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Can You Hear Me Major Prongs?


The first thing James noticed was that the forest had never been attacked by the erumpent. All of the trees were still standing exactly where they’d always been, the yard of the Shack was clear and without damage. So there was no erumpent the night of the Snape-Werewolf Incident. Which meant there’d been no Newt Scamander present that night. So probably inside would be neater - no Niffler to tear apart the clubhouse. But it also meant that Remus was in the Shrieking Shack the entire time. It meant that Sirius knew Remus was in the Shrieking Shack the whole time, knew that he was sending Severus Snape to an actual werewolf that night.

James squinted - thinking of what that meant, trying to figure out why Sirius would do that - as they stood at the fence surrounding the Shack, waiting for an opportunity to jump the fence and run up to the door without being seen by any students watching for ghosts. They were standing in exactly the spot that they’d left from in James’s future-past-whatever and he wondered where Regulus Black was and what was different in his life now, with everything that had gone on in his own.

Maryrose, for one.

When had they broken up and why and how? It occurred to James that if Maryrose never died, then they never went to the cave, which meant Regulus Black had never been given the Dark Mark - his arm should be clean. James felt a thrill of joy go through him for Regulus and he couldn’t wait to see him again, just so he could pull up his jumper sleeve and see the pale wrist bare again. Regulus would never understand why James was so happy to see it, but James could already feel his heart beating with excitement at the thought of it.

“Merlin’s miniature monkey - are they selling fucking tickets to this thing?” Sirius groaned as one set of students meandered up to the fence, talking and pointing to the Shack. “One little rumor and the whole damn school is all over this place.”

“Rumor?” James asked before he could stop himself.

Luckily, neither of them heard him.

Sirius plowed on on his own accord, “I should fucking go in there, change into Snuffles and scare the bejesus out of the whole lot of them! Imagine their faces if I came running out of there, all vicious and snapping and they all think I’m the bleedin’ werewolf and they run away screaming and soiling their pants?”

James’s heart stopped. There were werewolf rumors about the Shack? Well, we all know who started those don’t we? he thought bitterly.

Peter snickered, “They either think you’re the werewolf of the Grim, like Bilius did!”

“Exactly!” Sirius snorted, “Either way they soil themselves! What do’ya think James? You dare me to do it?” Sirius was grinning and he slapped James’s arm to get his attention. “Oi, Prongs. Grouuuund control to Major Prongs… grouuuuund controlllllll to Maaaaajor Proooooongs!”

James had lost himself into the thoughts about the werewolf rumors and what that would mean for Remus - was that what had upset Remus so much? He was sure that was why Remus was quite distant acting, but there was something more - something recent - something about last night. It was driving James mad….

“Don’t think he’s listening,” laughed Peter.

CANNN YOUUU HEAR ME MAJOR PRONNNNNNNGGGS?” Sirius waved his palm before James’s face. “Your circuits dead! There’s something wrong! CAN YOU HEAR ME MAJORRRRRR PROOOOOOOONGS?!

James blinked as Sirius flicked the end of his nose with his fingertip. “What?”

Peter and Sirius both started laughing. Sirius slapped James ‘round the back with his palm, “Merlin’s beard! You’re odd today. What’s up with you, mate? Seriously. You didn’t hit your head or anything yesterday did you?” This time, Sirius actually looked concerned. He studied his mate a moment.

“No - yeah - no, I’m okay,” James said, shaking his head, clearing it. “Sorry, I just -- I’m tired or something.”

“Alright.” Sirius said, the concern melting away as he turned back to look at the Shack. “So what do you think? Shall I sneak in and transform and scare the shit out of these crummy little third-years that can’t leave us alone with our Shack?”

“Nah.”

Sirius looked surprised, “What? Why not? James, it’s brilliant, it’ll be quite fun and just imagine the looks on their faces! And it’s the perfect crime… We can’t even end up in detention for it! Nobody knows about the animagus forms but us!” Sirius looked like he’d been robbed.

James said, “Well, I --”

But before he could say just don’t think it’s a good idea - Sirius’s face lit up and he grinned wildly and a manic laugh erupted from inside him, “Ohhhh. I see why you’ve said no! What - could you smell him coming or something? Snivellus.” An amused expression was dancing in his eyes.

James turned about and he saw Severus Snape coming up the path from the village toward the Shack - alone. Peter was even smirking to himself as Severus came along and Sirius drew his wand. Instinctively, James drew his, too, because he felt like Sirius expected it of him.

Severus was carrying his textbook and a bottle of pumpkin juice and he sat down on a big rock in the shade of one of the trees, not even facing the Shack, laying the book across his lap, oblivious to the three Marauders behind him at the bottom of the hill. If James had thought this would keep Sirius from mischief, he was wrong.

Sirius nodded for the other two to follow him, and he started up the hill with his wand out and Peter scrambled after, drawing his own wand from his pocket. James followed behind somewhat reluctantly… Honestly, he wouldn’t mind seeing Snape hexed. Particularly in light of these rumors that Sirius had mentioned before.

They snuck up behind the unsuspecting Severus Snape and Sirius grinned. “Moredetis liberus!”

And suddenly the book in Snape’s hands came to life, snapping like a great venus fly trap, his spine like a hard jaw. Severus jumped in surprise, but not fast enough to stop the book from having flapped it’s way right up to bite onto Severus Snape’s unusually large nose and Sirius laughed hard as he jumped up, spilling the pumpkin juice all over the rock he’d been sitting on, and the book clung onto his nose, even as he flailed about, trying to liberate himself from the book’s bite, a string of curses and swears coming out of his mouth.

“What’s a matter, Snively?” Sirius called, clutching his stomach with mirth.

James couldn’t help it, “Always got your nose in that blasted book, haven’t you?”

“Good one James,” Sirius snickered and he offered James a high-five.

James slapped their palms together.

Severus managed to get his wand and aimed it at the book and said, “Release,” then turned to look at them as the snapping book fell to the ground and started biting at the hem of Severus’s old, worn out looking robes. He turned quickly at them, “Tarantallegra,” he said and suddenly Peter was set to tap dancing wildly, his arms flapping.

“I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it!” Peter wailed as his feet moved of their own accord.

Rictusempra!” cried Sirius and Severus was suddenly convulsing from being tickled, tears coming to his eyes as he struggled against invisible fingers that worked all his most ticklish spots, which seemed to include his sides and his neck. Sirius laughed.

James smirked, “Empurrar!” he added, knocking Severus onto the ground, where he writhed and squealed.

“Look at him, like a great worm!” laughed Sirius.

“Hey don’t call him worm,” Peter said, “I don’t wish to share a name with him!” He was still dancing.

Finite incantantum,” James laughed and Peter came to an abrupt halt in the dancing, breathless.

“Thanks,” Peter panted.

“No trouble,” James answered.

It had taken this long for Severus Snape to get the breath to stop the charm Sirius had shot at him, but he finally managed to get the words out and end the tickling and Severu jabbed his wand toward them without speaking, knocking Sirius and James both to the ground as though they’d been hit with a wide, visible beam, taking both their legs out from beneath them. “Achatar,” he added.

Suddenly, it was as though a great elephant had sat upon their chests - they were both gagging for air as a heavy weight of compression pushed against their ribcages. He waved his wand one last time, and Peter’s robes twisted up and over his head, wrapping his face in them, in as though they were attacking him, and Severus turned and hurried away as Peter struggled against his robes and the other two gasped and struggled for air as the invisible weight pressed and pressed…

It took a great deal of struggle but finally Peter got the robes off and threw them to the ground, where they went on attacking themselves, a scrambling ball of fabric on the grass. He turned and released James and Sirius from their compression and they both made great wheezy, gasping sounds as the pressure lifted off them and they could breathe again.

“Bloody, greasy-haired bastard,” breathed Sirius, panting.




Meanwhile, back in the village, Ned and Remus were walking along the street toward the Hog’s Head. Ned glanced over at Remus, who, although he’d been talking rapidly moments before about wanting to become a teacher, quite happily, now looked slightly mopey. His eyes were dark green. Ned nudged him, “Mr. Lupin,” he said casually, “Might there be something troubling you?”

Remus hesitated. “Dunno. Well, maybe a little. Some stuff happened last night and Sirius and I had… a really terrible row… the worst yet.” He looked up at Veigler. “Shouting match, really.”

“I’m sorry.” Ned frowned. “Have you been having a lot of rows?” Last he’d known, Sirius and Remus had been virtually inseparable. He could still remember the way Sirius had so fiercely protected Remus at the observatory in Cairo back in the summer, and the way they looked at one another as though they were the only two existing in the world at times - long stares that seemed as though they were conversations, held in a language nobody else could understand, or even hear for that matter.

“Yeah,” Remus said sadly. “We’ve… broken up, see. So… being friends has been sort of hard. But we talked about it last month and we agreed we had to make our friendship work… for Peter and James at least…”

“Staying together for the kids,” Ned said vaguely.

“Right.”

Ned stopped walking, the Hog’s Head in view, but not wanting to arrive until they’d finished this particular conversation. He turned to face Remus. “What… caused it?”

Remus sighed. “Well, first I knew James was talking to Sirius’s brother, Regulus, who Sirius hates just so much, and he thought me a traitor for not telling him that James was talking to Regulus behind his back.”

Ned frowned.

“But I mean we got back together and we were okay after that for awhile. But… Well, Sirius is struggling with depression. Really severe depression. I want to help him, but he won’t listen to me. And I’m not entirely positive that I understand what it is that’s causing it. He avoids telling me anyway he can, see.” Remus put his hands in his pockets, a chill going through him as a breeze cut through the street. He looked down at his shoes. “Won’t talk to anyone, really. He keeps saying there’s a dementor in his chest. He named it and everything. But won’t tell me how he’s feeling or what’s brought it on. He just expects us to know. So when he’s upset, we don’t know it until he’s gone off..” Remus sighed. “It’s hard, Professor. I don’t want to abandon him when he needs me, but I honestly have enough rubbish in my own life to deal with and being ‘round Sirius when he’s like that…” Remus pursed his lips. “You know?”

Ned nodded.

“Anyway, we were strained over that. He drinks a lot. I don’t think he should, but he does anyway. And everyone loves drunk Sirius except for me and drunk Sirius. He hates himself once the parties are over.” Remus gazed down the street at the creaking sign of the pub as the breeze rocked it. “And then he… betrayed me.”

“Betrayed you how?”

Remus said, “Well - there’s this boy, Severus Snape, who’s a legilimens, and he got this theory that Sirius was a werewolf, so Sirius got this grand idea to scare Snape because him and James have this ridiculous vendetta against him - mainly because Snape likes Lily Evans and has been a real arsehole toward James, but sometimes they take it too far. For instance, sending Snape off to meet a werewolf on a full moon night.”

Ned’s eyes widened. “What?”

Remus nodded. “Sirius told him how to get into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow, which is how I get out to the Shrieking Shack on full moon nights. Thought it would be funny to give Snape a scare… Never thought about the fact that I wouldn’t just scare him - I’d kill him. Or worse, change him. And I would’ve done, too, if James hadn’t decided for some reason that it was a bad idea and he pulled Severus Snape out of the tunnel before he ever got to the Shack.”

“So he doesn’t know -- about --” Ned couldn’t speak freely, there were too many people about.

Remus shook his head. “Thanks to James.”

Ned said, “That’s a horrible prank.”

Remus nodded, “I know. That… that’s when we broke up the second time. When Dumbledore told me what happened next morning.” Remus looked down at his trainers in the dust of the street, “I told Sirius to give me my father’s ring back and that I couldn’t love somebody who would… betray me.”

Ned put his hand on Remus’s shoulder. “That took a good deal of strength.”

Remus nodded slowly.

“Sometimes protecting ourselves is harder than protecting others,” Ned said, “Sometimes it’s damned near to impossible. But it’s necessary - and as much as it hurts, it’s the best thing we can do.”

“I know.”

Ned continued, “That said, I’m sorry that you broke up, I know he meant a great deal to you. But Remus, you’re a brilliant boy, and whatever you might think about yourself, you’re not a bad looking one, either. You’re very handsome and you’re young and your heart is so big and so caring… some lucky person will see that one day and they’ll get to be with the most incredible young man that the gods ever blessed this ground with. You’ll see.”

Remus sighed. “I don’t know if I want that.”

Ned’s eyes folded sadly, “No?”

Remus shook his head.

“Why?”

Remus replied, “Because… being… being what I am… I’m afraid that -- well, nobody should have to go through this. And to inflict my troubles on another person, it’s unfair, and the secret is too heavy. I wish I’d never told the lads some days… I feel guilty inflicting them with… with my furry little problem. Maybe Sirius wouldn’t be so depressed if his boyfriend hadn’t been a --” Remus caught the last word in his throat as a group of chattering fourth year girls wandered by. He looked up at Ned Veigler, “I’m not going to make another person fall in love with a werewolf,” he whispered. “It isn’t fair.”

Ned sighed, and he said, “Ah Remus, I pray you’ll change your mind… that you’ll see love is stronger than werewolves.”

Remus said, “I’m not sure I’m capable of loving another person anyway. I think Sirius might still have all of the love I possess.” A lump rose up in his throat. “Because in spite of everything, I’m still horribly invested.”

Ned opened his mouth to reply, but then they heard a joyful chuckle and a greeting - and they looked simultaneously to see Albus Dumbledore, in his bright magenta robes, coming toward them, smiling. “Mr. Veigler! Mr. Lupin! Good day to you both.” He walked up and patted Ned on the shoulder, “Good to see you, Ned. Good to see you. Was your trip from Reykjavik a fine one?”

“Yes, quite good,” Ned nodded. “It’s nice to be back - made particularly better by running into this one here,” he added, pointing to Remus.

Dumbledore smiled, and said - as though he’d overheard the conversation his arrival had interrupted - “Yes, a good deal of our lives are made better upon running into Mr. Lupin.” And his eyes twinkled as he looked the boy over. “Come, let us get to our business. I’ve gotten us a private parlor at the Hog’s Head.” Dumbledore put his arms about Remus and Ned and led them along to the pub.