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Judy and the Beast

 

I stood on the balcony, wilted rose in my hand as I looked out over the village that wanted nothing to do with me. It was over, there was nothing more I could do and all that was left was breaking it to the guys. I had let them down once again.

I sighed as I turned and walked back into the castle, my castle from now on I guess.

“Where’s Belle?” I closed my eyes to the sound of Brian’s voice. When I needed to be serious, I always found it best to not look at him. It was hard to talk to him about anything serious when all I saw was a basketball staring back at me. Sure it had arms and legs and the face was unmistakably Brian’s but, the dude was a basketball. Do you know how hard it is to watch a basketball cry? I mean it’s not his fault he turned into one, he just happened to be thinking about it at the time, I guess. 

“Nick? Where is she? I haven’t seen her all day long.”

“She’s gone, Brian. I let her leave.”

I heard him bounce angrily and yes one can do that. “You did what now?”

I opened my eyes and looked down at my rotund friend. “I had to. Her dad was sick so I had to let her go.”

His eyes grew wide as he continued to bounce, “What!! Nick! How could you let that happen?”

“It’s not my fault he was…”

He threw himself at me, well I guess we’d say he lunged but since he was a ball, yeah… Because he was so much smaller than me I just caught him and then avoided his constant tries to smack at my head.

“How could you do this to us?” He kept saying over and over until his little flailing arms got tired and he finally stopped. “Put me down, please.” He asked in the smallest of voices.

I did very gently and once down, he rolled out of the room. I knew he was going to get the reinforcements. They would most likely kill me. I mean if I were them I would kill me to. If I could only take back what happened that day. I was in a bad mood, that’s really all it was. My bad mood and a case of uncontrollable giggling led to all of this!

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 I sighed and rubbed at my temples. It was one of those early mornings when nothing seemed to be going right. I hadn’t touched an ounce of alcohol the night before yet, I woke up with the worst headache ever. To make things even worse, we had a very busy day ahead of us. Because it was our big 20th anniversary everyone was fighting to get a piece of us and at first it was fun and rejuvenating. We all were having the best time! But that’s always how it goes at first. A few weeks into the constant up early and go all day long schedule we developed for ourselves, (yup, can’t blame Jive for this one!) things were beginning to get un-fun and fast. We found ourselves constantly fighting about stupid things and when we weren’t fighting we were rolling our eyes and shaking our heads at the same stupid questions we kept being asked.

“I swear to ever loving Jesus, if I have to say it’s a marathon and not a sprint one more fucking time!” And that was Brian! So, you can imagine what kinds of things were coming out of MY mouth!!

By the time we hit our last interview of the day, we were all exhausted, hungry and annoyed. I think out of the five of us, I was the worst though. My headache had only managed to escalate to a full blown migraine and I’m talking about the puke inducing kind of migraine!

I tried to back out. I tried with all my might but the guys would have none of that. They saw my pale face and heard my shaky voice but yet, they wouldn’t let me off the hook. They seemed to forget that I had been very nice to them by agreeing to do a ton more interviews so they could have extra family time. I was told to ‘suck it up!’ and remember I just have ‘one more to get through’ and then I could go back to the hotel and sleep! Those were Brian’s encouraging words to me as we entered the van to our last interview of the day.

Just remember, I tried to back out!

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“NICK!!! Tell me what Brian said is not true!”  AJ screamed from the hallway even before he entered the room followed closely by Howie who didn’t seem like he had much to say.

“What was I supposed to do, J? Force her to stay even after she told me her father was dying?”

“Yes Nick that is EXACTLY what you were supposed to do!”

“But being rude is what got us into this mess in the first place.” I threw my arms up in frustration.

“Yeah, so why pick now to suddenly show some self control?”

I turned my back to him and let out a huge sigh. I felt myself losing my temper again and I knew I couldn’t do that! The last time I completely lost my temper I almost killed him, well smoked him. Not that I ever really smoked much anymore. When I was younger I went through phases where I would do nothing but have a cigarette in my hand but I also think I was just copying AJ. It kills me thinking back at how badly I wanted be just like him. He would joke and say he was my idol but I always denied it. One thing’s for sure, I don’t want to be him anymore.

As if he was reading my thoughts, he hopped around my huge frame to face me. I looked down at the little pack of Marlboros which was now AJ and shook my head. The opening of the box now served as his mouth and the ‘o’s from the word Marlboro were his eyes. He had no discernible nose but just like Brian, you could tell it was him. His arms and legs were now cigarettes so he always had to make sure to stay a safe distance away from any fires in the castle, which posed a problem since there seemed to be no such thing as electricity in the hell we were now condemned to spend all of our time in.

“Don’t turn away from me kid!”

I sighed again, “Look AJ, I’m sorry man. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“When did she leave?” I turned to face Howie who looked so sad, which is kind of funny because he was the Pillsbury Dough Boy now. His little mouth was turned in a frown and his big eyes were tearing up. His brown hair half hidden from view because of the little chef’s hat on his head.

“It was a while ago, at least an hour.”

“And you didn’t think to tell any of us until now?” Brian said as he continued to bounce next to D while AJ hopped back and forth muttering to himself like a bag of pot instead of a box of cigarettes.

“You made this happen, Nick. This is entirely your fault! Now you have to make it Un-happen!” AJ insisted.

“Un-happen, that’s not even a word. Heheheeee!”

“Shut up, Howie!”

“Sorry, I still haven’t figured out how to control the giggling.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

The smell of smoke in the van wasn’t helping my headache at all. “AJ can you please put out that Goddamn cigarette before I puke all over the place?” I begged.

“You could just ask nicely, you know.” He answered as he crushed it, opened his window and threw it out.

“Way to litter AJ!” Kevin said from the front seat.

“Blame, Nick!”

“Should we blame him for the lung cancer too?”

“Shut up Brian!”

“I’m just sayin’”

We were stuck in a small traffic jam. Normally this would make me mad but instead I took it as sign from God telling me to take a nap, so I closed my eyes and tried my best to fall asleep and will this migraine away. Of course that only lasted for all of five minutes before the stupid ‘heeheeheee’ came right by my ear.

“Howie,” I gritted my teeth, “I swear to God if you make that thing laugh one more fucking time I am going to take him and shove him down your throat!”

“But it’s the Pillsbury Doughboy! James is going to love this thing!”

“He won’t if I rip its head off!”

“You know if I was trying to nap, you’d be doing it to me, Nicky.”

“Not if you felt as shitty as I do!”

I glanced over at him and he had that look on his face. The one that said, “Hold on, let me go find the world’s smallest violin to play for you.” But then he put his arm around me and smiled, “I’m sorry. We promise not to bother you for the rest of the ride.” Of course by ‘we’ he meant himself and his stupid squeaky toy.

Only then did I find it in me to smile.

“Thanks.”

I closed my eyes just as Kevin said, “We’re here!”

I guess I didn’t realize the traffic jam happened less than a block away from our destination.

“Well that’s just great! Ugh!” I whapped my head on the back of my seat rest in frustration as they all laughed at me and my pain.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Maybe she’ll be back, I mean she knew what was at stake because you told her that much, right?” Brian asked as he hopped on to the nearest chair.

“She should know her own story by now.” AJ was annoyed. “This isn’t the first time she’s been put in this stupid castle. It’s not like her fucking father would even die in the first place since he or she doesn’t even exist. You’re such a dumbass, Nick!” Yup, AJ was really annoyed.

“She’s as real as we are, AJ.” We all looked over at the door as Kevin dejectedly made his way into the room.

“How is she supposed to know she’s nothing more than a character from a Disney movie?”

He let out a tired sigh and jumped on the seat next to his cousin letting out a flash that blinded us all as he did so. “Sorry about that.” A few seconds later a picture shot out of his ass.

“THAT” AJ said pointing to Kevin, “is just NOT right!”

I walked over and picked up the photo shaking my head at its absurdity. All he caught this time was a little bit of one of my huge paws.

How ironic…

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“What is this for anyway? I’ve never even heard of this magazine.” Howie asked as we were shown our seats.

“Who the hell knows or cares, just let’s get this over with.” I shook my head and was just about to check my phone for a text when she entered the room. “What in the hell…”

She was maybe about fifty years old, not bad looking for her age. She was a little chubby but it worked for her. My eyes traveled downward instead of up and the first thing that screamed at me was the giant button on her Beauty and the Beast tee-shirt that said. “I heart the beast!” As my eyes traveled down to her tan belt buckle with a huge picture of the beast in the middle, the thing that stood out the most was…

“Nice shoes.”

She smiled over at Brian, “They’re actually paws. My paw slippers, they make me feel closer to the beast, kind of like we are sharing the same feet.”

“Nice paws, then.” He said without pausing. (No pun intended there.)

I’m sure my eyes were wide as saucers as I glanced over at Howie who just kind of shrugged at me. AJ seemed completely un-phased which comes as no shock. I’m sure he’ll be asking for his very own pair of ‘paws’ after this interview. Brian seemed as amused as I was but it was Kevin’s face that did it for me. I was fine until I looked over at him. His mouth was opened so wide, a frog could’ve jumped in there.

I stifled a laugh as best as I could but I was entering that danger zone. The one where there’s no coming back. I was tired, not feeling well and if I got a case of the giggles, there was NOT going to be any stopping them so I looked away from Kevin as fast as I could and once again glanced at my phone, ready to text Lauren about this chick that would be interviewing us.

“I want to thank you all for coming. I know you’re on a very tight schedule so this will be a very short interview.” I didn’t look up. As long as I didn’t look at her or Kevin I was going to be fine. She sounded normal.

“No problem.” Howie answered. I saw him shift uncomfortably in his seat. He did that when he was around crazy people and ladies and gentlemen, crazy had arrived.

“My names, Belle, like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

“It’s nice to meet you, Belle.” Brian… amused again, “Is that your given name or is it short for something?”

“Oh, no…my real name is Judy. People call me Belle for short.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” I did not look up at Brian when he gently pushed against my leg to get my attention. I could not look up at him because then it would be all over. Instead I choked back another laugh and let out a small sigh, puffing my cheeks slightly as I did.

“So...”

I was texting back and forth with Lauren, telling her about Belle and what she was wearing. I wanted to take a picture of her paws but I also didn’t want to be obvious. Luckily out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of a camera and knew that Kevin had covered that for me, good man! I’ll have to ask him to send it to me later.

Now that she was finally getting around to asking her questions, my urge to laugh went away. As long as I didn’t look at the guys or her ridiculous paws, I would be fine. Maybe it was best if I just took a backseat to this interview and not say a thing. As long as I did all that, I could get through this. That was my thinking until her first question came.

“If you could be a prince from any of the Disney movies, who would you be?” There was another push against my leg, this time a little harder. I couldn’t look at him. He knew if I did I would crack up. I think he wanted me to.

There was a long pause before anyone answered. Finally it was Kevin, “Well, I know my wife is partial to Eric from the Little Mermaid.”

“That’s because you used to play him when you worked at Disney!” AJ decided to add that tidbit of info. Why not? We’d all owe him a dollar for it later. To keep ourselves from totally getting bored at these interviews, we had made a bet that every time one of us managed to get in one of our older ‘token’ answers like ‘Kevin and Brian are cousins,’ or ‘we will always be boys etc…’ we would owe that person one dollar. If I had bothered to look up at AJ, I’m sure he would be gloating! But I had to keep my head down and stay quiet.

“Eric is a jerk! How could anyone like him! Can’t they see that Adam is the only answer to that question?” Judy huffed and yeah, huff is really the only word that fits there.

“And Adam is?” Once again…Brian amused.

“The BEAST! His actual name is Adam but we call him the beast.”

“Yes, we do.” I felt another hard brush of my leg.

“Kevin also played a Ninja Turtle.” Howie’s attempt to not only win a dollar but also sway crazy in another direction, but it was too late. She, like everyone else pretty much, just ignored him.

“No one knows and it gets my goat!  Sadly, people only consider him a beast but there’s so much more to him then that! He’s just a poor man with so many layers to his complex personality. Why can’t anyone see that? All he wanted was love. Isn’t that what we all want?” She whispered that last line so dramatically you would think she was reading from an Oscar worthy script or something.

I made the horrible mistake of looking over at Kevin again. His mouth was still wide open but now his eyebrows were furrowed to the point that he looked like one of those evil villains from the silent films with the huge mustaches. I felt them coming up from my stomach at that point, an endless barrage of giggles. I was about to lose it.

Think dead babies and puppies…dead babies and puppies…

“What do you think, Nick?” CRAP!!

I glanced over at her, “About?” I managed to get out.

“Don’t you think it’s unfair the way he was treated? All he wanted was to be loved by someone. His looks should not matter.”

I opened my mouth to answer, tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t make me laugh and in the process, closed my mouth once again. I was focused so much on her paws; I never bothered to look up past her face. I really wish I hadn’t either because once I saw the headband she was wearing, the one with the beast’s ears attached to it, I lost it.

The explosion of laughter that came out of my mouth even startled me.

I placed my hands over my mouth, “I’m sorry…I just…” And then I lost it again. Tears were streaming down my face.

“You’re laughing at me.” Judy said, in an oddly calm yet psychotic manner.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just the ears and the slippers. It’s been a really long day.” I took a deep breath and wiped at my eyes but I still couldn’t stop laughing. Damn it all to hell.

She stood up making her beast ears fall a little off her head. Now she was lopsided. Yeah, that didn’t help any. “You are going to be sorry for laughing at me!” She started walking towards me with her finger pointing as if it was a sword.

“Look,” Now it was Kevin with his calming voice trying to fix the mess I had created, “Don’t mind him, like he said we’ve had a really long day and…”

She whipped around to face him, “AH goickus pubblius maka laka lakaaaaa!”

Once again, Kevin’s face and then AJ whispering, “Is that Latin or something?” was it for me. I was lost and there was no coming back.

She turned back towards me as the giggles became flat out guffaws.

“I have just cursed you all! When you wake up tomorrow you’ll know exactly what it feels like to be Adam and have to deal with what he has to every day of his life.” She was crying now. “You’ll have to make Belle fall in love with you before the last petal of the magic rose wilts. If you can’t do that then you’ll be condemned to live his life forever! And your friends will be cursed to live it with you!”

Once again there was another long pause as she calmed herself down. No one said anything, least of all me. Then all of the sudden it was like a light switched in her brain or something. She looked up and smiled at all of us, “Thanks for your time. Good interview.”

She walked out of the room as if nothing happened.

“I wonder where she got those slippers.” AJ said after a few more minutes of shocked silence.  

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Let’s think this through…” I was pacing back and forth as I held the rose that only had one petal left. “Maybe there’s another way out of this.”

“How? You heard what Judy said, you have to make Belle fall in love with you.”

“But I don’t love her, heck I’m not even sure I like her. She’s kind of odd.”

“Nick, who cares?”

“Well, it’s easy for you to say! I do have a fiancé at home, remember?”

“Yeah and we all have wives and kids and…” AJ was interrupted by Kevin who started to cry and flash. Flash and cry as pictures flew out of his ass left and right.

I walked over and picked up the Polaroid camera that was my big brother. “Kev, relax. We’ll work this out.”

“We need to. I miss my wife and kids, Nick.”

“I’ll leave and go find her.”

“You can’t go! Remember what Judy said when we first got here? No one can leave the castle. If anyone tries to leave they will die and then the rest of us would never turn back to ourselves!”

“True, but she also said that black licorice is the devil’s candy and she had an invisible pet octopus with the head of a cow.”

“What’s your point, Nick?”’

“She’s a friggin lunatic is my point, Brian. How do we know anything she said will actually happen?”

“Have you looked in a mirror lately? Hey Q come here man!”

Just then our used to be bodyguard but now full length mirror walked into the room, showing me my full image. I had a hard time looking at myself to the point that I had every mirror in the castle, besides Q covered up. I was hideous. Part lion, part monster, the only recognizable trait were my eyes. “Okay so…she was right about this but the rose thing, I mean we don’t know that for sure.”

Q then turned and left the room, muttering “asshole,” as he did.

“Heeheehee, hey guys come here!”

We all looked over at Howie who had managed to get himself onto the windowsill as the rest of us were arguing. “Look out there, something is happening!” He had a look of terror on his face, his little blue eyes even bigger than usual and his tiny mouth in the shape of an ‘o’.

I moved the curtain back to see what caused the look of alarm on D’s face and found myself quickly mimicking his. There were a ton of villagers making their way to the castle, all carrying torches and pitchforks. Who knew they really did that stuff. Belle was leading the charge accompanied by some other really big, muscular guy.

“I can’t believe she went running to Gaston.”

“Who the hell is Gaston?” I asked AJ.

“Haven’t you ever watched Beauty and the Beast?”

“What do you think?”

“He’s the villain of this story.” Kevin answered never taking his eyes off the crowd.

“I thought I was supposed to be the villain.”

“No, well at first but then you come to realize it’s this guy.”

“Why would Belle go to him?”

“To get rid of you of course!”

We all turned when we heard her voice. Standing there in her Beast slippers was Judy. “You didn’t think she’d settle for the likes of you when she knows Adam is out there somewhere!”

I walked over to her, “Judy, look I’m really sorry about all of this. Can’t we just work it out or something? Haven’t we been punished enough?”

She threw her head back and laughed making her beast ears fall off her head and bounce onto Brian as they hit the floor. “Punished enough? You humiliated me in front of your friends! You laughed at me!”

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?”

“Sorry will not cut it this time.”

I took a few deep breathes and looked over at my friends. My four band mates who I loved so much all cursed because of me. I had to fix this, even if it meant sacrificing myself to do it. “I’ll make a deal with you. If you turn them all back to normal and let them go, I’ll stay here forever.”

“If you do that, you know Gaston will kill you.” She said while smiling. Weird she had a pretty nice smile despite all the crazy dripping off of her.

“I know.”

“Nick absolutely not!” the other four shouted pretty much at the same time with the exception of the mirror not in the room that added a, “Sounds good to me!”

She looked over at me, surprised. “You would do that for your friends? You would be willing to sacrifice your life just so that they could go home?”

I sighed and looked at them all not through the eyes of what I had become but through the eyes of the person I used to be. There was Kevin the camera, who was always there for me every step of the way, whether I wanted him to be or not. Next to him stood AJ the pack of cigarettes who I shared so much of my childhood with. Howie my little doughboy who was now one of my closest friends ever would be the one I always ran to when I needed someone to be on my side. He never let me down, ever! And of course, Brian the basketball, who also served as Brian the best friend and Brian my big brother. What would my life have been like had it not been for all of them? I felt a tear stream down my furry face so I wiped it away.

“They are more than my friends. They are my big brothers and I love them with all my heart. I would do anything for them, even die.”

“Really?” Judy’s voice was soft.

“Yes, isn’t there anyone you would do that for? Don’t you have a best friend?”

She looked down at the floor and bit at her bottom lip, “Of course I do…her name is Sheila…” She looked around the room at that point frantically searching for something. I was trying to figure out what when she kind of answered that question herself. “Sofa…her name is Sheila Sofa and we have been best friends since we were kids. Yeah, I’d do anything for good ole’ Sheila Sofa.”

Right…Sheila Sofa.  

Of course she didn’t have a best friend. I felt bad for her at that moment. Maybe if she had what I had, she wouldn’t be so insane.

She looked at me with tears in her own eyes now. “I wasn’t expecting you to do something like that…I mean I always thought it would only work with a girl, but…I guess true love comes in many forms.”

“We’re not gay!” We all turned to Howie who shrugged at all of us, “What? Just throwing that out there…”

I shook my head and turned my attention back to Judy, who seemed to suddenly soften up some. “I didn’t mean gay; I just meant that before now, I always equated love with being romantic. You know, like how you are with your fiancée and they are with their wives.”

“And Belle is with the Beast?” I asked her as I placed one of my paws on her shoulder.

She nodded at me just as the final petal from the already wilted rose fell to the floor and the doors to the castle busted open. She grabbed my hand in hers and closed her eyes, “AH goickus pubblius maka laka lakaaaaa!” She chanted once more before letting go of my hand and taking a few steps back.

The room suddenly turned dark and then was filled with the most warm and radiant light ever. I felt myself being lifted up in the air, every part of me felt tingly as I saw my paws turn back into hands. I dropped to the floor as the cloak I had been wearing fell around me as a blanket. When I pulled it off I saw them all standing there staring at me. They had all turned back into themselves too.

“Nicky, are you alright?” Howie asked as he offered me his hand and helped me up.

“Yeah, I’m…I’m me again!” I looked down at my body and smiled.

The newly restored Q came running into the room and slammed the doors shut. “They got in and are making their way up the stairs! We don’t have much time!”

“Quick let’s move some of the furniture against the door!” Kevin suggested but it was too late, the mob led by Gaston and Belle came barreling through the door.

“Where is the beast?” The overly large man screamed. “I know he’s hiding in here somewhere!”

“He was here, I promise!” Belle said looking confused and staring my way.

I shrugged at her. What a bitch! Selling me out like that! “I haven’t seen any beast; I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The angry mob just stood there… angrily… doing their job I guess.

Belle walked over to me, “You seem familiar. Do I know you?”

“I don’t think so.”

She then smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck, “Do you want to get to know me?”

I pulled away from her, “Sorry, I’m engaged.”

“Phooey!”

“I thought you loved Adam!”

Uh oh!

Belle looked over at Judy with a questioning gaze. “Who the heck is Adam?”

Uh oh…

“Who the heck is Adam? WHO THE HECK IS ADAM? The Beast!!”

“Oh, Yuck!” Belle made a disgusted face, “That’s about the grossest thing I have ever heard!”

Uh Oh…

“Uh, Judy we should really be going now so if you could transport us out of here that would be great!” I said nervously.

The room slowly started to fade away just as we heard Judy screaming some mackalackalackas…

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Nick, wake up!” I felt a small shake of my arm as I allowed myself to open my eyes. I still had a headache but I felt different somehow; like I had been given a second chance. I wouldn’t mess things up this time around.

I also felt extremely disoriented. “Where are we?”  

“In the van about to do this last interview, remember?” Howie sounded worried.

“What?”

“The interview, we’re here! You fell asleep on the way.”

“Are you feeling any better?” Kevin asked from the front seat, not bothering to look back.

“Uh, yeah but more importantly how are you all feeling?”

Brian, AJ and Howie all exchanged worried glances, “We’re fine.”

I was confused, how could we not be talking about what had just happened? Did they not remember? I mean I know most of them are old but, seriously?

“Kevin, do you miss having pictures pop out of your ass?”

That caused a lot of laughter, “Where the hell do you come up with this stuff, Nick?” AJ asked as he offered me a piece of gum.

“Uh…bet you’re never going to touch a cigarette after what we just went through, huh?”

He gave me a strange look, “I’ll be touching another ciggy as soon as this interview is over, but thanks for your sudden concern.”

As we all got out of the car, I was still searching for answers. This was so weird and I know I couldn’t have dreamt it. It happened. I am positive of that!

Before I had the chance to ask any more questions, we were ushered into a room by a slightly older woman. One that looked all too familiar to me.

“Hi.”

Judy?

She shook all of our hands, “My name is Judy, but people call me Belle for short.”

She said that last line as she grabbed my hand and winked at me. Her beast ears flopping on her head as she did so. I was not going to go down this road again!

“Guys…”

They all looked my way as I slowly backed out of the room, “I’m really not feeling well so if you don’t mind I think I’m just going to wait in the van.”

This time there was no arguing. “Okay, go ahead. Maybe take a nap or something. This won’t take too long and then we have a few hours off before we need to go to the hospital and try to sing someone out of a coma.” Kevin smiled at me and whispered into my ear, “It’s probably for the best anyway. We want to get it right this time around.”

I nodded at him. He did remember after all!

“Whatever you do, don’t laugh at her, okay, Promise?”

He smiled, “Promise!”

“Good, I’ll see you in a little bit!” I headed towards the van.

“Oh and Nick…” I turned around to face Kevin, “To answer your question, I do not miss it at all!”

I nodded in understanding and laughed.

I didn’t miss it either, although being a beast did have some advantages but that I shall leave to your imaginations!

 

The End