin, "No one had ever made me feel the way he did that day…" I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "I don’t know if anyone has made me feel that way since. I mean, the way that AJ makes love to me, it’s so different. It’s amazing, but no one has done what Nick did. I spent the whole day and night with him. Letting him explore my body, teaching him things about a woman’s body and things about his own. The next morning I was sitting out on the beach when he woke up. You know that picture he drew for the auction?"

"Yeah?"

"That was me… he drew it from memory of that morning. I’d woken up and realized what we’d done. I sat out there on the beach thinking about it all and decided that as amazing as it all had been the night before that we couldn’t go back there. We talked about it that morning and decided that we’d just leave it be. There was no way that it could have worked. He was eighteen, I was twenty-one, and he was about to truly hit superstar status. Plus AJ was my best friend and it just… well it broke all of the rules you know?"

He nodded, "Yeah I understand…"

"But the worst part… I fell in love with him. I fell hopelessly in love with him. I’d never thought that I’d fall in love. I thought I was doomed to just have meaningless sex with men who didn’t give a rip about me for the rest of my life, but he showed me that I didn’t have to do that. Showed me how being with someone that I cared for meant so much more. But because I didn’t want to hurt him, I kept it a secret and tried my best to hide it."

"It got hard to do didn’t it?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I couldn’t stand to be around him because I wanted to be with him so bad. So I stopped coming around as much. I pulled away and just focused on my friendships with you and AJ. But when I showed up in Florida this month… everything just changed. That first night when we were clubbing and Nick showed up and danced with me. I didn’t get sick from drinking too much. I can fucking drink AJ under the table, I wasn’t drunk. I lost it because Nick kissed me and took me back to that feeling again. And the day that we had that meeting and Nick stood up for me to Richard about my ability to do this book… he went after me when I ran off. He kissed me again that day." I looked at him, "I know what you’re thinking… and yes I do love AJ. That’s not a lie. I never thought that I’d end up with him. It just happened. And I didn’t think about Nick as it happened. Nick didn’t even know that I’d been in love with him until after I got together with AJ."

"But he does know now?"

"Yeah… when AJ told Nick about us I went to find Nick because I hasn’t wanted him to find out that way. We fought and argued and I admitted it to him. That’s why he was acting so weird for a while. He was trying to process it all and didn’t know how. But things seemed to be getting better. Every now and then he seems a little uncomfortable around us when AJ and I are getting too sentimental, but he was doing okay."

"He did seem better. What happened last night?"

I rubbed my face with my hands and sighed, "Last night we were dancing, and he started telling me about how his eighteenth birthday was the best one he’d ever had. How he thought about it all of the time, and how it killed him to be so close to me and not be able to follow through on what his body wanted. He said something about how much it killed him to watch AJ and I run off to screw, and when I tried to walk away from him he grabbed my wrist and whispered in my ear. He asked me if I thought about him when AJ was inside of me…"

"Jesus… he didn’t?"

"I hit him. That bruise on his face that he said he got from tripping when he got home last night? I gave him that bruise after he said that to him."

"Well he deserved it. That’s ridiculous."

"I know but… that’s not the worst of my problems… I think he’s in love with me."

He sighed and nodded, "Sounds like he is… Does AJ know about any of this?" I shook my head no, "Do you love Nick?"

"I’ve always loved Nick…"

"I know, honey, but you know what I mean. Are you in love with him?"

I laid back on the bed next to him and looked up at the ceiling, "I think part of me still is…"

"And are you in love with AJ?"

"More than I can explain in words…" I said as a tear fell down my cheek. "I don’t want to hurt them..."

Kevin pulled me into his arms and hugged me, "I know you don’t. And trust me, I know that you didn’t do any of this on purpose."

"Do you think it’s possible to love two people equally? Or am I just confused about what I want?"

"I think it’s possible to love more than one person. I mean think about people like my mom who fall madly in love and marry the person of their dreams. They live happy love filled lives together and then one of them dies. I don’t think that means that she’s doomed to be alone for the rest of her time on the planet. Maybe though that with you, you found both of your soul mates at the same time…"

"What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"I really don’t know kiddo. But we’ll figure it out. Maybe we just need to ride it out for a while and see what happens. It might actually play itself out for you."

"If my head doesn’t explode first…" I laughed.

"I’ll keep your head from exploding…" he giggled.

"God, Kev, what would I do without you?"

"Your head would explode…"

I laughed and smacked him in the chest, "Smart ass…"

We cuddled for a while before he spoke up again, "So Nick is the best you’ve ever had?"

I laughed, "On some levels yeah…"

"I thought I was…"

"Honey, you by far have been the best ‘push me up against the wall and fuck me now’ sex I’ve ever had. But Nicky was the best in other ways…"

He smiled, "Okay, just as long as I’m still the best in some ways… I was gunna get jealous you know?"

"Yeah…" I giggled. "Does Kristen know about our one night stand?"

"Yup…"

"You better not ever fuck up your relationship with her. She’s too good. To know that I screwed you and have her still trust me to be with you and flirt with you the way I do? That’s a good woman."

"Oh I know she is… and when you and I were together it was before we were serious. She knows that. Neither of us were very faithful then. I’m lucky that I have her…"

I smiled and cuddled up to him again, "So am I…"