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Brian woke in the middle of the night with the feeling that something was different. He knew it was still nighttime because the room was dark - no fluorescent light filtering through his eyelids. It was also eerily quiet, apart from the sounds of the ICU equipment.

He listened for the faint blip of Nick’s heart monitor, wanting to make sure his friend was okay. His ears were able to distinguish it from his own by the difference in volume. The interval between blips was slightly longer on Nick’s side, meaning his heart was beating more slowly than Brian’s; he must have still been asleep. It sounded steady enough, and Brian felt reassured that Nick was all right, at least for now. Still, he couldn’t shake the subtle notion that something had changed.

Relax, he told himself, trying to get back to sleep. Everything’s fine. But it wasn’t really; Brian’s body ached, and he desperately wished he could roll over in bed. He was lying on his right side, where Dani and Elizabeth had left him, but he could feel pressure in his hip and a pins-and-needles sensation in his arm that told him he’d been in that position for far too long. It was past time for someone to come and turn him. Where are you, Patrick? he wondered impatiently.

Suddenly, his ears detected another beeping noise, distinct from the soft blip of the bedside monitors. With nothing else to do but lie in bed and listen to everything happening around him, Brian had become an expert at deciphering the different sounds made by the medical equipment. He had learned where each one came from and what it meant. This was an alarm on his IV pump, letting the nurse know his infusion had finished. Patrick was probably on his way with a fresh bag of fluid.

But minutes passed, and no one came. Brian’s discomfort grew. He tried flexing his fingers, desperate to get rid of the tingly feeling in his right arm. Up until that point, every effort he’d made to move part of his body had failed, so he didn’t actually expect it to have any effect. But to his astonishment, he felt his pinky twitch.

Brian’s heart leapt with excitement. Focusing all of his concentration upon his little finger, he tried again to bend it. Again, it twitched. It may not have been much, but it was the first purposeful movement he had been able to make since the accident - to Brian, it was everything. It meant he wasn’t fully paralyzed after all. If he could move a finger, perhaps he would regain function in other parts of his body, too.

His heart beat faster as he worked his way from head to toe, taking inventory of what he could control. He found that while he still couldn’t open his eyes, he was somewhat able to wiggle his eyebrows. And although he didn’t seem to be able to swallow, he could clench his abdominal muscles. Feeling his diaphragm move automatically as air was forced into his lungs, he fought against the ventilator for command over his own breathing. But the harder he tried to take or hold a breath, the more he felt like he was being suffocated. Instinctively, he tried to reach toward the obstructive trach tube, but his hands remained at his sides, limp and still except for his right pinky, which managed another feeble twitch.

In the background, he heard another alarm go off, and he began to panic. His heart was pounding; his lungs felt like they were about to burst. But in the midst of his anxiety attack, he heard a familiar voice calling his name, trying to comfort him. “Brian? Brian! Hang on, bro. I’m coming...”

The next thing he knew, Nick was standing next to his bed.

***


Nick woke with a start. Having dozed off with his arms still around Dani, he was disappointed to find himself alone in his hospital bed. She must have slipped out of his embrace while he was asleep.

But he wasn’t really alone. Across the darkened room, he could hear the rhythmic hiss of Brian’s ventilator. The sound had become strangely reassuring to Nick, a reminder that Brian was alive, at least in the technical sense. He tried not to be troubled by the fact that Brian still required artificial respiration more than two weeks after his accident, telling himself that as long as air was flowing in and out of Brian’s lungs, as long as his heart was beating, there was still hope of him recovering.

That night, however, there was another noise that made Nick sit up and take notice. A high-pitched beep was coming every few seconds from some piece of equipment on Brian’s side of the room. His heart lodged in his throat as he looked over and saw a red light flashing. When he realized it was just the IV pump parked next to Brian’s bed, he relaxed and let out the breath he’d been holding. That thing was always sounding some sort of alarm. It probably wasn’t a big deal - perhaps the line had clogged, or the bag had run dry - but he pressed his call button anyway to summon a nurse.

While he waited for Dani or Patrick to turn up, Nick lay back down, but stayed awake, listening to the steady beeps and the whooshing sounds of the breathing machine. After a while, he felt himself getting drowsy, his eyelids growing heavy as the white noise lulled him back to sleep.

Then another alarm went off. In an instant, Nick’s eyes snapped open again, and he sat bolt upright, his heart beating hard. He heard his bedside monitor react, blipping faster and faster as his heart began to race, but the alarm was coming from Brian’s side of the room. “Brian?” he said. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw that Brian’s chest was heaving, as if he was struggling to breathe. “Brian!”

Where the hell is the nurse? Nick wondered, smacking his call button again. He knew he wasn’t supposed to get out of bed by himself, but this time, he couldn’t afford to wait for help to arrive. Brian needed someone now. “Hang on, bro… I’m coming!” he called, ripping the oxygen cannula out of his nose.

Dani had raised his bed rail before she’d left, and in the dim light, Nick couldn’t figure out how to lower it himself. Feeling a little like a baby stuck behind the bars of a crib, he scooted down toward the foot of the bed, where he could finally swing his legs over the side. Planting his feet firmly on the floor, he gripped the rail tightly to steady himself as he stood up for the first time in almost two weeks. His legs felt wobbly, and his heart was pounding so hard, it made him light-headed. Please don’t start freaking out on me now, he pleaded with it, pressing his hand to his chest and giving it what he hoped was a friendly pat. He feared the defibrillator would detect an arrhythmia and fire off a shock at any second, knocking him off his feet. But nothing happened, and after he’d stood still for a few seconds, the dizziness subsided, and he felt his heart start to slow back down.

Easy does it, he told himself, as he carefully untangled himself from the web of tubes and wires attached to him. He expected one of the nurses to come running when he unplugged the cable that connected the electrodes on his chest to the heart monitor, setting off another alarm, but still, no one came to his aid. Nick left the cord hanging from the monitor and continued his quest, taking tentative steps towards Brian’s bed. His legs were so weak, he had to lean heavily on his IV pole as he rolled it along beside him. Reaching out through the darkness, he found the bed rail and grabbed hold of it gratefully as he was rocked by another wave of dizziness.

Once he’d regained his balance, he looked down at his friend. Lying on his right side, Brian had gone rigid, his small body twitching slightly as it was wracked by spasms. His face was no longer a blank mask; instead, he was frowning, his brow furrowed with a look of pain. In the background, the monitor had begun beeping frantically as his heart raced. Not knowing what else to do, Nick rested his hand on Brian’s shoulder and gripped it tightly to hold him still. “It’s okay, Brian. Just relax and breathe.”

That’s Dani’s line, he thought, realizing he sounded just like her. He didn’t even know if Brian could hear him, but it was the only thing he could think of to say to help calm him down.

Reaching through the bed rail, he wrapped his other hand around Brian’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m right here, bro,” he said, stroking the back of Brian’s hand with his thumb. “You’re gonna be okay.”

All of a sudden, he felt something feather light move against his fingers. Startled, he looked down, loosening his grip on Brian’s hand. It still felt limp and heavy in his own, but he was sure he had felt it move. Or was that wishful thinking? Maybe he had just imagined it because he hoped so desperately for it to happen.

There was only one way to find out. “If you can hear me, squeeze my hand, bro,” Nick said, staring down at Brian’s hand. Not only did he feel it for sure that time, but he definitely saw Brian’s little finger twitch a fraction of an inch. “Yes!” he shouted triumphantly, squeezing Brian’s hand back. “That was awesome, dude! Can you do it again?” He waited, watching, and again, Brian’s pinky wiggled. Nick’s face split into a wide grin. “Thatta way, Frick. Good job, man! You got this!”

Brian had started to relax - or, at least, his heart rate had come back down. He didn’t seem to have control over the rest of his hand, so Nick wrapped his own little finger around his friend’s, as if they were about to pinky swear. He squeezed Brian’s finger and felt Brian squeeze back. It was almost like the first time Nick had felt his newborn son wrap his tiny fist around his finger, except Brian’s grip was much weaker than baby Odin’s had been. But that didn’t matter. To Nick, this moment meant even more. It meant that Brian really was alive in there.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he repeated, moving his other hand from Brian’s shoulder to his face. He brushed back his hair and stroked his forehead, trying to smooth out the furrows in his brow. As he traced one of the worry lines with his fingertips, he felt Brian’s facial muscles working beneath them. Looking down, he saw Brian’s eyebrows move, and his heart lifted with hope. “You’re trying to open your eyes, aren’t you?” he asked. “It’s about damn time! C’mon, man, you can do it!”

Nick watched Brian’s face closely. Brian’s brow wiggled again as his eyelids began to flutter. Nick could tell Brian was fighting to lift them. “C’mon, Brian, lemme see those baby blues,” he encouraged. “You’re so close!”

Slowly, Brian’s lids floated upward until they were fully open, and Nick found himself looking into a familiar pair of blue eyes. It took a few seconds for them to focus upon Nick’s face, but once they did, Nick knew he had nothing to fear. Brian’s eyes weren’t clouded with confusion or dulled by brain damage. His gaze was as sharp and clear as ever. He locked eyes with Nick and didn’t look away.

***


As Nick’s features came into focus, Brian felt triumphant. After two full weeks of fighting to open his eyes, he had finally succeeded in doing it. It was worth the struggle just to see the excitement on Nick’s face.

“Welcome back, Frick,” he said hoarsely, his eyes filling with happy tears.

Brian couldn’t talk, but tried to smile, hoping Nick would understand what he wanted to say. Thanks, Frack.

Just as he felt himself start to relax, the overhead lights flickered on. “What the hell’s going on in here?”

Brian recognized the voice as belonging to Patrick, the night nurse. Looking past Nick, he saw a heavyset man standing at the foot of the bed, his pudgy arms folded on top of his protruding belly. It was the first time Brian had gotten more than a fleeting glimpse of Patrick. He wasn’t what Brian had pictured, and yet, something about his appearance seemed strangely familiar, as if Brian had seen him before.

“Why are you out of bed?” Patrick asked, his eyes narrowing at Nick.

“I think Brian’s having trouble breathing,” Nick replied quickly. “His machines started beeping, and his chest has been heaving like he’s gasping for air.”

Patrick frowned. “Of course he can’t breathe - that’s why the vent’s been doing it for him,” he said dismissively, brushing Nick aside as he leaned over to look at Brian. When he saw that Brian’s eyes were open, he jumped back like he’d been shocked. “Well, shit, no wonder he’s having trouble. He’s triggering the vent.”

“What does that mean?”

“When coma patients start waking up, they try to breathe on their own and end up bucking the ventilator,” Patrick explained, as he walked around to the other side of the bed and out of Brian’s line of sight. Brian heard him open a drawer. By the dull sound of glass bottles clinking together, he could tell Patrick was rummaging around inside it. “I’m gonna have to sedate him so he doesn’t hurt himself.”

Brian’s heart began to pound again as his panic returned. No! Please don’t, he begged silently, still powerless to voice his wishes. The neck brace prevented him from shaking his head, but he opened his eyes as wide as he could, hoping Patrick would be able to read the expression in them.

“Wait, no!” Nick protested. “He’s finally awake! You can’t put him back to sleep!”

Thanks, Frack, Brian thought again gratefully. At least Nick knew how he felt.

“It’s ICU protocol,” said Patrick with a shrug as he came back into view, holding a small bottle and a huge syringe in his hand. “We keep ventilated patients lightly sedated to help them relax until they’re ready to be weaned from the ventilator. Otherwise they get upset and waste valuable energy fighting with it. It can be a really traumatic experience that gets in the way of recovery. The less stress we put on Brian, the better.” He filled the syringe with clear fluid from the bottle. “This will help him rest so his brain and body can heal faster.”

Nick hesitated. “Couldn’t we ask Brian what he wants?”

“He won’t be able to talk with the trach tube in. It takes a special valve to let air pass through his vocal cords,” Patrick replied matter-of-factly.

“Okay… well, maybe he could blink.”

Yes! Nick for the win! thought Brian, blinking slowly and deliberately to show them he understood.

But Patrick shook his head. “Like I said, it’s ICU protocol. Non-negotiable. Now go back to bed before I have to pick you up off the floor.”

He had a point with that last part. Up close, Nick looked terrible. It hadn’t been as noticeable in the dark, but now Brian could clearly see how unhealthy his color had become. Under the bright, fluorescent lights, Nick’s face appeared almost gray, and his lips had taken on a faintly blue cast. Brian saw them mouth the words fuck you as Nick glared at Patrick, flashing his middle finger at the nurse’s back.

It’s okay, Brian tried to tell his friend, brushing Nick’s little finger with his own as Patrick bent over him to administer the injection. I’ll be okay.

He felt the effects of the drug almost immediately. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier until he couldn’t hold them up any longer. As they began to droop, Nick’s face faded to black in front of him, and Brian drifted back into the dark.

***


“I’m sorry,” Nick whispered, watching the light flicker out of Brian’s eyes as his lids gradually lowered again. “Hang in there, bro. I know this is hard, but you’re only gonna get better from here.” He laced his fingers through Brian’s and gave his hand another squeeze. But this time, he didn’t get anything back from Brian.

With no reason to remain at his bedside, Nick shuffled slowly back across the room, walking with the gait of a ninety-year-old man as he wheeled his IV pole alongside him. Patrick followed closely behind to make sure he didn’t fall. “I don’t need any help,” Nick practically spat as he sat down on the side of his bed, breathing hard. The nurse lowered the rail and raised the head of the bed, then picked up the oxygen cannula off Nick’s pillow and handed it to him without a word. Not bothering to argue, Nick put it back in his nose and tucked the tubes behind his ears. He took a few deep breaths before he lifted his heavy legs onto the bed and lay back against the hard mattress. He could feel his poor heart pumping frantically, beating as fast as if he had just finished a five-mile run on the treadmill. It’s okay - you can calm down now, he told it, terrified of triggering another episode of cardiac arrest.

As Nick tried to get comfortable, Patrick reconnected the heart monitor cable so that he could hear the rapid blip of his heartbeat. He waited for the nurse to comment on its rate or rhythm, but all Patrick said was, “You all right?”

Nick nodded at first, feeling too annoyed with Patrick to ask for anything. But then his anxiety got the better of him, and he heard himself ask hesitantly, “Can… can you just take a quick listen to my heart and make sure it’s, like…?”

“Not about to crap out on you?” Patrick finished for him, smirking. “Sure.” He put his stethoscope into his ears and stepped forward. Nick’s skin crawled as Patrick pulled down the front of his gown and pressed the cold end of the stethoscope to his bare chest. He fought to keep his face neutral when Patrick bent over him, breathing noisily through his mouth as he concentrated. Catching a whiff of his stale breath, Nick wrinkled his nose. He smelled like rotten meat.

“Does it sound okay?” he asked after a few seconds, hoping Patrick would hurry up and finish. The male nurse was making Nick nervous. He wished Dani were there to reassure him that everything would be all right.

Before Patrick could answer, another alarm went off on one of the monitors. Nick’s heart skipped a beat, and he braced himself to be shocked by his ICD. But nothing happened.

“Hold on,” said Patrick. Abruptly, he removed his stethoscope from Nick’s chest and rushed back to the other side of the room. Confused, Nick looked to his left and saw a red light flashing on top of the monitor over Brian’s bed. That was when he realized - it wasn’t his own heart that was in trouble this time. It was Brian’s.

“What’s wrong with him?” Nick demanded, as Patrick stared up at the monitor. The nurse didn’t answer. Nick saw him reach across Brian’s body to hit the blue button on the wall behind his bed.

It didn’t take long for Dr. Elizabeth and Dani to come running into the room. Nick could tell they had both been woken up: they were wearing wrinkled t-shirts with their scrub bottoms, and their hair was in tangles. Dani took one look at the monitor and rushed to Brian’s bedside.

Elizabeth rounded on Patrick, whose puffy face was white. “What happened?”

“He… he was starting to wake up and fight the vent, so I… I gave him some succs,” Patrick started, stammering over his words.

“How much?” Elizabeth demanded.

“Um… one vial?”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “The whole vial? That’s enough to stop the heart of someone twice his size!”

Upon hearing this, Nick’s jaw dropped. He stared at Patrick in disbelief, his irritation turning into pure hatred.

“Shit… I’m sorry,” muttered Patrick, holding up his hands. “I may have miscalculated-”

Feeling his pulse pounding in his temples, Nick fought the temptation to hop back out of bed and punch the nurse right in his fat face. Then Dani’s voice rang out over the others, temporarily suppressing Nick’s rage.

“I can barely feel a pulse!” Her fingers were pressed to the inside of Brian’s wrist, her eyes fixed upon the flashing monitor. “He’s bradying down - heart rate’s only twenty-five and falling.”

“Give him half a milligram of atropine, IV push, while I set up for external pacing,” Elizabeth ordered, pushing Patrick aside as she ran back across to Nick’s side of the room to grab the red crash cart from the corner. “We’ve got to get his heart beating faster before he arrests.”

Nick’s own heart was racing. “Please tell me he’s gonna be all right,” he begged her, his voice rising with panic.

“I can’t promise that,” Elizabeth replied shortly, shaking her head, as she rolled the cart over to Brian’s bed.

Nick swallowed hard, his stomach lurching. As he watched them attach the pacer pads to Brian’s bare chest and back, he was overwhelmed by a sense of deja vu. He remembered how uncomfortable it had been to feel the pulses of electricity firing through his skin every second, forcing his heart to contract. “Hang on, Brian!” he called out to his friend, his voice wavering. “Stay strong, bro!”

Dani and Patrick rolled Brian onto his back as Elizabeth adjusted the settings on the defibrillator. “It’s failing to capture,” she said, frowning as she studied the monitor. The green spikes were getting shorter and farther apart. “He's about to flatline. Start compressions.”

Nick felt like throwing up. His eyes filled with tears as he watched the code unfold.

“Get the CPR board,” Dani barked at Patrick. She lowered the bed, laced her hands over Brian’s breastbone, and began pushing down repeatedly, while Patrick retrieved a rigid piece of red plastic from the side of the crash cart. Working together, he and Elizabeth rolled Brian’s body to one side so they could wedge it under his back while Dani did her best to keep compressing his chest.

“Start bagging him,” Elizabeth said to Patrick, as she opened the top drawer of the cart and took out another syringe. Patrick disconnected the ventilator hose from Brian’s trach tube, attached an Ambu bag, and began to squeeze. “One amp of epi in,” added Elizabeth, as she slowly injected the contents of the syringe into Brian’s IV line. “How you doing, Dani?”

“I’m all right,” she replied, her blonde hair falling into her face as she bent over Brian. Her arms moved like pistons, pumping his chest up and down with a surprising amount of force. It was almost painful to watch. Nick ran his hand absently over his aching ribs, remembering what it felt like to be on the receiving end of her chest compressions.

“C’mon, Brian,” he whispered, his heart pounding as adrenaline surged through his body.

An eternity seemed to pass before he heard Elizabeth say, “It’s been two minutes. Hold compressions so we can see if he has a rhythm.” Dani stopped pumping and straightened up, rubbing the small of her back as they both looked up at the bedside monitor. The green line had been going up and down in waves while Dani was doing CPR, but once she stopped, it went completely flat. Elizabeth shook her head. “Asystole. Give him another amp of epi. I’ll take over chest compressions.”

Tears poured down Nick’s cheeks as he watched the two women trade places and continue their efforts to restart Brian’s heart, while Patrick went on squeezing air into his lungs. Nick’s stomach churned with another nauseating wave of deja vu. The nightmarish scene playing out in front of him was nearly identical to the one he had seen before, when the previous occupant of Brian’s bed had passed away. Nick prayed it would turn out differently this time. Witnessing the woman die had been bad enough, but this was his best friend. The Frick to his Frack. If Brian died, Nick didn’t know how he’d be able to go on living. He couldn’t handle any more heartbreak.

“Please don’t let him die,” he pleaded desperately, as they paused again to check for a pulse and found nothing.

“We’re doing everything we can, Nick, but so far he’s not responding,” said Dani, looking back at him with sympathy before she resumed CPR.

Nick shook his head, refusing to give up hope. “Why don’t you shock him? You hooked him up to the defibrillator, and now you’re not even using it!”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Dr. Elizabeth interjected. “The defibrillator can’t restart a heart that has completely stopped. It can only stop and reset a heart that has gone into a disorganized rhythm. Right now Brian’s heart has no rhythm at all, so we’re giving him drugs to hopefully reverse the cause of his cardiac arrest and help stimulate his heart to start beating again.”

“There’s the cause right there!” Nick snapped, pointing straight at Patrick, who was still bagging Brian. Caught off-guard, the nurse glanced up with a guilty look on his face. “This is all your fucking fault!”

“That’s enough,” said Elizabeth firmly, holding up her hand to silence his outburst. “Now is not the time to have this conversation. I know you’re upset, but we need to be able to concentrate in order to save Brian. We can’t do that without Patrick’s help.”

Swallowing hard, Nick nodded. He held his tongue, but he was shaking from head to toe, his fury only intensifying his fear. Helplessly, he watched from his bed as they worked on Brian, inflating his lungs with air, flooding his veins with adrenaline, forcing his heart to contract with their hands to keep his blood flowing. Finally, he heard Dani exclaim, “I feel a faint pulse!”

Lifting his head hopefully, Nick looked up at the monitor and saw the line spike. His heart leapt as Brian’s began to beat.

“He’s back in sinus bradycardia,” said Elizabeth with a smile, slipping her stethoscope into her ears. She leaned over to listen to Brian’s chest. “A little slower than I’d like, but it’s a nice, steady beat.”

“So he’s gonna be all right?” Nick asked, feeling his body start to relax. His own heart was still racing.

Elizabeth hesitated. “We’ll need to run some more tests,” she replied. “He’s not out of the woods yet.”

Nick nodded, but he wasn’t worried anymore. As long as Brian’s heart was beating, he was alive, and at that moment, nothing else mattered.

***