- Text Size +

Thirty-Eight

"I thought Nick was bad alone… add Mini Nick to the picture and oh god it’s frightening!" AJ laughed as we all sat around the hotel pool. Aaron and Nick being the water babies of the bunch called an impromptu pool party after the concert. We were all buzzed on caffeine and sugar as well as the residual adrenaline running through the Boys’ systems from the concert. Nick and Aaron were taking turns diving into the pool trying to see which of them could make the largest splash and get those of us along the side of the pool wet.

"Kellie come innnnn…." Aaron whined and I laughed.

"Oh, honey, haven’t I told you that whining is not attractive?"

"But Nick does it…"

I laughed again, "Exactly…"

"Hey!" Nick called out from the pool. "You trying to say I’m not attractive?"

"Nope…" I grinned. I turned to AJ, "Coming in?"

"Not a chance… you go and have fun though, I’ll watch."

"Party Pooper…" I smiled and kissed him on the cheek before standing up. He smacked my ass and I shook my head. "So you want me to come in huh?"

Aaron looked up from where he was treading water and smiled, "Yup…"

"How about you, Carter?" I asked Nick.

"You think I’m unattractive, I’m not talking to you…"

"I didn’t say you were unattractive, you are talking to me, and you’re still whining… cut it out…" I dove into the pool and surfaced right in front of him. I pushed my wet hair back out of my face and looked up at him. He was pouting something fierce and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at me with puppy dog eyes. I whispered to him, "Nicky… you know I don’t think you’re unattractive. You are one of the sexiest men I know… Now stop whining, you’re ruining your own pool party." I smiled and stuck my tongue out at him.

"What have I told you about that tongue?" he smiled.

I purposely licked my lips and then laughed, "I’m not sure… what have you told me?"

Nick rolled his eyes and sighed, "How can you flirt with me with AJ watching over your shoulder?"

"Am I flirting?" I teased.

"You’re torturing…"

I grinned, "I’m evil that way… You know you love it, you started it. Such sexual tension… without it we’d be…"

"Dating…" he finished for me as he cut me off.

I looked into his eyes and then looked away, "I wasn’t going to um… I wasn’t going to say that." I sighed and squatted so that most of my body was under the water.

Nick did the same and stayed close to me. His hands reached out and held my hips and I felt myself take a deep breath, "Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you feel weird. I just… Well sometimes it’s hard you know? Most of the time I can flirt with you and take it without it bugging me. But sometimes it does bug me. Sometimes it’s…"

"It’s what?" I asked quietly as I touched his arm under the water urging him to go on.

"Nuthin…"

"Nick…" I sighed. "Remember our deal? You’re not going to shut me out. So tell me. Sometimes it’s what?" He looked over my shoulder where AJ and the others were sitting by the pool drinking then looked back at me. He then looked into the pool between us and our knees touched brushing gently up against one another. "Please, Nicky?"

"Painful… sometimes it’s painful okay?" he whispered and tried to move away.

I grabbed his arms and held them with all of my strength. My heart was beating rapidly, and trying to hold a six-foot-something man still in a pool was not helping. "Stop…" I groaned as I pulled at him and he continued to pull which basically pulled me into his body as his strength took over mine. With a splash, my body was pressed against his and our legs were tangled under the water.

He looked down at me and brushed a drop of water from the splash off of my cheek, "Sorry…" I shook my head saying that it was okay and watched him. He chuckled and looked down at us, "You’re straddling my leg…"

"Oh god… I…"

He held me in place with his strong grasp. His arms were around my waist, tight. "I like it…" My mouth fell open and I stuttered incoherently not having a clue what to say or how to react to the way that he’d said what he said, and the look that was on his face. He smiled at me and shook his head, "Gotcha…"

"What?"

"I was teasing…" he chuckled.

I struggled to move away from him but he wouldn’t let me go, "Teasing about what? The pain, or the leg thing?"

He shrugged, "One or the other, maybe both…"

I looked at him through narrowed eyes and shook my head in disbelief, "You…" I sighed and shook my head again, "Let me go…"

"Come on, Kel…" Nick smiled.

"Nick let me go…" I said with tears in my eyes. His smile faded as he saw the look in my eyes and he started to say something but I cut him off, "Let me go!"

Nick released his grip and I pushed away from him, "I…"

"Don’t okay?" I sighed. "If you…"  I couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I wanted to cry and there were tears welling up in my eyes. I bit my lip in frustration and shook my head determined not to cry. "You said that sometimes the flirting is painful right? Well I’ll tell you what’s painful for me…" The lump in my throat was taking over and I took a deep breath trying not to break down. "This… this is the painful part. When you open up and say something that means so much to me, and then you shut me out. You close down and pretend like you didn’t say anything and that it didn’t mean anything to you or to me." My hands were trembling under the water and I’d lost the power to hold back my tears. "I know that this is hard for you… But it’s hard for me too okay? You think that I don’t ever think about you that way? After being…" I lowered my voice a bit, "After being in love with you for so long? You think I don’t wonder if what I’m doing is right? If that’s what you think, then you’re wrong. It hurts me too…"

He looked like he’d been smacked in the face. He shook his head and tipped it head back wetting his hair in the pool, "I’m sorry. I didn’t think… Well, I wasn’t thinking about how this is for you. I just thought about me and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry… Please don’t cry. I don’t want to make you cry…"

"Nick what are you doing to my woman over there?" AJ laughed from the side of the pool.

"Dunk me…" I said quietly.

"What?"

"Dunk me so that he doesn’t wonder what’s up…"

"Kel…"

"Jesus… you’ve dunked me a billion times before. Just do it. We’ll talk about this later…"

"We’re taking dirt about you Bone!" Nick yelled out to AJ and then lowered his voice as he looked back to me. "Promise we’ll finish this?" I nodded and he sighed, "Okay…"I took a deep breath as he put his hand on my head and pushed me under the water.

*****

My encounter with Nick in the pool once again led me to some pretty heavy deep thinking. The next day we had off and we all sort of went our own ways. Nick and Aaron spent the day in a nearby arcade and movie theater, Kevin, Brian and Howie worked on stuff for the new record label that the group was starting, and AJ and I spent the day alone just being together.

We slept late and then stayed in bed talking for most of the morning. We didn’t talk about anything in particular, just whatever came up. When we finally got out of bed we decided to venture out into the city for a while. AJ of course wanted to shop, and I humored him. We found a handful of interesting little shops where running into fans would be pretty rare and had a pretty good time. Those moments where we’d forget about all of the Backstreet Madness and the bodyguard trailing us were the best. It was when we felt "normal" like we had all of the years before the group had started.

AJ and I easily fell back into our routine of picking on one another and goofing off. When we made it to a vintage clothing store we had a blast trying weird outfits on and took pictures of each other to capture the moment on film. AJ bought me a deep red dress, which he practically drooled over when I tried it on, and I bought him a black satin shirt that seeing him in made my hormones go wild.

Even with it being February in New York AJ didn’t whine about the cold and snow much because he could see how happy it made me. A few times I saw him trying to conceal his coldness and I smiled inwardly pretending like I hadn’t seen it. We found a bar to have dinner in and sat eating wonderful greasy bar food while talking and people watching. AJ was talking to our waiter about some guy thing that didn’t interest me and I sat there watching him. I hadn’t a clue what they were saying, but I loved watching AJ. Just listening to his voice of velvet as it flowed out of his mouth no matter what he was talking about. I loved watching his eyes and the long beautiful eyelashes that curled off of his face, and when he smiled… god, that always got me.

He caught me staring at him and smiled as the waiter walked away, "What?"

I shrugged and smiled, "Just watching you… I love watching you…"

He blushed and I smiled. "What are you thinking right now?"

"Honestly?"

"Yup…"

"I’m thinking about what a wonderful day we’ve had and that I’d really love to kiss you right now, but there are fans over in the corner so I can’t."

He nodded, "I noticed them too… You know, we haven’t talked about that much. The whole thing about whether or not we’re open about Us in public or not…"

I nodded and played with the edge of the coaster my soda was sitting on, "Yeah… I’ve thought about it a lot. But… I dunno…"

"Does it hurt you as much to have to hold back in public as it does me?"

I smiled and glanced up at him, "Yeah it does…"

"The other day when we had that magazine interview they asked the girlfriend question…"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, and I told them that I had one and that I loved her more than I’ve ever loved anyone."

My turn to blush, "You did?"

"I did… I think we should just do it. Just let the public know. We don’t have to hold a press conference or anything, but we can just start being more open. When someone asks if I have a girlfriend I’ll say yes and if they ask who I’ll tell them. If I want to kiss you, I will…and when we’re out in public, we’ll be the same as we are when we’re not. What do you think?"

"You sure you want to take the risk? All of the negative stuff that might come out of it?"

"As long as you’re with me? I’ll take on the world…"

"You might have to…" I said quietly. "You know how it gets…"

He reached out and put his hands over mine, "Yeah I do know how it gets. But I also know that I’m head over heels in love with you. And that’s not something that I want to hide. Most of the fans will be fine with this, and all of the other ones… well you know what? I don’t need them. I know that’s harsh, but it’s true, baby. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t show the world how much I love you just because of a fan… I’m ready to face anything and everything that comes our way. If you’re not ready, then we can wait… this is up to you too. But if you’re ready, so am I…"

I smiled and looked at him in awe, again he’d made me fall further in love with him and soothed my fears. My heart seemed to overflow and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his. "Age?"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me…"

He smiled and looked at me cautiously, "Really? In public..."

I nodded with a grin as I leaned across the table meeting him half way, "Yeah... right here, in public..."