Faithfully
Chapter 8
By Dottie
Copyright. 2016
Jessi's POV
I can't believe this is the same man I married. In six months his hair has grown down to just below his shoulders. I see strands of gray throughout the thick luxurious locks. I can tell he just washed it, but it's obvious to see a comb or brush hasn't touched it in quite a while.
As if the long hair wasn't enough, the full beard startled me. Nick used to hate facial hair. Said he didn't like how it felt when he ate...or slept. It doesn't look like he's sleeping much. Boy have I had nights like those lately.
I think the biggest shock is his eyes. They seem lifeless. Like he really has given up. Up until I saw him sit down across from me, part of me wanted to remain aloof. I can't just go back to being Jessi Carter. But seeing the tall, handsome man I love reduced to looking like a beach bum barely scratching out an existence makes my heart ache.
For all the things Donnie did to me...for all the months I thought I hated Nick with a passion because of it...I see now that he hurt Nick a hundred times more. Not just physically. Nick didn't have any choice...if he had told me I'd have given into Donnie. I'd have let him rape me...and it wouldn't have been rape. And he wouldn't be sitting in a jail cell.
Pushing Donnie from my thoughts I focus on Nick again. He still won't look at me. I slide even closer to him, amazed that it was so easy for me to forget the six months of anger I felt. I just want to comfort him. I want to take care of him. I'm as fiercely overprotective of him as I am the child growing within me. When I found out the baby was Nick's, it's like the anger was sucked out of me and replaced with love...deep, passionate love.
I lay my head on his shoulder again. I hear AJ say, "Nick are you really ok?"
Nick lays his head against mine and murmurs "Yeah."
But the feeling of hopefulness I was feeling is quickly sucked away as the baby kicks. I'm leaning against Nick's arm and his elbow is pressed against my belly. I know he felt it. He jerks back, avoiding my eyes. He stares in horror at my swollen stomach before he pulls away and starts to stand.
I grab his hand and force him to stay by the table. AJ stands to block his exit. I find my voice and manage to hoarsely whisper, "Nick, it's not his baby."
Nick sits again, jerking away from me. "Then who the fuck...?"
I look at AJ feeling helpless. He says, "Nick, you gotta listen to me. I...I thought you had figured it out a long time ago. When management wanted you to have that vasectomy...it was a hoax."
Nick shakes his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"
AJ pulls off his sunglasses. "Nick, look at me." When their eyes meet, AJ says, "You didn't have any surgery. Fuck Nick, think about it. When you woke up did feel any pain? Any discomfort? No, you went right back on stage with us that night."
Nick looks lost. "What are talking about? They gave me painkillers as soon as I woke up."
AJ snorts. "They probably gave you vitamins. Nick I swear, I heard them talking. The surgery was a set up. The convinced you that you had to wear condoms because that girl had some kind of disease that accused you of fathering that child. Management scared the shit out of all of us with that one. But I swear, you never had a vasectomy."
Nick glances at me then looks at the table. I take a chance and lean closer to him, not surprised that he pulls away again. I sigh and whisper, "I know you don't want to believe me Nick, but this IS your child." I hear my voice break and I know I'm going to cry. Pushing away from the table, I murmur, "I...excuse me."
As I struggle to stand, Nick grabs my hand. "Wait...please don't go."
I sit again, watching him struggle to meet my eyes. I feel my lip tremble. "Nick, listen to me." He nods slowly, so I push on. "Thad did a DNA test. This is NOT Donnie's baby...she's yours." His fingers tighten around my hand briefly. I slide my other hand over his and whisper, "Come back with us Nick. We need to talk...I...need you to be there with me."
He starts to shake his head so AJ cuts him off. "Nick, come back. You need to meet Todd...and be there when your baby is born."
Nick manages to look at me and I reach out to touch his face again. He closes his eyes, pressing his cheek into my hand. "Why? Why don't you hate me?"
His sadness...his hopelessness gives me the strength to say, "I could never hate you Nick."
AJ's POV
I don't know how Jessi did it, but she managed to convince Nick to come out of hiding. He hasn't agreed to come to Canada with us yet, but he's willing to show me where he's living so I'll know where to find him.
Jessi was very upset he wouldn't change his mind. We walked her back to the hotel so she could rest and Nick could show me where he's living. Once we're alone, walking down the beach, I say, "What the hell is wrong with you Nick?"
He ignores my question. I see him rubbing his ribs and I know he's still in pain. "Why did you bring her AJ? After what I did to her...I can't even look at her."
I shove my hands in my pockets. "She wanted to come with me Nick. Once she knew the truth, she...she wanted to know you're ok. And now she knows you're not, she's going to worry about you even more."
He shoots me a withering glance. "I'm fine."
I grab his arm. "No you're not! Look at yourself Nick! You're falling apart. I thought you'd be happy...Jessi wants to work on this with you...she's having your baby!"
He pulls away from me, his eyes meeting mine. "I am happy that she came with you! But how can she...how can she forgive me for lying to her...and letting him..."
I fold my arms, watching him closely. "Nick, she understands why you lied. She knows if you had told her the truth, she would have done exactly what Donnie wanted to protect us...Hanna Jo, Mom and me. She did fight him...she is fighting him. Instead of him getting what he wanted, her willingly in his bed, he's probably going to spend the better part of the next twenty years rotting in prison." When he doesn't say anything, I say, "She loves you Nick."
He sits down on the sand and hugs his knees, sobbing. "God knows I still love her...but how can we go back?"
I sit beside him, staring out at the ocean. "You don't go back. You go forward. Together."
Chapter End Notes:
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