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Chapter 2

I just watched the doctor as he slipped his glasses back on, offered me another weak smile, glanced at the two ladies who were there and than left me alone, trying to handle and comprehend this. How could this happen? It couldn’t. The guys were just getting big again and my solo album was doing well, and now I was doomed to spend the rest of my life…doing nothing?

First of all, there was no way that could happen. I’m not the type to just sit around. I couldn’t stand being off tour for more than three days because I got too damn antsy. And second of all, I’m AJ McLean, which I have already stated. I had…we had way too many fans and I just couldn’t disappoint them.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, thinking this was nothing more than a horrible dream. That I would wake up and all of this would be gone. It had to be. I knew that being out like this was not something I could do. Ever.

I felt my mom kiss my head and whisper softly. “I know what you are thinking hon. But don’t worry. Just rest, the morning will come and than we can discuss this a little more.”

There was nothing to discuss. There was nothing going on. Yeah, that’s what I wanted to believe. That’s what I would believe; this was nothing more than an ugly ass nightmare. I felt Rochelle’s lips lightly brush mine and than I drifted right back to sleep.

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Ten hours later, I woke up with a start, every image as clear as day in my mind. The whole conversation with Rochelle, the accident I avoided and than totaling my car. Luckily, I had passed out, so I couldn’t feel anything. I tried to jerk up and couldn’t, my arms barley jerking up. I felt someone gently touch my arm and turned my head to look at the person. I smiled a bit and watched as she climbed on the bed, carefully wrapping her arms around me. I rested my head on her arm, holding onto her hand.

“Shh, Alex. Mom talked to me. And we both know that you did not believe this. But you have to deal with it. And you have our support, you know this.” I cringed, hearing my best friend’s voice and knowing that it wasn’t some horrible dream but rather the very life I now had to live. How was I going to do that? Do this?

I had the guys, my friends, and the fans, but would all these people be there if there was no AJ McLean, just an Alex? I knew my family would be there. And Resa wasn’t just my best friend; she was like my slightly younger sister. And with her, I knew I might be okay.

I cleared my throat, not thinking I would actually get anything out. I let her hold me, feeling a release there that I didn’t feel anywhere else half the time. “I’m….s….scared.” Her lips pressed against my head and I smiled a bit.

“You have every right to be. But you don’t know what could possibly go on. The doctors are saying there could be surgeries and therapy.”

“R…r…really?”

“I would think so. I would think they are expensive too.”

“I’m…I’m…..AJ…” Her fingers gently pressed against my lips and I almost wanted to laugh. It was sorry how well some people knew me.

“I know who you are. I know you have money.” I could tell she just rolled her eyes and than she removed her hand. “How about you go back to sleep and when you wake up again, the doctor can explain more, huh?”

“S…st…stay…w…w…with...me?” She shifted a bit to make herself comfortable and wrapped her arms around me. I was lucky, to have the family, and the friends, that I had.



I groaned at the uncomfortable position I found myself in as I woke up again. I opened my eyes and glanced around, smiling a bit as I saw Howie there. I licked my lips and lifted my head off the arm it was currently laying on and squeaked a ‘hi’. Howie turned his head and smiled, walking over to the side of the bed.

“Hey man. How you feelin’?”

“I…I’m…al…al..ive.”

“This is true. It could have been a lot worse. At least you only hit yourself.” I knew that was true. Sure, I screwed up my life by doing this, but at least I hadn’t taken anyone else’s nor had I screwed up anyone else’s. So, yeah, I was grateful for that. “Jen said…um, that it’s a good thing we weren’t going on tour or anything. After you recover a bit, we’ll discuss what we can, and can’t do. So don’t you worry any.” I blinked some; really not even knowing what options could be open to me. You can’t make CD’s and than not promote them. You can’t make singles and not have videos to make. And you certainly couldn’t make much without the tour. The fans want to see you live. And if you couldn’t make them happy, than you really didn’t have fans.

I sighed and Howie placed his hand on my shoulder, knowing me too well to know that I wasn’t even slightly happy by how this happened.

“Man, it bites, I know. And I know that you are unhappy. But, you can’t always give up hope so early in the game.”

“H…How..ie…y…you…k..know…I…l…love…you…b…but…y…y…you…know…that…p…per..for…ming..is…my…l…life.” I closed my eyes, never having any sentence take so much out of me. Right, other options, there wasn’t any. I was screwed. Howie just shook his head, rubbing my shoulder again.

“I’m telling you man, don’t give in. You never know what could happen. After all, miracles happen on a daily basis.” I turned my head back into her arm, thinking that over. Maybe they did, but something told me, I was on my own with this one. If I wanted to get better, it was going to be determination, my strength and my stubbornness to over come this!

Mentally, I sighed as I saw the images of many concerts drifted through my mind, along with tons of fans that had made impressions on me, and to wrap it up with the endless hours we had spent in the studio, goofing around or recording.

Those were things that I may have lost, and with that thought a few tears slipped out. As a performer, there is something in your blood that makes it like a high for you to be around those fans and perform. I was losing that, and I couldn’t explain that to anyone, they wouldn’t understand. And it hurt, it hurt rather badly.

And before I knew it, I was clutching onto Resa’s shirt, the tears flowing freely. Her arms tightened around me, and I heard her sigh before falling back to sleep.