The more famous we became, the more complicated everything became. I used to think fame would solve my problems and fix my family. All it did was make it worse. But in the end I found a new family. Brothers who looked out for me. No matter how much hell we gave each other back then, it was the only thing I was sure about.
“Give it to me baby…uh huh! Uh huh! Give it to me baby…uh huh! Uh huh! And all the girls say I’m pretty fly, for a white guy!” Nick sang along as he blasted his music from his bunk on the tour bus. He head banged along, his golden hair flopping about everywhere.
“Give it a rest Nick, uh huh! Uh huh!” AJ yelled back at him, covering his face with a pillow. “I don’t give a fuck what management says. Next tour I’m getting a separate bus.”
Howie yawned, stretching a bit as he walked down towards the fridge. “I know. Maybe then I won’t wake up with food in my mouth.” He yawned again.
Brian used that golden opportunity to throw a grape into his friend’s mouth mid-yawn. “Score!”
Nick high fived him. At nineteen he was one of the most well known faces in the world. It was hard not to let it get to his head. But then he’d remember his mother, the book she wrote and the way she emotionally blackmailed him into writing an introduction. How she guilted him into helping her promote it. Then the demands to help his brother get famous followed, which worked, and now she was telling him to do the same for his sister Leslie. Something he wasn’t so sure would work. It didn’t always. Between that and the influence of the fellas – especially Kevin and Howie he wasn’t too full of himself. Or so he thought.
“He needs some cool tunes, not just any will suffice…But they didn’t have Ice Cube so he brought Vanilla Ice! Now cruising in his Pinto he sees homies as he passed, but if he looks twice they’re gonna kick his lily ass! ”
“I swear to God if you don’t turn it down I’m gonna kick yours…”
His cousin smirked as he aimed another grape at Howie. “You’ve been threatening that for years.”
AJ laughed, poking his head out of his bunk. “Kev I’ll fucking pay you a thousand dollars if you finally do it.”
“I might raise the ante then.”
Howie snickered at all of them. “Let me film that when it happens.”
“I gotta thousand, do we have two? Two? Two?” Brian started rattling off in his impersonation of an auctioneer. “Come on people do we have two thousand for the ass kicking of the marvelous Nick Carter…”
The youngest of the bunch rolled his eyes. “I’m worth at least ten.”
A chorus of snorts followed.
“Now he's getting a tattoo, yeah, he's gettin' ink done… He asked for a '13' but they drew a '31'. Friends say he's trying too hard, and he's not quite hip, but in his own mind he’s, the dopest trip!” Nick sang louder this time, trying his best to be as obnoxious and hyper as humanly possible.
“Lord give me the strength.”
Unbeknownst to the group, the form of Nick’s future self was watching now and shaking his head. “I hate thinking about the Millennium tour.”
Grace slowly shimmered into place beside him as if she was made of glitter. “Why?”
“Doesn’t fucking matter.”
“I think it does.”
He didn’t answer.
“It doesn’t matter. You need to see the journey, the paths you’ve taken.” She grinned at him. “Otherwise what’s the point? You’d only get half the story and that’s no way to do anything.”
“Whatever.” Nick rolled his eyes but watched anyway. It figured that his guardian had a little bit of an attitude.
The bus was slowing down and nineteen year old Nick cheered. “Finally! We can get off the damn bus!”
“Finally, a break from the kids!” Kevin retorted with a smile as he climbed off once the bus parked at a road stop with various food options. They were currently on tour on their way to Amsterdam and Howie was carrying around a video camera they agreed to use for spots on MTV. It was crazy to think about how far they’d come.
“Smile for the camera guys!”
Brian grinned cheekily at it. “Hello again! By the time this tour’s over Howie’s gonna drive us crazy to the point where Kevin’s gonna break that camera. So…sorry MTV! Make sure to charge Howie and not the rest of us.”
Kevin simply flipped the bird at him in response and made a beeline for what looked to be a local takeout place. AJ snorted and started towards the McDonalds. “Dad’s sick of being around us kiddies.”
“Eyebrow man needs to recharge!” Nick mocked, following him with Howie. “Eyebrow man, boyband heartthrob by day, defending the world against razors by night. Dun na nunun, dun na nunun Eyebrow Man! Eyebrow Man! Eyebrow Man!”
Brian cracked up, running ahead of them. Security was trailing behind as they always did. It was weird for any of them to adjust to bodyguards when it was so easy to remember that only a few years ago they’d been nobodies. But now it was unsafe to be anywhere without them.
“This is good stuff.”
Nick blinked, whirling around. “Are you still recording?”
He winked. “Of course Nicky. I’m sure Kevin will love your new comic idea. Maybe you can use that instead of that Backstreet Project you’re working on.”
“Nice blackmail D.”
“I swear to God if you show Kevin that one night I’ll shave your head.” He grinned evilly. “And we know you fall asleep the easiest.”
Howie eyed him. “Try that and…remember when you attacked me after we threw you out in your tightie whities?”
“Yeah.” He found himself reddening now even at the memories. He’d tried to get him back by jumping on him and it was like someone turned Howie into Ricky Ricardo. Next thing any of them knew was Howie yelling ’If you ever do that to me again I KEEL YOU!’ - the lesson had been that the normally calm man was frightening when you brought the Latin out in him.
“I’ll look nice back then in comparison to what I’ll do to you now.” Howie smiled and went back to recording.
AJ snickered to himself. “That’s Howie D for ya. Everyone thinks he’s Sweet D but really he’s pretty evil. Dude just hides it well.”
Finally the four put in their orders and stood off to the side. All of them were wearing either sunglasses, baseball caps, or both in hopes less people would notice them. It worked sometimes and was always worth the effort when it did. That was when they were able to pretend they were still normal. Nick wondered what normal really was. Because even when he was a nobody, he didn’t have anything resembling normality. He took off his shades and rolled his neck, trying to shake away depressing thoughts.
“Oh my god you’re Nick Carter!” A young voice shrieked, followed by a small chorus of screams. The English was a little halted and their accents thick but he knew how to understand any fans demand for autographs. It was a universal language for budding pop stars.
He grinned a grin that was now infamous. “Yup, that’s me.” As the girls calmed down, he and the others signed whatever they could for them. “Thanks girls, we do what we do for you guys.”
“Thank you Nick!”
“We love you so much!
“Hey we gotta eat and get back on the bus. Will we see you girls on tour?”
“Yes! Oh my god yes. Thank you so much!” Amazingly enough after the teens got what they wanted the four of them were left alone again. It was a rare event these days.
He leaned against the counter beside AJ. “Man they need to hurry up with our damn food before we got mobbed.”
“It wasn’t that bad.” Brian replied.
“For now.”
“So Nick and AJ, what are you guys doing?” Howie asked after he finished talking with a fan and returned with the camera rolling yet again.
The pair turned around as Nick rolled his eyes. “We’re picking our noses, what do you think we’re doing?”
“By God, we’re still waiting on our food.”
“We’re gonna starve!” Brian cried out dramatically, diving in front of the camera.
Before Howie could respond their number was called and AJ grabbed the bags. “There! Let’s go drama queen.”
“Hold up guys, I gotta take a piss. I’ll meet y’all on the bus.”
No one had heard Nick and all assumed he was trailing behind as they all got back on. Their bodyguards had gotten back on the staff bus, assured their charges were safe and sound. Brian was passing around the massive amount of food that was ordered and Kevin was already lounging on the couch in the back with some local concoction that had the others making faces. So when Nick left the McDonalds, he walked out only in time to see the busses beginning to pull out of the parking lot without him.
Panicking, he started racing after them. His arms were flailing about frantically to get their attention. “HEY! STOP THE BUS!”
Someone must’ve heard him because the so called rebel’s head poked out one of the windows and started cracking up immediately. He waved him along encouragingly. “Come on!”
“AJ! STOP THE FUCKING BUS!”
His yelling didn’t do a bit of good. Instead it picked up speed before turning off onto the road. Nick picked up the pace, something he hadn’t thought possible. His heart was pounding as kept chasing the vehicle. “Hey! That’s okay! Just forget me!”
“Ta-ta!” AJ called out.
“That’s right! Leave me behind! I’m only NICK FUCKING CARTER! What do I matter?!”
“STOP THE BUS!” He threw his soda at it. “You can’t forget me!”
Finally he gave up. A scowl crossed his face as AJ waved goodbye at him. “Asshole.”
I’m gonna dye his hair pink or something next chance I get.
He patted around for his cell phone. “Mother fucker!”
Nick had left it on the bus, of course.
Sighing, he pulled out some change and made his way to a payphone. He didn’t have much money or at least the right kind of money for this country. But having made a few shopping trips while here he’d garnered enough for a phone call. He debated on who to call. Management would rip all five of them a new one so that was out. AJ was out of the question, Howie probably too. He might look innocent but Nick knew he was stealthy about revenge. So it was either Brian or Kevin. He glanced around and prayed no one else realized who he was as he dialed the cell phone number.
“Hello?”
“Brian? It’s Nick.”
“Ha ha. Very funny. Why the hell aren’t you calling me from your…oh shit. Where are you?”
Nick snickered despite himself. “Shit isn’t in the bible Brian. I’m at the McDonalds! You fucking left me behind!”
Uncontrollable laughter. “Kevin…Kevin it’s for you!”
Suddenly the eldest member’s smooth voice came over the line. “This better not be some prank.” Doors opening and closing could be heard in the background. “He’s really not on the bus. Nick where are you?”
“I just told Brian I’m at the McDonalds. Y’all left me behind and AJ was waving as you drove off!”
“AJ! You knew we forgot Nick and you didn’t say anything?!”
Nick smirked deviously to himself. Good, let AJ get a lecture this time. He deserved it after letting him be stuck here in the middle of nowhere. “Hey, you there?”
His friend stopped mid-rant. “Go back inside and stay there. I’ll get the driver to turn around and come back.”
Watching himself walk inside, Nick laughed and turned to Grace. “It took an hour for them to get back. Traffic jam or some shit. I was so mad at the time. I couldn’t believe they didn’t notice I was gone even if it only was for like ten minutes. Now I think about this and laugh. Because it was funny and I know it wasn’t because they didn’t give a shit.”
Grace chuckled. “They would’ve even if you hadn’t called. And look how furious Kevin got. He always cared so much about you.”
“Then, he did.”
“Why are you so convinced that changed?”
Because he left. Because he abandoned us. The last argument we had was how he couldn’t handle me and my shit anymore. He thought but didn’t say it aloud. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does, everything matters. Stop being so stubborn.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “At least tell me why you hate thinking about this tour so much, this time. I would think they were mostly good memories for you.”
Nick plopped himself on the ground and sat Indian style. He gazed up at her almost defiantly but there was sadness written clearly in his crystal blue eyes. “Because it was the last.”
“The last what?” She prodded. “I’m not a mind reader.” Well, technically she could but that wouldn’t help. She needed to hear this from Nick himself. So that he could hear his own words and realize how wrong he was, about everything.
“The last time everything was good.” He sighed deeply, running a hand through his messy blonde hair. “We didn’t share a bus during Black and Blue. Everything had started to change. We were on top of the damn world here. Breaking records, destroying the competition, blazing a trail no one could stop. I wasn’t so fucked up then. The world didn’t feel so fucked up then. After this everything got to where it didn’t make sense and it got harder. I started getting the feeling I always got being around my parents.”
“Nothing lasts forever.” She told him gently.
“No, it doesn’t.” He said bitterly as he got back up. “Let’s get the hell outta here.”
Nick didn’t need nor want more reminders of what once was, and what never could be again.
