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** BRIAN **

I stayed a few feet behind Kevin as the two of us made our way to the small area that the police had cleared just in front of the hospital doors. Whereas Kevin was striding forward with confidence and purpose, I was lagging behind in fear and trepidation. I hated speaking to the media on a good day; it was one of the main reasons why I always goofed off during press-junkets. Seeing as how this particular situation would not allow for my signature antics, I was feeling even more uncomfortable than I usually did.

Making sure to keep myself partially hidden behind Kevin, I peered out at the surging, shrieking crowd. Reporters from all of the major, recognizable news outlets were jostling for position behind the human barricade that the police had set up just in front of where Kevin and I were standing. Behind the reporters were the paparazzi; their cameras flashing a million times a minute as Kevin stepped up to the microphone. Finally, behind the paparazzi, were the fans. There were hundreds, maybe even thousands, of our most devoted followers shrieking, crying, waving their arms, and crushing against one another. The mob extended well into the street that separated the surrounding neighbourhood from the hospital, and it was obvious by the startling amount of bright yellow jackets that the local police department certainly had their hands full.

“Hello …” Kevin stepped up to the microphone. “…Thank you for waiting...”

Kevin glanced behind him to make sure that I was still there and I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging smile. I was there solely for moral support. I had no intention of opening my mouth unless it was absolutely necessary.

“We really appreciate all of the interest and support.” Kevin continued, his voice wavering only slightly as he addressed the quieting crowd. “I guess that I’m going to start by telling you that we’re all okay.”

The fan-composed section of the crowd let out a collective shriek of relief and a burst of excited chatter erupted from the press section. Cameras were continuing to flash at an alarming rate and reporters were thrusting their microphones and recorders into our faces in an attempt to capture what Kevin was saying.

“What do you know about your kidnapper?”

“Is it true that you were taken hostage by one of Nick’s ex-girlfriends?”

“Is AJ really on life support?”

“Is it true that Howie may never walk again?”

The questions were coming fast and furious and I looked helplessly at Detective Bell and Detective Eaton for support. The two men were standing off to the side, and they each looked as helpless as I felt. It was clear by their expressions that they had never encountered anything of this magnitude before. Truth be told, Kevin and I had never really handled anything of this scale on our own either. We had always had someone calling the shots for us, controlling the crowd, and choosing which questions we were going to answer.

“Howie is recovering from surgery …” Kevin grasped on to the last question and began stuttering through a response. “… the doctors haven’t said anything about him not being able to walk.”

I tried to keep myself from visibly cringing as I listened to Kevin struggle to explain the situation while trying to deflect the rumours at the same time. Once this was finally over, I knew that he was probably going to beat himself up over his un-composed demeanour. I shifted awkwardly, putting more of my weight on my left leg. My right hip was beginning to develop a persistent, dull ache from standing on the cement.

“Brian!”

My head shot up at the sound of my name. The call had been faint, but recognizable. I knew that it wasn’t a reporter who had screamed it; the voice had been too familiar, too frantic.

“Brian!”

I scanned the crowd of people, my eyes straining as I tried to find a familiar face amongst the sea of strangers. Suddenly, a pair of arms shot up from within the crush of reporters and camera operators. The movement caught my attention and I quickly locked eyes with my target. I knew that I had recognized the voice.

Ignoring the pain in my hip, I hurried past Kevin and clamped my hand down on the shoulder of the nearest police officer. “I need to get to those women.” I was practically shouting to be heard above the obnoxious reporters as I gestured into the crowd. “They’re with us.”

The police officer looked at me with a mixture of apprehension and disbelief. He was about my age, maybe a bit younger, and built like a tree trunk. “You want to go into the crowd?”

I nodded. “Don’t worry about me. Just make sure the girls are safe.”

“I do not get paid enough for this shit.”

I could hear the police officer grumbling as I stepped forward into the crowd and began to push my way forward. Cameras were being forced into my face with my every step and reporters were hurling questions at me as I moved past them.

“What happened to your arm?”

“Is AJ on his deathbed?”

“Is this the end of the Backstreet Boys?”

“Do you blame Nick for what happened?”

There were arms and elbows everywhere. My bandaged arm ached from being jostled around, but I didn’t care. I kept my mouth pressed shut and tried my best to keep my expression neutral as I had no choice but to look into the cameras that were being shoved into my face. I could only imagine what was going through Kevin’s head. I could hear him continuing to address the crowd in short, clipped statements. He was angry, there was no mistaking it.

“Brian!” Rochelle’s hand slipped into mine as I finally reached her and Lauren. She sounded more than anxious. “They wouldn’t let us through! Leigh, Kristin, and Leighanne went around to the back entrance more than half an hour ago. We haven’t heard from them since.”

“Come on!” I yelled in order to be heard above the persistent reporters. I didn’t think that there was any point in trying to say any more at that particular moment.

The questions were crashing against me like waves, threatening to overwhelm me. I knew that the cameras were rolling, capturing my every move, my every word, my every expression. Rochelle and Lauren were already upset. They looked worn out; their faces tear streaked and their eyes puffy. I knew that the last thing that they wanted was to be on camera for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Rochelle’s fingers tightened around mine as I led the way back towards Kevin and the welcoming relief of the hospital. How had our wives not been given clearance to enter the building without having to go through the crowd? Establishing safety procedures for our family members should have been high on the detectives’ list of priorities. Somewhere in the far reaches of my mind, a lawsuit was brewing. I was sure of it.

To his credit, the police officer that I had forced to accompany me was doing a good job of making sure that Lauren and Rochelle were staying as well protected as possible. I could hear him swearing at the reporters and telling them to back off.

The three of us reached the edge of the crowd and I motioned to Kevin to wrap it up. He nodded slightly in agreement, but not before shooting me a condescending look. It was clear that he was not impressed by my impromptu decent into the crush of reporters. Pushing Kevin’s look aside, I guided Rochelle and Lauren towards the main entrance to the hospital. Kevin’s voice boomed in the background as he delivered his final statement, promising a written press release on our website within the next few days.

Rochelle crashed into me as soon as we entered the stillness of the hospital, her hair falling against my face as her arms wrapped around my back. Her perfume invaded my nose as I held her close, her body shaking with sobs.

“I’m so glad that you’re okay!” She choked. “Where’s AJ? How’s he doing?”

“AJ’s fine, Elle.” I promised, pushing her hair away from my face. “He has a concussion, but he’s fine.”

“What about Nick?”

I gently pulled away from Rochelle and looked into the terrified face of the woman who was waiting to spend the rest of her life with Nick. The tears were sliding down Lauren’s face, thick and silent. Her fingers fluttered nervously around her mouth as she waited for me to respond.

“Like Kevin said, we’re all okay.” I issued another promise. “Nick is fine.”

That was all it took for Lauren to join our embrace. She threw herself against me and Rochelle, her long arms tightening around both of us. I could feel the smile stretching across my face as I let myself relish in the feeling of being alive and cared for. Sometimes the power of grief was astounding.

“Are you guys out of your minds?” Kevin suddenly appeared at the side of our huddle. “The paparazzi are at the door and they must have taken, like, a hundred pictures of this tender little moment. Do any of you want to take bets on what the captions will be?”

Rochelle, Lauren, and I broke apart and grinned wickedly at each other. I had some suggestions as to what the headlines might read, but I was pretty sure that Kevin’s question had been rhetorical. I dared a quick glance over my cousin’s shoulder and saw that the reporters and the photographers had, indeed, pressed themselves up against the massive sliding glass doors. Police officers were scurrying back and forth trying to control the commotion, and members of the hospital’s overwhelmed security team were sending us looks that were practically begging us to clear out of the way.

“Let’s move this little reunion upstairs. According to security, AJ has somehow managed to have himself moved into Howie’s room.” Kevin gently placed his hand on Lauren’s elbow and began to direct her towards the elevators. “There’s no point in giving the media any more to talk about. Did you hear some of those rumours? Who in their right mind came up with the idea that Howie is now a paraplegic?”

Rochelle and I exchanged a silent smirk as we trailed after Kevin and Lauren. Only Kevin would allow his gruff exterior to overshadow the fact that he was likely overjoyed by Lauren and Rochelle’s presence. I rolled my eyes at Rochelle as Kevin continued to yammer on to Lauren about the audacity of the media; his finger jabbing impatiently at the button that controlled the elevator.

Rochelle pursed her lips together to hide her smile and linked her arm through mine. “Thanks again for the phone call.” She whispered. “It really meant a lot to me.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Kevin turned to face us just as the elevator doors dinged open. “I really don’t think that I can handle any more secrets.”

“Nothing.” Rochelle promised as the four of us stepped into the safety of the elevator. “I was just telling Brian that I’m happy to see him.”

It was Kevin’s turn to roll his eyes in disbelief. “Right.”

Their voices reached the elevator before the doors had even opened. AJ’s laugh was booming down the hallway, Nick’s voice was rising and falling in-between Howie’s, Kristin and Leigh were chattering excitedly, and Leighanne was fussing in and amongst the commotion. As soon as the doors slid open, Lauren and Rochelle took off in the direction of the voices; their hair swishing and their purses jangling as they rushed past the overwhelmed looking nurses at the nurses’ station. Kevin and I followed behind, sending apologetic looks in the direction of the harried health care providers as we passed.

Leighanne flung herself at me the moment that I stepped through the door. I stumbled backwards from the movement, her oversized handbag smacking my in the stomach and her long nails scraping against my bandaged arm as I struggled to hold on to her. She was crying loudly, her mascara trailing down her cheeks as she stared at me.

“I thought that you were dead!”

I cringed, embarrassed by her overdramatic reaction. “I’m alive … obviously.”

“You just disappeared!” Leighanne continued with her overwrought recap. “You didn’t even bother to call me, but you had time to call Rochelle!?”

“You had time to do WHAT?”

I disentangled myself from Leighanne’s crushing hold and turned to my cousin. Kevin had just pulled himself away from Kristin and was shooting daggers in my direction. I could feel my face heating up as I hastily looked to AJ and Howie for support. I opened my mouth, but I was at a loss for what to say. Of course Leighanne had been the one to give away our secret.

“It was my idea.” Howie took the blame, tightening his grip on Leigh who was perched beside him on the bed. “We flipped a coin to see who would receive the phone call. It wasn’t Brian’s choice to call Rochelle.”

“When did you do this?” Nick turned his attention to me. He looked slightly wounded; betrayed. “You never mentioned it.”

“During the drive to the house …” I mumbled. “The three of us decided to keep the call a secret. I phoned Ro to tell her that we would be unavailable for a few days, but that we were all okay. I pretended that you were still dead in order to maintain our cover. It was stupid …”

“It was wonderful.” Kristin interrupted, giving Kevin a heated stare. “When Ro called and told me what you had said – it – well, it just – it made things a bit easier.”

Both Nick and Kevin’s faces softened at Kristin’s words. Nick cracked a smile and pulled Lauren against him. “If it made the girls happy …”

“It didn’t make me happy.” Leighanne grumbled. “You should have called me yourself.”

I turned back to my wife and gave her a small, sad smile. “You can’t always have everything that you want.”

Leighanne stared back at me, her face unreadable. “What are you saying?”

I took a deep breath in preparation for the words that I was about to deliver. I loved my wife. I loved my family more than anything in the world, but the last few days had shown me that Leighanne and Baylee were not my whole world. The two of them were an integral part of my life, but I had an equally important second family that I had been neglecting for too many years. The separation had to stop; I had to bring my two worlds together. If I didn’t, my greatest fear would come true. I would end up losing one or the other, possibly even both.

“These last few days have shown me that I have to make some changes.” I stopped and started again, well aware of the fact that my voice was shaking. “I don’t want to keep missing out. I don’t want to keep myself separated from my brothers. When I thought that I had lost Nick, I had so many regrets that it’s impossible for me to name them all. He’s my best friend and I pushed him away. I love you, Leighanne, I really do, but I won’t keep shutting everyone else out. This is more than just my job. I was a part of Backstreet before you and, if you don’t want to accept what I’m saying, then I’ll be a part of Backstreet after you.”

“Brian, I – I didn’t – I don’t …” Leighanne clamped her mouth shut. For once, she was speechless.

Well aware that everyone in the room was watching my every move; I stepped forward and grabbed my wife’s hands in mine. I gently ran my thumb across her wedding band; across the visible promise that bound the two of us together until death did us part.

“This is the person that I need to be, that I want to be.” I nodded my head in the direction of the other guys, towards the men who I had grown up with, who I had risked my life for, and who had all risked their lives for me. “I can’t live without them and I would like to think that they can’t live without me.”