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As Momma D unpacked her suitcase, Lyric perched on the edge of the bed and filled her in on the latest gossip.

“Are you feeling ok, querida?” Momma D asked, pausing as she folded a shirt.

“I’ve been kinda nauseated lately, but it goes away and I feel fine,” Lyric said. “I’ve never been sick a day in my life, it’s just a little tummy bug,” she assured Howie's mother.

“I don’t know, you look a little green. And you’ve put on some weight too.”

“We’ve just been working really hard, I’m not eating right. Don’t worry, mi mama, everything’s fine.” Lyric picked up her empty suitcases and stowed them away in the closet.

“We’ll see,” Momma D said, eyeing Lyric closely. Howie’s mother was in town for a couple of weeks to visit. Howie’s hectic schedule wouldn’t allow him any vacation time for quite a while.

For a couple of days, Momma D watched Lyric closely. She had her suspicions, but she said nothing.

“I need to talk to you,” Momma D said one morning, herding Lyric back into the guest bathroom.

“What about? Is something wrong?”

Momma D shook her head. “No, nothing is wrong – but I need you to do something for me.”

“I’d do anything for you, mi mama,” Lyric said, laughing at her own little Backstreet joke.

“Prove it by peeing on this thing,” she said, handing Lyric a little foil wrapped package.

“What is this?” Lyric looked at closely.

“It’s a home pregnancy test, mi hija. Now take it into the bathroom, open the package, and follow the directions.” Momma D shoved Lyric into the bathroom and closed the door.

A few minutes later Lyric reappeared. “Do…do you think I’m pregnant?”

“When was the last time you had your period?”

“I don’t remember, mi mama. So much has happened…” Lyric’s knees suddenly gave out and she sat down heavily on the bed, she felt numb from the very idea that she might be pregnant.

Momma D watched the seconds tick by on her wrist watch, after three minutes had passed, she nudged Lyric. “It’s time to check it,” she whispered.

“I…I can’t - you do it,” Lyric whispered back, afraid of what she would see.

Momma D came back a moment later, the test in her hand. She was smiling, but Lyric couldn’t tell the results just from looking at Howie’s mother’s face.

“It’s positive, Lyric. You’re pregnant.” She laid the test on the dresser and hugged Lyric hard.

Tears flowed down Momma D’s face and joined with the ones on Lyric’s face, but Lyric was afraid they were crying for different reasons.

“Are you happy, mi hija?” Momma D asked, a huge grin on her face.

“I…I don’t know,” she admitted, hating that the smile melted from Momma D’s face.

“How could you not be happy? You are going to have Howie’s baby!” she whispered. “Don’t you love him?”

“It’s not that simple.” Lyric wiped the tears from her face. “Yes, I love him more than life itself, and I want to give him all the children he wants…but the way this one was conceived…”

Lyric got up and started pacing the room. “He raped me. There was no love involved in the act, only violence.”

“He didn’t mean it, Lyric. You know that he loves you.”

“My head knows that, Momma D, but my heart doesn’t. He hasn’t been the same since he came back.”

“Has he been mean to you, querida? I haven’t seen that since I’ve been here.”

“No, he’s been nice to me. Too nice.” Tears were running down her face again. “He hugs me, tells me he loves me and kisses me goodnight – but then goes to bed alone.”

“That doesn’t sound bad,” Momma D said. “He’s trying to respect you.”

“But he doesn’t tease me like he used to, he doesn’t act silly or burp to make me laugh…or throw things at me when I get too serious.” She sat on the bed, her head in her hands. “He says he loves me, but the words are empty – his actions speak louder than words.”

“He does love you, Lyric, just give him time…”

“How much time does it take? I’ve seen him nearly every day for two full months, given him every opportunity to say what’s in his heart – and I get nada!” Lyric jumped to her feet. “This isn’t a good time to have a baby!” she wailed.

“Baby?” Howie walked in to hear Lyric’s last words. Momma D and Lyric looked guilty, unable to meet his eyes. Howie noticed the pregnancy test on the dresser and picked it up. It was hard to miss the results, the word ‘pregnant’ was clear as day in the little window. “Lyric? You’re pregnant?”

Lyric nodded, still unable to meet his eyes. Momma D started to say something but Howie interrupted her.

“Is it mine?” he asked.

Lyric was stunned, she looked at him with her mouth hanging open, unable to speak. With a cry, she jumped from the bed and ran from the room. They heard the kitchen door slam and a car start up, tires squealing as the vehicle raced down the driveway.

“How can you be so stupid?” Momma D asked, shaking her head. “I think you may have just succeeded in driving her away for good this time.”

“I didn’t mean it! It just…came out of my mouth.” Howie looked like he was going to be sick. “She’s really going to have my baby?” he whispered.

“Si. And she isn’t sure she’s happy about it either.”

“Why not?” Howie was struggling to comprehend everything that was happening so fast. “She said she loved me.”

“She may love you, Howard, but that doesn’t mean she has to love a baby that was forced on her, a baby that wasn’t conceived in love.” She stood and hugged him. “She doesn’t believe you love her.”

“But I do! I tell her every day how much I love her.”

“Your lips may say it, but her heart isn’t buying it.” She pulled him down to sit on the bed next to her. “I’ve watched you two together. You treat her kindly, but you hardly ever touch her. You two barely even talk.”

“I’m afraid to hurt her,” Howie admitted.

Momma D wanted to laugh at the irony of his remark. “You just broke her heart, you know that? After everything you have done and said, after everything that has happened to her over the past year, she has stayed by your side and protected you – and you have the nerve to question that loyalty?”

“I’m an idiot, I know.”

“I don’t think it’s too late, though. Go to her, Howard, and get on your knees and beg her forgiveness. Show her how much you love her, don’t just say it. She needs to see it in your eyes before she will believe you.”

Howie hugged his mother, made a quick stop in his room, and then ran out to his car.

“Now where would she go?” he wondered out loud. He drove past her favorite spot on the beach but her car wasn’t there. He drove past Alex’s house, she often confided in him when she was upset, but her car wasn’t there either.

Half an hour later, he pulled up outside her house – and her car was in the driveway. When he knocked on the door, no one answered. He pulled out his cell phone and called her, but she didn’t answer.

“Open the door, Lyric!” he yelled, pounding on the door. “I’m not gonna go away until I talk to you,” he shouted, continuing to beat on the front door.

“Stop already,” she said, throwing open the door. “The neighbors are going to call the police.”

Howie was speechless. Lyric stood in the doorway, wrapped in a towel and dripping water on the wood floor. Bubbles slowly slid down one naked shoulder.

“Damn! Haven’t you caused enough trouble today? You want to get my neighbors mad at me?”

“I’m sorry,” he stammered. “Please, can I come in and talk?”

“Not a very good time, as you can see,” Lyric said, backing out of the doorway. Howie stuck his foot in the door before she could shut it all the way.

“I’m not leaving until we talk,” he insisted. “Please? Hear me out, and then I’ll go if you still want me to leave.”

“Suit yourself.” Lyric left him standing on the doorstep and walked back into the house, headed towards her bathroom. She didn’t turn to see if he was following, but knew that he would eventually. She dropped the towel and stepped back into the bath, the bubbles billowing up around her.

Howie followed her into the bathroom, then stood there hesitantly, unsure of where to sit. He finally eased down onto the floor beside the old fashioned, claw footed tub. Lyric’s clothes lay in a pile next to him.

“I didn’t mean it,” he said softly. “I don’t even know why it came out of my mouth.”

Lyric said nothing, just kept her eyes closed as she tried to relax. Her muscles were so tense, she hadn’t been so upset since she’d witnessed her father beat her mother those many years before.

“I was shocked, as I’m sure you were, to hear that we’re going to have a baby.” He fiddled with the wet towel on the floor, pushing it around with his foot. “That has to be the dumbest thing I have ever said in my entire life. I apologize, Lyric, with my heart and my soul. I do love you more than anything, and I know that you’d never betray me that way.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t,” she whispered.

“I’m stupid, Lyric. Pretty damn dense at times too.” Lyric didn’t argue with him on that point. “I am so afraid of hurting you again. I watch every word I say, even if I’m teasing, because I’m afraid you’ll take it the wrong way. I’m afraid to touch you, afraid that you’ll pull away from me – I don’t think I could stand that.”

“So you don’t touch me at all – and it makes me think you don’t want me.”

Howie groaned, picking up Lyric’s shirt from the floor next to him. “Ricky, I want you so bad that I can’t sleep at night. I don’t know how I even get any work done because all I do is think of you.” He buried his face in the shirt, breathing in the scent of her. “Every time I reach for you, I pull back because I’m afraid you’ll reject me.”

“It’s not me doing the rejecting,” she said. “Over the last two years, how many times have you kissed me and then pushed me away like a leper? And now you tell me you love me, but I don’t see it in your eyes, don’t feel it in your kisses.”

Lyric opened her eyes, turning her head to meet his gaze. Howie’s seat on the floor put him at the same eye level.

“Is there someone else, Howie? Because I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or feel like you have to be with me because of what happened. Or because of the baby.”

Howie didn’t like the way Lyric’s eyes had turned the color of glacial ice. They only did that when she was highly emotional.

“Oh God, no, Lyric. There is no one else, I swear to God.” He got up and started pacing the tiny bathroom, it only took three strides to cross from door to window. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us…”

“And what conclusion did you come to?” Lyric asked, her voice cold.

“I want to spend my life with you, to love you forever…but I can’t promise you that I’ll never slip up, never have another drink, never hurt you again.” He sat back down next to the tub, as close as he could get. Lyric could see the pain in his eyes. “I can’t offer you the marriage that you deserve, the husband that you deserve.”

“I don’t want a perfect husband or the perfect marriage, Howie. I want a man who loves me with all his heart, a man who will do his very best – even if that means being imperfect.” She reached out and touched his cheek, her hand covered in bubbles. Howie could hear the tiny popping sounds. “We all make mistakes, we have to forgive and move forward.”

“Will you forgive the huge mistake I just made?”

Lyric looked into his big brown eyes, she could read the regret in them. How could she ever stay mad at him when he looked at her like that?

“I don’t know…” she said, teasing him.

“Maybe this will change your mind.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a little box. He balanced it on the edge of the tub, Lyric didn’t move to open it.

“Is that a bribe? Did you pick it up on your way here this afternoon?” Lyric was skeptical.

“Do you remember my second day home from rehab?”

“Yes, you disappeared for an entire afternoon. I wasn’t sure what kind of trouble you might’ve been getting into.”

“You were relieved when I came home, nice and sober.” He smiled at the memory. “But angry when I wouldn’t tell you where I’d been.”

“Mm, I do remember that.” She blushed at the thought, ashamed that she’d thought the worst of him that day.

“I was out shopping for that,” he said, indicating the box. “Marta and I spent the afternoon deciding on the perfect stone for the ring I wanted. She then flew to Brazil to handpick the rough stone, then took it to New York to have it cut by an expert. When she got back, we sat down together and designed the setting because I wanted it to be perfect for you.”

“What is it?” Lyric whispered. Howie smiled gently at her, Lyric finally saw the love shining in his eyes once again.

“A small token of my esteem – that comes with a very important question.” He smiled again when he saw Lyric’s eyes grow big. “Lyric, I love you with all of my heart. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Howie picked up the box and opened it, showing her the contents. Inside was a ring that took Lyric’s breath away. A large cushion cut, rose colored gem was flanked on each side by four diamonds. Lyric had never seen a more beautiful ring in the world.

“The imperial topaz is one of the rarest gems in the world. The rose color is the most rare of all – just like you.”

Lyric could only stare at him with her mouth hanging open. She was having trouble breathing, her heart pounding.

Howie was getting anxious, she still hadn’t answered his question. “So…is that a yes or a no?” he said gently, reaching out to touch her face.

“I don’t know…” she stammered, finally tearing her eyes away from the brilliant ring. She reached out a shaking hand and closed the box, leaving the ring inside.

“Why?” Howie asked, his voice trembling. He hadn’t expected that answer from her. “Don’t you love me?”

“Of course I do! But this proposal isn’t because of the baby, right?”

“No, not at all. During rehab, all I could do was think of you. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’d have me.” He took a deep breath, willing himself to remain calm. “I am so happy about being a father – but I realize that it’s your decision, and…and I’ll accept whatever you decide.”

Lyric could see the fear in his face, felt his hand trembling in hers. “I loved my father and he betrayed us in every way possible. I cannot put my child in that situation.”

“I’m not your father,” Howie whispered. “I swear I won’t ever betray you like that.” Howie felt her slipping away from him, desperation rose in his soul.

“But you’re a musician, Howie. You go out on tour, the girls throw themselves at you. The temptations are all there – women, alcohol, and drugs. Alex told me how it is.”

“So what does that mean – about us being together? About getting married? And the baby?” Howie hated the quiver in his voice.

“I have to be sure, Howie. I hope you understand.”

“You don’t want to abort the baby, do you?” Howie was close to tears. “Please…”

“Of course not! This baby – it’s part of us both, I’d never throw that away.” Relief flooded Howie’s face. “Even though she…”

“…or he,” Howie added.

“…wasn’t conceived in the manner that I’d hoped for, I still want this baby more than anything.” Lyric laid back in the tub, resting her head against the rim and closing her eyes. “I told you the story of my parents to warn you how warped I am, Howie. I don’t know if I can ever trust again.” Lyric wanted to be completely honest with him, this was too important an issue.

“And that same night, I confessed to you that I didn’t think that I could ever really love a woman.” He sighed deeply. “And yet here I am, so totally in love with you. I have no second thoughts whatsoever about asking you to share my life forever. Doesn’t that reassure you that things can change?”

“Yes, but…”

“No buts, Lyric. It is not you who is warped, it was your father. He used people, gained their trust, and then betrayed them. It didn’t matter if he hurt anyone as long as he got what he wanted.” He leaned over so that his face was only inches from Lyric’s. “I will bare my soul to you, whatever you wish to know, just so I can prove to you that I am not a user, that I won’t betray you.”

“What about Hilary and Orchid?” Lyric demanded. She already knew that Howie hadn’t been sleeping with them, but he didn’t know that. What she wanted to know was why he allowed her to think that he had been.

Howie laughed out loud. “Oh god, Lyric. I swear to you that I never, ever slept with them. They were using me as a cover. Hilary is the most well known exotic dancer in the area – but how many men would pay to see her dance if they knew she was a lesbian? Orchid was her lover, they pretended I was their boyfriend so that they could meet without arousing any suspicions. Hilary would rather eat glass than sleep with a man.”

“So why did you let them use you that way?”

“At first I thought it was funny, then I realized that they were using me. I couldn’t get rid of them and that annoyed me. But then I figured out that I could use them to my own benefit.”

“You…were using them? How?” Lyric was skeptical.

“I wanted to be with you, Ricky, but I’d made a promise to myself that…” Howie’s voice broke, he took a deep breath before finishing. “…that I would never again sleep with a woman unless I loved her. I had strong feelings for you, but I had no clue what real love felt like, so I wasn’t sure that what I was feeling was love. So I used them as an excuse, as a buffer zone between you and me.”

“Because you knew that I wouldn’t hang around if they were there because I disliked them so much.”

“Exactly. Having you near me was torture, I wanted to take you in my arms and make love to you – but I couldn’t do that. I refused to use you like I had used other women before.”

“But you didn’t keep your promise after all…” Lyric reminded him gently.

“And I regret that night so deeply, Lyric. When I saw what I had done to you, I wanted to die. You stayed with me through that insanity, kept me safe. I hurt the one person who I loved with all of my heart – but I was just too stupid to see it.”

Howie leaned back against the toilet, closed his eyes. “You may not believe it, but I fell in love with you the very first time I saw you.” He laughed softly. “Despite the frumpy suit that was two sizes too big for you, despite your gorgeous hair all pulled back into a bun, despite the wariness I could see in your eyes. I’d have offered you twice that amount to get you to work for me.” He sighed, then opened his eyes. “I felt something for you then, like you were meant to be in my life. But I didn’t believe in love at first sight, so I ignored every feeling, pushed you away and pretended that I felt nothing.”

“I felt that too, at our first meeting,” Lyric admitted. “That’s why I agreed to work for you, despite all my misgivings about musicians. It didn’t matter how much you offered me, I felt like I had to be with you too.”

“God, we wasted so much time!” Howie sighed.

“No, it wasn’t wasted. We had lessons to learn first, before we could accept what our hearts already knew.” Lyric picked up the ring box and opened it, gazing down at the gleaming jewels. She then looked Howie in the eyes, her gaze never wavering. “I believe in you, believe in our love and that everything will work out.” She took the ring out of the box and slid it on her left hand ring finger, it fit perfectly.

“You can trust me with your life,” Howie whispered, tears in his eyes.

Lyric grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her body as she stood up. They stood looking into each other’s eyes for a long moment. “Will you make love to me?” Lyric finally asked, breaking the silence.

“It would be my pleasure,” he sighed. Lyric stepped from the tub and led him to the bedroom just steps away.

“I’ve been dreaming of this for a long time,” she whispered as she lay back on the bed, the towel still wrapped around her, feeling suddenly shy.

Howie knelt at the foot of the bed, his eyes intense. He kissed the arch of her foot, making her giggle softly. Slowly his lips inched upwards, tasting the soft skin of her inner leg and then thigh. Lyric sighed, feeling the fire build within her.

When he reached the apex of her legs, Howie moved the towel aside to reveal a neatly trimmed triangle of dark hair. He pressed an ardent kiss to the mound, Lyric gasped as pleasure shot through her.

“May I taste you?” Howie asked, his voice husky. When she looked perplexed, he laughed softly at himself. “I’m sorry, I forget that this is your first time…” He explained what he wanted to do, Lyric shivered in anticipation and then agreed.

At the first touch of his tongue against her sensitive center, Lyric moaned in pleasure. “Oh god, don’t stop…that is amazing!” Howie smiled as she writhed at his ministrations, his mouth and fingers pleasing her until she climaxed. She lay panting, aftershocks jolting her for several minutes afterwards.

Lyric pushed up on her elbows, looking down at Howie, still laying between her legs. “Pretty proud of yourself, huh?” she asked, willing her heart to stop racing.

“I aim to please…and I did please you, right?”

“Hell yeah,” she said with a grin. Howie laughed, Lyric rarely swore.

“Let’s see what else I can kiss,” he murmured, pulling the towel off of her body and tossing it onto the floor.

“Be my guest,” she said, smiling. “I’m all yours.”

As he turned back towards her, he stopped short. “What the hell?” he asked, discovering the tattoo on her hip. “When did you get this?”

Lyric sighed. “The same time I got the butterfly, when I lost that bet to Alex. I was a little drunk and agreed to a second tattoo. I let him pick what he wanted and where…”

“I’m gonna kill the bastard,” Howie said, laughing so hard he fell off the bed.

“What’s so funny?”

He stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. He unzipped his jeans and let them fall to the floor, standing in front of her in his boxers.

“Before you came back on tour, we had a night off in Vancouver. I went out drinking with those people.” Howie never referred to them as his friends anymore, he knew better now. “Alex came along, I think to keep an eye on me. I was drunk and high, I made a foolish bet with him…”

“And lost,” Lyric interrupted with a smile.

“Of course. You’d think I’d have learned by now that you rarely win a bet with that bastard.” Howie grinned sheepishly, then pulled down the waistband of his boxers. “This is the result of the losing bet.”

Lyric crawled over and sat on the end of the bed, leaning over to get a better view. Howie had a tattoo on his left hip, identical to the one on her right hip - the Chinese symbols for ‘soul mate.’

She leaned over and kissed the tattoo, then eased his boxers to the ground. She pushed him gently down on the bed, then climbed on top of him, stretching her body so they touched along the entire length. “You realize that when we are laying together, the tattoos touch,” she said with a smile.

“I can see that,” Howie said, groaning as Lyric wiggled on top of him. “I bet Alex is feeling pretty smug about it too.”

“Naturally.” Lyric kissed him, reveling in the heady feeling it gave her. “While I was getting the tattoo, he leaned over and whispered in my ear that you and I would be together forever.”

“He’s a smart son of a bitch,” Howie admitted. “He knew long ago what we couldn’t see.”

“Just don’t tell him that. He’s already got a big enough head as it is.” Howie agreed. “I thought you said there was no way you’d ever get a tattoo.”

“Mm, well, I was a little…medicated…at the time.” Howie blushed, he was ashamed of how he had acted.

“I think it’s sexy as hell,” she purred, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. His hands roamed over her backside, loving the soft perfection of her skin.

“Maybe I could get more…”

“Uh no, I think one’s plenty,” she laughed softly. “Leave the tatts to Alex.”

“You don’t think Alex is sexy?” Howie asked.

“He has his own unique sex appeal,” Lyric admitted. “But since the day I first looked into those puppy dog eyes of yours, I’ve seen no one else who comes close to you.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Howie whispered in her ear. He rolled them over so that he now was on top. “Are you ready for me?”

“I’ve been ready for a long time,” she said against his lips, opening her legs to give him access.

“Tell me if you want to stop…” Howie said, not knowing if he actually could.

“Like hell I will,” she quipped.

“What a mouth you have on you, Ricky!” Howie teased. “Where’d you learn to talk like that?”

“Duh! Alex would make a sailor blush, and you aren’t much better.” She laughed at his mock hurt face. “I’ll show you just what this mouth can do…” Lyric pulled his head down for a passionate kiss.

Very slowly Howie entered her, amazed at the tightness and warmth. Lyric moaned, deepening the kiss until they both were breathless.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered. “I want more!”

“Greedy, aren’t you?” Howie smiled down at her. “It will be my pleasure to give you all I have.” With a tenderness that he hadn’t known he possessed, Howie made love to her, slowly and gently, building the suspense until they tumbled over the edge into oblivion.

Afterwards, as they lay in each other’s arms, he stroked her face. “I hope I pleased you,” he whispered.

“Very much so,” she whispered back, still tingling from head to toe. “God, I love you.”

“I love you,” he said, his hand moving down to stroke her belly, which showed a barely perceptible bulge. “And I love our baby too.”

**********

Two weeks later, Lyric found herself standing on the pure white sands of Matangi Island Resort, a horseshoe shaped private island in Fiji. As the waves gently broke on the sandy shore, they proclaimed their love for each other as the sun set in the distance.

Around their necks, flower leis gave off a soft scent. Lyric couldn’t hold back the tears, as she wiped at hers she saw Howie was also teary eyed. The minister proclaimed them man and wife, Howie took her in his arms and kissed her.

After the ceremony, they stood on the beach for a long time, holding hands. Neither one spoke, words seemed unnecessary. Finally Howie turned towards their bure, a private Fijian style bungalow just steps from the ocean.

“Are you going to make love to me?” Lyric asked, suddenly feeling shy.

“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away from you,” he said with a wicked grin. “We’re legal now, my wife. And I intend to take full advantage as my status of husband.”

“You’d better,” she whispered, slipping the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door as she shut it firmly behind them.