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Fifty

"Okay my turn!" Kevin smiled as he held his shot glass up. "I have never given a blow job…"

All of us laughed and I glared at him, "That’s not fair, Kevin…"

"Why not?" he grinned.

"Never mind…" I laughed and looked at Faith. "So… they all know I have to take a shot at that one… you joining me?"

Faith blushed and held her shot glass out in front of her, "Fill me up…"

I laughed and then Faith and I did our shots, I took mine like a pro… she took hers like an amateur. I looked at Kevin and grinned, just as we’d figured, Faith was a lightweight. I interrupted the friendly banter going on in the room, "I’ve got one… I’ve never bought a Backstreet CD, album or cassette…"

"Bullshit…" Nick laughed.

"Nut uh… AJ’s always given them to me, never once have I had to buy one…" I stuck my tongue out at Nick and he smiled doing the same at me.

"That leaves you, Faith…" Kevin smiled. "Shot or no shot?"

Faith looked around the room nervously and smiled, "Fine, you found me out… shot…" She held her glass out. "Although I swear we’re going to have to end this game soon. I can’t drink like you all do."

I winked at her, "That’s the whole point of the game, girlie…" I stood up and walked into the kitchen area of Kevin’s suite and put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. I heard someone behind me and turned around, "Oh hey, honey…" I smiled looking at AJ.

"Why are you picking on her?"

"What?" I asked as my eyes narrowed.

"You and Kevin… why are you picking on Faith?"

"We’re not picking on her, AJ, we’re just playing a game."

"Bullshit…"

"Whatever…" I sighed as I turned around facing the microwave.

"She’s here because of you… don’t forget that. You brought her here. It’s not her fault you don’t like her."

I spun around and looked up into AJ’s eyes, "No one said I didn’t like her. And you don’t have to remind me who brought her here. It’s a game, AJ. We’ve played it countless times before with plenty of other people. Maybe I should be asking why you feel it necessary to protect her all of a sudden?"

"I don’t…" AJ said and shook his head looking away from me.

The microwave beeped and I turned around grabbing the hot bag carefully before turning back around to face AJ. He was shifting his weight from one foot to another and wouldn’t look at me. I sighed, "What?"

He shook his head, "I don’t know… you just seem…"

"Seem what?" I asked in an agitated tone.

"So different…" he said quietly.  "You were okay just a few days ago… but I don’t know…"

"I’m still the same person."

"You bit my head off earlier today because I wouldn’t side with you about your parents…"

I shook my head, "Why do you insist on defending them? After everything you’ve seen them do to me over the years, why the hell do you still support them? Of course I bit your head off… they practically fucking hate me!  And you act like it’s all in my head, like I caused it all myself. I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt me when you do that."

"You have a family, Kellie… and you don’t even try…"

"I don’t even try?" I yelled flinging the bag of popcorn around. "I don’t even try? Christ, AJ! I don’t try! You try being me just for once! You try having parents who don’t ever approve of anything you do!"

"But maybe if you tried harder they…"

"You want to know something?" I interrupted. "I’ll tell you what my ‘family’ did to me… When you and I got together… I called my mom one morning while you were still asleep. I was feeling abnormally strong that morning and wanted to share with her something that I thought she’d actually like to hear for once. I mean she adores you right?" AJ nodded and listened to me, "Yeah well I called my mom and told her that I was in town visiting and such… told her that we should all get together for dinner before the tour began. I told her about my job with you guys and then told her how you and I had fallen in love… You know what she said?" I waited for AJ and when he didn’t say anything I yelled at him with tears in my eyes, "Do you know what she said?"

"No, I don’t…" AJ sighed.

"She told me that they were too busy to see me. That I shouldn’t even stop by for a few minutes, because they wouldn’t have the time. Then she told me that it was about time I started giving something back to you in exchange for your money. When I asked her what she meant by that, she basically called me a whore. She didn’t actually use the word, but she mentioned that if I was going to be touring with you and sleeping with you that I might as well be getting paid for it since I didn’t have a ‘real’ job." I looked down at the floor as my tears blurred my eyes and I shook my head. "Yeah, I don’t try hard enough…"

"Shit, why didn’t you…"

"Why didn’t I tell you?" I asked.

"Yeah…"

"Gee, maybe because every time I try to tell you how shitty they are to me you never listen and you defend them? That might be why…" I said bitterly.

Faith peeked into the kitchen and smiled, "Hey guys… sorry, but did you finish the popcorn? Nick’s hungry…"

I hurled the bag of popcorn at her head and she caught it just before it hit her in the face, "Take it…"

Faith looked at me with a bewildered statement on her face and then silently turned to walk back to join the others. AJ meanwhile glared at me, "What the hell is your problem with her?"

I groaned loudly, "I don’t have a problem!" I yelled.

"You threw a bag of popcorn at her head!" AJ yelled back at me.

I admit, I couldn’t believe I’d thrown a bag of popcorn at her head, but in retrospect it was kind of humorous. "I don’t want to talk about this anymore… I’m drunk, I’m pissed off, and I’m tired."

He shook his head looking at me, "You haven’t changed huh? Still the same person…"

I sighed and shook my own head, "Leave me alone…"

He grabbed my arm as I tried to pass him, "We need to talk…"

"Well talk, in the morning," I all but growled as I yanked my arm away from him noticing the red marks on my skin from his grasp. I looked up at him and saw his own shocked look on his face, "Don’t ever grab me like that again…"

"Kel… I’m sorry…" he sighed shaking his head at me. "I…"

"I’m staying with Kevin tonight…" I said quietly. "Goodnight." Before he could respond I turned and walked out of the kitchen and stepped over Brian and Howie’s legs as I walked into Kevin’s bedroom and shut the door.

The next morning I woke up with a bad hangover and to the sound of Kevin packing. I rolled over and covered my eyes with my arm. "You’ve got an hour before the busses head out…" he said quietly.  "There’s water and aspirin on the table by you…"

I opened my eyes slowly to the bright light of the morning and grabbed the aspirin and took it, "Thank you…"

"Welcome…" I watched Kevin as he walked around the room putting clothes into his bag which was sitting on the dresser and he smiled at me. "He’s been by about five times already asking if you’re okay and if I thought you were going to leave him…"

"You’re kidding…"

"Nope…" Kevin sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at me. "Apparently he’s been thinking a lot about what you said. He feels guilty for not supporting you when it came to your parents, and the fact that he grabbed you like that last night… well that really messed with him."

I sighed and picked at the blanket on the bed, "Messed with me too…"

"Yeah… you know he’d never hurt you though right?"

"Of course I do…" I whispered.

We heard a knock at the door and Kevin looked at me, "If it’s him, you wanna see him?" I nodded and he smiled before leaning down to kiss my forehead. He grabbed his bag as he walked out of the bedroom and I heard the suite door open. Moments later AJ stepped into the room and he looked as bad as I felt.

I sat up and waved him into the room as I crossed my legs beneath me and he came further in and sat on the bed. I reached out and took his hand and ran my fingers over his soft skin, "I hate fighting with you…" I whispered.

"I hate fighting with you," he sighed. "I’m so sorry… I wasn’t thinking. I don’t know what made me react like that… I spent all night thinking about it and you were right… I’ve never supported you when it came to your parents… And Faith… well I don’t know… maybe I was just trying to put the focus on something else so I picked her. I know you and Kev weren’t trying to be especially mean to her. I was agitated and I saw you guys ganging up on her and I decided to make that an issue instead of really dealing with what was bugging me…"

I nodded, "What was really bugging you?"

"I was getting jealous…"

"Of what…"

"Of you spending time with the other guys… with Faith… then when you said that you were going to miss some of our off time because of Cindy’s wedding…" He shrugged, "I think that just set me off even more because I wanted to spend that time alone with you…"

I sighed and scooted closer to AJ pulling his hand into my lap, "Don’t you think I wanted to spend that time with you too?"

"Well yeah…"

"But…"

"But I don’t know…" he sighed and let go of my hand to stand up.  "I feel so damn stupid reacting like this… I know who you are. I know that you’re friends with them. You always have been… but all of a sudden I feel like you spend more time with them than you do me. I know in my heart it’s not true… but I still feel it."

I ran my fingers through my messy hair and shrugged, "What am I supposed to say? You’re right.  I’m not spending more time with them… Because, AJ…" I got up and walked over to where he was leaning on the dresser. I stood between his legs and held on to his waist, "I go to bed with you at night… I make love to you at night… You, are who I’m in love with…" I searched his eyes as he looked down at me and I smiled, "Of course when we have a fight or something then I sleep with Kevin…"

He cracked a slight smile and shook his head, "Why am I so jealous?"

"Probably because you love me more than anything in the world and you don’t want to lose me…" I grinned with a wink.

He smiled and kissed my forehead before wrapping his arms around me, "Yeah… that’s about it…"