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Offender, Bilius Weasley (Lily)


Lily realized after she'd walked away from Severus that the first class of the morning was a double and therefore she had nothing to do until lunch, so she went back to the Gryffindor common room in the interest of staying out of Professor McGonagall's way until she'd figured out what to tell her had been her excuse for skipping out of Defense Against the Dark Arts on the first day back from holiday. It was only half-shocking when the portrait of the Fat Lady opened and revealed James and Sirius laying on the carpet in front of the fire with a score of parchments laying about them. After all, Severus had told her they'd skivved off class, she just hadn't believed him.

“This is bloody brilliant – look at this, a sticking charm -” muttered James, pointing to one of the papers. “Gludiutirnus. He used it to put up drawings all over the school in third year.”

“What of?” asked Sirius.

“Doesn't say.”

Lily cleared her throat.

They looked up at her in surprise.

“What're you doing here?” Sirius demanded as James shoved something silvery under his chest.

“What are you?” she asked.

“Sirius was ill,” James replied quickly.

Lily hovered near the portrait, studying them, hesitating on going in further.

“Why aren't you in class?” Sirius asked.

“I was ill,” Lily said. Her lie was just as obvious as theirs, she thought, and it would force them both into being an alibi for each other. Neither could reveal that the other had been skipping without undoing the other. Lily took a step closer, “What are you doing?” she asked.

Sirius spread his arms over the bits of parchment closest to him, “Nothing,” he replied as James did exactly the same.

Lily raised an eyebrow. “Bullocks,” she said, “I can see you're up to no good, I'm not stupid.”

Sirius looked at James, then back at Lily, “You're too much of a goody-goody for this,” he said.

“I'm not a goody-goody,” Lily argued, frowning.

“You are,” James agreed, “One look and you'll probably run off and tell McGonagall on us.”

“You keep your nose out of our business,” Sirius added.

Lily put her hands on her hips, “So you are up to no good,” she said.

James looked at Sirius.

Sirius stared at Lily, and their eyes locked and they entered into a stare-down, each refusing to look away. James removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Finally, Sirius sneezed and broke the stare, making Lily the winner, and she took it as her cue to go closer and inspect what they were up to. She sat on one side, her back against a chair and picked up the bit of parchment closest to her. “Offender, Bilius Weasley, Third Year Gryffindor. Offense, bewitching suits of armor to shout flirtatiously to passing witches. Punishment, detention cleaning the suits of armor for one week.” Lily looked up. “This is Bilius Weasley's file. You really were in Filch's office then.”

Sirius and James exchanged a glance, then looked at her with curious expressions.

“Severus said you were and I didn't believe him,” Lily explained. “But you were. How were you invisible, then?”

Sirius guffawed loudly – too loudly to be construed as innocent amusement. “Severus is mad,” he said.

“If you weren't in that office, then how do you have this file then?” Lily demanded.

“Lily, Lily,” James said casually, cooly, in a soothing voice, “Does it really matter how?”

“I imagine you'd be in a great deal of trouble just for looking at somebody's private records even without the means of having gone about getting it,” Lily agreed pointedly.

James smiled in the most charming way he could, “But – really, Evans – this is gold, isn't it? All these brilliant pranks Bilius has done? It would be a shame for these details to go to waste in a dingy old bin in Filch's office when they could be studied and honored at the hands of someone with much more respect for the art of pranking.” He waved a palm at Sirius, “Like Sirius and myself.”

Lily's face continued to show disapproval, but she grabbed another bit of parchment and held it up. “Offender, Bilius Weasley, Fourth Year Gryffindor. Offense, setting a spell on the moving staircases which turns the stairs into chutes. Charm will not come off of several steps, resulting in accidental chutes with the weight of 8 stone applied. Several students have been sent to see Madam Pomfrey as a result. Punishment, two weeks detention.”

Sirius snickered, “Imagine you're on the stairs and it suddenly smooths out and you slide all the way down to the bloody entrance hall?”

Lily looked horrified at the thought. “He's a prefect,” she said, “How could he be with this sort of sordid history?”

“Looks like he cleaned up in fifth year,” said James, “We haven't seen much of anything since. Just end of year things, mostly, but that's different. End of year pranks are bloody traditions.”

Lily said, rolling her eyes, “It ought not be allowed to cause such trouble and to be in charge of somebody.”

“Come off it, Evans,” Sirius said, sitting up, “You can't tell me you don't think this stuff is funny?”

“I don't,” Lily said primly, tossing the two bits of parchment she'd read back down onto the pile.

James picked up one he and Sirius had set aside as a favorite. “Offender, Bilius Weasley, Second Year Gryffindor. Offense,” he grinned, “Transfiguring books in the library to have wings and setting them about flying around the room, causing much distress to Madam Pince. Update, several volumes escaped through an open window and had to be captured by members of the Ministry of Magic's muggle-liason office once spotted flying over a muggle community over one hundred miles from Hogsmeade.” He looked up.

Lily had laughed in spite of herself.

“See?” Sirius grinned. “It's funny.”

“Yes but that could've been very serious, couldn't it? Books flying over a muggle city! And what if one of those books got into muggle hands? They'd know about wizards and magic and everything!”

“But it didn't,” said James, “The ministry took care of it. Everything was fine!”

“Lily,” Sirius said, “It's alright to have a laugh. Not everything needs to be perfect. Let go a bit, let that ginger hair of yours down and have some fun.”

She pursed her lips. “What are you two planning on doing with all this information exactly?”

James grinned, “Well we can't let old Bilius down, now can we?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Sirius, “As a prefect, he certainly must want others to learn from the example he has set for us.”

“That is the purpose of being a prefect,” James agreed, nodding, “Setting an example for the younger kids.”

“So following in his footsteps only makes sense,” Sirius added.

Lily waved her hands at the parchments, “So you're planning on doing all this stuff?” she asked.

Sirius shook his head, “No, no, no Evans, you've got it all wrong. This stuff's already been done. We want to be far more original than all that.”

James's eyes sparkled as he appraised her, “You could help out, you know,” he said.

It was Lily's turn to guffaw loudly. “That's quite alright,” she said, “I'd rather not end up suspended, thank you very much.” She turned and stormed off up the steps to the girls' dormitories.

“Told you she was a goody-goody,” muttered Sirius.

Lily felt her face grow hot at the sound of James's laughter.