“Nooo Becka, come in here.” Coll stepped aside and held her arm out, motioning for Becka to come into Nick’s suite.

Becka stood there not moving, and began to laugh.

“Colleen, no.”

“What? Yes. Please. I asked you to please not slee-“

“Colleen!! You asked me to walk you over here. You watched me change my clothes and pack my bag… what is the big surprise?

“I’m just-”

“Nothing is going to happen.”

“You’re into him!” Coll moaned.

“I’m not into him. Stop saying that and just relax.”

Coll sighed and her shoulders visibly slouched. “Fine. Just … don’t do anything stupid.” She said quietly, her eyelids felt heavy.

Becka giggled, “Colleen. Anything I do could not be any stupider than anything else I’ve ever done.”

Confusion rushed across Coll’s face “... what?”

“Don’t worry about me.” Becka said as she leaned in and gave Coll a kiss on the cheek. “Have a good night.”

“Night Beck!” Nick waved as he passed by behind Coll.

“Night!”

Coll raised her eyebrows, “Please Becka.”

“Don’t worry so much.” She laughed and backed away. “I’m the one who should be worried about you.” She looked at her sister knowingly. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Coll rolled her eyes as Becka retreated down the hall to meet back up with Howie.

She pushed the door closed and walked back into the suite where Nick was waiting for her.

He silently wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m still a little bit drunk.” She whispered.

“I know.” He laughed.

“Feels good though.” She giggled as she left him and took a seat on the edge of his bed. Slowly, she slipped the shoes Angela lent her off before standing back up. While Becka had changed out of her club clothes Coll didn’t want to waste time, she wanted to get back to Nick as quickly as possible.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” She said. “Can you unzip this, please?” She turned her back to him and motioned to the zipper on Becka’s dress she had borrowed. He smiled to himself and gently pushed her hair over her shoulder before starting in the zipper.

He worked it down slowly, enjoying the sensation of undressing her, revealing more of her skin inch by inch. He took the zipper all the way down and she turned back to face him. “Thank you.” She leaned in to kiss him softly but thoughtfully, and he placed his hands on her hips.

“I’m going… in the shower.” She said again, giving him a look he didn’t recognize.

“Wh-“

She smirked at him as she turned away again and worked the dress off her body as she made her way across his suite. Once it was off entirely she left it where it landed and looked over back at him, her inhibitions were so low and she was enjoying it. She slid her finger under the strap of her bra and began to push it over her shoulder. “Nick.” Her voice was full of something neither of them recognized.

“Yeah.” He said nervously.

“You don’t need an exclusive invitation do you?” She asked and continued stepping in the direction of the bathroom.

He was stunned speechless but moved into action quickly following her path, pulling his shirt off as he did so.

Howie pushed the door to his room open and Becka followed him in, she dropped her bag by the door and watched as he began removing his shoes and watch.

“Make yourself comfortable.” He said.

Becka has already changed into some leggings and a tank top and was eager to sit down so she made her way to a chaise in his room and fell into it casually.

“Was Coll okay?”

“She’s totally fine. She just gets really protective sometimes… like a nervous little chihuahua.” She rolled her eyes.

Howie laughed and made his way over to the chaise and sat down next to her.

“She means well, she’s just … really into her sister role sometimes.”

“Gotta love sisters.” He took a deep breath, “Becka,”

“Yeah.” She smiled at him.

“You told me a bunch of reasons why you think no one will ever love you the way Nick loves Coll.”

“Thanks for the reminder...” She said sarcastically.

“Still kind of curious though … why did you say that you think you’ll never love anyone the way she loves him either?”

Becka looked beyond Howie to the darkness outside his window. The room was dimly lit, a relaxing shade of warm, dark yellow and outside it was the deepest blue. “I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone like that.”

He didn’t know what to say, everything he thought to respond with felt like asking, or being intrusive, and even though she had shared a lot, he still wanted to be careful.

She smiled, shaking her head, astonished at her own discovery, “It’s crazy. I seriously never realized how much I wasn’t experiencing until I saw them together.”

With her back pushed against the cool ceramic wall of the shower, Coll braced herself with one hand on Nick’s shoulder and the other pressed into the wall behind her as his mouth made its way eagerly across her skin.

Her body was still lit up over the way he had finished undressing her, the way he had lifted her up onto the vanity and traced his fingertips across her back to unsnap her bra, sending a shiver up her spine and making every nerve ending in her body tingle… the way he looked at her and told her she was gorgeous. It made her dizzy. She was still spinning and she still wanted more.

Now, his hand was moving over her damp skin and across the front of her leg. Her body felt like it was melting into his.

Her hands crawled down his arms and crept back up slowly, savoring the feeling of his flesh in her hands. Slowly she raised her knee along his leg, sliding her foot up the wall behind her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, swinging her knee away from his body in the process, providing him more access.

Nervously he worked his hand up her thigh and closer to the part of her she wanted him to touch the most.

He was hesitating again. “Sometimes you stop short… not just with saying things.”

She curved her hips in his direction, arching her back away from the wall. Her entire body aching for him to do what she wanted.

He took the hint, some confidence returning.

Her hand was on the back of his neck now, squeezing gently as she felt him inching in closer … poised to give her what she wanted.

The anticipation was intoxicating. She felt her breathing becoming more and more shallow.

The water cascaded over his back, he was kissing her and his other hand grazed over the outside curve of her breast as it made its way up her body to her face.

“I trust you.”

He slid his fingers into her and deepened their kiss.

A wave of relief and pleasure flooded her body. She felt herself unraveling even more.

His lips moved across her cheek, she closed her eyes briefly.

He was moving slowly, unintentionally driving her even closer to the edge.

She pressed her hips further into his body, unsure if she could ever feel close enough to him.

He kissed her shoulder, she closed her eyes.

His fingers were working her in a way she had never experienced before, his thumb pressed into exactly the right spot, in exactly the right way.

She tilted her head back as he began kissing her neck.

“You are so perfect.” He groaned.

Her body was putty, her heart was racing.

“I swear i’m not.” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Perfect for me.” He said it so quietly but she heard it clearly.

“Wait…” Becka yawned, covering her mouth with her hand, “So that plane did not actually say ‘backstreet boys’ on it?” She asked as she hugged a large throw pillow closer to her body, resting her chin on it as she watched Howie move around the room shirtless for a moment before returning to the bed where she was reclining now.

“NO! It was all fake.” He laughed as he sat back into the pillows next to her.

“Oh my god.” She looked at him blankly. “ i feel like I’ve been conned.”

“If you really watch closely, you can see it. It isn’t even in every shot. I dunno why. A lot of the time when you see the plane, it’s blank. It’s not even on there.”

“I never noticed.” She smiled, “To be fair though, i’ve only see the video a couple of times.”

“I don’t know if it’s super obvious or not but, yeah, it’s not real.”

Becka shook her head, “Really thought you guys had your own plane. Now I feel so naive.”

“Maybe someday.”

She smiled and ran her hand through her hair, “Ahh yes, someday… so many things are possibly going to happen someday.”

“What else?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, everything. Like… someday, my life will feel like it’s my own.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like i’m just in this purgatory space of my life right now. Like, half way or less to everywhere. Still in school, still single, still not convinced I’ll ever not be … still living at home which is like, the ultimate in young adult purgatory.”

“What’s the rush though?”

“No rush, just… want something that’s my own I guess.”

He nodded, “I get that. Being in the group and stuff.”

“You ever wish you were solo?” She asked.

“No, not really. That was the plan for a while - that’s how I always thought it would end up. Me… solo. But, this happened. Didn’t plan on it, didn’t expect it.” He looked right at her and she felt her body tense up a bit. “But we met and it was a good fit. We can do more together than I can do alone.”

“You wanna rif a little solo right now?” She asked, tilting her head at him flirtatiously.

He grinned and held his hand out to her. She put her hand in his and looked at him excitedly. “It’s a place I’ve never been and it comes from deep within... and it’s telling me that I’m about to win first prize.” He sang.

“You do that for all the girls don’t you?” She asked as he pulled her in closer to him.

“Only the really beautiful, mysterious ones I want to get to know better.” He said as his face got closer to hers.

“Oh.”

“There aren’t that many.”

His eyes were tired but bright and her hand was still in his.

“Don’t lie.”

“Okay.” He said, “You’re the only one.”

“Oh, please.” She laughed.

He smirked, “Becka?

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Her eyes met his briefly, she nodded slowly as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

Coll watched the numbers on Nick’s bedside table clock switch from 3:46 to 3:47. The two of them were laying in his bed in the dark, with only the light from outside highlighting the scene in his room.

She was laying on his bare chest, her skin pressed into his. They had been laying there in silence together, his hands running gently up and down her bare back between the edge of her lace shorts and the top of her shoulders, indulging in the softness of her skin, enjoying the weight of her on him, loving the experience of holding her and nothing more. He had never been with anyone in this state in this way - and the newness of it was intoxicating.

She was in a state of euphoria, the sense of relaxation she felt was unknown to her before tonight.

They hadn’t said anything in several minutes, each of them tangled in their own thoughts.

“What are you thinking about?” She finally asked.

After a silent second and a deep breath, he answered. “Why were you using the payphone earlier? You could have used mine.”

She lifted her head and looked at him, shifting her eyes, her eyebrows furrowing together, “Seriously? that is what you’re thinking about?”

He shrugged.

She laughed, “I figured if I used the payphone my call would have to be even shorter.”

“Oh.” He said as she sat up on the edge of the bed.

He watched as she left the bed and walked to the dresser where she grabbed a tee shirt of his that was draped over the edge and pulled it over her head.

“No ducks tonight?”

She flipped her hair out the back of his shirt and smiled at him. “Love my ducks, but this is a little sexier don’t you think?” She giggled and struck a brief pose with her hand popped out to the side.

He nodded with an approving grin and she smiled.

He didn’t know it but she hadn’t even brought her pajamas down with her, as Becka changed into her leggings and tank top Coll intentionally grabbed only a pair of clean underwear and an outfit for the next day.

“I love doing all of this with you but this isn’t necessarily the more I want the most.” She said quietly as she crawled back into bed with him. She could feel the influence of the alcohol leaving her body completely, she knew that was the last slightly uninhibited thing she would say that night. She also knew she was more sober than not and the statement she just made was genuine.

He was quiet as she snuggled into him. He wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

She thought about asking him again. Asking him if he wanted to tell her what he had really been thinking about now, but reminded herself she didn’t want to push him.

He couldn’t tell her what he had been thinking as she asked or even before that.

Earlier, she had been naked in his arms and it made him nervous. He thought about if she had even been like that with John. Were there parts of her John knew that he didn’t? Were there things John had experienced with her that he hadn’t? He couldn’t ask. She hadn’t asked him what he had done or with whom, it didn’t seem fair.

He thought about the things he said to her that he wasn’t afraid of living up to - and the things he hadn’t said yet that still scared him.

He thought about being better for her.

He thought about Boston and missing her and sleeping alone.

He thought about being in love with her.

He closed his eyes briefly.

“Nick.”

“When will I see you?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” She asked as he rolled onto his side to face her.

“When you go back to school.”

Her heart pumped harder. She smiled, laughing lightly “It’s whatever you want.”

“I want to see you as often as possible.” His eyes caught hers and they were soft and sweet and interested in what he was saying and he felt comfortable. “I want to be better for you.” He admitted. As the words left his mouth he noticed he felt relieved.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to be something to you… in your life. I want to be with you. I want to be good enough.”

Her heart felt heavy. “Perfect for me.” Her hand instinctively reached for his, “There is not a single thing about you that isn’t.”

He shook his head and she swore she saw a tear catch in his blink. She was tired, she knew he was exhausted, it wasn’t the time to talk about it. She wrapped her arm around him and cuddled him closer to her. He was getting closer to where she most wanted to meet him and she felt happier than she had all night. It means something… it means everything. “I want to be with you, too.”