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Petunia’s Neck


“My neck!! My neck!!” Petunia was crying out as her neck lengthened, her head shooting up from her shoulders. James, who hadn’t fully expected the spell to work at all, had wide eyes as he jumped back from her wildly swinging arms and Frank ran forward to catch Petunia’s arm to keep her from toppling over as her neck sprouted at least three feet long.

Lily and Ali were staring on in horror.

“MERLIN’S BEARD!” Frank cried out as looked at James, “Oh bloody hell, you’re going to be in a good lot of trouble…” He looked around. Luckily, the nasty weather had deposited a fair amount of slush on the streets and so there were few muggles out and about. There were probably ten people on the street, gawking at the girl with the long neck, screaming and crying out.

James still didn’t give a damn about the trouble. He stared up at Petunia, whose giraffe-like appearance was nothing short of astonishing, “Are you ready to take it back yet?” he demanded.

“I take it back! I take it back!” Petunia wailed, “Just… just make me normal! Make me normal!!” Tears streamed down her face.

James waved his wand, “Finite incantantum!” he called out and Petunia’s neck strank down to something near to its normal size - though it was still a bit longer than the average neck (nearly twice the usual amount of neck), it was something for her to remember James by, he thought, so that maybe next time she went to call Lily a freak she would think twice and remember to mind her manners instead.

Suddenly there was a pair of loud cracking sounds as Gideon and Fabian Prewett appeared in the street before them. Petunia cowered, afraid she was about to be hexed again when the noise sounded and she continued on crying, even as Frank offered her a handkerchief, which she turned down by completely ignoring his every attempt to hand it to her, no matter how hearty he was about it.

“What’s going on here?” Gideon asked as the twins walked over, their wands out. Fabian looked around the square and waved his wand to modify the memory of the muggles present, wiping away their thoughts of the little girl with the giraffe neck they’d seen. “Got a report of illegal magic,” he looked between the motley collection of witches and wizards and Petunia. “Who’s done it, then?” he asked.

Petunia looked too afraid to speak, her hands clung about her neck.

Frank thought quick, “Unauthorized magic? Blimey, not from us.”

Gideon was staring right at James, though, and James’s eyes were as guilty as could be. “Potter?” Gideon pressed.

James hesitated, looking from the horrified Petunia to Lily’s tear stained face, and he said, “Yeah I’ve done it, so what, it was earned. She called us all freaks for being magic. You’re just as bad as any pureblood Slytherin is,” he said, looking at Petunia for that last bit. She had no idea what he was talking about, not having any reason to know what a Slytherin even was. He looked back at Gideon and Fabian and scoffed, “Bloody hell, it’s no different, is it? Being a muggle just means you judge the magic for being magic and being magic just means you judge the muggles for being muggles and where the bloody hell does it all end, ‘ey? Where does it end? When Voldemort blasts us all to smithereens? Well that’s dandy, inn’it?” He shook his head, “Take me off to the Minister, I don’t care. She was keeping her bloody eyes on me anyway, ever since that blast Dragon Bomb I set off. At least somebody is noticing all the things I do!” He looked at Lily pointedly, then stuck out his arms to the twin aurors before him, expecting them to slap a pair of handcuffs ‘round his wrists.

Fabian looked at Gideon pointedly, “I mean, I already cleared it up…” he murmured. “There were only a couple muggles about… she’ll never know… We owe it to Charlus…”

Gideon nodded. He’d honestly been thinking exactly the same thing as Fabian was, it sounded.He murmured, “Look, kid, we’re not taking you in this time - but only because you’re Charlus’s boy… Seriously, next time, though… there won’t be a thing to do about it, Potter.”

James nodded.

“Alright. We better get back. File our report.” Fabian disapparated, followed, a moment later, by Gideon. Silence fell over the lot of them.

“You mean, he’s not even going to get in trouble?” Tuney suddenly cried out. “Why is he getting off when he’s done turned my neck into a swan’s neck?!”

“Hardly a swan’s neck,” muttered Frank Longbottom. “Swans are far more graceful. Bit pecky, but really other than when they try and beak you they’re quite lovely…”

Petunia let out a shriek of exasperation and hurried off to the bus stop, hurling insults their way as she went. James had half a mind to stretch her neck out again right on the spot - and if it hadn’t been for Gideon and Fabian and knowing that he wouldn’t get off on it twice, he would have done it, too…

Lily looked around at Frank, Ali and James. “I’m sorry ,” she said.

“It’s alright,” Frank answered. He put an arm around Ali.

Lily shook her head, “It’s not really. You lot travel home safely.” She hurried toward Petunia.

“Well hang on!” James cried, “Where are you going?”

“Home,” Lily replied, “With my sister. You know - the one you turned into a bloody giraffe!”

James looked appalled, “Acting like you weren’t perfectly amused by that as we were!”

“I wasn’t!” Lily cried, “You could’ve permanently damaged her! You above all people should know what it’s like being hit with a spell you don’t understand!”

“Because engorging her neck for two minutes is comparable to being sliced in half like a bloody chunk of meat!” James cried out, then he laughed in a hostile sort of way, “But of course nobody’s allowed to complain about your ruddy precious Severus, right?” James rolled his eyes, “Whatever though Evans, whatever. And I only did it so that she’d shut up from calling you a freak. Because I give a damn and I bloody listen to you.”

“Go away, Potter. You’ve done enough damage!”

James shook his head, “Fine. Whatever.” he turned swiftly and stormed off, hands balled into fists as he hurried away

Frank sighed heavily.

Lily, on fire, turned to glare at him. “What?” she demanded.

Frank looked quite unsure he wanted to answer the question. “It’s just… well, you’re the one that invited him along and you ignore the poor bloke the whole time practically…”

“Just like a boy!” Lily rolled her eyes, “Always gotta be on one another’s side in every argument, yeah?”

“Don’t go yelling at Frank for it, you’re the one that’s done it,” Ali scolded.

Lily looked at Ali with an astonished expression, “You can’t seriously be angry at me. You saw what Potter just did to Tuney.”

“Yeah but I’ve heard all the things Petunia’s done to you, too,” Ali said.

“So you’re saying James getting away with turning my sister into a giraffe is perfectly acceptable?” Lily demanded, “Saying Tuney deserved being bullied by that horrible little toerag, are you?”

Ali raised an eyebrow, “Not so much that it’s acceptable as much as it was earned fair and square and he was less a bully and more a knight!”

“You’ve gone mad.”

“I’m not,” Ali argued, “I just see Potter a lot clearer than you do!”

Lily shook her head and she pursed her lips and went to stand beside Petunia, who was sitting at the bench by the bus stop, clutching her neck and crying quietly.

Ali glared after her until Frank wrapped his arm about her and pulled her away, “C’mon,” he murmured, “Let her go… just let her go for now.”

Ali started crying, too.

Frank sighed. “C’mon love… it’s alright.” He pulled Ali into himself and guided her off, back toward the Leaky Cauldron.




When James popped back through the Floo into the Potter’s living room, he wasn’t sure what he expected. But Charlus and Dora were sitting there, waiting, Dora working on her knitting and Charlus reading a book. He instantly tossed the book onto the table beside him, leaning forward eagerly, “Dora, he’s back. Jamsie! How was --” he stopped mid-sentence, seeing the look on James’s face. “Oh no. What’s the matter?”

“We’ve had a row,” James said, “I’ve messed it up.”

“Messed it up?” Charlus looked quite concerned.

Dora, recognizing the need to cheer her son up, announced, “I’ll go warm some butterbeer…”

James shook his head, “No, mum, I’m going to bed.”

“Bed, it’s hardly even dinner - not even dark yet!” Dora looked at Charlus pleadingly.

“What happened, son?” Charlus asked.

James said, “I’ve hexed her sister into a giraffe and back again because she called Lily a freak and it really pissed me off, that’s what’s happened, and you’ll probably hear it from Gideon and Fabian Prewett as you’re the only reason I’m not in Azkaban this very moment for it.” He shook his head.

“Azkaban?” Charlus said, sounding doubtful.

“Yes, I imagine that’s where I’m headed if I get in trouble again with the ministry.”

“Trouble with the ministry? Again?” asked Dora.

Both parents looked at him, perplexed.

“And the worst of it is that I’ll never get another chance with Lily Evans… and I’ve barely even gotten one today.”

With that, James loped out of the room, tearing his tie from his neck as he went.

Charlus looked up at Dora. “Do something,” she pleaded.

Charlus sighed deeply, “Young love, Dora, dear. I don’t know what else to do.”

She swept her palms over her eyes. “I so wanted his date to go well.”

“So did I,” Charlus agreed, “So did I.”