Just A Kiss

Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
Just a kiss, Lady Antebellum.

It wasn’t just an usual night and it wasn’t just an usual coming back from a series of shows or a leg of the tour. It was a special occasion because it was the first time that Nick had came back home with Brian, in a town that wasn’t his and, most importantly, it was the first time they would spend a couple of days together since they had started what Brian still couldn’t really define with perfection.

Were they in a relationship?

Were they, as silly as it may sound, boyfriends? Or were they just lovers, something more than just best friends but something less than a serious relationship between two adults?

During the tour it had been almost impossible to talk about it: they were always, well, almost always, circled with friends and the entire circus that rotated around a band and a tour. There hadn’t been a chance to talk, only brief moments full of stolen kisses and touches that wanted to lead on to something more and more but, yet, it couldn’t be satisfied in such a short term; nights that could only be spent exploring and getting to know each other’s bodies and skins better, trying to get inside and deeper that they could ever be able to and no air or breath could be wasted away for talking. There was time and space for touching, kissing and longing.

 Or, maybe, they both didn’t want to ruin and shatter that magical bubble wrapped around them as if talking would made them realize that it had been only sex, no more connection than just sexual attraction and pleasure.

Nothing more than that.

“You know... I was thinking...” Brian started to say while his lips travelled up and down that delicate and sensitive trail of skin on Nick’s neck.

“Are you even able to think right now?” Nick replied in a raspy laugh, hips moving closer and closer and legs wrapping around Brian’s so he wouldn’t be able to run away. Or disappear, in case that was just a fragment of a dream, one of those fantasies he used to cling to when things were rough and Brian was just a part of his past.

“There is a break coming up. Only a few days but...”

“But what?” Nick asked, propping himself up on his elbows because something in Brian’s voice didn’t feel quite right. It was serious, much more serious than a moment like that required to be but... no, it wasn’t only that. There was another note, a texture that it sounded like embarrassment as if Brian had suddenly changed into a fearfully child who didn’t know how to ask something to his parents.

“I was wondering if you would like to spend those days with me. At home. My home.”

In the silence that fell after those words, Brian didn’t dare to raise his head or his eyes. He was so sure that Nick would end up laughing, joking about how he was making that thing, that relationship, more serious than it was indeed. He had been an idiot, naïve to think that there could be more than just bodies melting into each other, breathing and craving skin as if they were the only things that could keep them alive.

As if they belonged to each other in every way.

Fingertips landed upon the smooth skin of his chin, lifting it up so that Nick could stare inside those blue ocean eyes that had stolen his heart so long ago that he couldn’t even think or recall a moment when he hadn’t been in love with that man. And the thought scared him, it still scared him to the bone because he had never known what love should be or feel. He just knew that it felt right with Brian. He just knew that, somehow, some Gods must have decided to send that angel to him and he would be stupid, the most stupid man in the world, if he let him slip away from him.

“I would love to.”

Shock and surprise filled Brian, as relief rushed through him as if it was an invisible ocean wave. A smile started curving his lips, dots of a sweet and tender shade of red appeared on his cheeks and those long eyelashes hid, for a moment, a different light inside his eyes.

“You sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Nick replied back, his fingers tracing the line of his jaw until they could meet and intertwine with a strand of hair.

“You usually have thousands of projects going on...” Brian shrugged, still not quite believing those words coming out from Nick’s lips. Still not quite believing that it hadn’t been only his imagination, or just a fantasy caressed and treasure inside his heart, that his feelings could be returned. He still couldn’t believe that it hadn’t been only sex for Nick.

“Usually. Not right now. – Nick’s tone was so full of determination and, yet, he just wanted to kiss those red lips to make Brian believe one for all that it wasn’t a dream, that he was fully on board with taking their relationship, their friendship that had never been just being friends, a step further. He was ready, more than ready to spend all of his time with that one person that had managed to get through his hard shell and filled the past’s cracks and scars with love. – Right now I just have one project. The most important one in my life.”

Brian leaned over, almost falling upon Nick’s lap and brushed that sensitive spot between ear and neck that he knew, oh if he knew, that would burst out with shivers and fireworks.

“And can I know which project are you talking about?”

The first answer wasn’t delivered with words: lips crashed upon lips, tasting something that it was a mixture of both pleasure and sweetness, tenderness and passion before it faded into small butterflies that carried words that they, Brian and Nick, were still hesitant and a little afraid of saying.

“It’s you.”

“So... we just need milk and then we’re done.” Brian said as they were walking through the empty aisles of the supermarket, an absence of curious eyes that had made it easier to walk closer than ever, hand in hand and fingers linked together so that they could brush, now and then, the skin in a sweet and tender caress.

“Can we get chocolate milk?”

Brian raised an eyebrow at the request but his serious stare couldn’t resist much longer and immediately changed into an amused grin. “How old are you?”

“Come on! Just one!”

“Of course we’re gonna get just one bottle. – Brian stated as if it was something that everyone, Nick included, should have known. After all, they would be home only for a few days so there was no need to buy a lot of things if they were going to be away for months. - By the time we will be back again from the tour, half of the food would have expired.”

Nick didn’t know exactly what stopped him as Brian started to search for the type of milk he had requested. Perhaps it was just the normality of what they were doing, acting finally as a couple and not sneaking around and always being so damn cautious about being caught; perhaps it was the fact that Brian made Nick feel like a normal guy, a too tall nerd that loved drinking chocolate milk for breakfast and wasn’t ashamed to admit it to the person he was with: the person who had been his best friend, his worst enemy and through all those years, had stood by him and waited for him to understand and see the truth: that they were two normal guys who had fallen in love with each other long before they could understand, long before they were ready for.

And that was what had made him stop in the middle of the aisle: that was love. Not the big and romantic gestures, not only the declaration of deep-meaning words or writing poems or songs over and over again. Love was those small things: being able to go and do shopping together, going back to one’s house without the pressure to do something, to make an impression or just because he didn’t want to be alone like always. Love was real life and that was what Brian was promising him: a future together, something solid to build day after day, far away from the spotlights and all that bottomless pit of fame that once had already managed to sweep him into and from he had barely made it out alive. Love was being loved because of who he was and not for all the money he could bring, or for all the compromises and favors that he could offer in return for a one night stand. Because Brian didn’t need him for money or fame.

Brian needed him for deciding which milk they should drink in the morning.

Brian needed Nick, just him.

So Nick acted on impulse, tugging on Brian’s hand so he would turn around to face him. An expression of confusion frowned Brian’s face but he didn’t have the time to ask or say something because Nick leaned down and placed his lips on his, locking them in a kiss that wasn’t forceful or full of passion. It was a gentle kiss, a touch that just wanted to convey that emotion Nick was feeling but couldn’t quite put into words.

It was just a kiss.

The most romantic and normal kiss Nick had ever had. And, he knew, it wouldn’t be the last.

“What was that kiss for?” Brian asked, still a little bit confused but, at the same time, his entire being thrilled and tingled with sparks of affection and love. That was all he had ever wanted: someone to spend the day with doing all those ordinary things that normal couples did all the time, those same things he had watched his parents have done, and still, did together as if time never really touched their love, as if their love was just about to blossom.

Nick caressed the tip of Brian’s nose, placing another butterfly kiss upon his lips while a smile made its way through the tired lines on his face.

“Just because I like you. Really like you. A lot.”

Brian couldn’t help but smile in return, giving back that smile and just let happiness swept inside him. “I like you too.”

“That’s it? You only like me?” Nick asked in a playful yet serious tone.

Brian closed his eyes for a moment, licking his lips as he felt the air around them shift and become still, as if it had been waiting for that moment to happen for as long as forever. A part of him was scared while those words, those simple words, prepared themselves to be said out loud, because there would always be that tiny chance that Nick didn’t mean what he had implied with that question. But love wasn’t for the cowards, love was for those people who took chances even when they didn’t know if it was going to turn into something beautiful or into pain and hurt. Love was for those who put their heart out there, with no remorse or doubt: and Brian had never had a doubt about what he felt, about what he was feeling and would always feel for that boy that had turned into a man right in front of his eyes.

“Would you be scared if I said that I love you?”

Nick leaned down once again, this time with a smile so bright and so big that brightened up those lines of pure and genuine happiness that Brian promised himself to move mountains and dry seas and oceans if it meant to preserve that expression on Nick’s face forever. He deserved it, more than anyone else in the world. He deserved, Nick, to be loved as if there couldn’t be no one else in the world, as if the world itself had to run around him because he was the brightest star.

He was Brian’s sun.

“No. – Nick replied, wrapping his arms around Brian’s thin waist and pushing him closer so that he could inhale his perfume and his promise of love. – Because I love you too.”