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AJ let himself into an empty house. Denise had taken the boys to her home so that she could watch them overnight. He was grateful for her doing that because he didn’t want them to see him like this. There was going to come a time where he would have to sit the boys down and tell them but this was not it.

He climbed the stairs and walked into their bedroom. Since Kat had been admitted, he spent the nights in a cot by her bed so this was the first time in their room without her. The pajamas she wore were lying on the bed and her books were stacked on the nightstand. He crawled onto the bed and pulled her pillow over. It smelled just like her and he tucked it under his chin. The thought of her dying was too much for him and he began to sob.

Grief had overtaken him and he continued to cry for the next hour. He didn’t even want to think of having to sleep here without her. Soon, anger began to creep in along with the grief. He was mad at God, the doctors, life and her. She was leaving him again and there was nothing he could do to stop her this time. There was no pleading, begging or discussion. She would be gone soon and he had no part in her decision.

He turned over on the bed and saw his Christmas gift from Kat on his table. That message in a bottle was a promise from her and it lay there, taunting him. He reached over, picked it up and threw it against the wall with all the strength he could come up with. The shells, sand and stones flew in all directions and the letter floated down to the floor.

Instantly regretting his decision, he crawled over and tried to scoop up the sand and shells. He was crying so hard that he could barely see through the tears. His fingers brushed over the letter as he was making piles and he noticed her handwriting. This wasn’t just a note, but a letter. He picked it up, sat among the debris with his back against the wall and stared at it. It took a few minutes for his tears to subside and he began to read.



To the man I love with all my heart,

I know I’ve said it so many times, and you’re probably tired of hearing it, but I truly am the luckiest woman on the planet; I have a man in my life who loves me more than anyone else ever has. Everyone sees that you’re handsome, funny, silly and sweet but I get to see more than that. I get to see a man who loves his family and would move heaven and Earth to make sure they were happy, safe and loved. A man who has struggled through so much and has moved past all of it to be the most amazing father and man.

There are so many things I want to say to you but the man who makes these said I could only have one sheet of paper! I would need a thousand sheets to say everything I want but I’m going to try to tell you the most important ones.

First, I’ve only ever had one regret in my life and that was hurting you. When we were together for the first time, I swore up and down that I would never hurt you and I know I broke that promise when I left. I violated your trust then and again when you found Jake and me. I didn’t tell you the whole truth and I know that hurt you again. There are no words that I can use to say how truly sorry I am for that and I can only hope that deep down inside you can find some way to forgive me.




Tears started to stream down his face. He had no idea that Kat felt like he hadn’t forgiven her.



Second, I need you to know that I have never been so happy in my entire life. Having you, Jake and Ryan in my life is the best gift God or anyone else could ever give me. I wake up every morning to find you sleeping next to me and it fills me with such peace. No matter what challenges we have faced or may face, I know we can get through them together. We are going to spend the rest of our lives going through ups and downs but I know it’s only going to make us stronger and our love deeper.

Lastly, I want you to know that I will fight with every fiber of my being to keep us together and strong. I will never give you reason not to trust me again and I will do whatever I can to make the best life for us and our boys. Please promise me that no matter what happens, you will never lose faith in us. If we are ever apart, for whatever reason, don’t doubt for a minute that I will find my way back to you and I will not let us be apart for long.

I’m running out of room now but I want to say one more thing. I love you more than life itself and I will never leave you again. I know that my surgery will be soon but I have faith that it will turn out ok. Your love and support will be my way through it and I will make it through no matter what. Always believe in me and in us; we can get through anything.

All my love always,
Kat




AJ wiped the tears from his eyes, stood up and took off downstairs, leaving the letter on the floor. He knew he had to do it right now.