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Chapter 19

I woke up the next morning a little sore from the fall but mostly just nauseous. I hurried to the bathroom and emptied my stomach before returning back to bed with a groan. I stretched my arm expecting to bump Josh but it swept over an empty bed instead. I squinted in the morning light from the window and slowly took in the sight of a folded piece of paper where Josh had been last night. I picked it up and read it quietly

“Babe I had to get out and do some work but you were sleeping so peacefully that I decided not to wake you. Meet me for lunch around noon at the arena?” I read though a yawn. I glanced at the clock – 11:00 – and decided I should shower and try to look presentable for lunch after the disaster that was last night. After much primping and fussing I was feeling much better so I made my way down to the lobby in some black sparkling leggings, red pumps, and a plaid button up that hugged my curves in a casual way. My hair was curled and cascading off of my shoulders and my make up was subtle except for some bright red lipstick. I headed for the door of the hotel and saw I had two people waiting for me. On one side of the door was Camie motioning for me to come over and on the other was Aj looking uncomfortable but giving me a look that clearly suggested a need to talk to me. I contemplated both options and then walked to Camie

“Hey! What’s going on?” Camie asked as I approached and I could feel Aj’s disapproval piercing through my back

“Not much, just about to meet Josh for some lunch at the arena. Want to come and meet some techie boys?” I asked knowing boy crazy Camie could never turn down such an offer

“I knew I could count on you for entertainment. Let’s do it” She said with a grin following me to the door

“Kat, can we talk?” Aj yelled to my retreating back

“Nope” Camie answered quickly before I could while pulling me out the door

“Bitch” I said elbowing her playfully as she grinned

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” She said as I rolled my eyes at her and we started making our way towards the arena “So can I talk to you girl to girl?”

“You mean as opposed to talking dog to boy? Sure” I joked as Camie giggled

“So you’ve got this thing you do. Where you wear your heart on your sleeve and that’s great and everything” Camie began

“Thanks?” I joked

“But it makes you a really easy target for say… people like me” She explained

“Ok…”

“I just think if you defaulted less to the weak and sensitive young thing and more to the… well… in your words…bitch… you might be taken more seriously” She said as I pondered

“Camie I can’t change who I am” I started but she interrupted

“I’m not saying you should change who you are. I’m just suggesting a little change of attitude. Just try a little more tough outer shell and a little less crying. I mean when have you ever seen me cry?” I thought back to my parent’s death anniversary and decided not to bring that up

“I guess I haven’t” I lied and she grinned

“So would you rather be hurt and crying all the time or can I give you a few lessons on how to take care of yourself and make sure that you’re the badass in charge?” She asked and I paused. I was sick of being hurt and spending all my time crying and pining over something that was lost. I was definitely sick of being coddled by my sister. Maybe if I could prove that I was a capable person then some of it would sink in and I could get some confidence. Maybe if I worked at it hard enough I could even let go of Aj and really give myself to Josh.

“What harm can it do?” I conceded as Camie grinned

“Perfect. We’re going to a bar after lunch” She said happily

“But we have a show tonight” I said as she rolled her eyes at me

“Kat you’re a phenomenal dancer, you know the moves, you’re young and in shape, and I’ll get us back in time”

“But-”

“Do you want to be the head bitch in charge or not?” She asked turning and taking me by the shoulders. She stared into my eyes with such ferocity and excitement at the prospect of adventure that I had to give in

“Ok, ok. As long as we’re back in time to stretch and re-focus”

“There’s my girl. Now where’s your boy?” She asked as we approached the arena. I looked up knowing Josh would be swinging around the scaffolding somewhere until I located a familiar mop of brown hair

“Where’s my boyfriend!?” I shouted playfully and was answered by a short laugh as Josh started a quick descent

“Right here my girlfriend” He said landing a few feet away

“Camie’s here too. I promised I’d introduce her to some of your guys” I said as Josh nodded

“Of course you can. Come on let’s go to the lunch table and you can meet everyone” Josh said taking my hand and kissing me swiftly on the cheek. I motioned for Camie to follow us and we made our way to the opposite side of the stage where a bunch of the guys I had briefly met through helping Josh with lights were seated. They looked up as we approached clearly not used to girls around the work place.

“Hey everyone I’m Kat and this is Camie. We’re dancers on the tour” I said cheerfully as Camie scanned the boys like a lioness scans gazelle for the young and weak. I stifled a laugh

“Hey boys, can I sit here?” She asked sexily as she slid in between two incredibly hot guys who moved eagerly to accommodate her

“She’s not shy” Josh commented with a smirk

“Nope” I said leading him to the opening at the far end of the table “So how has your day been”

“Good. Better now that you’re here” He said giving my hand a squeeze causing my heart to warm. We had a good time eating and joking with the guys who were pretty smitten with Camie. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her so happy or at ease and that made me smile. Her advice was questionable but watching the ease at which she took the attention of the room was a fairly convincing argument. What harm was there in trying to be more like that?

“Alright boys we have to run. If any of you are done with work and want to join us we’re going to a pub to prepare for the show” Camie announced with a wink to me. A few guys looked around and then stood up to join Camie and I looked to Josh

“How is the lighting grid looking?” I asked Josh as he looked thoughtfully up at the scaffolding

“Not as good as you” He said focusing back on me with a spark of adventure in his eyes “But it’ll do”

“You’re the best” I said kissing him softly on the lips

“Come on love birds we’re going” Camie said from the center of a group of five guys

“We’re coming” I called without looking away from Josh’s eyes that were so full of excitement and light “You’re adorable”

“Just trying to keep up with you bright eyes” Josh said happily as I smiled and allowed him to pull us after the group. We grabbed a cab and Camie gave the driver quick directions to a generic pub. Josh had a beer and I contemplated the drink list

“Kat do some shots with me” Camie called

“Cam we have a show in four hours” I objected

“Ok four shots then. Who else is in?” Camie asked as the group of guys around her cheered and the bartender began pouring the liquor

“That’s not what I meant” I said quietly as Camie pulled me away from Josh’s side and into the chaos. Four shots later Josh was finally able to pull me aside

“We should get going” He said steadying me

“What time is it?” I slurred as he checked his watch

“About an hour before the show” He said and panic began to run slowly through all the alcohol in my system

“Cam, we have to go” I yelled to the red head relaying a story to the bar

“Alright girlie just a few parting shots and we’re out” She said and I shrugged knowing it was impossible to argue with her. I clinked glasses with her and downed something clear before heading out and hailing a cab. The ride went quickly and Josh walked me to the door to back stage

“See you after the show?” He asked sweetly as I bit my lip

“I wish I could just take you back to the hotel right now” I said seductively pressing myself against him

“Me too” He said with a groan. I leaned in and made out passionately with him until I heard my name and pulled back reluctantly

“Jesus we were worried! Have you been out here doing that this whole time?” Mollee asked with a grin

“For a while” I said trying with all my might to enunciate so she wouldn’t know I was drunk

“Well come on Booger let’s get you to hair and makeup. Josh” She said nodding to him

“Sorry Mollee” He said bashfully

“Young love. What can you do?” She said happily taking my hand and leading me into the make-up room “Who would have thought my little sister would be late to a call because she was making out with a boy? My baby girl is growing up!”

“I’m not a baby” I said with Camie’s words in my head “But I’m sorry I’m late”

“No worries” She said

“Why are you so happy?” I asked while being attacked by hair people

“Oh I just like to see you moving on. And Aj might have caught some of the show and the look on his face was priceless” She said as my drunken mind mildly processed a feeling of worry

“I see” I said not trusting myself to say much else lest she find out how drunk I was. When I was done in the chair I changed quickly into my clothes and stretched a bit while gulping down water so I could try to sober up.

By the time we said our prayer and were heading to our starting places I was coherent but still a little tipsy. I stood behind Aj praying he wouldn’t try to talk to me because if anyone would be able to tell the state I was in it would be him but he was focusing pretty hard on the screen in front of him. I wondered briefly about that before he stepped through the curtain and then the music cue for my entrance was being played. I took deep breath and parted the screen discreetly while focusing all my attention on the music. I figured that if I looked down at the dizzying height of the stairs then I’d fall and this time it would be in front of an audience. As I pondered that I felt Mollee poke my back from behind me and I jumped in step with Sophie who had started moving on time and was thus a few steps ahead of me.

“You ok?” Mollee whispered as I nodded yes and we took our places in sexy poses on the stairs. The intro played through and I approached Aj a little off balance so I had to use the first step to brace myself against him and he gave me a weird look. I tried to brush it off and let my dancer’s instinct take over but it was like forcing a stubborn toddler into action. Every time I would get into the grove my foot would wobble or my ankle would twist and I’d end up a step behind and racing to catch up to an ever more concerned Aj. I stumbled a bit in the few moves I had with Brian and he giggled at me which set me a bit more at ease. It’s not like the audience could tell there was anything wrong. Maybe I was just being paranoid and Aj was just being over protective.

“Kat” I heard behind me as I ran off stage left for a costume change

“What?” I answered quickly without turning so I could still get into the next outfit

“What the hell are you doing out there?” Aj was right behind me and I could feel his concern thinly masked by annoyance.

“Dancing, which is more than I can say for you” Ooh harsh. Camie would be proud

“Excuse me? I’m not the one stumbling around the stage like an idiot” He said angrily. I stripped to my underwear as quickly as I could and turned to face him so my quick change stage hand could fix my hair

“Well maybe I would look less like an idiot if I had a capable partner” I shot back. Man that last drink had made me confrontational

“What is wrong with you?” Aj asked quietly trying to look deep into my eyes. I quickly looked away while a dress was pulled over my head and I used that distraction to side step around Aj and out of his accusatory stare

“Leave me alone” I shot over my shoulder as I ran to my next entrance. Over the show I sobered up a bit and was pretty much back to normal by bows. I had a few missed steps but nothing too bad. It seemed the only one to notice anything was off was Aj and of course he was waiting for me outside the arena after I had changed as I attempted to meet Josh

“Kat” He said as I tried to sneak past him.

“What?” I asked innocently. I was in no mood to be lectured. It may not have been the smartest move to drink so much so close to show time but nothing bad had come from it so I wasn’t about to feel bad about having a good time and still managing to do my job

“Are you drunk?” He asked seriously

“Nope” I said truthfully. Not anymore.

“Were you drunk on stage tonight?” He asked as if a family member had died and he was the one who had to deliver the news

“Aj give it a rest. You’re not my mother” I said attempting to walk away from him

“No but she’d be pretty disappointed in you if she had seen you tonight” My blood began to boil but I tried to keep it under control

“Don’t you ever talk about my mother like that ever again” I said calmly but with enough venom that he actually took a step back

“I’m sorry but you won’t listen to me unless we’re fighting so I had to do something. Kat what were you thinking? This is your dream! Do you want to get fired?” Aj asked trying to take my hand and drill a hole through my brand new wall of badass

“This is not worth my time” I said pulling my hand away and walking quickly in the direction of the hotel Josh was staying in. I heard Aj call my name a few times but I ignored it pretty successfully and managed to get into the hotel room and into the shower before I had to register any of my guilt. I heard the door to the hotel room open and shut while I blinked the tears out of my eyes and watched them fall with the water down the drain

“Hey babe” Josh yelled from the door. I shook my head to try and rid it of the pit of guilt that had settled in but it didn’t help. “Can I come in?” I prepared myself for the answer that no just because you’re my boyfriend now doesn’t mean you can take showers with me but I stopped myself short. The only way I could ignore my mounting guilt was to plunge into this new attitude and really commit.

“Only if you take off all your clothes” I said sexily. Oh to hell with it.