In the waiting for Angela to continue with her vent session, while feeling very relaxed due to Tami's hair brushing, Coll's mind had wandered back to that morning, talking to Becka from the third-floor atrium of the hotel.

-

"I'm pretty sure she knows about Nick and me… which I was trying to avoid, but…"

"Yeah…" Becka sighed heavily. "I barely know anything, but there were a few times when I overheard conversations or mom saying something - or mom just literally outright told me some stuff. Not much. You know mom… so zen. Kind of like you…"

-

"I just think he really is wrong on this one."

Tami discreetly poked Coll's shoulder to bring her back to reality, noticing she was a bit zoned out.

"Huh?"

"I think we should be able to tell Jen what we want. It shouldn't even make a difference."

"Oh, yeah, I mean…" Coll looked at Tami who nodded, "Yeah, maybe,"

"Right!"

"Right." Coll agreed, unsure what she agreed to.

"I think Jen would appreciate that direct approach if nothing else," Tami interjected as she clipped a chunk of Coll's hair to the top of her head.

"What are you-" Coll began, looking at Tami again but trailed off upon Tami clacking the straightener excitedly. Coll smiled at her and turned her attention back to Angela.

The night before, she had fallen into a restless sleep next to Nick. She had been on edge the entire day, and it hadn't left her even after she told him she didn't want to go to sleep angry, and he did his best to make that happen. He kissed her, made her laugh, snuggled her and reiterated that Florida was just a few days into the future. And she was much happier after kissing him for a while, but her headache was still lingering when she fell asleep, and at four-thirty that morning, she left the bed to call Becka.

--

"She's just a narcissist. I wish i had a more impressive evaluation for you but unfortunately... I don't."

"It was awful."

"The self-medicating adds up… So she doesn't know that you know that she knows…"

"No idea… but should tell mom. Just… what would I even say?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, what is it? Is he my boyfriend? Just tell her I'm ridiculously in love with him?... it all seems like, not enough. The word boyfriend isn't enough. For how I feel..."

"Well, the good thing about moms is you can say exactly that, and it's okay," Becka said sweetly.

"True, I guess. Did you tell her about Howie?" She asked as she twisted a chunk of her hair around her finger.

"I wasn't going to. But, a gigantic bouquet showed up and then I kind of had to. I couldn't talk my way out of that one… and I couldn't tell if I actually wanted to or if I had just been caught off guard."

"Flowers?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah, earlier today while I was out. It was here when I got home. It is… huge. There was a note. It was a thing. I cried. I cry a lot now…"

"Becka!? What did the note say?"

"Well, it said a lot more than it said. You know.."

"No, I don't! And what did you say to mom? She saw the note?"

"No, she didn't see the note. Of course, she was super respectful and waited for me to come home, insist it was nothing for an hour and a half, and then waited while I just kind of unloaded on her." Becka inhaled deeply, "I just said he was really sweet and … I don't know. I told her what I told you… he scares me… I did kind of the same thing you're going to do- word vomit and cry until something sticks."

"Well, how did she take it?"

"Like a classic pro, of course. Sorry if I stole your thunder."

“I don’t want thunder.”

-

Angela was three sentences into her newest monologue when the door swung open, and A.J. appeared looking spooked. "I need to talk to you." His voice reeled, and he looked directly at Coll.

"Me?" Coll asked, surprised.

"Yes." He said as he closed the door behind him.

"Wh-"

"You need to wait your turn!" Angela yelled. "She's busy right now."

A.J. looked around, "With what?"

"Are you blind?! With me!" Angela exclaimed. "also, hair." She motioned time Tami.

"Ang, I need-"

"She can deal with you next; I'm in the middle of a thing."

"I have to get ready soon!" His voice got louder.

"Oh, and I don't?!" She shouted.

"Well, not quite as urgently, don't you think-"

"I got here first."

"Guys!" Coll interrupted, "Please. The yelling..."

They looked at her, and A.J. started in again. "I need to talk to you. Please."

"What's wrong?" She asked, concerned and overwhelmed again.

"It's private," he said, eyeing Tami, who was in the process now of straightening Coll's hair.

Coll sighed and looked from A.J. to Angela, who was standing with her arms crossed over her chest. "Can it wait five minutes?"

A.J. considered it briefly, "fine."

"Great, just five minutes," She smiled weakly at him.

Defeated, he turned to leave. "Five!" he shouted on his way out.

"God, so rude!" Angela scoffed as the door closed again.

Everyone was quiet for a second.

"You can just both stay in my room; I'm not in there most nights anyway..."

Angela's eyes lit up. "I never thought of that."

"Yeah, just, don't bother making a big deal of it now, we can work it out, and you can deal with Jen after the break. Everyone is so … depleted right now."

Tami nodded in agreement.

"Such a good point."

Coll pursed her lips, eyeing Angela, relieved something came out of her mouth that settled her a bit.

"You're such a little smarty pants."

"I mean, I get it… you want to snuggle your guy."

"Oh god, it is so much more than snuggling…"

Coll blushed, "okay, whatever, the details don't matter that much I still get it."

Angela tilted her head, "By the way, did you ever get back to John after that pathetic email he sent you?" Angela asked sweetly, her energy completely shifting on a dime.

Surprised and slightly alarmed, Coll looked at her. Shit. "... no."

"Damn. You've got bigger problems than I do."

"That is honestly probably the least of them at the moment."

Angela took a deep breath. "I feel better now."

"Oh. Great."

"You should deal with that. What did Nick say? Was he pissed?" Angela asked, looping back around on the topic.

Coll held her hand out to the side of her body, "Ang... "

"You didn't tell him."

"I told him about the email. We just didn't talk about it." Thinking back to that moment, her body felt warm. "And then I woke up, and Jane was here, so.."

"Can I know about the email? Who is John?" Tami asked gently.

Coll opened her mouth, but Angela was talking again.

"He's Coll's ex. He's sad about that for obvious reasons. He's in love with her but isn't man enough. Wants to take her for pizza. He told her he's in love with her over email." Angela rolled her eyes, "Doesn't take a hint." She turned her glance back to Coll, "Your summer really did not go according to plan, huh?" Angela giggled.

"That is one way to put it."

"Listen, thanks for talking… I'm sorry I'm so… hot-blooded."

Coll shrugged, "It's what makes you so endearing."

"You're the best," Angela said sweetly as she leaned in to hug Coll. "Thanks, Little."

Coll smiled, "You're welcome."

Tami and Coll watched in silence as Angela left the room with a big smile on her face.

"Well," Tami smiled as she spun coll's chair back around, so Coll was facing the mirror again, "I'm a great listener if you want to vent."

"It's a tempting offer. I don't even know what to say."

Tami continued with Coll's hair for a few minutes before she made eye contact with her in the mirror, "Pizza??"

"I know." Coll rolled her eyes.

"Forget him. Let's talk, Carter!"

An hour later, Coll was on her knees in the dressing room, shuffling through Nick's duffle bag. Her heart was pounding, and she could feel the anxiety bubbling over. Just relax, just relax.

She had hurried to the dressing room to get the phone after finally getting out of the conversation Jane had locked her in earlier, cornering her in the corridor after she had spoken to A.J., telling her she wanted to talk… it made her body feel ice cold.

-

"I think you know what I'm going to say."

"Honestly, I don't," Coll said plainly, trying to keep her voice as level as possible. There was a myriad of things Jane could say, all of them terrified her.

"I know what's going on."

"With?" Coll asked, casually running her hand up her opposite forearm.

"With you."

"Me?"

"And Nick… you could have told me…" Jane smiled, tilting her head. It made Coll uneasy.

"Not sure what you mean…?"

Jane gave her a look.

They stared at each other for several seconds before Jane began again.

"The bag, the looks… I can see it." She said quickly, "Colleen, you don't want to get involved in this…" her voice was matter of fact, not sympathetic or protective… just factual.

Coll didn't respond. Her heart rate was peaking, and her legs felt like lead.

"Nick isn't good for you. You need someone who can commit. Someone more mature."

"Jane-"

Jane tilted her head. "You want to risk your future… and your friendship for a summer of fun?"

She didn't know how to respond, but she wanted to try. "I-"

"Of course, you love him. Everyone loves him. And he knows that he can have any girl he wants, and he does." The way she said it cut into Coll with unsettling precision.

She could feel the goosebumps on her skin, the prickly feeling of the anxiety poking at the back of her neck. She felt a hundred words pile up on her tongue, but her mouth wouldn't open. She couldn't speak.

__

Upon pulling his phone out, she faced another jarring reminder.

New text from Mandy. Mandy? Why? Now?

She stared at it for a few seconds before dismissing it.

Holding the phone in her palm, trying to relax, she closed her eyes for a moment.

it doesn't matter. None of this matters. Just deal with the big thing first. Mom will get it. A classic pro. No thunder.

She slumped her shoulders, defeated, and dialed home.

Between the lounge and the dressing room, with the full-body resolve to call home, she decided she would start by telling Jill she was changing her plans and going to Florida instead of back to Boston and see how that landed. But when Jill's voice came across the line, her emotions took over.

"Hello?" Jill's voice was even and unbothered. upon hearing it, Coll closed her eyes and every exhausted, stressed out and worried part of her erupted. She started crying instantly. "Colleen?"

"...mom…"

"Sweetie, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She sobbed into the phone, pressing the back of her hand into her eye, sitting back off her knees, her body feeling weak and heavy at the same time. "I don't know… why I'm crying just to hear your voice."

"Baby..." Jill laughed lightly, "I'm so glad you called! Have you been so busy?"

"I need to tell you something."

Jill smiled, "Okay."

"I-" She breathed in deeply, "I… I just…"

"Whatever it is, it's okay."

Her stomach flipped, "I don't want you to be upset."

"About?"

"Anything." She cried.

"Please tell me. I promise it'll be okay."

There was a long pause, Coll shook her head, clenching her eyes shut and pushing more tears out and over her face.

"It's Nick." She had to pause to regain the resolve to go on. "I love him. I fell in love with Nick." The words fell out quickly.

Jill bit her lip into her mouth, stifling a smile. "With our Nick?"

"Yes."

"Oh, sweetie. Why would I be upset about that?" She laughed lightly.

She was confused, "What?"

"What?"

"Why aren't you like… shocked and dismayed?"

"Dismayed?" Jill laughed lightly.

"Yeah."

"Honestly, Colleen, I knew something was up..."

"What?!" Coll practically yelled.

"You barely wrote, you didn't call… you're in Europe, and we didn't get a single email about -- anything." Jill said sweetly, "I thought for sure you'd have sent something about the rivers, the Eiffel Tower… something. So I knew. When you were quiet."

She sat there flabbergasted, unmoving, her face damp and warm. "I-"

"Plus, what's not to love? Nick is great. We get it."

"We??"

"Well, obviously, I floated the idea past your father."

"Mom, I swear-"

Jill smiled to herself, "I would love to know more. Please."

"About Europe?" She cried, pressing her hand to her forehead.

"You and Nick…"

"You're happy about this?"

"If you are…"

"I just-" She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what she was expecting or what she even wanted. She just felt overwhelmed by everything and had no words left.

"Colleen, it's okay. We love Nick."

"But-"

"I could tell something was up, and when Becka came back, I knew for sure. I asked her how you were and she got all … red."

"Red?!"

"Yes, I was surprised. She's usually better at covering than that. Of course, now I know, her defenses were all compromised, too."

Coll shook her head in silence.

"She started babbling about a woman named Angela and third-order experiences - didn't address you much at all. She didn't tell me too much about her travels either. She did, however, ramble off the most ubiquitous facts about Germany which told me she didn't actually experience them, just looked them up before she came home knowing I would ask.so you were both acting weird. I just knew something was going on. Or multiple somethings as it were."

"This is giving me a headache." Coll groaned.

"Just tell me… you're happy?"

She swallowed down the anxiety that had crept up. "I am. Really happy. I wanted to tell you myself."

"I know."

"I would have waited till i saw you," she pushed her hand through her hair, "that's what I wanted to do, but I was nervous about Jane."

"... Jane?"

"She came here, and some stuff happened, and even though we were trying to play it cool… she found out."

"What's the concern, though?"

"I thought she would say something to you before I could."

Jill was quiet.

"Mom?"

"I'm glad you told me."

"... me too."

"When will I see you?"

"Well," she inhaled deeply, feeling much more relieved, "I'm actually going to Florida with Nick for a few days, and then I'll be up."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I've never been to his place in Florida, so…"

"Right, yeah. That will be nice."

"You're doing the thing." Coll sniffled.

"What thing?"

"Where you are trying to be chill, but you're not actually chill. I know it. I've been doing it for two days."

Jill laughed it off. "I am, as you call it, chill. I just always worry about you. Both of you. And, honestly, it's a lot for me right now."

"Yeah. Same."

Jill took a deep breath, "I'm happy for you."

Coll exhaled nearly all the stress that remained in her body, and with it, she released the only thought she had wanted to share with Jane but hadn't, "I love Nick. And I am not afraid of what that might put me through. Even if I should be."