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** NICK **

I fell to my knees, the soles of my shoes slipping on the smooth surface of the catwalk as I struggled to right myself. Our fans were screaming and crying, but not in the ecstatic way that I was used to. These women were terrified; running for their lives as the mystery shooter continued to fire at the stage.

The eighth shot rang out and I caught a glimpse of the man behind the gun out of the corner of my eye. My stomach lurched in recognition just as two of the undercover FBI agents threw themselves at the man’s sturdy frame. The three of them crashed to the ground among the scattered folding chairs and began to wrestle for control of the weapon. Additional police officers and FBI agents were shoving their way towards the scuffle, elbowing fans out of the way as they scurried towards the glowing exit signs. My chest felt tight, constrained by the bulletproof vest that the FBI had forced me to wear. A lot of good the vest had done; it was Brian who was lying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood.

By the time I managed to pull myself back into a standing position, I could barely see through the tears that were blurring my vision. Why did it have to be Brian? Why did he have to shoot the one person in the world who I literally couldn’t live without?

Ignoring Kevin and Howie completely, I dropped to the floor on the other side of Brian’s limp body and dutifully placed my hands on top of AJ’s. Brian’s blood was everywhere, his lips were tinged with white, and his usually lively blue eyes were soulless; he was on his way out.

“Why, God, why?” AJ was crying just as hard as I was. “Somebody help!”

“Bri – Bri – Brian ...” I hiccupped. “P – P – Please ...”

My face was soaked from crying. I couldn’t bring myself to stop as I looked down into Brian’s face. He had to hang on. If he didn’t make it, I wouldn’t either. The thought was morbid, but I knew that it was true. I had lived without Brian for too long; surviving simply on the notion that we would, one day, be able to repair our friendship. Without that option, without Brian, I was nothing more than a shell. Even Lauren couldn’t fill the space that Brian occupied in my heart. He was the Frick to my Frack, and nobody else could ever take his place.

“Move!” A heavy hand landed on my shoulder and pulled me roughly away from my best friend. “We’re losing time!”

The paramedics swooped in and simultaneously pushed AJ and I out of the way. I landed hard on my back as the medical team pulled on their gloves and began to look after Brian. I felt numb, useless, as they shouted instructions back and forth; one of them beginning CPR.

“I have to stay with him!” AJ was screaming at the men who had pushed him out of the way. “Please, you have to let me stay! I can’t leave him!”

“AJ, you gotta let them work.” Howie was struggling to hold AJ in place. “You gotta take it easy on your leg! Can you let someone look at you too, please?”

My attention drifted from AJ and Howie to Kevin. He was standing with his back to his cousin, looking out into the now empty arena. His shoulders were shaking with his cries. I had never heard him sound so wounded.

Pulling myself off of the floor, I stumbled towards Kevin, my vision still a bit foggy. I caught sight of our tour staff as I moved down the stage; all of them were waiting in the wings with wide, scared eyes. Eddie was screaming into his phone, his fingers pulling harshly at his hair. Our security team had all taken a knee and were waiting with their heads bowed for Brian to be lifted up on the stretcher. It was all too much for me to handle.

“Did you see?” Kevin addressed me without bothering to turn around. He was staring off into the distance with a tortured expression on his face. “I knew, but I couldn’t remember. I just couldn’t remember.”

I followed Kevin’s gaze as I stepped up beside him. Agent Adams and several other FBI agents were dragging the shooter towards the exit at the far end of the venue. I swallowed hard; my initial identification had been correct. Even though more than two decades had past, I still recognized him. Now, I would never be able to forget him, even if I wanted to.

“I saw.” I could barely get the words out. My lips were salty with tears. “I haven’t thought about him in ... forever.”

“He’s all that I can think about now.” Kevin swiped the back of his hand across his face, smearing his tears into his hairline. “He was the one who attacked me in the street. I’ve been trying to remember all this time, but I just couldn’t. If I could have forced myself to remember then Brian wouldn’t have – then things wouldn’t have turned out this way.”

Oh God, Kevin was blaming himself. I swallowed hard; I had no words to comfort him, to tell him that he was wrong. “Why do you think he did it?”

Kevin shrugged as his tears continued to fall. “Jealousy? Revenge? It’s hard to say, Nick. Only he knows why he did it.”

I could still hear the paramedics shouting to one another about Brian’s deteriorating condition, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn around and look. I didn’t think that I could handle watching my best friend in the whole world take his last breath. Instead, I allowed my mind to wander back to the last time that I had seen the man who was responsible for the dull ache in my heart.

It was a few days after Brian had come down to Florida from Kentucky, and the five of us had been at Lou’s; hanging by the pool. He had let himself into the backyard; screaming and begging Lou to reconsider. He had wanted to be in the group so badly, and he hadn’t been able to let it go. At the time, I had thought that it was funny. I could vividly remember laughing with AJ as we watched him cry. Back then, we had no idea that Backstreet would ever be as big as it was. We had no idea that Lou’s decision would cost him fame, women, and millions upon millions of dollars.

Of course, that’s not to say that he didn’t know. I would never forget the way that he had looked at Brian on that humid Florida afternoon. AJ and I had both stopped laughing when he had turned his maniacal face to Brian; when he had accused Brian of stealing the place that was rightfully his. It didn’t matter that everyone, including him, knew that Brian was the right fit. All that he could focus on was the fact that his biggest chance at success had just been ripped out from under him by some ‘backwoods kid from Kentucky’.

Although I hadn’t thought about that afternoon for the last twenty years, it was clear that he had never stopped thinking about it. Kevin was right; he had probably done it out of both jealousy and revenge. I allowed myself to crumple to the floor as the FBI finally managed to drag him out of the venue. I sobbed painfully into my hands as Kevin dropped down next to me and enveloped me with his long arms. What if he had succeeded? What if he had managed to make Backstreet end the way that it had started; without Brian?

“Nick, you gotta stop.” Kevin’s voice was rough in my ear. “You gotta pull it together. They’re taking Brian away now. They’re taking him to get help.”

I shook my head, refusing to look Kevin in the face. “I can’t – can’t – can’t stop ...”

“Nick ... Nicky, please.” Kevin begged. “We have to be strong – strong for Brian.”

“Nick, Kev ... we have to go.” Howie’s voice was soft, but not in the least bit reassuring. “They’re taking Brian to the hospital. AJ’s riding with him, claiming that it’s so the paramedics can look at his leg, but ...” Howie trailed off. “We gotta go.”

Kevin lessened his grip on my shoulders, so that he could address Howie properly. “Did you see him, D?”

“Yeah.” Howie sighed. “I didn’t even recognize him at first ...”

Kevin got to his feet and gently urged me to stand up. I allowed him to force me to my feet; my legs felt weak and unsteady as I struggled to catch my breath. I still couldn’t focus on anything properly, and I leaned heavily on Kevin for support as he practically dragged me off of the stage. I didn’t know if I could handle going to the hospital. All I wanted to do was curl up into a tiny ball and cry until someone came to tell me that Brian was okay, but I knew that Kevin would never leave me alone.

“Neither did I.” Kevin admitted. “But I can tell you one thing; if Brian doesn’t make it, Charles Edwards is going to wish that he never spent even one second of his life as a Backstreet Boy.”