The next morning came way too early; I groaned as I saw 11:14 AM on my alarm clock. I checked my phone, which I had several missed calls from Nick, Leighanne, Brian, Leigh, Kris and Lauren as well as several text messages. I sat up, noticing that I was alone in my bed. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked around, seeing a note on the pillow that AJ laid his head on.
Madalay, I’m sorry I had to leave. I shouldn’t have used you like I did last night. Last night was incredible, but it was incredible for all the wrong reasons. You are far away from a rebound. By the time you read this, I’ll be back in California at home. Kaci and I talked this morning, and we’re going to try to work things out. I’m sorry about everything. –Alex
Well, if that wasn’t a punch to the gut, I don’t know what is. I opened my missed messages from Kris first.
Call me ASAP. We need to talk! Love you.
Lay, please call me babe.
Lay, answer the damn phone!
Don’t make me come to Florida!
That’s it! I’m on my way!
I sighed, and pressed the phone icon by her name. After one ring, she answered. “Lay, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, why?” I questioned, reading the note once more.
“I know what happened… he left didn’t he?” She asked, I nodded my head, tears coming out my eyes.
“Yeah, Kris… I got to go. I’ll call you later. Love you.” I rambled, hearing an ‘love you’ back before I hung up. I scrolled through the messages and read the ones from Leigh.
Hey babe, I’m sorry about what happened. Call me okay? Love you sweetie.
Please answer me, don’t lock me out. I’m furious as it is.
Do I need to beat his ass? I will.
I love you Lay. You deserve the world.
I gave in and tapped the phone icon by her name. It took to the voicemail, I left her a short voicemail, then ended the call. I started reading Lauren’s messages.
I’m pissed. Nick just tore him a new one.
We aren’t stupid, we knew he was going to you.
He’s stupid as fucking hell going back to that bitch.
I love you Madalay Ramirez, never forget that.
I’m on my way to you. Boarding the plane now.
I sighed and shook my head, thinking about last night. It was amazing, something I never experienced before… somewhere deep down, I knew this would happen. I looked at Nick’s messages… he was livid.
I don’t know who he is anymore, Lay. I’m so sorry about this. Please, please don’t make any hasty decisions. Lauren and I will be there shortly. We love you beautiful!
You must still be asleep, I have you to know that I tore into him once he got home. I barged in and he was making out with her on the couch. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach… I love you.
I smiled sadly reading Nick’s texts, they were enough. I looked at Leighanne’s name, scared to even read what she sent.
What in the hell Lay? He just uses you and leaves? What kind of man is that?
Brian said call him babe. Please do. We need to know you’re okay.
It’s been ten minutes, please call me. We love you so much Lay.
Lay please call me ASAP. Bay and I are going to my moms for the week, Brian is coming down there.
I went ahead and started looking through the messages Brian left. His scared me really.
Let me get my hands on his punk ass. I cannot believe this. I thought he was making progress, not digressing. Lay, babe, I am so freaking sorry. You deserve nothing but the world, one day one man is going to be a lucky son of a bitch to call you his.
I just got off the phone with him. It’s like he’s not even phased. I’m to the point where I can pinch his head off and call it a damn day. He’s not the man I thought he was. He hasn’t changed—hell he should be kissing your feet trying to make things right.
Fucking AJ, fucking moron. I don’t know how in the hell he could fuck something up again. Lay I love you.
I pressed the phone icon by Brian’s name. After four rings he answered. “Lay?”
“Hey Bri.” I muttered, laying back in my bed.
“Baby talk to me.” He said, making the tears fall faster.
“It was stupid of me to think he changed. He’s still the same ole AJ. Everything he said last night was so beautiful. I should’ve went with my head and stomach instead of my heart. Deep down, I knew something like this would happen. I don’t even know why I’m upset.”
“Because he played you, babe. He got what he wanted and left—it’s not that you’re the problem… he still have problems to figure out. He needs to do them fast.” He said quickly, making me laugh.
“I’m fine Bri, I promise.” I reassured, but I knew he wasn’t having that. “From now on, it will only be professional between him and I.”
“I know baby, listen, Leighanne and Baylee are going to her parents, I’m coming down. We need to talk about some other things as well, okay?” He wondered, I nodded as if he could see me.
“Okay Bri. If I’m not here, I’ll be at the studio.” I replied, walking to my bathroom and running the shower.
“Okay, I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” He said, “I love you Lay.”
“I love you Bri. Please be careful, Nick and Lauren are coming as well. Let me know when you’re close.” I replied, “And tell Leigh and Baylee I love them.”
“I will Lay, bye darlin.” He said before he hung up. Before I sat my phone down, I pulled AJ’s number up, clicking the message icon beside it. As a new message opened, I started typing, and before I knew it, I sent it.
I don’t know what to say, AJ, I really don’t, except for I got your note. It was cute by the way; something you’d do. Tell a girl what they want to hear and you leave the next morning. I don’t know why I let my guard down again with you, but rest assure it’s going back up. I can’t put myself through any more of this. I don’t know what kind of game this is to you, but this is my life. You said you changed… where? You’re shoe size, because it’s not the person that changed at all. You’re still the same ole AJ. See ya around.
I jumped in the shower, and took a quick bath. Once I got out, I was dressed. I grabbed my Nike Shox and put them on before hopping up and walking downstairs to the kitchen. I mixed me a banana and peanut butter milkshake, then wrote Nick, Lauren, and Brian a note telling them I was at the studio.
As I finished, I was off towards downtown to the studio. That was the only place I can repent built up anger. Once I got there, and cut the lights and the air conditioner on, then changed into my jazz shoes, and tucked my shirt up into my bra. I plugged the iPod that Brian gave me and hit We’ve Got It Goin’ On then shuffle. I stood twenty feet away from the mirror and started dancing. He showed me the old videos last week, and somehow I couldn’t shank the dance moves—he called that day the Backstreet Day; somehow it was dubbed as that, only Brian could come up with a name like that… Mr. Originality.
As Everybody came on, I started doing different dance moves on the beginning chorus, I remembered Brian saying they were all different for each tour. As the chorus came on, I did the same routine as the video, all the way through the end. Coming up to the last stance, I heard clapping from behind me.
I turned around and saw Fly, Nick and Lauren sitting in the blind spot of the studio. “I’m guessing those dance moves stuck?” Brian asked with a big smile.
“Funny thing is, is that I helped Fly coordinate all the choreography and didn’t even know it.” I said, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
“Learn something new every day.” He said, kissing my cheek. Nick and Lauren walked up, hugging me tightly between the two of them.
“You okay?” He asked, looking down; his bright blues darker than normal.
“I’ll be okay if I have two fifths of the Backstreet Boys accompanying me to some dancing.” I said, winking at Lauren, who just giggled and nodded.
“Well, My Lady, one Queens wishes shouldn’t go unlooked, Nicholas lets accompany this beautiful Queen to dancing moves.” Brian said in a terrible English accent. Nick and I looked at each other with furrowed eyebrows then laughed.
“Come on gorgeous steeds!” I called, turning around as Quit Playing Games went off. Get Down sounded through the studio, that was one of my favorites. I started doing what I felt, until it got to chorus choreography that was on the live tours—thank god that didn’t change. Brian, Nick and I were having a blast, as Fly got up and joined in doing different dances in the background, Lauren videoed the whole thing.
Don’t Want to Lose You Now popped up, making me look at Brian. Fly said he wanted to see a story. Brian stood to the side, as Nick, Lauren and Fly sat in front of the mirrors. I started walking slowly to Brian until Nick started singing.
I never thought that I would lose my mind, that I can control this. Never thought that I’d be left behind, that I was stronger than you.
I rolled my neck, kneeling down and rolling in front of him. He walked in front of me, I got up and wrapped my arms around his waist, he held my right hand with his left spinning me around to him, and twirled me in front of him.
Baby, girl if only I knew what I’ve done, you know so why don’t you tell me? And I, I would bring down the moon and the sun to show how much I care.
I walked backwards as he walked towards me, I acted like I was going to fall forward, he reached out and caught my hand, spinning me around slowly and pulled me to him.
Don’t want to lose you now, baby, I know we can win this. Don’t want to lose you now, no no, or ever a again.
We were in classic dance stance, doing a small two step to the beat. He held one hand and pushed me out, then I rolled in.
I get this feeling, you’re not gonna stay. And it’s burning within me, yeah. The fear of losing, of slipping away it just keeps getting closer.
I pushed myself from him, losing his hand, walking towards the wall of the studio. I turned around gracefully, staring at Brian. We walked halfway, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him.
Whatever reason to leave that I’ve had, my place was always beside. And I, wish I didn’t need you so bad, you’re face just won’t go away.
I placed my hands on his shoulders and twisted around him to where our backs were flush against each other. Our hands were entwined, palm in palm, I bent down and turned, so we were facing each other.
Don’t want to lose you now, baby, I know we can win this. Don’t want to lose you now, no no, or ever again. Don’t want to lose you now, don’t want to lose you now.
We were in classic dance stance, doing a small two step to the beat. He held one hand and pushed me out, then I rolled in.
I never thought that I would lose my mind, that I can control this. Never thought that I’d be left behind, that I was stronger than you, whoah!
Tears pricked my eyes, hearing AJ’s voice. I twisted around in front of Brian, rolling my head. I rolled onto the ground. He grabbed my hand, spinning me around on the floor and pulled me up, holding my close, then letting me fall back, then back up.
Don't want to lose to loneliness, ohh, girl I know we can win. Don't want to lose to emptiness, yeah, oh no, ever again. Don't wanna lose you now, (Don't wanna lose to loneliness) (No way) Baby, I know we can win this, (Girl I know we can win this).
He and I did the small two step, I wiped my cheeks, and kissed his cheek. He held my hand and rolled out then in to him.
Don't wanna lose you now, (Don't wanna lose you now), No no, or ever again, (We just begun this). Don't want to lose you now, (Oh we know we can win this). Don't want to lose you, (Don't wanna lose you, yea). No, no, forever again, Don't wanna lose you now.
My back was flush against his chest, he rolled me out, bringing our arms up and boxed them so we could look at each other. We walked around to the beat, he rolled me out hastily then back in, our palms flush against one another. We were so close, our noses were touching; on the last ‘Don’t wanna lose you now’, we slowly brought out hands down to our sides.
The applause from Nick, Fly and Lauren erupted in my ears; but there were another set of claps. I looked to our left and saw Leigh and Howie. I smiled and ran over to them, hugging them tightly.
“That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Leigh said, kissing my cheek. “Are you okay baby?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Come, we’re dancing.” I said, pulling her and D behind me. “We got three fifths!”
“D! Leigh!” Lauren exclaimed, as she called Leigh over to her. Leigh took a seat beside Lauren and started talking to her. Fly, Brian, Howie, Nick and I started going over Larger Than Life, It’s Gotta Be You, and Get Another Boyfriend.
“Can we kick AJ out and have Lay to take his place?” Lauren asked, as she filmed us, “She has better moves than yal.”
“No, BSB needs AJ, just like BSB needs these guys and Kevin.” I replied, drinking some water before we started with Get Down again. The five of us got in sync and we were killing it. This was one of my favorite upbeat songs ever. After that was finished, my favorite song of all time by them Don’t Want You Back sounded through the studio speakers. I smiled and started dancing to the beat, way differently than they did on the live shows.
I looked at Leigh and Lauren and smiled as I danced, I noticed they were recording me, but I didn’t mind. I slid on the floor, spinning on my back, I did Nick’s favorite move the Kip Up. I looked over at him and saw him smile. I shook my head and kept dancing, moving every ounce of my body for it. At the end of the song, I turned with my back facing the mirrors, I did a few hip rolls, then dropped to my knees and leaned back.
Applause filled the studio, I stood up and grabbed the towel to wipe my face off. Sweat was rolling down every crevice it could, which I didn’t like. I grabbed my water bottle and sat in front of Lauren and Leigh.
“I wish you would talk to us.” Leigh said, bringing me back to reality.
“I’m sorry, what’s up?” I asked, looking between the two of them. Leigh sighed and took my hand in hers, “I’m fine Leigh, I promise.”
“No you’re not. You’re heartbroken, Lay.” She said, Lauren agreed, “It’s understandable.”
“I thought things were going so much better. I knew I shouldn’t have given in that easily. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I got shitted on. I’m hurt, I really am, but I choose not to dwell on that.” I said, “When am I ever going to be good enough?”
“Baby you are better than anyone I know! I don’t ever want to hear you say that!” Leigh exclaimed, narrowing her eyes at me.
“I wasn’t enough then, I’m not enough now. I’ll be fine.” I said, drinking the rest of my bottle. I looked at the time, I didn’t notice we’d been there for over three hours. “I think it’s time for us to go back to mine.”
“Okay.” Lauren and Leigh said, as they stood up. Both ladies reached a hand out to me, and helped me up. I kissed their cheeks and grabbed my bag from the bench. The guys met us at the door—I sighed and walked to my Denali and got in, everyone but Fly followed suit. We each said our goodbyes and headed back to my house.
Once we got there, I took a shower—it was graciously needed! Once I washed every inch of my body, I stepped out and wrapped myself in a black towel, before I walked in my room. I screamed, seeing Denise sitting on my bed.
“Denise what in the world?” I asked, seeing her face—she was crying. I walked quickly over to her and kneeled in front of her. “Den, talk to me, what’s wrong?”
“I know you’ve had a bad morning, but Marcus just called me. Alex is in the hospital, he’s in a coma.” She cried out. My eyes widened with shock, he’s in a coma? How? Why?
“What happened?” I asked, wrapping my arms around her, letting her cry in my shoulder.
“He got in a fight when he got home. Someone was in his house, Marcus said that he was on the phone with him when everything happened.” She cried, as I took the information in.
“Let me get dressed,” I said, running out my room, standing at the top of the stairs. “Brian!”
“We leave in thirty minutes. I have clothes packed.” He called, I nodded and went back into my room. I got dressed quickly—in five minutes I was done. Denise and I walked downstairs, meeting everyone. The seven of us got into the Denali and headed towards the airport. After checking in, going through airport security, we were on our flight heading to LAX.
I sat with my head leaning against the window… how could he be in a coma? I felt a hand on mine, I looked at Brian with tears in my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against him. “Why did this happen?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll find out everything. I promise.” He whispered, I nodded as the tears fell freely.
“Leave it to AJ to do something before we leave for tour.” Nick said behind us, making everyone, including Denise laugh.
“He always had a way of bringing in the new tour.” Howie added, making Brian and Nick nod.
“That’s true. I want to be mad at him for what happened today… but I want him to be okay so I can let into him.” Brian said, “Are you okay Lay?”
“I’ll be better when I can see him.” I whispered, laying back against the window. I played the iPod, it was AJ’s song, Lay Down Beside Me. It was a personal favorite, so much sex appeal, so much Alexander James McLean.
Something about the way you moved. That caught my eye, I really did have to try it, yes. I can't deny it, the way your body swayed. As I watched you from behind, that got me so excited. How could I fight it, baby let me be the one to hold you. To give you the things I know you need, you know that we could wait another life time, and we can never find a love just like this.
If you lay down, lay down beside me. You can get all inside me, and I can get all inside you too. If you lay down, lay down beside me, You can wake up beside me, forever, Forever and ever. Forever and ever, baby.
Let's take this chance to get to know each other better. Baby we will discover that we can be more than lovers, I'll give you what you need. Just come to me and get it, baby you won't regret it.
No, no, no baby. Baby move a little closer, yeah, I wanna feel your body next to mine, and before this night is over, you will know what it means, to make love until you scream.
I was anxious to see him. I wanted him to be okay, even after everything from years ago to last night. The iPod died during the song, I took the earphones out my ears and put it back in my carry on. I closed my eyes and fell into a light slumber—all I could see was AJ’s face.
“Lay babe, come on. We’ve landed.” I heard Brian’s hushed voice in my ear. I jolted up and grabbed my carry on and followed behind everyone. Q met us with a Tahoe; we got in and got comfortable; before I knew it we were at the UCLA Health. I sighed and followed everyone into the hospital, I was in my on little world.
We saw Marcus sitting in the hall, with his head hanging down. Denise called his name, he jumped up and hugged her, along with the guys. Denise went immediately in his room. He looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows, “Are you Madalay?” I looked up at him and nodded.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Marcus, I just wish it was under different circumstances. I’m J’s bodyguard.”
“Nice meeting you as well, and I wish it was different as well.” I said with a small smile. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. I noticed Denise emerged in tears. “Can I see him?”
“Yeah, only one at a time until the Doctor comes back.” He replied, making me nod. I looked at the guys and girls, who all told me to go. I bit my lip and walked to his door, with one look back, I took a deep breath and opened the door.
Chapter End Notes:
Special thanks to Kyrie and Rainbowbrite006 for your reviews; they are greatly appreciated and made me feel really good about the direction this is going!
Hope you enjoy!
Hope you enjoy!
