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Project: nkotBSB

By Rachel

Copyright 2013

 

Chapter 82

 

Hanna Jo

 

I watch as Nick and Jessi disappear into the distance. I’m left all alone with AJ and it terrifies me. He has to hate me at the moment. I didn’t treat him very nice.

 

“Hanna.” He taps me lightly on the shoulder. “Are you ready to head to the hotel?”

 

“Yes.” I reply, glancing at him before looking away. He takes my luggage and pulls it along. I fall in step behind him.

 

The ride to the hotel is silent. I want to wait until we have privacy before I apologize. Our resort is on the beach. It’s absolutely gorgeous. The sun is shining on the water, and the sand looks inviting. I look AJ and forget about the beach.

 

“Han, would you prefer separate rooms?” AJ asks uneasily. I see the sadness in his eyes and it kills me knowing I caused him pain.

 

“No.” I respond meekly. “When we…get to our room…can we um…talk?”

 

“That’s fine.” He walks over to the registration desk and checks us in.

 

We ride the elevator to our suite without uttering a word. I’m beginning to hate silence. Occasionally I glance at AJ. His brown eyes are clouded with deep thoughts. I wish this elevator would move a little faster. I want to make amends.

 

Finally the elevator stops and we venture to our room. It’s a beautiful suite with a stunning view of the beach.  AJ grabs my hand and pulls me out onto the balcony. We take a seat across from each other.

 

I decide to speak first. I look him straight in the eye.  “Alex, I’m sorry for acting like a…a...bitch.”

 

“Hanna, I forgive you.” AJ takes my hand in his.

 

“Just like that?” I question incredulously. I don’t get it. He has every reason to be angry with me.

 

“I love you. When you love someone you forgive them.” He shrugs.

 

“You’re still mad at me.” I lean back in my chair, removing my hand from his. He’s not going to make it easy for me.

 

“It’s not that I’m mad. You hurt me Hanna. Instead of being honest, you shut me out. I felt like a piece of shit after what happened in Japan.”

 

I take a deep breath. “AJ, my upbringing was very strict. I wasn’t allowed to do anything but obey my parents, go to church and take care of my younger siblings. I’m sure they loved me, but they chose not to show it. I don’t even know if they love each other. They barely showed affection. Maybe a peck on the cheek every once in a while, but nothing else. Sure, they had sex, but my mom never enjoyed it.”

 

“Hanna, sweetheart, that totally sucks.” He moves closer to me. I give him a half smile.

 

“When my mom gave me the sex talk, I was mortified. She told me sex was awful for women. That it was only to make men feel good and to procreate. At fourteen I never wanted to have sex. She made it sound painful.” AJ starts to speak, but I put a finger to his mouth to stop. “Then a friend introduced me to the world of romance novels. I was hooked after one chapter. It made me realize that sex wasn’t a bad thing. It was enjoyable between two people who were madly in love.” I take a moment to calm down, before I continue. “I’m twenty five years old, and I don’t even know what a normal relationship is supposed to look like. How sad is that?”

 

AJ wraps his arm around me. I feel better already. “None of my relationships have been healthy. You’re the first woman that makes me want to do this right. Sure, I’m not perfect. I know I’ve fucked things up between us, but I actually want to fix it this time.”

 

“Alex, I don’t want you to be perfect. Gosh, I don’t expect you to think I’m perfect either.” I lean into him. “It’s just I want our relationship to be more than just sex. After I gave you that hand job, it made me feel dirty.”

 

“I’m sorry, Hanna.” He rubs my arm gently. “Next time, tell me if something is bothering you. I’d rather hear the truth, than have you become an ice queen.”

 

I breakaway from AJ. It’s time to be honest. “I love you and, I love being with you.”

 

“But?” He replies.

 

“I…think we need to stop focusing on sex. We moved fast from the get go. I mean we had sex after knowing each other a few days. I want more…I need…more.” I sigh out of frustration.

 

“I want to give you the world, Hanna Jo. There is definitely more to us than sex.” AJ cups my face in his hands. “Let’s take these next two weeks and explore each other.”

 

“I hope you mean more than just our bodies.” I giggle.

 

“Well...” He wiggles his eyes suggestively and I gasp. “I want to explore your mind and your heart. Will you let me?”

 

I nod. “As long as I get to explore your heart and mind.”

 

We sit and watch the waves crash onto the sand. I feel better since we had our talk. That doesn’t mean things are picture-perfect because they aren’t. It’s going to take a lot of work on both our parts to make it work. I look over at AJ and see that he is deep in thought. He turns his head and smiles at me. I feel my insides turn to mush. I love him so much.

 

“Han, did you look at that paper I gave you on the plane?” He asks curiously. I remember that I was too upset to look at it.

 

“No, not yet. I was so mad at you I put it in my pocket.” I stand up and stuff my hand inside my jeans pocket.

 

I carefully unfold the piece of paper. My heart melts when I see what is on the paper. It’s a drawing a banana and a hamburger holding hands. Above them in says Forever and underneath it says Always. It’s silly. It’s beautiful. It shows how much he loves me. I can’t even put into words what this drawing means to me.

 

“What do you think?” AJ asks nervously. I sit on his lap and wrap myself around his body.

 

“Wow! It’s us.” I start to laugh. “I love it Alex. It’s special and I’ll cherish it forever. Thank you.”

 

Our lips meet for a quick kiss. Neither of us is ready to push ourselves further. These next two weeks are going to be about love and romance. We are taking things nice and slow. I have a good feeling about where things are heading.

 

I lay my head on AJ’s shoulder as he rubs my back. An idea pops into my head. I want to get a tattoo of the caricature he drew. That would be a great way to show AJ how much I love him.