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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know it's been a long time. But I finally updated :)
"Hey birthday boy." Nick laughed sleepily as he leaned over to wake Brian a while later with a kiss. The smile slid off his face when he pulled back the lump of blankets to find Brian wasn't there. Nick got up and stretched, looking for his underwear on the floor but frowning again when he realized they weren't there either.

Where could Brian have gone in such a hurry that he grabbed the wrong underwear off the floor?

Nick chuckled at the thought as he pulled a fresh pair out of his bag. Some things were better left to his imagination.


Brian and Leighanne were busily getting reacquainted a couple floors down, kissing and touching each other wherever their hands could reach. It had been some time since they were last together, a few months. Brian missed her and she missed him just as much if not more. It didn’t take long for them to get hot and heavy and move things to the bed. Brian thought it would be nice to be with a woman again after fooling around with Nick for so long. Maybe a night with his girlfriend was what he needed to make sense of things.

He was very wrong.

Leighanne started undoing her blouse and Brian tried not to look nervous, but he was not hiding it well. She looked at him in confusion, but Brian was more concerned at the fact that he didn’t feel an erection. He wasn’t hard at all. Leighanne continued to stare. She could tell that he wasn’t being himself. Something was holding Brian back but she didn’t know what it could be.

"What's the matter?"

“I...uh- sorry.” Brian stammered, feeling confused himself. He’d seen women naked before and it didn’t bother him before, why would this start now? Then it suddenly occurred to him that he’d only been in bed with a man for the past few months, this was all Nick’s fault. Nick was trying to make him forget he liked women. That had to be it, Brian mused as he went back to kissing her. He continued, determined to snap himself out of the spell Nick had put on him the past few months. Leighanne seemed to notice something was off as well because she stopped kissing this time.

“Are you sure you’re okay, babe? What’s wrong?” Leighanne asked. Brian felt himself getting nervous and had no answer for her. What was he supposed to say, that because she didn't have a penis, he wasn’t turned on by her? He knew that would not go over well. He instead kissed her neck, listening to her orgasm and feeling guilty. How was he supposed to continue sex with his girlfriend when the physical attraction wasn’t there.

"I’m fine. I guess I just had a weird dream and I’m still a little confused by the whole thing.” Brian mumbled between kisses. He allowed her to undress him. This wasn’t like when he had sex with Nick, it was so different. This was purely animal passion, the real feelings just weren’t there. Brian hated himself for not feeling anything. He felt like a freak.

“We...can- we can stop, if you don’t feel up to it tonight. I just figured since it was your birthday, you might miss me.” Leighanne said, nuzzling into his neck and sighing. Brian kissed the top of her forehead.

“I’m sorry, Leigh. I do miss you. I- er...everything is just such a jumble lately and I’m still sorting it out. I’ve been so stressed with my surgery, the group, the lawsuit with Lou. Everything.” Brian said softly. They kissed briefly again.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I understand you're under stress.” she said.

But was it? Brian privately wondered. He had no problems with an erection when Nick was with him. When they were together it seemed that a spark within Brian ignited and he felt the heat rise inside of his body. However, now….

Now there was nothing.

Brian knew he was in trouble. He missed Nick. He felt guilty for leaving him sleeping and being off with Leighanne. He missed the way his lips felt on his, the way his hands felt. All those times in the shower. That was nothing like this. This was all Nick’s fault and Brian hated that he fell for him when he had promised himself he wouldn’t. Now he knew he had to make a decision between them because this dual life couldn’t continue, as long as he had feelings for both of them.

It was his birthday morning and the guys had planned to take Brian out for breakfast to celebrate, as they had the day off from recording. None of them knew Leighanne was in town so they were surprised to see her on Brian’s arm when they came down to the lobby to meet up to go and eat. Kevin’s smile fell when he saw them walking off the elevator together arm in arm.

“H-hello, what a unexpected surprise. We didn’t know you were in town. When did you get in?” Kevin asked.

“Hello, Kevin I just got in last night, Brian didn’t tell you I was coming?” Leighanne said brightly and he greeted her with a warm smile. They hugged and over her shoulder Kevin gave his cousin a dirty look, because he knew when Nick found out what was going on he would be upset.

“No, I guess he forgot to mention that,” Kevin smiled.

“What’s your problem?” Brian whispered when his girlfriend had gone to talk to Howie.

“Does Nick know she’s here? Did you tell him she was coming?” Kevin asked, crossing his arms. Brian looked at his feet, remembering how he’d left Nick asleep and not told him a damn thing. It wasn’t his business anyway. It wasn’t like they were dating or something. Yet why was he feeling so guilty about it? It was then Brian decided that it didn’t matter. That dream he had the night before was as sign, he was meant to be with Leighanne.

“Kevin, I don’t have to tell Nick anything. He knows that him and I are just messing around. It means nothing to me. I have a girlfriend and I love her. I’m not leaving her for him if that’s what he thinks.” Brian fired back. It was then he looked up and saw Nick standing there, his eyes watching Leighanne and then looking to Brian after hearing him speak. His eyes had fire in them but he put a smile on for everyone else. Brian felt guilty.

“Oh hi, Leigh. What a surprise. When did you get in?” Nick asked, trying not to sound like he was angry, but Brian could see right through it. Nick was not good at hiding his feelings, especially when he was mad. Things were starting to get uncomfortable, and the other guys fell silent as they watched the conversation.

“Last night, I hope it’s okay that Brian stayed with me in my room. I came to town for his birthday. We didn’t want to wake you up.” Leighanne said with a smile.

“Of course. Are you coming to breakfast with us? I’m sure you are hungry.” Nick said warmly.

Leighanne smiled at Nick, then at Brian. Brian knew that this was going to be a disaster because Nick couldn't handle his jealousy. He wondered what the hell Nick was up to by inviting her to breakfast.

“I’d love to.”

Brian eyed Nick suspiciously, what was he up to?

All of them ended up going to breakfast at a restaurant nearby, where they all ordered and sat around talking.

“You guys have been dating for a few months, haven’t you?” Howie asked Brian and Leighanne when the waitress had brought their drinks to the table. Nick looked at Brian, waiting for the answer. Nick decided to screw with Brian’s mind to get back at him for not telling him his girlfriend was coming to visit. He felt like being petty today.

“Uh..er- yes.” Brian muttered. His cheeks turned a light shade of pink as he felt Nick’s foot gently sliding up and down his ankle.

"Do I hear wedding bells soon, then?"

Brian didn't know who he wanted to smack first, Nick or Howie. Leighanne and him were not ready for marriage and he knew that. They hadn’t even talked about it because they saw so little of each other due to touring that Brian didn’t bring it up. Lost in his thoughts, he was jarred back to reality by the sensation on his leg again. He could feel himself getting excited by Nick's foot, and as the seconds went he became more and more uncomfortable to the point he was about to start squirming.

“No...not for a while.” Brian said softly, grabbing Leighanne’s hand and smiling at her.

“We aren’t ready yet, maybe eventually. I would like to.” Leighanne replied as she squeezed his hand back to reassure him. Nick rolled his eyes but only Brian saw and they all continued with their breakfast, chatting and having a good time. As the food came and went, Brian kept wondering what was going through Nick’s head that whole time. They headed upstairs to their rooms after breakfast when they returned to the hotel. Leighanne wanted to check her room for messages and Brian wanted a change of clothes for dinner so he had an excuse to go to see Nick. He was very surprised to find that his key card didn’t work for their room. He was locked out.

“Nick, open the door please. It’s me.” Brian asked, pounding on it with his fist. There was no answer. This made Brian very angry, so he banged harder. Nick ignored him.

“Goddamn it, Nick open the door. I need my clothes.”

The door suddenly flew open and a suitcase came flying out from behind it, knocking Brian back to the floor.

“Take your shit and get away from me.” Nick snarled at him, throwing a pair of basketball shoes at Brian. He just sat on the floor under the weight of the suitcase, stunned at how Nick was acting because he had never seen him like this before. Nick closed the door and Brian knew this was his chance. Pushing the suitcase off of himself, he managed to get up and put himself between the door and the door jam, prying his way into the room. He was disappointed that Nick locked the other door so he still couldn’t get into the hotel room.

“What the hell, Nick. What is this about? Why were you acting the way you were at breakfast? Let me in the fucking room, please let me talk to you.” Brian begged.

“I have nothing to say to you. I don’t mean anything to you? You said that, didn't you? We were just messing around, weren’t we? You would rather be with boob job Barbie anyway, take your shit and go stay with her. I’m not your side piece. I’m not someone you can just experiment with because you are too much of a pussy to admit to yourself who you fucking are. I’ve been real with you since day one, why can’t you do that for me? Are you going to keep lying to me and her? She doesn’t deserve this either.”

“Who I am? Who I am? Nick. I know who the fuck I am. You’re trying to make me just like you. I’m not you. I love my girlfriend. When will you get that through your head?”

“Being with me the other night didn’t seem to bother you, did it? What changed?” Nick demanded.

“Nothing changed. You and me can’t happen, Nick. Nobody will understand us. Nobody will accept us.”

“I accepted you, Brian. I accepted us. Kevin accepted us. You’re just making excuses fo yourself. You told Kevin you didn’t need me anyway, so why don’t you go back to your fucking girlfriend then. I'm not helping you hurt her. She deserves better.” Nick said from behind the door. He didn’t sound as angry this time so much as hurt. Brian sighed and walked away from the door to go and pick up his belongings in the hallway. He was surprised to see Leighanne there.

“I came up to see if you needed help with anything, you were gone a long time. Is everything okay?” she asked.

Brian didn’t say anything, he just took his clothes that had fallen on the floor and threw them in his bag, sighing as he looked at the closed door.

How was he going to get out of this mess?