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I cautiously steal a glance at him while we drive my rented car through the Chicago streets. I’m not really sure where we are going, but I’m glad I didn’t let him wonder off alone. Maybe I should have paid more attention to him this past few months, but all of our attention got sucked up by my cousin so much, I didn’t even think to be concerned about Nick. Of course, when he suddenly declared he’d had enough and was moving back in with his mom, some alarm bells should have gone off. But then again, it wasn’t Nick we were constantly getting police statements about.

I’ve stopped wondering where my cousin has gone wrong a long time ago. Because the more I think about it, the more it doesn’t add up, and all in all, it’s just a very questionable cause. For example, Brian hasn’t asked a soul for help, where Nick and even AJ have done in the past whenever they were in deep trouble. Of course I know my cousin is a very stubborn man, it kind of runs in the family, I guess, but this whole thing goes far beyond stubborn. This almost bridges on psychosis, and the thing that really bothers me is that there seems no clear, no real cause for his behaviour.

The late night phone call I received last night was one of the strangest I’ve ever had. Nick had sounded breathy, not at all like himself and I almost wanted to hang up because I didn’t recognize the caller ID. Unfortunately, before I could do so, Nick rushed a very vague story about being in Chicago and having done something incredibly stupid. I didn’t have much choice but to fly all the way to Chicago and to start scouring pretty much every motel in the neighbourhood of the airport. With incredible luck, I found an indication of Nicks signature at one of the motels at the front desk after only four hours.

Damn, Chicago has many motels.

“You okay there?” I question for what seems like the millionth time since we’ve been in the car. I’m still not sure what I have to believe when it comes to the several needles I found in his room. He’s told me time and time again that it’s not what I think it is. That he has been drugged by someone else, that he never ever has the intention to use anymore. But really, how much security can I get from those words? Should I really just give him the benefit of the doubt?

“Yeah,” Nick nods tiredly, “I just can’t seem to remember which motel he drove us to.”

“Awesome,” I mutter, “Which reminds me to ask, who are we exactly talking about here?”

“He, he’s… - we’ve been working together,” Nick replies reluctantly.

“Is he the one that drugged you?” I question, frowning in concern.

“N-no, I drugged him… it’s…” he sighs in desperation, “It’s complicated.”

“Right,” I nod, “You know, I called your wife,” I say, turning my attention back to the road.

Nick’s eyes widen and he clenches his jaw, “And?”

“Took me a whole lot to convince her not to go with me, she’s worried sick. So is your mom.” He scoffs without replying and I shake my head, “AJ had a shit fit when you didn’t show up in Indiana. I thought you told him you’d come?”

He shrugs, “Something got in the way.”

“Which brings me to another point, how’d you even get here?” I ask.

“Well, what do you think?” Nick snaps in irritation, “I drove, obviously.”

“Oh obviously,” I comment, pausing for a second, “then where’s your car?”

“Br- Thom must have taken it,” he sighs, leaning back to rub his face. “It’s been a real long night.”

“Thom the one that drugged you?” I try again, getting pretty tired of playing twenty questions with my former bandmate.

“Y-yeah. I shouldn’t have trusted him. He’s not… not what he seems,” Nick mutters and suddenly shoots up, pointing his finger, “There, there! Turn left!”

I frown, but do as he says as I pull up at a crappy looking motel. “What are we going to do here?” I sigh, not moving as I watch Nick jump out of the car, overly excited.

“With a little luck, he’s probably still inside. It’s pretty heavy stuff you know, could bring a horse down.”

“You mean the guy you drugged,” I comment, shaking my head. I almost smile to myself as it gets stranger and stranger by the second.

“Yeah, Roland… or… I call him Roland,” he states as he slams the passenger door closed.

“Hmm,” I muse, finally getting out of the car as well, “I had a dog named Roland once. When I was a kid.” I’m not really sure why I’m sharing this random information, but it seems to strike a chord within Nick as he instantly halts, his whole body tensing, and turns at me with wide, shock-filled eyes.

What did you just say?” he questions breathlessly.

“Uhm… I had a dog named Roland as a kid?” I reply, dumbfounded, “Why, what does that matter?”

“Y-, How-… N-nothing,” Nick mumbles hastily, walking so fast now, he’s almost running.

I try to catch up, “Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I might,” he mumbles, “first we gotta find Roland. I think this was the room.” He stops abruptly in front of one of the rooms, studying it before knocking. When no one opens, he turns the knob and to my surprise, it’s not locked. We step in slowly, the stench of alcohol directly invading my nostrils. I flinch at the sight of the dirty covers on the bed and the brownish stains on the floor.

“Damn it,” Nick curses, “he must have left already.”

Discouraged, he lets himself fall down on the filthy bed and I twist my face in disgust. Scanning the room, I notice an abandoned chair that’s decorated with rope and a few needles that look awfully equal to the ones I found at Nick’s room. But my heart really nearly stops when I take in the several dirty clothes that seem scattered all around the room. They look an awful lot like…

“Those! Those are Brian’s clothes!” I yell suddenly, grabbing Nick at his collar. “Why are his clothes here?”

Of all the times I’ve imagined hearing about, or finding Brian lying dead in a hotel room somewhere, I’d never thought I’d find his clothes first. Maybe I knew all along that Nick’s disappearance must have been tied into Brian’s, but I’d never thought it would play out like this.

“He…- we’re… ” Nick stammers, nervously watching my hand clutching his shirt.

“Where is he?” I demand. I can’t believe Nick would hide something like this from me, from all of us.

“I don’t know,” Nick breathes, “I really don’t know, and that’s the truth, Kev,” he squeaks desperately. The sudden tears in his voice and in his eyes have me taken aback, and I instantly let go of him, “I don’t know what to do anymore! Everything’s so messed up, Kevin!”

Taking a few steps back, I watch him suddenly break down.

Helplessly, I stand by as he collapses against the sheets, grabbing one of Brian’s abandoned clothes with a peculiar stain on it and clutching it tight. “He’s in trouble, Kev! He’s in trouble, and I don’t think I can help him!” He exclaims, the sobs taking most of his voice right now, “I think I’m only making it worse!”

I carefully approach his shaking form, awkwardly placing a hand on his shoulder, “Nick? Did you… did you talk to him?” I ask softly.

“N-not really,” he chokes out and shakes his head. “I don’t know if I will ever get to talk to him again,” he admits, looking at me with helpless eyes, desperate for an uplifting answer. I have none to supply him with though, because the same thought he has just spoken out loud has crossed my mind as well, several times, in fact. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to talk to my cousin again, if I even got to see him ever again, and that scares me to no end.

Instead, I bite back the tears that threaten to overtake me as well, setting my jaw in determination, “It’s going to be okay,” I say, ignoring the tremor in my voice, “We’ll think of something.”


Chapter End Notes:
Gosh, wouldn't it be awfully convenient if Kevin actually was Roland? Unfortunately, that doesn't really add up...