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I’ve Eaten My Boyfriend


Sirius walked through the castle, Remus on his heels. He could feel the fear radiating off of Remus, it tingled all his hyperactive senses. His mouth was so very dry, and he felt a bit dizzy - whether that was from nerves or repercussions of the injury, he wasn’t sure. Honestly, he’d felt a bit light headed all day. They ducked into the Gryffindor common room, up to the dormitory, and Sirius walked across the room until he’d met the wall and he could go no further, pressing the palms of his hands against the wall, as though he’d like to push his way right through and just keep on walking… away… into the night… where he wouldn’t have to tell Remus what was going on…

Remus spun the lock on the door and turned to Sirius, solemn. “What’s the matter?” he asked, his voice steady, but nerves generating an awful amount of energy that seemed nearly electric in the room.

Sirius let his palms slip away from the wall and he turned about to face Rey. “First off, you have to promise me you won’t freak out.”

“I already am freaking out,” Remus pointed out.

“Well, promise you won’t freak out worse.”

“Sirius, I can’t promise that,” Remus said thickly.

Sirius paced over to the end of Remus’s bed and he gripped the frame of it and leaned forward, taking a deep breath. “Sit down, please.”

Remus’s knees shook as he walked to the bed and lowered himself onto the edge of it.

Sirius went over and stood before Remus so that Rey’s knees were on either side of Sirius’s hips and they were staring into each other’s eyes, and Sirius pressed his forehead against Rey’s and closed his eyes. “Moony. Something happened you dunno about yet and I have to tell you about it, but you gotta know it’s not… your fault.”

Remus’s heart was pounding so hard that Sirius could feel it under his palm as he ran his hand over Remus’s chest. “What is it?” he asked shakily.

Slowly, Sirius unbuttoned the oxford shirt, keeping his eyes carefully turned away from Remus’s eyes, and he shrugged away the shirt, standing before Remus bare chested in just his trousers. He hesitated, taking a deep breath, and then he turned so Rey could see the bandages on his arm…

“Padfoot… what is that?” Remus’s voice trembled. He already knew. Sirius could tell the way he asked, but he was asking out of desperation that Sirius might have a different answer than the one he’d come up with.

Sirius shook his head, refusing to voice the words. He couldn’t, his throat had sealed up.

Remus reached out and took the bandages off Sirius’s arm… cool air hit the wound and Sirius winced, keeping his eyes closed, not wanting to see the look on Remus’s face. He stood very still, waiting… his arm shaking, fists balled.

Rey sat there, staring at it, his hand over his mouth, tears blurring his vision. He put his other hand over his mouth, too, as though covering it might undo the damage it had done.

After several very long moments had passed, Sirius could stand the silence no longer. “Rey. Please. Speak.”

“I’ve eaten my boyfriend.”

Sirius couldn’t help it. He laughed.

“Stop that!” Remus choked, “It’s not funny. It’s not funny even a little bit. Did you change?” He stared at Sirius with wide, tearful eyes.

“It was a bit funny,” Sirius said, wiping the mirth from his eyes, “Ferfuckssake, Rey, you haven’t eaten me…”

“There’s a chunk missing of your ruddy flesh!” Remus pointed, “I bloody ate you.”

Sirius grinned, “I reckon I would’ve tasted better with catsup.”

“Sirius.”

“Hot sauce?”

“SIRIUS!”

Sirius took a deep breath. “Remus, it was wholly my own fault, alright? You were biting yourself. You weren’t trying to bite me. It was an accident. I got in the way.”

“Did you change?”

Sirius chewed his lower lip. “I… dunno.”

“When I bit you - did you change?” his voice was stern.

“I DUNNO!” Sirius cried, “I was Snuffles, I was already a dog. There wasn’t much to change.”

“But -- but you’d have noticed, there’d have been a difference, you would’ve lost yourself in the wolf and -- ”

“I don’t remember anything after the bite, Rey,” Sirius said shakily, “Not ‘til I woke up and found you there, all torn up and bleeding.”

Remus closed his eyes.

“What? Do you reckon I’m a werewolf now, too?” Sirius shivered.

Remus’s eyes opened. “I don’t know.”

“Can werewolf bites affect animals? Specifically animagi?” Sirius questioned.

Tears filled Remus’s eyes. “I don’t know!” he cried, then, “I’m a fucking horrible person!!!” The curse sounded harsher coming from Remus’s mouth than it had ever sounded coming from Sirius. On Sirius’s tongue, the word rolled off like any other word but on Remus’s it came off with a tremble, a shiver that made it stand out, silver almost, like a scar on the sentence. “Oh my God. Sirius I’ve bitten you. I’m - I’m as bad as Greyback.” He struggled to get up - Sirius trying to hold him there, but Remus pushed his way around Sirius, “You weren’t supposed to let this happen!”

“It’s not like I tried to get bitten.”

“You were supposed to kill me if I bit someone! You swore! You and James and Peter all swore!” he accused.

“Ferfuckssake Moons, I’m not going to bloody kill you for knicking me up a bit!”

“Knicking you up a bit? KNICKING YOU UP A BIT?? Are you MENTAL?!! I’VE BLOODY TAKEN A CHUNK OF YOUR ARM!” Remus bellowed.

Sirius winced at the yelling. “Rey -- first off, calm down...”

“DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!” Remus yelled, “I AM NOT CALMING DOWN!”

“Rey ---”

“I COULD’VE KILLED YOU! I MIGHT’VE CHANGED YOU! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!!!”

“It’s not your fault, you weren’t Remus when it happened, it’s --”

But Remus was too angry to listen. He swept his arms across his desk, sending all his things flying to the floor, his books hitting the carpet and snapping one’s spine so that the covers fell clear off.

“Remus!” Sirius grabbed at him and tried to stop him acting out like that, but Remus was too upset and he pushed Sirius off and went for the door. Sirius ducked quickly in front of him, slamming his back against the wood. “No. You’re not leaving pissed off like this.”

“Sirius. I can’t be around people if I’m going to eat them.”

“Rey -- where in hell do you think you’re going to go?”

“I dunno. The woods. I’ll live in the woods.”

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“I’m not stupid. I’m a monster.”

“Don’t you ever say that.”

“Why not? You did.”

Sirius’s eyes filled with tears, “I told you I didn’t mean that. You said you forgave me.”

“I did forgive you, but you were bloody right when you said it. I am a monster.”

“You’re not.”

“YOUR ARM IS PROOF I AM, SIRIUS!”

“No, it isn’t. My arm is proof I’m an idiot and I messed with a werewolf on the full moon.”

“And I’m the werewolf.”

“No. The werewolf is the werewolf and you are you. You and the wolf… they’re two different things. You aren’t you when you’ve gone wolf. I know that better than anybody, even better than you.”

Remus reached to push Sirius aside, but Sirius gripped the frame of the door with his fingers, refusing to budge, even as Remus fought with him for the door knob. “Stop blocking me from leaving!” Remus commanded.

“Stop trying to leave!” Sirius shouted.

They stared into each other’s eyes, equally defiant, equally believing they were right.

“You said you wouldn’t freak out,” Sirius said levelly.

“You said you’d kill me if I tried to eat anybody,” Remus said.

“I’m not going to kill you.”

“You promised.”

“Remus John Lupin.”

“Sirius Orion Black.”

Sirius said, “Don’t leave me when I’m afraid.”

Remus hung his head.

“You told me you we were forever.”

Remus said, “Why would you want me to stay? I’ve eaten you.”

“Stop saying that.”

“That’s what’s happened.”

“It was an accident.”

Remus stared down at him.

“Don’t go.”

“We have to tell Dumbledore. And you need to go see Pomfrey,” Remus said thickly.

Sirius shivered, “Why tell Dumbledore?”

“Because it was one of the conditions of my coming to Hogwarts, Sirius.”

Sirius’s throat ached.

“And if Dumbledore says I have to go… I go.”

“And I’ll go with you if he does.”

"No, you won't."

"You can't stop me."