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Our First Patronus


“Mr. Black, how about you?” Gideon Prewett beckoned him forward, “C’mon, don’t be shy. We’re all beginners here.” He smiled. James had turned to look over at Sirius and so had Lily Evans, whose mouth Sirius could see moving as she read his t-shirt, slowly breaking into a grin as she got to Remus’s name. He stood stock still, his stomach turning as he leaned against the frame of the door, trying to come to terms with the fact that he’d just been selected, out of everyone in the room, to go first.

He was gonna fail while everyone watched. They were all going to know he didn’t have enough happiness in him to cast a patronus. They were all going to laugh and mock and whisper…

“Sirius?” Gideon asked, “Do you want to give it a go?”

Say something funny and get out of it, he told himself.

But literally nothing funny came to his head to say and so he had no choice. He moved forward, a bit stiffly, and reached up to pop the collar of his leather jacket as he did, hoping to maintain some level of coolness, and he drew his wand out of the pocket Lily had stitched him. As he passed through a cluster of Slytherins - all the friends of Evan Rosier’s (including Severus Snape) - he heard McNair whisper, “Wonder if it’ll be a puffer fish he produces.” And the group of them snickered.

He looked down at McNair and said, in a flat voice, “You’re just jealous, Walden… ain’t a person alive - straight or gay - that’s going to suck your filthy, slime coated di ---”

“Ennooough!” called Gideon, clapping. “Mr. Black. Up here, now, please.”

Sirius’s eyes stayed on McNair as he walked around the remaining few students and arrived to the center of the room. All eyes were turned upon him and he tried very hard not to feel fidgety.

From his spot next to Maryrose, Regulus stared up at his brother, rapt attention, his eyes wide with worry and excitement and this feeling that he just knew his brother could do it. He gripped Maryrose’s fingers tight with his own and she squeezed back. He could see James Potter and Peter Pettigrew grinning up at Sirius with this look of pride upon their faces and Regulus glanced around to see that James and Peter were not the only ones watching Sirius like that… everyone simply believed he’d do it.

Everyone but Sirius, it seemed.

Oh and those Slytherin gits, but they were idiots anyway.

Regulus noticed that Sirius’s knuckles were tight ‘round his wand - white from the clench of his fingers.

“Alright, Mr. Black… To unleash a patronus is very simple on the surface, but it takes loads and loads of magic - deep magic. Love magic. Take a moment, think of the one person or creature that seems to you to be the definition of protection,” Gideon said.

Sirius didn’t hesitate. It was Rey, of course. Remus in that boy’s toilet down by the library, the day his hair was cut, the way Remus had transformed from the innocent, sweet, gentle boy he usually was into a roaring mother bear - the way he’d waved his hands and shattered mirrors, pushed Evan across the room with a surge of power… Yeah… it was Remus. He nodded.

“The wand motion, Mr. Black, is like this.” Gideon swished his wand through the air slowly so Sirius could see the motion. He did it twice, the second time speeding up a little bit. “Go on, give it a try.”

Regulus watched Sirius waved his wand quickly through the motion - as though he’d done it a thousand times before. He couldn’t help but marvel at how calm Sirius was standing there before the whole class, how smoothly he moved his wand, as though he were the most confident person in all the world. What must that be like? wondered Regulus, Being Sirius?

“Little bit less -- try again…” Gideon directed, tilting Sirius’s wand ever so slightly. “Like this.” He demonstrated the flapping motion again and Sirius drew a deep breath and did it a third time. Gideon grinned, “There we ‘ave it,” he said, nodding, “Yes, perfect. Now -- now you’ve got the motion. Now comes the deep magic. Think of the absolute happiest you have ever felt in your entire life. Capture the feeling, the memory, the moment… feel it. Feel it as vividly as you felt it that very first time. Let it consume you completely.”

Sirius closed his eyes.

“Dreaming of his puffer fish,” whispered McNair.

“That his wand or is he just having a moment with his happy memory?” snickered Mulciber.

“Ten points each from Slytherin,” hissed Lily, looking over at them sternly.

“Uhoh, we’re upsetting the mudblood,” snickered McNair.

Lily’s fists balled and she started to react but Jasper Odair caught her and and shook his head, “They ain’t worth it,” he muttered.

Lily’s face was flush.

James was glaring across the room at them, and it was taking all his strength not to go over there and hex the bunch of them. The only thing that kept him from doing was that Sirius’s eyes opened suddenly and his jaw set and he looked at Gideon Prewett.

Gideon nodded, “Got the memory?”

Sirius nodded.

“The incantation is Expecto Patronum,” Gideon said, “Go on - let’s see what you’ve got.”

Sirius took a deep breath.

Everyone in the room was on edge, waiting with excitement…

“Whenever you’re ready, Mr. Black,” Gideon prodded gently.

Sirius held his wand up and his hand shook ever so slightly.

Regulus was holding his breath.

Sirius waved the wand…. “Expecto patronum!” he commanded.

A burst of white light erupted from Sirius’s wand - a sort of shield charm that seemed to hum from the tip of his wand and the power of which sent him sprawling backward onto the floor from the force of it. Sirius’s wand clattered to the floor as his arse hit the wood floor panels.

“It’s alright, Sirius,” snickered Mulciber, “It happen to a lot of guys.”

Sirius grabbed up his wand from the floor and aimed it, “Langlock.”

Mulciber was suddenly choking on his own tongue, unable to talk,

“That’s better,” Sirius grinned and pushed himself up.

“Good one, Padfoot,” called James.

Sirius smirked at James as he dusted himself off.

Gideon Prewett pretended not to notice Mulciber as he flailed about and finally got up and rushed out of the room. Instead, he looked to Sirius. “Have another go. That was really good - you did excellently.”

And so Sirius did have another go but he produced exactly the same results. GIdeon didn’t seem eurprised, in face, he said that Sirius’s ability to cast anything at all was remarkable, and he motioned for everyone to get up and practice at it, and he walked among them as chaos ensued as everyone was up and waving their wants and calling out expecto patronum.

Sirius, James, and Peter ended up in a cluster together, working at trying to cast the spell. Lily, Jasper, Ali, and Frank were right behind them, practicing. James kept glancing over her way nervously, and he looked at Sirius and nudged him, tugging him closer, “I’m scared.”

“Of what?” Sirius asked.

“Evans.”

“Everyone’s scared of Evans, she could kill any one of us with a flick of her wrist,” Sirius joked.

“No, I mean… of her patronus.”

“Why? Do you reckon it’s going to be a rhinoceros or something violent?” Siris smirked.

James shook his head, “What if it’s a stag.”

“Then she has a stag patronus.”

“No, but mate -- you heard Gideon. About the forms of the patroni being… you know… significant and all that. What if she produces a stag and I produce a stag and we’re matching?”

Sirius shrugged.

James stared up at Sirius. “What if we don’t match?” he asked, “What if she matches Odair’s?”

“Nobody’s gonna match Odair’s, ever,” Sirius replied rudely, glancing over at Odair, “Chap’s right pathetic. Look at him.”

“I have been looking at him. So has Lily.” James frowned.

Siris ruffled James’s hair.

“What do I do, Sirius?” James asked.

Sirius shrugged. “Do your best, mate, and see what happens. You dunno that she’s going to produce a stag, so why worry about it? You know what Newt Scamander says about worrying? He says it means you suffer twice. So… stop suffering.”

“Yeah, I s’pose,” James muttered.

But James couldn’t stop watching Lily with anticipation, both hoping and dreading that the patronus would burst from her wand and shivering every time she got one of the humming shields like Sirius had done. Most of the people in the classroom hadn’t even accomplished that. There were a few that were doing really well at it and coming closer and closer. One of the seventh years had produced the largest shield of the lot so far but it hadn’t formed it’s animal shape.

Suddenly there was a loud round of exclamations from across the room. People were shouting and pointing and Gideon Prewett was yelling “Very good!! Excellent! Our first patronus!”

James craned his neck, trying to see over the cluster of people that instantly closed around to look. Then his eyes widened and he looked at Sirius as a break in the crowd allowed a pale, ghost white dog to emerge from among them. Shaggy, with a big leathery nose and wide paws, loads of fur… Sirius stared at the dog and his heart nearly stopped. There was no mistaking that dog. It was Snuffles.

“Remus?” he asked, looking up in confusion. Had Remus snuck in and just proved to them all how bloody brilliant he was by not even attending the lesson and still being the first to cast the charm? He looked about for the caster and as the dog rounded about him, James, and Peter, Sirius went after it, following it through the break in the crowd of students and he watched as the dog raced it’s way across the wood floor and came to rest at the feet of Regulus Black.

“Brilliant, Regulus! Absolutely brilliant!” Gideon said loudly, and everyone was clapping… everyone except Sirius, who simply stared…

Regulus looked up at him and the brothers eyes met.