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Memories and Visions


Sirius had his wand pressed into Regulus’s neck as he lay, sprawled where he’d landed on the steps of Number 12, the stair pushing into his spine… “I’ll hex you!”

Walburga crying in her parlor… what a let down Sirius was, how disappointing! A Gryffindor...

Cruciatus curse… screams echoing through the house… Sirius’s screams… Remus cold feel the cool of the gobstones he was holding, trying to ignore Sirius’s pleas… ignore Walburga’s cries, “Cruicio!!!”

Regulus bellowed out and Severus looked away, breaking the spell as Regulus sank to the floor, sitting on the carpet, face red. They sat in silence for a moment while the images sank in. Finally, Severus said, “You need to block your mind off. You need to stop me from seeing this rubbish.” His voice was harsh.

“I’m trying to,” Regulus said, “You haven’t exactly told me how. You’ve only said I need to do it. Well how do I do it!?”

Severus shook his head, “It changes wizard to wizard. You just have to do it.”

“But… but how?”

“Everyone has their own way,” Severus answered.

“Well show me one of them at least.”

Severus shook his head. “Regulus. Just do it. Block your mind -- one, two --”

“But --!”

“Three! Legilimens!

Kreacher’s eyes… pleading to make Abraxas Malfoy stop torturing him…

Tizzy the House elf, grabbing onto Remus Lupin… the echo of Orion Black’s voice… “Avada Kedavra!” … the little elf turning… putting herself very purposefully in front of her master, Remus.. green sparks struck the little chest… no hesitation… a move that nobody else would ever know… raking the spell intended for Remus Lupin, Tizzy died saving her master’s life… the life leaving Tizzy’s eyes… like a candle extinguishing.. Bright with light and then.. gone…

Maggie Pettigrew… steel blue eyes, pretty curly hair… waking up… waking up only to be driven mad with the pain of the cruciatus curse… the eye contact… long, lingering… she might’ve been a million things to Regulus Black, in another lifetime… a friend, perhaps, if he’d met her anywhere else… Voldemort’s wand… “CRUCIO!”... screaming, oh loads of terrible screaming ---

And then it was him, Regulus, screaming and he was on his knees, clutching Severus’s robes in his fists, tears streaming down his face.

Severus dropped the spell, his eyes averting from Regulus’s.

Regulus swept his hands over his eyes. He looked up at Severus, “How do you close your mind?”

Severus was back-to him, staring at the wall. “I imagine a space in my mind that is like a box… and I gather all of the things that I don’t wish for him to see, and I put all those things in the box and I shut it up tight and I lock it and put it far in the back of my mind and when I am with him… I don’t think of those things, I don’t let them cross my mind for even a second because if I do… if I think of them or even of the box… he’ll know. And then he can open the box, then he can pry. But if I shut them away, then I can keep him out.” Severus drew a deep breath, “You much think of your mind as a slate that can be erased and written upon again. Memories and thoughts are tangible things you can shift about and move.”

Regulus took a deep breath and tried to imagine packing up his thoughts, packing them tight and burying them, as Snape had said. He scrunched up his nose with the effort of it… and when he’d finished, he looked up to find Severus had turned back ‘round to stare at him, one eyebrow raised. “Are you ready, then?” he asked.

Regulus nodded.

Legilimens,” said Snape, waving his wand.

Regulus balled his fists, his jaw set…




“Peter! Wait up.” Sirius ran after Peter, who had gone out to the hallway, every intention of going ot the kitchens and talking with house elves while eating treacle tarts through his frustrated tears… but Sirius, being much taller, sprinted easily up and plowed himself before Peter, stopping him. “I didn’t mean to be an insensitive arse, you know I’ve got a big mouth. I’m sorry.”

Peter said, “You’re always insensitive!”

Sirius looked surprised by this assessment. “What? No I’m not.”

“Maybe not to James or to Remus, but to me you are,” Peter said. “You’re always making fun of me and snapping at me and telling me to shut up and I’ve had enough of it, Sirius! I’ve had enough of it!” Peter lifted his porky little hands and shoved Sirius squarely in the chest so that Sirius stumbled back a couple feet.

“I’m sorry Pete,” Sirius said, “I didn’t know you felt like that.”

“That’s because you don’t pay attention to me! None of you do! You all act surprised whenever you find out things about me that I’ve literally said a hundred times and because you don’t give a damn about me you either don’t hear it or you forget it immediately... I’ve sat in bed every night staring in that crystal ball for like two months now and said I’ve seen things and not a single bloody one of you noticed at all, you’re all too busy snogging each other or else trying to devise ways to snog Evans… Everyone was very concerned for Remus while he was gone because his father died - his horrible father that had disowned him and made him bloody homeless all summer. But nobody gave a damn when I was gone last term for my mum - my wonderful, amazing mum who loved me… Bloody hell, she’s the only one that did… There isn’t a single person in this world that loves me, Sirius. I’m barely even friends with you lot, I’m barely even a Marauder. I only am included because you lot are stuck in the same dorm as I am! None of you even sees me half the time. Even bloody Mopsus notices more about me than you lot!!” Peter panted, his long winded speech having drained him.

Sirius put his hands on Peter’s shoulders and bent lower so he was staring directly into Peter’s eyes. “I’m sorry, mate. I’m sorry you feel like we don’t give a damn… like we don’t see you. I see you, Pete. I see you. Please, don’t be cross with me… give me a chance to get better at being a good mate to you. You’re one of us, we wouldn’t be whole without you. You’re a Marauder the same as any of the rest of us.”

Peter had tears in his eyes.

“C’mon mate,” Sirius pleaded, “Come back to the dormitory and tell us about what’s going on. Tell us and we’ll help you - all of us.”

Peter looked at his hands.

Sirius’s eyes softened, “I wanna be here for you, Peter. But you gotta tell us, too, when you need us to be there for you. We’re not mind readers… you know? James is thick, and horribly unobservant; Remus has a whole bucket load of his own rubbish to deal with so it’s incredible he’s even afloat himself… And me, - ha! I’m the most conceited, self-absorbed bloody arse that ever walked the earth… but if you tell me, I’ll drop my shite and I’ll be there for you, mate, just tell me when I’m being a duffer and I’ll smart up.”

Peter took a deep breath.

“C’mon.”

They went back to the dormitory to find James laying on his back, doing a bit of his catch-and-release with the golden snitch from the drawer while Remus sat on the edge of his bed, looking concerned in his direction. When Peter and Sirius came in the room, James sat up and shoved the snitch in the drawer. “Lads, Peter’s got some stuff going on and we’re going to sit and hash it out with him.” Sirius let go of Peter’s shoulder, and Peter crawled onto the end of his bed so he was facing James and Remus as Sirius pulled up Remus’s desk chair again and resumed his earlier backwards-facing position, “Go on, Pete. Tell us everything.”

Peter messed with the hem of his sweater vest nervously. Having all their eyes turned to him now felt weird and he blushed and murmured, “I’m - I’m not well yet from losing my mum… and now Maggie’s -- well she’s as good as gone, too… and I’m having a - a really hard time of it…”

Remus got up and moved to the edge of Peter’s bed, putting a hand on his knee in a comforting manner. “I’m sorry.” His eyes meant it.

James stared at the duvet on his bed.

“I’ve been having horrible dreams ever since she’s died… horrible dreams… about Voldemort torturing her. She’s always in a cage, and he’s using the cruciatus on her, and her screams echo about in my head…” Peter’s breath was catching as he tried to keep his voice steady. “And I see her… in the crystal ball… I see her face… and she’s crying, always crying. The night Maggie went insane, I … I had the worst dream yet… I saw my mum being tortured and she - she called my name, she called for me to go and to save her and… I can’t. She’s gone, isn’t she? She’s gone and there’s - there’s no place -- no place to - to go - to - to save her - because she’s -- she’s gone…” He broke, tears pouring from his eyes.

James looked to Sirius, feeling horrible for Peter, but unsure what to say… Sirius’s throat seemed to throb with emotion. Only Remus had a reaction - he got further on the bed and pulled Peter into a hug like a mum would do and Peter hugged him back. Seeing this, Sirius jumped up and got on the bed on Peter’s other side, also hugging him, and James didn’t want ot be left out, so he ran ‘round behind the end of Peter’s bed and knelt on the trunk, leaning over the footboard to wrap his arms ‘round the whole lot of them and they sat there like that for several long moments, a big cluster of Marauders all hugging on Peter.

“Th - thanks, mates,” Peter snuffled after, and they each slowly peeled away… James went back to sitting on his own bed and the other two stayed where they were, Sirius’s arm ‘round Peter’s shoulders. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you lot… I just… you all had things going on and… I didn’t want to bother you…”

“Peter, we can’t help you if we don’t know,” said Sirius thickly.

He nodded.

James added, “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, Pete. You’re really brave.” He stared at the duvet.

Peter hung his head.

“And those dreams sound positively awful,” Remus added.

“The creepiest part,” Peter said, “Is that… I get them sometimes even when I’m awake.”

“A dream when you’re awake?” James asked, looking up.

Peter nodded, “And they always start with this strange voice… calling me…”

Remus’s eyes widened, “Hang on. You hear a voice calling your name? Is it really quiet and strange… sort of… sort of throaty, and… and low? Like… like Reeeeeemusssss?”

“Yeah, only it says Peeeeterrrrr,” he said.

“I HEAR IT TOO!” Remus shouted, and he jumped up. He pointed to Sirius, “Remember - the night with the ice skating, when we were caught by Filch… remember on the stairs, when I took the Map? I kept asking if you heard that and you didn’t hear anything and I got really freaked out… THAT’S WHAT I HEARD. This creepy voice, calling my name!”

Peter looked like he was about to cry again from relief, “I’m not going mad? You hear the voice too?!”

“YES!” Remus said.

James’s brow furrowed. “I… I dreamed one night about Divination and heard Mopsus calling my name from the front of the room like that before it started. Jaaaames.”

They all looked at Sirius.

“What? I don’t hear voices. Bloody hell, am I officially the sanest one among us? That’s sort of scary for you lot,” Sirius said, smirking.

Keen to stay on topic, Peter said, “Mopsus… Mopsus knows about my - my visions.”

They looked at him with surprise. “How?” Sirius asked.

“A couple nights ago, I had one of the dreams and I couldn’t stand sitting here, so I went for a walk and I heard the voice calling me and I tripped and fell down the stairs and Mopsus came up the hallway and he was all creepy guy as usual and he said a bunch of stuff - he knew about the Map, for instance, but he - he told me to go to his office on the night of the full moon because we had a lot to discuss. He said he’s seen what I’ve seen and that I’m not mad, there’s something else happening to me.”

They all exchanged glances.

“I think I’m going to go,” Peter said.

“Not alone you’re not!” James exclaimed, “I’m going with you. I don’t trust Mopsus as far as I could bloody throw him.”

“He’s so damn tiny that could be a good distance,” Sirius intoned, laughing. “Especially with your quaffle-chucking skills.”

James laughed, “Then I trust him as far as he could throw me!”

Remus rubbed his chin, “This is a most peculiar situation, really. Why would we all three get similar voices calling our names? And you two immediately followed by dreams… Was yours a bad dream, James?”

James blushed, “No. I… I dreamed I was seeing Lily Evans in my crystal ball.”

Sirius grinned, “You dog.”

Remus said, “There’s got to be some connection…”

James said, “Well… until just now, I’d forgotten all about mine, I don’t think it’s as weird as you lot’s and it may not even be the same thing. Mine just sounded like Mopsus saying my name from the front of the Divination room is all, like he does when we aren’t paying attention.”

Remus furrowed his brow… thinking… “Well hang on… mine sort of sounds like Mopsus, too, how that you’ve said it… like how he sounds when he says that Mopsus sees all tosh.”

Peter murmured, “Bloody hell, you’re right. That’s it exactly.”

Sirius looked really concerned, “You don’t reckon -- nawh, no, he’s too phony… no way could he be --” He stopped and bit his lip.

“Be what?” James asked.

Sirius asked, “You lot don’t reckon he’s somehow… sending these visions to Peter, do you?”

“Sending him the visions?” Remus asked, looking at Sirius with concern.

“Yeah… like maybe he’s got some sort of plot to get Peter alone and… and maybe he thinks if Pete’s got visions he’ll naturally go to the divination professor to ask what’s happening and -- and when it didn’t work, he tried getting you or James to do it.. And when that didn’t work, he just… just approached Peter himself in the hall about it.”

“Blimey,” James murmured. He looked at Remus and Peter to see what they thought.

Peter trembled, “But why would he send me horrible visions of my mum like this?”

“Because he’s an old codger and he knows that would upset you most!” Sirius said, “He probably thought it would drive you to go to him sooner!”

“Why would he want us to go to him?” Remus asked.

“Who knows with that blighter, could be any reason, couldn’t it?” Sirius said.

“Blimey,” James murmured again.

“We gotta stop these visions somehow,” Sirius announced. “If he is feeding them somehow, there’s got to be a way to stop it without going to see him.”

Peter nodded, “Oh bloody hell, please.”

Sirius looked at Remus, “Alright, so how do we stop them, Moony?”

“I dunno,” Remus said, shrugging, “I would’ve done already if I knew that.”

James said, “We’ll ask Kingsley.”

“Kingsley!” Sirius said, pointing at James, “Yes! Kingsley will know. Kingsley would be a brilliant asset, actually. You tell him what’s happening and he can sort of look into Mopsus, find out what’s what. For now, none of us go anywhere near that old bastard without at least one other of us there and for sure you do not go to his office on the full moon. In fact, you lot should stay in here that night while Rey and I are gone to the Shack, just in case. We don’t know who this guy’s working for… he could be working for Voldemort, for all we know. And we already know Voldemort’s after us, considering what happened last year with Veigler and Greyback.”

Peter shivered… and suddenly a memory flooded him… laying in the damp bracken, back-to a log in the woods… and a voice, low and rasping… Lord Voldemort’s voice…

”Where is the boy?”

“Greyback has the Potter boy --”

“No, not that one,” Voldemort said, “The cowardly one!”

“I - I don’t know… He - He disappeared before. But we’ve got the Potter boy! And Orion Black’s gone to get the other two…”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DISAPPEARED BEFORE?” Voldemort hissed, “He can’t have disappeared. HE IS THE ONE THAT WILL GIVE ME WHAT I WANT! DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT THE BLIND SEER SAID?”

“Yes… I - I did, but --”

“...ENOUGH! You’re an imbecile. The boy is worth more than ten of any of the other Boys. The Blind Seer says HE is the key to getting what I want. I need him -- now. ...Bring me the Boy or you will all suffer for it.”


Peter couldn’t breathe.

It was him Voldemort was after, he’d heard it from the Dark Lord’s own mouth and not only that --- and this part made Peter’s stomach sink clear to his toes with panic -- the Blind Seer had told spoken to Voldemort about Peter. The Blind Seer -- Mopsus. Mopsus.

“Guys --” Peter said, his voice panicked, interrupting something they were saying about the situation, “Guys. I’ve only just remembered something --”

When he’d finished, they all fell silent, nervously glancing one to the other.

“Blimey,” murmured James.