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** AJ **

I rubbed at my eyes in frustration and curled my fingers around the mouse. I was inches away from hurling the laptop across the room. How could there be no available flights to Tennessee? Had everyone in the western half of the country suddenly developed the urge to put on a cowboy hat and a pair of pointy boots and visit Nashville for a good old-fashioned hoedown?

“Any luck?” Rochelle pointed her puffy eyes in my direction as she dropped my toiletries bag into my suitcase.

I shook my head. “There’s nothing available today, tomorrow, or the day after. If I want to fly in to any airport in Tennessee, I will have to wait until Wednesday.”

“What about something that’s close by?” Rochelle suggested. She tugged the zipper on the suitcase closed in one well-practiced movement. “You could always rent a car and drive the rest of the way.”

“Fuck!” I banged the mouse against the desk and hastily changed my search options. How could I have overlooked something so obvious?

The list of available flights to Atlanta populated in less than a minute. I clicked on the first available flight and checked the time. I would have just enough time to make it to the airport if I left within the next ten minutes.

“Was that a good ‘fuck’ or a bad ‘fuck’?” Rochelle cracked a smile for the first time since one o’clock this morning.

“A good one.” I flashed my wife an appreciative grin as the confirmation page appeared on the screen. “Are you gonna be okay without me?”

Rochelle nodded, but I noticed her swallow the lump in her throat. “Ava and I will be fine.”

I stood up from the desk and enveloped Rochelle in a tight hug. She smelled the way she always did; like linen and soap. I buried my face in her hair and planted a soft kiss just below her ear. “Thanks for packing my suitcase.”

“You’re in a hurry.” Rochelle’s breath tickled my neck. “Don’t forget to call me as soon as you find out what happened to Nick.”

I tightened my grip around Rochelle’s waist at the mention of Nick’s name. The pain was still so raw; I couldn’t imagine a time when hearing his name would no longer cause my lungs to constrict. Even thinking about the task that lay ahead of me was enough to make my breathing become laboured.

“I won’t forget to call.”

“I love you.” Rochelle whispered, her tears dripping onto my collar bone. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Ro.” I paused, my hands gently caressing her back. “You do know that I’m coming back, right?”

“I know.” Rochelle sniffled into my shoulder. “I’m just being silly.”

I slowly pulled away and held her at arm’s reach, my hands forcefully holding on to her shoulders. “I’ll be home as soon as everything is in order. I just couldn’t let Kev go down there by himself. He needs the rest of us, regardless of whether or not he’s willing to admit it.”

Rochelle forced the tiniest of smiles onto her face and wiped away her remaining tears. “You better go before you miss your flight.” She kissed me lightly on the lips. “Try not to wait until the last minute to call Brian.”

Despite my wife’s advice, I put off calling Brian until I was waiting to board the plane. Even then, I stared at my phone with my finger poised over his name for the better portion of five minutes. I contemplated sending him a text, but I needed to make sure that he would be waiting for me in Atlanta before I got on the plane. Steeling myself for what was sure to be an emotional conversation, I finally allowed my thumb to connect with the screen.

“Hey.” Brian’s voice sounded like it always did; soft and just a tad southern. “Are you on your way to Tennessee?”

“Kind of.” I ran my hand down my face and sighed; the fatigue was definitely stating to set in. “I couldn’t get a direct flight to Tennessee. I’m flying in to Atlanta.”

“When?” Brian didn’t sound at all surprised or put out.

“I’m waiting to board right now. I should be there by eleven o’clock your time.”

“I’ll pick you up.” Brian confirmed. “I was just about to leave. It’s a good thing that you called when you did.”

“Thanks.” I hesitated; Brian was too calm for my liking. “How are you doing?”

“We’re about to spend four hours in a car together.” Brian reminded me. “Do you really want to be asking me that question now?”

I laughed softly and raised my eyes to the ceiling; my flight was being announced. “I’ll see you soon, Bri.”

“Sure thing, Aje.” Brian’s voice was barely audible. “I’ll see ya soon.”

True to his word, Brian was waiting for me when I arrived in Atlanta. I noticed his white Mercedes SUV before I noticed him, which was probably a good thing considering that I had absolutely no desire to attract attention to either one of us. My phone had been ringing pretty much nonstop since the news about Nick had hit every major news outlet in the country. Friends, family members, touring staff, security personnel, former producers, songwriters, random acquaintances; they had all been calling me to find out if the reports were true. I had ignored them all. For the time being, I wanted utterly nothing to do with anyone who wasn’t my wife, my kid, or my brothers.

I gave Brian a small wave as I approached the car. He returned the gesture and I heard the doors unlock with a soft click. Not wanting to waste any time, I pulled open the back door, shoved my suitcase onto the backseat next to Brian’s, and hauled myself up into the passenger seat.

“Have you been waiting a long time?”

Brian shook his head and gestured towards the console that separated the two front seats. “I got you a coffee.”

I pulled one of the giant cups out of the holder and flashed him a grateful smile. “You have no idea how much I need this.”

“I’m pretty sure that I have some idea.” Brian muttered as he swung the car out of the parking space and into the long line of traffic that was waiting to exit the airport. “I’ve already had, like, three of those today.”

A heavy silence settled between us and I took a welcoming gulp of coffee. “Thanks again for picking me up.”

“It’s no problem.”

“Do you want to turn the radio on?” I moved my hand towards the dial. I needed some noise to fill the silence. If Brian and I started talking I knew that we would both be an emotional mess before we reached the interstate.

“They’re talking about him.” Brian tightened his hands on the steering wheel. “The story is on every station, between every single song.”

My hand fell to my lap in defeat. “Even on the Christian station?”

Brian actually smiled. “Even on the Christian station.”

I took another sip of coffee and watched the scenery start to move by the windows as Brian pulled out onto the main road. “Did you talk to Kevin before you saw it on the news?”

“Yeah.” Brian’s knuckles were turning white as he kneaded the leather-wrapped steering wheel. “I mean, sort of. I turned on the TV part way through the conversation.”

“I was convinced that it was a mistake.” I could feel my chest getting tight and I took another sip of coffee with the hope that it would help to ease my discomfort. “It still doesn’t feel real.”

“I told Baylee that he’s in heaven.” Brian divulged this bit of information as he merged the car onto the interstate. “I didn’t know what else to say to him.”

I nodded, grateful that Ava was too young to understand. “Ava will never even know him.” The thought hit me like a transport truck. “To her, all he’ll ever be is a face and a voice. He’ll just be this random guy that I point out in pictures. I’ll constantly ask her if she remembers him, but she never will.”

“At least Baylee had the opportunity to develop a proper relationship with him.” Brian jammed his foot down on the gas pedal and the car lurched forward as it switched gears. “Like you said, Ava, Holden, and Max are too young; they won’t remember him. In a few years, even James and Mason will struggle to remember.”

“Brian ...” I gulped my coffee and ignored the constricted feeling in my lungs. “...how are you doing?”

“Bad.” Brian choked on his simple response. “Really bad.”

“Me too.” I set the massive cup down in the holder and wiped roughly at my face. Brain was watching me out of the corner of his eye, but he said nothing. “It hurts, Bri. Like, it physically hurts.”

“I actually thought that I was going to have a heart attack this morning.” Brian admitted. “I haven’t experienced that kind of pain in my chest since before I had surgery.”

I swiped frantically at the tears that were continuing to trickle down my face. I wished that Brian hadn’t brought up his heart surgery. The anxiety that I had experienced while waiting for the surgeon to announce that he was okay all of those years ago now seemed almost trivial compared to what I was feeling today. Of course, there was one major difference; Brian was alive and Nick wasn’t.

“Does Kevin know that you’re coming?” I switched the topic. Thinking about Brian’s irregular heartbeat and Nick’s absence of one was doing me in.

Brain frowned. “He told me not to come.”

“He told me the same thing.” I retrieved my coffee cup from the console and tried to ignore the fact that Brian was weaving in and out of traffic at a fairly alarming rate of speed. “I guess that pretty much confirms the fact that he’ll be expecting both of us.”

“He’s too much for me sometimes.” Brian jerked the car into the far left lane and increased his speed. “Did he really think that I wouldn’t come? Did he really think that I would just sit back and let him handle all of this by himself?”

“It’s Kevin.” I shrugged, my eyes glued to the surrounding cars that were whizzing by the windows. “Even when we’re eighty years old he’ll still be trying to protect us from every bad thing that happens in the world.”

“Nick will never be eighty.” Brian pointed out, the words catching in his throat.

Brian’s dismal comment hung heavy in the air and I attempted to take a deep, calming breath; my lungs felt as though they were shutting down on me again. “I can’t think about that right now.”

Brian took his foot off of the gas pedal and the car immediately began to slow to a more appropriate rate of speed. He pulled his eyes away from the road and looked at me properly for the first time since I had climbed into the car. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I leaned my head back against the seat and tried to ignore the pain in my chest. “This is probably harder for you than it is for me.”

“That’s not true.” Brian shook his head and returned his eyes to the road. “This is equally hard for all of us. The one who’s probably suffering the most is Lauren; wherever she is.”

Another round of unanswered questions invaded my mind. Where was Lauren? Was she hurt? Was she in trouble? She hadn’t been mentioned in any of the news reports, aside from the general observation that she hadn’t been with Nick at the club. The police officers who had come to notify Kevin had simply stated that Lauren couldn’t be reached. All of that forced me to believe that something equally horrible had happened to Lauren. Maybe whoever had done the unthinkable to Nick was still holding on to Lauren for some sick reason or another. I opened my mouth to reply, but the sound of Brian’s phone caused me to bite my tongue.

Brian glanced cautiously at the display, but he made no move to answer the call. “Can you hit ‘ignore’ for me?”

I followed Brian’s line of sight and picked up his phone. Leighanne’s face was staring back at me from the screen. “You want me to hang up on Leighanne?”

“Yes.” Brian didn’t take his eyes from the road.

I hesitated before pushing my finger against the little, red button. The phone fell silent and I lowered it to my lap. “Is there any particular reason why you just asked me to do that?”

“I don’t feel like talking to her.”

“Why not?” Brian’s phone started to ring again, and I took the liberty of hanging up on his wife for the second time in a row without being asked. “Are you guys fighting?”

“We had a difference of opinion.” Brian’s reply was cryptic and vague. “I can’t deal with her right now.”

I studied Brian’s face; the red-rimmed eyes, the wrinkles in his forehead, and the lips that were pressed into a thin, tight line. The guy was miserable.

“She didn’t want you to come, did she?” I slid Brian’s phone back into the dashboard compartment and waited for him to confirm what I already suspected.

Brian sighed, a long, painful sigh. “She didn’t say anything, AJ. She didn’t say a single fucking word when I told her about Nick. She just stared at me and watched me sob like a baby. She watched her son bawl his eyes out and she still said nothing.”

My mind immediately drifted to Rochelle. I could still feel the tightness in her embrace. I could still feel her tears that had rolled down my chest as we had held in each other in silent, shared grief. The idea of her not reaching out to comfort me was unfathomable. “I don’t know what to say, Brian.”

“There’s nothing to say.” Brian’s features were slowly shifting from misery to determination. “All I care about right now is making it to Tennessee and finding out what happened to Nick.”

I simply nodded in agreement. I knew Brian well enough to be able to gage when he was on the brink of shutting down. I returned my gaze to the window, to the bland scenery that dotted the interstate between Georgia and Tennessee. As the landscape whipped by in a blur of colours and shapes, the notion that I knew relatively nothing about Brian’s current situation at home forced its way to the forefront of my mind. I tried to push the thought aside, but I couldn’t. Brian and I had been so close in the beginning, and the realization that the two of us had clearly fallen out of touch stung more than I could have ever anticipated.

Sure, the rest of the guys and I teased Brian mercilessly about being pussy-whipped, about the fact that Leighanne ran the show. All of our teasing aside, the fact that Brian had pretty much lost control of his social life was probably true. For years, Brian and I had barely spent any time together outside of work. It had only been recently, when his relationship with Nick had started to show signs of improvement, that Brian had slowly started to rejoin our social scene. But, and this was the part that made my stomach drop, he had been flying solo in almost every situation; always ready with an excuse about why Leighanne hadn’t been able to come with him.

“AJ?” Brian’s voice drew me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad that I’m not making this drive alone.” He offered me a small, almost apprehensive smile. “I couldn’t have done this by myself.”

“Me either, Bri.” I returned his sad smile and patted him roughly on the shoulder. “Me either.”