The guys had been gone for a few hours already, Nick left her around four a.m. after he took what she referred to as a ‘nap’ lasting about two hours. He assured her he would be fine but she wasn’t convinced. “Is coming to the show tonight on the schedule for Leighanne’s birthday?” He had asked. “You think Brian would set it up any other way? Of course we will be there.” She remembered the way he grinned at her as he leaned in to kiss her again before asking her if she would ride with him overnight again. The memory of it made her dizzy.

“Thank you!!” Leighanne smiled, bringing Coll back to reality.

“I’m so excited to be your birthday buddy today!”

“Awh, you’re the best.”

“Did you guys have fun last night?” Coll asked as Leighanne stepped out into the hallway with her. Coll knew Brian had taken Leighanne for a pre birthday dinner to celebrate and make up for the fact he wouldn’t see her most of the day today and wouldn’t have the chance to celebrate her the way he really wanted to on her actual birthday.

“We did! The two of us and Tom.” Leighanne laughed.

“Oh man.”

“I love Tom but, you know…”

“Sure.” Coll nodded feeling slightly guilty she had alone time with Nick but Leighanne had to have her birthday dinner with Tom.

“I mean he wasn’t like sitting with us at the table but, close enough.” She explained, “Oh, Brian gave me this and told me to give it to you.” Leighanne held an envelope out to Coll, “he said he tried your room and Nick’s last night but couldn’t find you.”

Coll looked at her nervously, “Oh,” she took the envelope, “What is it?”

“Not sure he wouldn’t tell me.” She smiled, “so where were you last night?”

“I was sick...? So I didn’t hear him come around...?”

“Yeah, I heard...” Leighanne looked at her suspiciously. “Feeling better?”

“Much.”

Leighanne laughed, “you can tell me I’m not going to rat you out.”

Coll sighed. She was a terrible liar and everyone was catching on. “I’ll tell you later,” she said quietly and ripped the envelope open, she snuck a little peek at it without taking the papers out.

Leighanne’s birthday agenda: for Coll’s eyes only!!!!!!

Coll smirked as she read what she could of the folded paper as they arrived at the elevator.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” She said quickly and followed it up with a yawn. “Tell me more about dinner.” She smiled, trying to keep as much of the day’s attention on Leighanne as possible.

Halfway through breakfast Leighanne decided that it was far too cold in the dining room for her liking and

went about finding someone to discuss it with. Coll used the time she had alone to preview Brian’s master plan.

Coll, thank you so much for being there today. I owe you one. Maybe two.

Love you, Little.

Here’s the plan - where to be and when.

Sometime before 10:00am Coll and Leighanne wake up

Between 10:00am and 10:30am Hopefully eating breakfast!

11:30am: Driver pick up side entrance at the hotel to drive to Spa

11:45am: Arrive at spa - massages and mani/pedi !! (omg so jealous.)

3:30pm: driver arrives at the spa to bring you back to the hotel

3:20pm - 4:00pm: Get ready to come to the venue (he will wait for you!)

4:15pm: driver brings you back to the venue

4:30pm: soundcheck surprise for leigh.

6:00pm: dinner surprise for leigh in the lounge

7:00pm: Coll tells Nick how she really feels.

Her eyes darted up from the paper, processing what she had just read. After a second the shock wore off and she continued reading.

7:01pm: Nick experiences the height of happiness.

She smiled to herself, rolling her eyes and moving past it, but the nervous feeling in her belly remained.

7:30pm: get ready for the show

8:00pm: Tom has something for Coll and Leighanne at the stage door.

SHOWTIME

Coll off birthday duty

SEXYTIME

Leighanne sat back down in the seat across the table from Coll as Coll was finishing reading over the day’s agenda, smiling.

“They said they would adjust the temperature… I really wanted him to agree with me that it’s too cold in here but I’ll take what I can get.”

Coll smiled, “you have that thin southern blood. Did you mention that?” She laughed.

“Actually yes. And i am used to air conditioning but this is extreme.”

“In other news, Brian is so funny.”

“What is it?!”

“It’s a secret!!”

“Ugh, fine.”

“We are going to have so much fun today.” I think.

“Leigh, I love your birthday.” Coll sighed heavily as she reclined into a plush lounger next to Leighanne in the ‘quiet room’ of the spa. Brian had booked them each a ninety minute hot stone massage and it was pure bliss. They had half an hour of decompression time before their nail appointments.

“Me too,” Leighanne replied with a smile and took a sip from her glass of cold cucumber water. “I feel a bit old.”
“You’re a goddess,” Coll explained as she adjusted her ponytail and closed her eyes.

“I’m old enough to be your mother.”

“Ahh yes, my mother who birthed me at seven years old. For sure.” Coll giggled.

“At this rate, I’ll never be anyone’s mother.”

“What?! Yes, you totally will.” Coll assured her. “If you want to.”

“I really wanted to get married sooner but…” Leighanne turned to her. “You know, business.”

“It’ll be worth the wait.”

“Yeah.” She agreed. “It will… just annoying sometimes.”

“I understand.” She said, even though she knew for sure she did not understand it entirely at all.

“Can you just say whatever it is that you’ve been trying not to say all day?” Leighanne smiled.

“Say...?”

“Yeah please just tell me. I’m dying of curiosity.”

“Bu-“

“I know there is something.

“Today is supposed to be about you!”

“Then tell me what I want to know!”

Coll sighed heavily. “Fine. Something happened last night.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t sick I made that up.”

“I know.”

Coll rolled her eyes and sighed, “I have a good reason though.”

“I’m listening.”

“You swear you won’t tell?”

“Yeah, yeah, I swear.”

“Fine. Nick wanted to go out without Billy but didn’t want anyone to know we were doing that so I played all day like I was going out with Angela and Andrea - I have no going out clothes so they lent me some stuff. Once I was dressed and fully convinced they would have fun with or without me, I played sick and went back to my room fully dressed. Then Nick met me there a couple hours later and we went out.”

Leighanne pouted, “you got to go out without Billy but Tom was on my birthday date.”

Coll cringed, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Go on.” She smiled, “I’m so into this whole thing you’ve got going on with him.”

Coll gave Leighanne the summary of the night’s events culminating in a ramble of thoughts that Leighanne could barely understand.

“I have to tell him ... like ASAP.” Coll finally concluded, rubbing her forehead with her hand. “But I can’t. I know I can’t yet. I shouldn’t.”

“You should, but, I’m sorry can you just rewind for a minute to the part where you were naked.”

“I was not naked.”

“Well close enough.”

“It was not that big of a deal on the surface - he’s seen me in a bathing suit… plus it’s not that big of a deal anyway.”

“A one piece.”

“Well, I used to have a two piece but…”

“I had to make a bold move to prove a point. That was the best I could think of in the moment. And it does have significance... More than him seeing more of my skin than usual.”

“It has a lot of significance, Colleen.” Leighanne began.

“... what do you mean?” the seriousness in Leighanne’s voice made her question everything.

“He’s vulnerable with you. You’re vulnerable with him.” Leighanne explained sweetly, “that’s real.”

“Yeah…”

“He doesn’t do that … he doesn’t … act like that with women. That’s not the Nick Carter I know. But we have known this - he’s different with you. He’s got no experience with this.”

“He’s been with plenty-”

“Not like this.”

Coll swallowed hard, looking past Leighanne and into the distance, unable to focus on any one thing as her mind ran circles around itself. She was as sure as she had ever been about how she felt and as sure as she had ever been that she couldn’t tell him yet.

When Leighanne and Coll arrived at the lounge that night before soundcheck the guys were having a smiling-as-wide-as-possible competition which Leighanne promptly discouraged. “That’s how you get wrinkles.”

“This wasn’t even on the agenda! How do you find the time.” Coll laughed.

“Let’s see yours!” Howie shouted. Coll smiled as wide as she could and everyone clapped.

“That’s good, that’s good.”

“That hurts my face.” She giggled, “let me see yours.”

Howie smiled as wide as he could. She laughed so hard she cried.

“Look at mine.” Nick said and smiled so wide he couldn’t keep his eyes open.

“WRINKLES!!” Leighanne shouted at him as Brian skipped over to her.

“It’s just for funnnnn.” Brian sang. “Did you have a good time?!”

“Of course!” She smiled as he leaned in to kiss her.

“Did you have fun, too, Little?” Brian asked, looking at Coll.

“We had a great time, it was awesome.” She said as she began pulling her hair into a ponytail. “I’m starving though.”

“Oh my goodness, me too,” Leighanne said. “They only had almonds and cucumber water there.”

Coll laughed, “That’s true.”

“How was the spa?” Nick asked as he approached her while Brian and Leighanne walked out of the lounge hand in hand.

“Amazing.”

“Were you spoiled?”

“Completely.”

“Brian told me about the agenda.”

Her heart rate sped up thinking about Brian’s 7:00 pm joke. “Oh?”

“Sounds like you had a lot of surprises.”

“Oh. Well, most of them happen after four, so, they are still surprises to me, too.”

“Ahh, I see.” He nodded. She wondered, as she had many times in the past week, who knew what was going on between them.

“How much did he tell you?” She asked.

“Not that much, just that there was an agenda for ‘Coll’s eyes only’ so you’d know when to have Leighanne certain places for her surprises.”

She nodded, “so far so good.”

He looked at her thoughtfully and it made her nervous.

“I have to make a phone call before soundcheck.” She said quickly. “I dropped the ball on calling home… again.”

“Need my phone?” He asked.

“If you don’t mind....”

“I don’t.” He explained simply, his eyes bright and pouring into her completely.

“That would be great.” She said it, she knew she said it. She felt the words come out of her mouth but she didn’t hear them, her heart was thumping so loudly in her ears, it drowned out everything else.

Four minutes later they were making out in a closet somewhere in the corridor. She had followed him to get the phone but they didn’t make it that far.

“I missed you.” He said quietly somewhere between kisses. She was so tired but her adrenaline was kicking in and she felt dizzy. “I missed you too.” It was true, she had thought about him all day - as she read over Brian’s agenda, through the massage, in the car on the way back to the venue… “last night was perfect.” She said again.

He shook his head in disbelief and continued kissing her.

“We don’t have to hide this if you don’t want to,” he said.

It made her stomach hurt. She searched his face trying to find out what he wanted. “Who knows about this?”

His face nuzzled her neck, “you smell good.”

She giggled, running her hand through his hair, “Nick, seriously, who knows?”

He looked at her, “just the guys.”

She nodded, “and Leighanne. And Angela. And Andrea, i think.” She added.

“It could be everyone.” His thumb traced the line of her jaw and he watched as it did.

She didn’t know what it meant. Everyone everywhere or everyone in their bubble? And what exactly would they be told? What had the others been told? How was he defining this? What even had she told the girls really? She couldn’t think straight. Way too many questions for the moment. She was quiet for a second then started kissing him again.

Her mind was fuzzy as he kissed her, and even more so when they had to stop. They continued on their way to the phone, she called home quickly, they snuck in a few additional minutes of kissing and then hurried back to reality in time for soundcheck.

Brian’s surprises included singing happy birthday to Leighanne at soundcheck and the five of them covering her in silly string - followed by a birthday cake and giving her the gift he bought for her at the jeweler’s at dinner, and finally, a bottle of champagne for she and Coll to enjoy during the show.

“Happy birthday again!” Coll said happily, as she finished pouring two glasses for them.

“Thank you so much for everything.”

Coll smiled sweetly, “I’m so glad we’re here together.”

“Me too. Infinite possibilities?” Leighanne asked as she raised her glass of champagne to Coll as the lights dimmed and the crowd roared up around them.

Coll nodded as she pushed her glass into Leighanne’s. She took the smallest sip she could manage, in an effort to make her one glass last as long as possible… she was far too exhausted already to be drinking.

“I hope all your birthday wishes come true.” Coll giggled.

Leighanne’s face lit up even more and she looked at Coll wistfully, “I think they will…” she stated simply.

Before the buses left that night Coll found Brian to return his envelope to him. Before she could say anything he swung his arm around her shoulders and walked her over to a quiet spot in the dark parking lot.

“Okay,” he smiled. “What’s up?”

She smiled at him, and held the envelope out.

“Thank you again for a great day.” Coll said quietly. “You probably don’t need this but I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do with that receipt… I know no cost is too great for Leighanne but, you were very generous to me today. Thank you.”

“Thank you for being there when I couldn’t be.” He said genuinely. “I’m glad you both had fun.”

She nodded, “Look at how pretty my nails are!” She laughed as she held her hands up.

“Oh my gosh.” He said in his girly voice. “So gorgeous.”

Coll smiled as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Leighanne only had to listen to about thirty minutes of my emotional tailspin. Which sounds like a lot but by comparison, is not actually that much.”

“She never minds being a great friend. And she loves you, so...”

“Sorry I couldn’t deliver on your seven o’clock request.”

Brian shrugged, “I was just teasing you.”

“I know. But… it felt real.” She laughed.

“Are you okay with everything? You seem a little... I don’t know what to call it.”

“I’m tired in ways I’ve never been tired before.” She explained, her voice was happy but she was exhausted. “Mentally, physically … ways I’m not even sure what they are called. All of it. I’m sure that sounds absurd to you and you are much more exhausted than I am.”

“Only physically most of the time.” He said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

She was quiet for a moment as they looked at each other, “I don’t know what you know...”

Brian shrugged, “Not much. He’s been pretty quiet about it… like, careful. I mean, I know the basics. I hope that’s okay…?”

She shrugged, “Of course.”

“But yeah, he’s been kind of modest about it. Which is different for him… like, he’s being mature. Everything he has said to me has been a complete one-eighty from anything else I’ve ever heard him say about women.”

“Well... that’s... probably good.”

Brian nodded, “you know I don’t mean to get all in your business about this or give you advice - especially advice you might not even be asking for. But just as insight… he’s terrified.”

“Yeah, I can tell that he is sort of. What’s your theory?”

“Not scared of you but ... the potential.”

She inhaled deeply, “Okay.” That is not the same as the theory i worked up…

“He has never had this before. He’s never even considered he could have it.”
“Have what? Me?”

“Well that too, but… something real. Someone who actually gives a shit. Someone who will let him do what he does without using it to their own advantage.”

“That’s sort of sad. I mean I’ve been in relationships I wasn’t crazy about but never felt like I was being used... or completely misunderstood.”

Brian nodded. “I feel some kind of kindred spirit thing with you. Maybe it’s because we both love Nick.” He laughed.

“Probably.” She agreed. “Brian, honestly…” She sighed, “I’m not trying to rush anything. I get it. And I’m not comfortable with, like, making any moves that are going to leave him feeling obligated.”

He was swaying on his feet.

“I feel like I’ve done a lot of stuff … put myself out there … but he’s hesitating.” She inhaled deeply, “Which is okay… I mean, I understand everything, I think…I tried to tell him - I did tell him - that he doesn’t have to worry about me...”

“You know he loves you.”

She nodded, “he has always loved me. I want to hear him tell me how he feels now. I want to hear myself tell him how I feel now! But I’m choosing to trust that he will tell me whatever it is he wants me to know when he’s ready. I told him that.”

Brian looked at her, wide-eyed. “You told him that?”

“Yes.”

“What did he say?”

She shrugged and shook her head, “It was a whole thing…” She rubbed her forehead, “I can’t be upset about him not telling me exactly how he feels. I’m not telling him I’m in love with him either. But I feel like I can’t be the one to say it to him first because he will feel obligated, that’s what I mean. I don’t want him to feel like he has to be something to me or do anything… I just want him to be himself. And if that means hesitating and moving really, painfully slowly, then, that’s what I want because I want him to be himself.”

“Why do you think he would feel obligated?”

“Because I know he cares about me and he doesn't want to hurt me.” She looked at him and pursed her lips. “Can I tell you something that is absolutely between us only?”

“Of course.”

“Like, even more so than the rest of this. I didn’t even tell Leighanne...”

“It’s safe with me.”

“I think he doesn’t trust himself to love me. Not the way he knows I want … and not the way I think he wants to. I think he wants to love me in a way that is more than he’s ever exerted himself for someone else. In a way, I feel like he’s already done that. But he doesn’t know if he can - he doesn’t know if he is capable. Or he thinks he can’t for whatever reason. Like he thinks about Mandy, and … whoever else. And he knows he wants to love me more than that … more than saying things and then not being able to follow up on them. More than saying things he thinks I want to hear that he may or may not actually understand or mean. More than just sleeping with me… more than only wanting to sleep with me. Because he knows that’s what I want.” She said.

She wasn’t sure what the look on Brian’s face meant. “I think that’s probably right.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I mean, it makes sense.”

“I trust him though. And I think he trusts me.” She looked at him and could tell there was something he wanted to say. “Brian?”

“Yeah, no, that’s good.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Just … like…” he shuffled nervously on his feet, “I mean it is what I said… he’s scared. But look at what you’ve done to him.”

“What?”

“You’ve made him think about it.” Brian smiled. “He’s already exerted himself more for you than anyone else. He’s afraid but he’s doing it anyway. That means something.”

She smiled softly at him, “maybe that’s true.”

“Remember what I said in the elevator?”

“Yes, knock and wait patiently. I think that’s what I’m doing.”

“But there is not just one door, it’s a series. Some - you have to kick them down. Sometimes you have to knock and wait patiently several times.”

She folded her arms over her chest, “See you could have mentioned this whole door behind a door thing then…” she smirked at him.

“You’re smart. Trust yourself.”

She nodded, “I’m not sure I’ve had enough sleep to even have the right to think about it right now. Like I’m in a fog. I think I slept two hours last night. And like, four hours total the forty-eight hours before that.”

“What exactly are you two doing all night?”

She tilted her head at him. “Tonight we are sleeping.”

“Let me walk you back.” He smiled and swung his arm around her shoulders.

“Brian,” she began thoughtfully, “please don’t push him. I’m not going to push him.”

“I won’t. He knows I think you’re great. He knows I think you’re good for him.”

“He does?”

“How could we talk about you at all without it coming up?”

“Why are you so good?” she asked, turning to look at him.

“It’s my job!” he laughed as they got to the door of Nick’s bus. “But seriously, it is.” He said and made three loud knocks on the door.

Nick appeared a minute later, holding the door open.

“Hey.” he smiled.

“Hey.” Coll said.

“I’m out.” Brian smiled and gave Coll one last hug. “Thanks again, Little.”

“Goodnight, Brian,” she said quietly before he scurried off back to his bus

“You okay?” Nick asked as he looked at her.

She smiled softly at him, “we need to sleep tonight.”

“Okay.” He grinned.

“Promise me we will sleep tonight before I get on this bus.”

“Promise.”

“A full sentence please?”

“I promise you will sleep tonight.”

She grinned at him and shook her head. “Not totally convinced but I’m too tired to stand here any longer.”

“it’s hard because you’re so pretty and all I wanna do is kiss you.” he said as she boarded the bus finally, kissing her when she reached him.

“Same to you.”

He laughed. “You can show me how good you are at snuggling.”

“Ohh so you did hear that.”

He nodded as she followed him into the living area of the bus..

She dropped her tote bag and slid her sandals off immediately, yawning in the process.

“This is for you.”

She looked up to see Nick with his hand on a large box that was sitting on a table.

She looked at him curiously as she walked closer to observe, “It’s huge and it has some fancy brand name on it.” Her skin felt warm as her brain scrambled the piece this mystery together.

“I know!”

She smiled at him, “Okay.”

“Open it.”

“Wait, where did it come from?”

“Can anything be a mystery?”

there is literally no shortage of mystery ...

“Just open it.”

She lifted the top of the box open and placed it on the table. She worked a sticker off some crisp tissue paper and flipped those aside to reveal what she assumed was a handbag in a dust cover. She looked at him and he was grinning, with his hands in his pockets watching her. She lifted the package out of the box and worked the drawstring open and away from the merchandise.

She grabbed the bag by its handles and held it up in front of her.

“Nick. This is … this is gorgeous.” She said quietly admiring the leather, the hardware, the shape...

He was so happy watching her.

“Nick, this is way too beautiful and I feel like I shouldn’t even be touching it.”

“Do you Iike it?” He asked.

“I love it. I more than love it. I just -“

“I know how girls are about bags. And I know it’s like ... a thing.” He said, “I just kind of went based on your original... I don’t know if it’s your style… I know you’ve been wanting to replace it.”

She didn’t even know what to say, it was overwhelming. It was too generous, it was too much. “It’s perfect. Thank you. Seriously… wow..” She placed the bag on the table and touched both sides of it with her hands. “I love it. That was really sweet of you. Way too much but very sweet.”

“Why too much?”

“This bag probably cost more than I make in a semester.”

“But it’s a gift.”

“I know and I appreciate it so much. I love it. You’re so generous.” She said as she left the bag on the table and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“It’s not a big deal...”

“It’s a very big deal to me.” She said as she pressed her forehead into his chest. “Like a really big deal. You’re the best.”

“I’m glad you like it.” he said as his hands moved across her back

“I definitely more than like it, but the fact that you thought of it …” she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, her face still hidden against his body, “I love that the most.”