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Before Lyric knew it, her one year anniversary with Howie came and went. For the past eight months, the group had been working on a new album. Lyric flew with them to Sweden for two weeks, her first overseas visit.

Howie was often gone several weeks at a time, sometimes leaving her behind. She used the time to spruce up her house – she bought new furniture, replaced all the appliances and painted. She wished her mother could see how cute the house looked.

As she got to know the other members of the band, she grew to love all of them. They each had their own special quirks but before long she felt like a member of their extended family.

Lyric had also grown to love Howie’s family too. He often sent her to pick them up at the airport when they came to visit. She had been to their home in Florida as well, the family was as gracious and kind as her boss.

When her cell phone rang, Lyric wasn’t surprised to see the call was from Momma D. She often called Lyric when she couldn’t get Howie to answer his phone.

“What’s up, mi mama?” she asked. Lyric felt like Paula was her second mom, the woman treated her like a daughter instead of her son’s employee.

“I need to reach Howie as soon as possible,” Momma D said.

“Is something wrong? You sound upset.”

“I really need to talk to him. Do you know where he is?” Momma D sounded like she’d been crying, but Lyric didn’t want to pry.

“The fellas are doing a little last minute recording,” Lyric said. The album was nearly complete, their studio time now was mainly to put finishing touches to songs already recorded. “I can interrupt him…”

“No, that’s not necessary. Don’t have him call until he gets home…and be sure to stay with him, ok?”

Lyric didn’t like the sound of that request. When people said that, really bad news usually followed. “It will probably be in the middle of the night when he’s done,” Lyric cautioned.

“I don’t care, I don’t think I’ll be getting any sleep tonight anyway.”

Lyric hung up the phone with a heavy heart. Something bad was about to happen, she could feel it in her gut. She hoped Howie would have the strength to deal with whatever it was.

It was 3 am when Lyric delivered the message. Howie spent just a few minutes on the phone, then hung up. Tears were running down his face.

She sat down on the couch next to him, and pulled him into her arms. She didn’t ask what was wrong, if he wanted her to know he’d tell her. What he needed now was someone to hold him.

Lyric had never seen this much emotion in him before, he usually held things in. Deep sobs wracked his body, though few tears flowed, he had cried them out already.

“It’s so not fair,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

“What’s not fair?” Lyric asked softly.

“That the good ones are taken from us before we’re ready to let them go.”

Lyric smoothed his hair, it was standing every which way. “It happens all too often.”

“His cancer is back, and it’s not treatable. He can’t win this battle.”

“Who, sweetheart?”

“My dad.”

Lyric knew Howie’s father had battled cancer several years earlier, but hadn’t known that it could come back. “I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“I have to leave in the morning. I need to be with my family.”

“Of course. I’ll see what I can do to clear out your schedule.” She started to get up but he pulled her back down.

“Please don’t go,” he whispered. “I need…I need you to hold me.”

Lyric felt herself drowning in his eyes, bottomless pools of puppy dog brown. She pulled him into her arms again, holding him tightly. She knew what it was like to lose a parent, to suddenly have to face their mortality when you thought that they would live forever.

“My mom, she died of cancer,” Lyric said softly.

“I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”

“She never told me it was terminal. I watched her die, three long years she fought it.” Lyric felt the tears come to her eyes. “Then one day she was gone, just like that.”

“You didn’t have any warning?” Howie looked up at her, tears in his eyes too.

“No. She didn’t want to burden me.” She wiped at her eyes. “I never got to say goodbye,” she whispered, then couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. He held her while she cried, finally letting out the pain she’d been holding in for so long.

“I’m sorry, Ricky…” Howie finally understood now where all the pain in her soul had come from – being abandoned by both of her parents, both choosing to leave her without the finality of a goodbye.

Without thinking, he was kissing her, his lips soft, almost questioning. He laid her back on the couch, laying on top of her.

“I shouldn’t do this – but I can’t help it…” he whispered.

Lyric stroked his face with gentle fingertips, his cheeks wet with tears. She wished there was something she could do to ease his pain.

Howie unclipped her hair, letting it fall, fanning like a curtain of silk over the couch. He buried his hands in the mass, pulled her head back to gain access to her neck.

Lyric shivered as his kisses trailed down her throat, his lips warm. He recaptured her mouth, demanding entrance. Her lips parted, allowing his tongue full access. She’d never been kissed like this before, the feeling sent her pulse racing as he explored.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, kissing the valley at the base of her neck and then exploring lower. Lyric wondered if Howie had changed his mind, she prayed it was so. She dreamed of his kisses, of his touch, of the taste of his mouth.

“Kiss me again,” she whispered, and he gladly obliged. Lyric’s heart was pounding, her senses reeling. Never before had she experienced such desire.

As Howie broke off the kiss, Lyric heard a ringing in her ears. It took a moment for her to realize it was his cell phone. He reached down to pick it up off the floor where it had fallen.

“I’ll be there tomorrow,” was all he said, then hung up. Lyric could see the pain and sorrow in his eyes. A teardrop fell onto her cheek, she didn’t wipe it away.

“I’m sorry for this, sweetheart. I know I promised not to touch you again…but damn, you’re irresistible,” he said, then kissed her once more gently before he went into his room and shut the door.

“Not again,” she sighed. “I don’t know why I stay.” She went to her bedroom but it was a long while before she fell into a dreamless sleep.

When Lyric woke the next morning, Howie was already gone. He’d left without even saying goodbye.

A note on the table read: “Clear my schedule, text me if there is anything you can’t cancel.” It was cold and impersonal, not even signed, a slap in the face after the tenderness he’d shown her the night before. She hoped she hadn’t been this cruel to Matt when he’d tried to comfort her after her mother died.

She wondered if it had been the kiss – had she done something wrong? Had he regretted kissing her? Or did he just not want to face her? She felt confused and a little humiliated – she thought he was coming to care for her. Perhaps she was wrong about that, maybe he considered her just an employee after all.

Lyric spent the next three days making phone calls and sending emails, trying to rearrange his schedule to allow him time to spend with his family. Most people were understanding of his situation and rescheduled without any problem.

However, some recording sessions couldn’t be rescheduled because of contractual issues with the producers. To minimize his time away from his family, Howie would fly in and return as quickly as possible. He would rent a car at the airport, spend 12 or 15 hours in the studio, then fly back out without even stopping at home.

Lyric didn’t even know when he was coming for sure, he didn’t share his flight information. He wouldn’t answer his phone, only responding to text messages. Lyric could understand the agony he and his family must be going through, but she couldn’t understand his resistance to talking to her, or even letting her know how things were going with the family.

“Momma D? Sorry to bother you, I can call back later if this is a bad time…”

“No, Lyric, it’s ok. How are you?”

“Worried about you and Howie. He won’t talk to me.”

“He’s taking this really hard, Hoke is his idol, his inspiration.” Paula’s voice broke softly. “He’s been the cornerstone to the family for so long, I just don’t know what we’re going to do without him.”

“I wish I was there to give you a big hug, mi mama. I feel so bad being here when I could be there to support you.” Lyric felt the tears come to her eyes. “I don’t know why Howie doesn’t want me there, why he won’t talk to me.”

“I don’t know either, mi hija. I will call you in a couple of days, ok? I have to go.”

“Te quiero, mi mama.”

Three weeks later, Hoke passed away in his sleep. Lyric was glad that he had a peaceful passing, with his family by his side. She wished she’d been with her mother, instead her mom had died all alone.

Howie’s sister Angie texted her the funeral information, Howie hadn’t had the decency to even let her know that. Lyric booked her ticket, using her own money, and arrived the afternoon of the viewing.

She approached the coffin, it was only her second time to witness death so closely, so personally. Hoke had always been kind to her, treated her like a daughter. He’d been the only true father figure in her life, and she was going to miss him greatly.

“What are you doing here?” Lyric looked up into Howie’s big brown eyes, wiping the tears from her face. “I didn’t invite you.”

“Paying my respects to a man I admired and loved,” Lyric responded, hurt by the tone in his voice.

“Howard!” Momma D admonished him. “Lyric is family, she has every right to be here. I’m ashamed of how you’ve been treating her.”

Howie walked away without a word. “It’s ok, mi mama. I’m here for you, for the rest of the family, even if he doesn’t want me here.”

“I think Howard is a little loco right now,” Momma D said. “Please forgive him.” She hugged Lyric and thanked her for coming.

Lyric tried to stay out of Howie’s way for the next two days. She could see that his grief was overwhelming, she wanted to comfort him – but he wouldn’t even look at her.

She flew back home the day after the funeral, not wanting to get in the way as the family continued to mourn. She still didn’t hear anything from Howie, she continued to clear his schedule for him until she heard otherwise.

Lyric was sitting at his desk, paying bills, when she realized she wasn’t alone. Howie stood in the doorway.

“Hey, how are you?” she asked softly.

“Fine,” he replied, not meeting her eyes.

“You don’t look fine, boss.” Howie had huge circles under his eyes, he’d lost weight even.

“I’ll be ok, quit fussing. You’re as bad as my mother.” Howie sounded cross.

Lyric looked at her watch, it was close to dinner time. “Are you hungry? I have a pizza coming.”

“No thanks. I’m just going to go lay down for a bit. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He went into his bedroom and closed the door.

Lyric ate a slice of the pizza and left the rest in the fridge for Howie. She didn’t know if he’d eat any, but at least it was there for him.

She approached the house with some trepidation the next morning – would the old Howie or the new one be there to greet her?

“Good morning,” Howie said, smiling, as she entered the kitchen. “Did you bring donuts?”