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Faithfully
Chapter 23
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi’s POV

Yesterday Dr. Nguyen told Nick I almost aborted the baby and that at one point I wanted to die. She keeps telling me I really didn’t, but she doesn’t know…no one can really know how full of self-loathing I was.

I stare at Haley Jo in her swing and I still can’t believe what I almost did. I’ve always been against abortion. But when I first found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t cope. At the time all I could think of was she was conceived from a hateful, vile, despicable act.

I think back over my life with Nick so far. I know she was conceived the night before our wedding. When he got the penthouse for us and we spent the entire night making love. Just remembering those feelings makes me ache for him to hold me…make love to me. But we can’t make love for at least another month.

As for him holding me…he does. But I can’t get him to sleep in the same bed with me. I know he’s still feeling guilty so I’m trying not to push him. It’s not easy. I wake up at night reaching for him…and when I realize he’s not there, I freak out. I haven’t told him that. I still think some part of him wants to run from me now that Haley Jo is here.

My little girl…she’s the light of my life. Looks just like her Daddy. Those big blue eyes just do me in. She’s going to be so spoiled…by Nick and me both.

I’m pulled from my thoughts when the bedroom door opens and Nick pokes his head inside. “Jessi, is your phone dead? Hanna Jo just called me because she couldn’t get you.”

I sigh. “No, I turned it off when I was rocking Haley Jo. I’ll call her.”

He holds his phone out. “Don’t bother, use mine.” As I take the phone, he says, “I’m going to run to the grocery store. What would you like for dinner?”

Biting my tongue so I won’t say ‘you’ I shrug. “Whatever you’re in the mood for.”

His eyes narrow. “You ok, Jessi?”

I smile and say, “I’m fine. Sure you won’t need your phone?”

He shakes his head. “No. The only person that calls me is AJ. Enjoy your talk with Hanna Jo.”

I put the phone to my ear as he walks away. “Hey Ho Jo, what’s up?”

She sounds worried. “Jessi, you ok?”

Sighing, I say, “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

She growls, “Bullshit. Why do you sound like you’ve lost your best friend?”

I can’t help but snicker. “I swear, Hanna Jo, I’ll never get used to you cussing.”

Her temper flares. “Stop it Jessi. I’m worried about you, what’s going on?”

I sigh, knowing I can’t avoid this. “It’s Nick. I don’t think he wants to be here.”

After a brief pause, she whispers, “Jessi, he does want to be with you. He just feels…guilty.”

I watch Haley Jo sleeping and whisper, “Ho Jo, why can’t we just let it all go?”

She sniffles. “We can Jess. It’s going to take time.” Another lengthy pause before she says, “Nick told Alex you want to go to the sentencing.”

Here we go another lecture. “I have to Hanna Jo. I can’t let Donnie Wahlberg think he broke me. The world should know what he did and I damn sure plan on telling them.” Before she can say anything, I mutter, “Nick said he’d go too.”

Imagine my surprise when she says, “I know. He told Alex.” Before I can line up my arguments for going, she says, “I want to go too, Jessi. Alex, Denise and I are flying into California tomorrow.”

Tears sting my eyes. “Hanna Jo, please tell me you understand.”

She chuckles. “Of course I do. I just hope you’re ready for it.”

She sounds like she knows something. “Ready for it? Ready for what?”

Sighing, she says, “Brian, Howie and Kevin will be there too.”

I fall back on the bed. “They what? Why?”

Her voice softens. “Jessi, what Donnie did to you was horrible, but he hurt us all. He broke up the group, he almost killed you and Nick, he threatened to kill Alex, Denise and me…he’s just evil. The boys have been talking and they think it’s time to let the world know what happened to the Backstreet Boys.”

I sit up. “What do you mean? What are they going to do?”

She’s quiet for a long time. I just wait. Finally she says, “After the sentencing, they are going to do an interview with Entertainment Tonight about what happened.” Before I can blink, she rushes on. “Jessi, they aren’t going to mention you, it’s just the sentencing is going to be widely publicized…”

Before she can finish her sentence, I say, “Hanna Jo, stop…listen to me.” When she stops talking, I say, “I’m not mad. I…I’m glad they are going to talk about it.”

I swear I heard her jaw drop. “Jessi? Are you sure?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not. But there is one thing I am more than sure of. The world should know what Donnie Wahlberg is.” I lower my voice to an agonized whisper. “Hanna Jo, I’d give anything for Nick to sing to me like he used to, but he doesn’t. He won’t even touch his guitar, even though it’s here with us.” I sniffle. “I miss that. I miss him singing to me. He doesn’t even sing to Haley Jo.”

She’s crying with me. “I understand, believe me. Alex is the same way. He won’t even sing along with the radio.” After a minute, she says, “Brian called Alex last night. They’ve been talking about trying again…after the sentencing. Brian has some songs he wants them to hear.”

Haley Jo starts fussing. I find her pacifier in the swing by her leg and pop it in her mouth. “They? You mean Brian and AJ?”

Her voice is very timid when she says, “All of them. Including Nick.”

I drop to the floor by the swing. “What? What? Hanna Jo?”

I can hear her laughing. “It’s not definite Jess. But when you told Nick you wanted Donnie to know he didn’t break you, it kind of hit home with him. It wasn’t just you and Nick…it was all of us. He effectively destroyed one of the most popular, talented groups of all time. Nick wants to make sure you get everything you want…meaning Donnie Wahlberg doesn’t win a damn thing.” She sniffles lightly. “Jessi, Nick knows you miss him singing. He wants to. He’s just afraid. Be patient with him.”

I scoot closer to the bed and lay my head back on it. “How did you…did you talk to him?”

She answers me softly. “No, he talked to Alex. Jessi, he knows you need him and he’s trying. He just doesn’t want to disappoint you.”

The rest of our conversation is short and to be honest, I don’t even know what she said. All I can think of is how Nick feels. He is trying. He does want it. Now that I know that, I can be patient. I can wait for my man because I love him enough to wait. I can wait for him because he’s worth it.










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