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Author's Chapter Notes:
A.N.: Thought I'd update this while I was logged on. And before we get too far into the new TMNT episodes. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Only own the story idea. Nickelodeon owns TMNT. Thank-you!
Well I never thought I’d see the day I’d write in one of these things. Master Splinter always said writing was therapeutic, but Master Splinter is gone. And when I say gone, I mean he’s dead. He ain’t ever coming back. Why? Because he was stupid! Who the shell would trust the Shredder!?!?!? Whether we needed the jerk’s help or not, is not the question. The question is why did Splinter believe the jerk was there to help? Why did he think Shredder cared more about Karai – Miwa – whoever the shell she ends up being – than vengeance? Why did he call out to Shredder thinking that he would help stop the Triceraton annihilation device? Why was ‘Saki hurry’ his last words?!?!? Why did we not even get the chance to tell him how much he meant to s? How much he meant to me...

Why did we let the world get sucked into a black hole? Why did we let Master Splinter’s body go with it? Okay, he’s dead. Bu I just think if we’d kept his body, Donnie could’ve revived him somehow or something. I mean, Donnie is the brains of this family...

Okay, realistically, I doubt even Donnie could’ve saved him... I mean, Shredder’s blades did go right through him and everything...what a way to go...it’s an image I’ll probably never get out of my head...Damn.

I think we’re all in shock over what’s happened in the last few days. I know I sure as shell am. I mean, the world is gone, Master Splinter is gone, and we’re in outer space with a Fugitoid...what the shell is going to happen next? Though I’m not sure what’s worse than unexpectedly becoming orphans. I’ll never trust an enemy ever again, that’s for sure. I figured Master Splinter knew what he was doing, but I guess not. I don’t think even he thought Shredder was more for vengeance than for saving the world Karai is still on somewhere. I guess not all father’s love outweighs everything else. I know Sensei would’ve and did do everything he could for us. Shredder, well, he’s a jerk who doesn’t seem to care about being a good father at all. Though, we should’ve known that when he caged her and chained her over mutagen then blamed us after he was the one who sliced through the chain holding the cage. He is what caused her to fall into the container and mutate into a snake! He is why none of us have fathers anymore!

I mean, think about it really. Shredder killed Master Splinter, which caused us all to pause and not save the world. The world that April’s father and Casey’s father and kid sister were still on. As far as we know, we’re all orphans, and as far as we know, the only thing left of earth. Jeez. This is going to get depressing real fast.

I’m surprised I don’t sound angrier about this crap. I know I feel pretty damn angry and bitter about it all. But in writing it down, I just feel drained and tired. I’m tired of fighting about everything and for everything. I actually feel sad, come to think of it.

Admitting that was hard. Mikey’s the only one who ever openly admits to being sad and stuff. Granted he is the baby and can be pretty emotional at times. I often wonder if he’s just doing it to get more attention and affection. I’m a sucker for that crap when it comes to him. He’s my little brother though, and I don’t like seeing him anything but happy. So if a few extra hugs are what it takes, so be it, I’ll suck it up and do it.

Leo and I were butting heads again earlier. Not that, that’s anything new. I tend to go stir crazy when unable to just get out and breathe in some fresh air. Though, I highly doubt we want to open a door on this space craft just to breathe in the air. I’d rather not be sucked out into the depths of outer space with all these crazy aliens who are all intent on destroying one another. Why they all can’t just get along and stick to inhabiting their own planets is beyond me. I mean, if it weren’t for the Kraang and Triceraton’s stupid war, we would even be in this mess! If it weren’t for them, Master Splinter would not have gone to Shredder for help. If it weren’t for them, Shredder never would’ve had the opportunity that he did to kill out father!

Okay, I’m back to being bitter again. But can anyone blame me? I’m sure we’re all a little bitter right about now. Each of us for our own differentiating reasons probably. Though I’ve a feeling my brothers and I are likely bitter for the same reasons. Our father was murdered right before our very eyes! No one should ever have to see that! Especially not a bunch of fifteen and sixteen year-olds!

And especially not Mikey! Okay so we treat him like a little kid (he does act like one a lot of the time). But he is more sensitive than the rest of us. I mean, Donnie is sensitive too at times, but Mikey, he really lives up to being the baby. I constantly feel the need to protect him, more so now than ever. I will not have anyone tell me that I’ve been a horrible brother to him. I like the kid more than I care to admit. He can be rather amusing at times, though right now he’s mopey and quiet. I miss the happy, crazy, going-to-annoy-the-shell-out-of-my-brothers Mikey. I know he can’t be happy all the time, and he has as much right to be upset as the rest of us. But I could really use his happy-go-lucky hyperness right about now.

If I could turn back time, I would in a heartbeat. I would’ve never befriended the Triceraton and I for sure never would’ve let him active his homing device. But I know I can’t go blaming myself. I did everything I could to save everyone, but only managed to save my kid brother. Thank God we managed to save Mikey from the Triceratons. I don’t know what I’d do without the kid. I think losing him would be so much worse than losing Master Splinter – and losing Master Splinter is pretty rough as it is.

If I am going to blame anyone, it will be Shredder and the Triceratons. I will not let anyone blame me either – though I’m sure some will try. I’m sorry I have a heart. But whatever. We’ll get through this, I’m sure of it. We always do.

Raphael