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Official Club Business


Sirius walked purposefully down the hallway, trying to keep Jasper Odair’s black hair in sight, but he disappeared in the jostling crowd fairly quickly. So Sirius had to look into every compartment to spot them. And when he finally did, Jasper and Lily had gone into a compartment alone.

Well this just won’t do, Sirius thought.

He pushed the compartment door open. “Anybody seen Jasper?” he asked, tucking his head in and grinning, as though he hadn’t already seen Jasper, “Oh-daaair you are,” he sing-songed, making Jasper’s name a pun. He laughed and let himself in. Jasper was carefully putting Lily’s bag up on the overhead with his own things - including his broomstick. Sirius grinned and threw himself onto the bench next to Lily Evans, sprawling to take up all the space there. “This seat taken?” he asked after the fact, then, without waiting for the answer Lily had opened her mouth to give, he said, “Evans, I’ve come to make you an offer.”

Lily checked her previou answer in favor of saying, “Bugger off Sirius.”

Sirius grinned. “You’re not my type, Evans. You lack certain bits of anatomy that are required for being buggering material.”

Jasper looked over his shoulder, “Not very appropriate talk for being around a lady, Black.”

Sirius looked up at him, “Sorry, Odair, I didn’t mean to offend your delicate ears.” He smiled.

Jasper stared at him, unamused.

Sirius leaned closer to Lily and petted her hair with his fingertips. “I have this brilliant idea.”

Lily batted his hands off her, “Stop that.”

“I want to start a club,” Sirius said.

“A club?” Lily asked. “Sirius… please, I have more important --”

He pulled a badge out of his robes pocket and held it out to her.

“P.A.H.W.F.A.H.W.W.N.D.J.P.?” Lily said, reading the letters that were jammed into a giant brick of text on the badge. She looked up at him, “What the hell is this?”

“People At Hogwarts with Fucking Awesome Hair Who Would Never Date James Potter,” Sirius declared. “It’s very exclusive, this club, you see, and so far you and I are the only two in it.”

“I didn’t say I was going to be in it,” Lily said.

“You have the badge. You’re in the club.” Sirius took it and stuck it to her robe, right next to the shiny gold prefect’s badge, her face flushing. “There. It’s all official like.”

Lily rolled her eyes and looked at Jasper, who was sinking onto the bench opposite her, his eyes on Sirius, annoyed. “I’m sorry,” Lily said to Jasper.

“No it’s alright, sounds very… official.”

Sirius said, “I’d ask you to be in it, Odair, but you’d probably date James Potter given the chance. Gay, aren’t you?”

“Uh no…” Jasper looked at him funny.

“Sorry,” Sirius said, “Blimey, I could’ve sworn… You just seem so… Dunno… Feminine? Guess I owe Remus a galleon now.” He looked at Lily and whispered, “I think he’s in denial, that one.”

“Excuse me?” Jasper said, looking astonished.

Sirius grinned, “It’s alright mate, I spent a good deal of time in denial myself.”

Jasper looked angry.

Lily pushed Sirius, “Will you please go away?”

“Now wait just a minute,” Sirius said, grinning, “I’m not quite done with official club business. See here, you’ll be vice president of the club. I’m actual president because I bloody came up with it myself and I made the badges and everything.”

LIly let out a heavy, annoyed sigh.

“Here.” He reached into his pocket again.

“Now what?” She took the parchment he was thrusting at her. “The Official P.A.H.W.F.A.H.W.W.N.D.J.P. Theme Song, music and lyrics by Sirius Orion Black, copyright 1976, all rights reserved.... What the bleeding hell is this?”

“I wrote the club song. Take a look. I think this part right here could be a bit better so if you come up with a better line that ends with a word that rhymes, I’m willing to revise and add your name to the author notation at the top.”

Lily’s eyes moved over the lyrics.

We’re people we fucking awesome hair
We use hair products like we just don’t care
And James Potter doesn’t so in this club he can’t be
Til he combs his hair he is not dateable to me
Plus he’s sort of a git

“This is absolutely ridiculous. Why are you doing this? Go away.”

Sirius grinned. “See i’s that line about the combing his hair ‘cos I’m not sure that would do it. First off, he might break the comb in all those bleedin’ tangles he’s got going on -- his hair’s so thick, too, sort of like his skull you know, that it might just get caught. So maybe it ought to say brush his hair? You reckon --”

Jasper Odair cleared his throat, “Sirius, she asked you to leave. Several times now. I think you ought to listen to her.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Jasper. “Odair, c’mon now. We’re just having a bit of conversation about the club. Are you jealous you’re not in it?” Sirius reached into his robes and pulled out a comb he’d etched with gold lettering - P.A.H.W.F.A.H.W.W.N.D.J.P., of course. “Here. This was Lily’s next induction gift, but since you’re going to have a fit about it you’re welcome to have this lovely bit of club merchandising that --”

Jasper took the comb and stared at it a moment, dumbfounded.

“Sirius, get out.” Lily said, and she got up and opened the door. “Off you hop.”

Sirius sighed. “Fiiiiiine. I’ll see you about the castle. But we still need to talk about stuff. You know, grooming patterns and tips and in what ways we plan to annoy James Potter this term!” He ducked toward the door, paused, fixed a flyaway strand of Lily’s hair, and grinned over her shoulder at Jasper, “Enjoy that comb, mate. And if you ever want advice on coming out, please let me know. I have a good many grand production ideas in my head that my Moony wouldn’t let me go about.” He looked at Lily. “Do you want to learn the secret handshake now or later?”

She shoved him into the corridor and slammed the door.

Sirius grinned. “Later, it is then!” he said to the closed door.




It wasn’t until the train had left Platform 9¾ that Wally Grant let himself start worrying about where Oliver Kent was at. He was crammed into an overstuffed compartment with Liam. Dexter, Darcy, Macy, and Vivian - the entire group of Gryffindor first years, aside from Ollie - and they were talking about their holiday and all the great stuff they’d got from their parents for gifts. Wally was busy wondering where Oliver was, though, and didn’t hear even half of what they were saying.

“What’d you get, Wally?” Dexter asked.

Wally looked up.

“For Christmas?” Dexter prodded.

“Oh… uh a football and some candy mostly… Anybody seen Oliver?”

Vivian, who was putting lipgloss on in her reflection in the window, said, “I saw him when I went to the loo before, but I don’t know where he is. He said he wanted to sit by himself. I told him what compartment we were in.”

Wally stood up, “Where was he?”

“In that small compartment by door. The one on the left with the single bench?”

“Be right back,” Wally announced and before they could stop him, he ducked out the door.

Now that the train was on the move, the corridor was empty except for the people clustering around the Sweets Trolley a bit of the way down the train. Wally turned away and headed for the small compartment that Vivian had said she’d seen Oliver in and when he got there, he knocked on the window and Oliver, who was sitting smushed against the window, a book open on his lap, looked up, then quickly back down, his face red.

Uninvited, Wally stepped into the compartment anyway and closed the door behind himself. He shut the door and sat on the bench next to Oliver. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Oliver murmured.

Wally stared at him. “Missed you in the compartment with everyone else.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you did,” Oliver muttered quietly.

Wally nudged him, “Of course I did, Ollie.”

Oliver stared at the book numbly.

“I’m sorry about your parents,” Wally said.

Oliver stared at the book even harder.

“Are you alright?”

Ollie shook his head. “I doubt I’ll ever be alright again.”

Wally inched closer and tentatively put his arms around Ollie. “I’m really, really sorry, mate.”

Ollie dropped his book on the floor and melted into Wally, his face pressed into the bigger boy’s shoulder. “I have to live at an orphanage because I’m an orphan. I never realized what a horrible sounding word it was until it was my word. Orphan, listen to it. Isn’t it horrible?”

“It is horrible,” Wally agreed and he frowned and patted Ollie’s back. “It’s not your word, though, there are loads of other words that are yours.”

Ollie murmured, “That’s the only one I feel right now.”

“Maybe, but it’s fresh so you’re bound to feel awful for awhile. Doesn’t mean that’s who you are. Please don’t let it be who you are. Don’t let it change you. Your mum and dad wouldn’t want that. I don’t want that. I like you how you are… I - I love you how you are.” Wally paused awkwardly.

Ollie didn’t notice the weird pause. He was crying now, his shoulders shivering and Wally patted his back.

“You don’t got to say that… I know that nobody loves me, Wally,” he said finally after a moment of sobbing. “Everyone who loved me is dead.”

“I’ve just told you that I love you,” Wally said, “And I’m not dead.”

“You’re just saying it though, you don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it, Ollie.” But Ollie continued to cry. Wally leaned his head against Ollie’s wildly messy hair. “I do mean it.”