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Why?

It was Nick’s turn to ask questions, but he couldn’t seem to form the words. He just stared up at Dani, not wanting to believe she could be involved in whatever was happening here.

“Nick?” Dani frowned, her face contorting into a contrived look of concern. “You okay?”

“No,” Nick croaked, as hot tears welled from the corners of his eyes. “Of course I’m not okay. You know I’m not.”

Dani nodded. “You’re very sick, Nick,” she said softly, stroking his forearm. “But you’re going to get better. Once you have your heart transplant, you will be okay.”

Bullshit!” he hissed, fighting to hold back his tears. “I don’t know what the fuck’s going on here, but I think you’re all full of shit!

Dani’s dark eyes widened. “Poor baby,” she whispered, her hand drifting up his body. His skin crawled as she pressed her palm to the side of his face. “Do you know how paranoid you sound?” She patted his cheek. “But I don’t blame you. You’re on a lot of drugs right now. Your brain’s been deprived of oxygen. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“Don’t patronize me,” he spat, wrenching his head away from her. “You people are the ones who’ve been messing with my mind!”

“You feel warm,” she continued, as if he hadn’t spoken. Deep creases furrowed her brow as she rested the back of her hand against his forehead. “I think you may have a fever.”

“I think you may be making shit up,” Nick mumbled, shaking her hand off him again.

Dani reached for the thermometer behind his bed. “Better hold still,” she warned him, as she bent down by his head. “You don’t want me to accidentally puncture your eardrum, do you?”

Knowing he had no choice but to comply, Nick took a shaky breath and held it as she slid the thermometer into his ear. He closed his eyes so she wouldn’t see him cry, but a single tear slid out from under his eyelid. He felt so confused. Frustrated. Betrayed.

What are you doing here, Dani? he wondered desperately. What the hell is this? He didn’t know what to believe anymore. Did he really need a heart transplant? Was he even sick at all? Or had they deliberately been keeping him that way with overdoses of drugs whose side effects mimicked the symptoms of severe cardiomyopathy? He had seen firsthand how Dr. Elizabeth could induce an arrhythmia with just one injection, forcing his defibrillator to fire. Had she implanted the ICD in his chest to help him or to hurt him?

A sudden, high-pitched beep made Nick flinch, his heart skipping a beat. As it fluttered frantically in his chest, he braced himself for another shock.

“Relax,” Dani said as his body stiffened, resting her hand on his shoulder. Only then did Nick realize the beeping noise wasn’t coming from his heart monitor, but from the thermometer. He released his breath in a sigh of relief as Dani removed the device from his ear. She was right about one thing: He was being paranoid, but only because they had made him that way.

“101.4.” Dani’s frown returned as she read the thermometer. “No wonder. You’re burning up!”

“Show me,” said Nick. He tried to reach for the thermometer before he remembered his wrists were still in restraints. Dani turned it around so he could see the numbers on the display. She seemed to be telling the truth about his temperature - it really had registered at 101.4. Nick was surprised he hadn’t noticed he was running a fever, but he had felt sick for so long, it didn’t seem to make much of a difference.

“I need to tell Dr. Elizabeth,” Dani said, as she put the thermometer back on the wall. “She’ll want to add a blood culture to your lab work, in case you have an infection. I’ll be right back.”

Nick felt even more confused as he watched her rush out of the room. Was she really going to get the doctor, he wondered, or was she back to lying again? He wanted to trust her, but he couldn’t. Not anymore. Not after she’d made him feel delusional when he had told her about Dr. Elizabeth and Patrick. Whatever they were doing to him, he was convinced she was in on it. And if she had been lying about his heart condition, what else had she lied about? The hurricane? Her pregnancy?

His eyes prickled with fresh tears as he felt his heart sink. There was no baby. She had probably made that up, too. He doubted they’d even slept together, though that didn’t matter much now. He had definitely kissed her, and that still made him a cheater. Lauren had every reason to hate him.

Lauren! Nick’s eyes opened wide as another thought occurred to him. For the first few days of his hospitalization, he had believed Dani when she told him Lauren wouldn’t call back and wasn’t coming to see him. He was willing to bet his wife didn’t even know he was in the hospital.

Was he in the hospital? He was starting to doubt that, too. His surroundings certainly looked like a hospital, but now that he thought back through the duration of his stay there, he had never been seen by anyone except Dani, Rob, Elizabeth, and Patrick, even before “Hurricane Melissa” hit. If there had been a hurricane, would two high-profile patients really have been left behind to die in an understaffed, storm-ravaged hospital? Nick didn’t think so. Surely, he and Brian should have been evacuated by now.

Brian. Nick looked across the room at his best friend. Brian wasn’t brain dead. Nick was even more convinced of that now. But had Brian ever really been in a coma? Was he actually paralyzed, unable to move or breathe on his own? Or were they just keeping him that way with more drugs?

“Brian!” Nick hissed. “Can you hear me, bro?”

He heard the beeping of Brian’s heart monitor accelerate, just as it had the night before, and his own heart leapt. Brian’s eyes remained closed, but Nick knew he was awake and listening.

“Look, dude, I don’t think you’re in as bad of shape as they’ve been saying you are. I don’t think I am either.” His mind raced. What could he say to reassure Brian, who must have been even more frightened and frustrated than he was? “I’m gonna get us both out of here,” he vowed. “I’m not sure how yet, but I’ll think of some way to get help. Just hang on, okay?”

While Dani was out of the room, Nick worked at the restraints around his wrists. He had blown his chance the night before, but if he could just get out of his bed again, he would make a break for it. He didn’t care if he had to run around naked; he would do whatever it took to get far away from the people who had imprisoned him here. But no matter how hard he tugged at the thick straps, they wouldn’t budge. He tried to force his hands through them, squeezing his fingers together to make them as narrow as possible. The painful effort didn’t pay off. The restraints were pulled too tight around his wrists; there was no way his hands would ever fit through.

He attempted to free his feet, thinking maybe he could use his legs to move the bed or at least fight back against his captors. The thought of being able to kick one of them right in the face almost made him smile. But it was just a fantasy. There was no use in wasting his energy on trying to escape. He already knew there was no way out.

By the time Dani came back, Nick had given up. He lay on his back in defeat, drenched in sweat and breathing hard, listening to the rapid beeping of the bedside monitor as his heart thumped against his ribs.

“What on earth have you been up to?” asked Dani, raising her eyebrows as she looked from his heaving chest to the monitor above his bed. “You’re diaphoretic, your resps are up, your heart’s racing, and your blood pressure’s through the roof! You haven’t been trying to get out of bed again, have you?”

Nick didn’t answer.

“Naughty Nicky,” she scolded, wagging her index finger at him as she walked up to the head of the bed. Another wave of nausea turned his stomach when she touched him, pressing her fingertips to the side of his neck to feel his pulse pounding. “You need to take it easy. You don’t wanna trigger another arrhythmia, now do you?” she added in a warning tone.

“There’s nothing wrong with my heart!” Nick cried, rattling the bed rails as he yanked at his restraints. “You’ve just been telling me that to keep me in this fucking hospital bed! Well, I’m not gonna lie here and take it anymore! Let me go! Now!”

“Oh Nick,” sighed Dani, shaking her head. “You poor thing. That fever is really fucking with your head, huh? Well, never fear - help is here!” She whipped out a syringe from the front pocket of her purple scrub top, and Nick’s heart skipped a beat. “Dr. Elizabeth said to go ahead and start you on a course of antibiotics in case you do have an infection. Consider this your first dose.”

“No… no, please don’t give me anything,” Nick protested, as she waltzed around to the other side of his bed, where his IV bag hung from its pole. Until that day, he had never questioned what was in it and whether it was helping to manage his symptoms or making them worse. Now he knew at least one of those answers.

“Just lie back and relax, Nick,” Dani said soothingly, as she injected the drug into his central line. “Let the medicine do its job.”

There was nothing Nick could do to stop it from entering his body. With his hands tied down, there was no way to pull the IV out of his neck. He had no other option but to lie there helplessly and wait for it to take effect. The fluid was cooler than his core temperature, and he could feel it flowing into his jugular vein, which would carry it to the vena cava and straight into his heart.

His heart was hammering even harder than before, and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. His whole body was covered in cold sweat. Was he still feeling the effects of the physical effort he’d exerted in his failed attempt to free himself? Or were these warning signs that he was about to crash from another overdose of digoxin?

When his vision began to blur, yellow halos appearing around the bright lights overhead, Nick had his answer. Yet even in those last seconds of consciousness before his heart stopped beating, he still couldn’t help but wonder why.

***


Why?

It was a question Dani had often asked herself, and she didn’t have an answer. As a nurse, she could diagnose most medical problems before the doctor just based on a patient’s history, but mental health conditions were often more complicated and much harder to explain.

She supposed it had started that day at the beach, when she was twelve years old. She had been wading with one of her girlfriends, laughing as the waves washed over their legs, when she’d heard the lifeguard’s shrill whistle. “Watch out!” a voice cried from behind her, and she was pushed out of the way as a group of people went splashing past, nearly knocking her down. Following their path with her eyes, she spotted a man floating facedown in the water.

She and her friend Kayla had stood there in shock, watching a pair of lifeguards and a few strong swimmers fight through the waves to reach the drowned man. They flipped him over onto his back before pulling him out of the water. Dani would never forget seeing his gray face as they dragged his lifeless body onto the beach. He was young and fit-looking, likely in his late teens or early twenties.

The two girls followed the group of rescuers, joining the crowd of people who gathered around them. They watched as the two lifeguards took over, one of them lowering his head to the man’s chest to check for breathing while the other one felt for a pulse. When they didn’t find any signs of life, they began giving him CPR. “Oh my god!” Kayla gasped softly, as she started to cry.

Dani didn’t cry. She just stood there and stared, captivated by the sight of the shirtless lifeguard performing compressions, his strong arms glistening as they pumped the other guy’s bare chest. Foamy water was gushing profusely from the man’s open mouth, making it almost impossible for the other lifeguard to give him any rescue breaths. She attempted to anyway, pinching his nose and putting her mouth over his. Dani wondered what his lips tasted like. Saltwater?

Watching the two lifeguards work together to resuscitate the man, she felt something stir inside her. It was a sensation she’d never felt before, a weird sort of tingling in between her legs. There was no discomfort, like when she needed to pee - in fact, it was almost pleasant. But there was a sense of urgency all the same. It was like a hunger that didn’t come from her stomach, a craving she couldn’t satisfy.

The feeling only intensified when another woman came forward, calling, “I’m a nurse! I can help!” The male lifeguard looked like he was getting tired, so she dropped to her knees next to the drowned man to take over. Dani couldn’t help but notice the nurse’s cleavage as she bent down in her bikini to do CPR. Her breasts bounced with the force of each compression. Twelve-year-old Dani, still flat as a board on top, put her hand on her own chest until she could feel her heart fluttering through the thin fabric of her bathing suit. Watching the woman massage the man’s heart, her breath caught in her throat. She wanted to be that woman. She wanted to know what it felt like to literally hold someone’s life in her hands.

Two decades later, Dani knew. After six years as a lifeguard and nearly ten as a nurse, she knew what it was like to bring people back from the brink of death. She also knew what it was like to push them over the edge.

Nick was getting dangerously close to teetering on that narrow precipice. His heart rate was already dropping, destabilizing as his blood pressure plummeted. Premature ventricular contractions had begun to appear on the bedside monitor as his rhythm became more and more chaotic, the result of the massive dose of digoxin she had pushed through his central line. He was still conscious, groaning in discomfort as the pain in his chest grew, but another cardiac arrest was imminent. Knowing she would need backup when he coded, Dani went ahead and punched the blue button on the wall behind his bed, which would signal the others to hurry downstairs and help her resuscitate him. But before Elizabeth and Patrick came to play, she wanted to have a little fun by herself.

“What are you doing?” Nick asked hoarsely when she fetched the crash cart from the corner. She could hear the fear and anxiety in his voice. By now, he knew what was happening to him.

“Don’t you worry,” she replied as she rolled the cart over to his bed, wanting to reassure him. “I’m gonna get you through this, Nick. You’ll be all right.”

“You caused this!” he coughed, his breathing becoming labored.

Dani didn’t deny it. She missed the days when he had trusted her, but she had always known they wouldn’t last. They never did. Just as she had outgrown playing with dolls as a little girl, Dani understood she would have to get rid of her Backstreet Boy toy someday - probably sooner rather than later. Rob had told her as much.

The last time they had resuscitated Nick together, she could tell her husband had wanted to call it quits. But Dani wasn’t ready then, and thankfully, neither was Elizabeth. In spite of Rob’s protests and poor attitude, they had persisted until they achieved ROSC - a return of spontaneous circulation.

Afterwards, Rob had followed Dani out of the room. He waited until they were in the privacy of the hallway before he rounded on her. “You wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?” he demanded.

The performance high Dani had from executing another successful resus faded quickly. “What do you mean?” she asked, frowning.

Rob gave her an exasperated look. “You know what I’m talking about.” He lowered his voice, leaning closer to her as he whispered, “That was our chance. We should have just let him die.”

Dani recoiled. “What?! No way!”

“If not now, then when?” he challenged her, crossing his arms over his chest. “How long are we gonna let this little charade go on? The police know about us now; our faces are on the news and all over the internet! If they track us down and find them here, we’re fucked.”

Dani thought he was overreacting. “Relax,” she said. “They don’t even know our names, and even if they did, they’re not gonna track us here.”

“You don’t know that.” Rob sighed, raking a hand through his dark hair. “I’m sorry, babe, but we’ve gotta get rid of them both.”

“Get rid of them?” Dani repeated, raising her eyebrows. “I thought you wanted to hold them for ransom!”

Rob shook his head. “That was a stupid idea. It might have worked if we’d been able to talk to the other Backstreet Boys before they went to the police, but trying to make demands now will only get us caught.”

“Does that mean the video idea’s out too?”

“Dani, it would never work! It would have to be watched thousands of times to make the kind of money we-”

“It would be!” Dani insisted. “They’re the best-selling boyband of all time, Rob! Do you know how many fans they have? People all over the world would pay big bucks for a resus film starring one of the Backstreet Boys! And we have two of them!”

“Yeah, sure, people would watch - and then go straight to the police to report what they saw! We’re not talking about our usual clientele, Dani; we’re talking about women who don’t want to see their precious Backstreet Boys being hurt! I don’t care how many safeguards Patrick has in place - if he posts a video of them on our website, it’ll lead the police straight to us.”

Dani didn’t want to admit it, but he was probably right about the website. She sighed. “Well, I’m not ready to get rid of Nick yet.”

Rob rolled his eyes. “Of course you’re not. You wanna keep him around so you can flirt with him while you’re fucking with his heart and his head. I’m sure you’d like to fuck his dick, too.”

Dani bristled, feeling her face flush. “No I don’t. You’re the only one I wanna fuck, and you know it.”

“Do I?” He arched his eyebrows. “You did an awfully good job of convincing him you’re carrying his kid. I mean, crying on command and everything. Your acting ability has come a long way, dear. It’s almost like you had even convinced yourself it was true. Or maybe you just wish it was.”

His words were like a slap in the face to Dani. “Of course I don’t!” she cried, tears starting in the corners of her eyes. “I love you!”

Her husband’s scathing expression softened into a sad smile. “I don’t doubt that. But you’ve obviously developed feelings for him, too. Otherwise, you would have had no problem letting him die like the rest.”

Dani didn’t know what to say to that. She wanted to deny his accusation, but she couldn’t come up with another reason why she was so keen on keeping Nick alive. She looked down, avoiding Rob’s eyes.

He reached for her, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilting her face up, forcing her to look at him. “You know he has to die at some point, don’t you?” he said. “We have to kill them both and cremate the bodies before the police can find them. That’s the only way this ends without us in prison.”

Dani shook her head stubbornly. “It doesn’t have to end that way.”

“How else is it going to end?!” Rob suddenly exploded, his voice rising again as his anger returned. “What, you think you can make him fall in love with you and get you pregnant for real? Convince him that he’s really had a heart transplant so you two can ride off into the sunset together once he’s ‘recovered’? Cause you know you can’t hold him hostage here forever, right? Sooner or later, he’s gonna figure it out. That’s if you don’t accidentally kill him first.”

Tears fell from Dani’s eyes. “I know we can’t keep him here forever,” she admitted, hugging herself tightly. “I’m just having a little fun with him while I can. Why is it okay for you to do that but not me?”

“Because I don’t fall for the women we bring back here to fuck with!” Rob replied. “I knew this would be a problem for you, Dani! I knew you’d have a hard time separating your fandom from your goddamn fetish! I told you this was a bad idea; I should have never let you talk me into taking a fucking Backstreet Boy!”

“Well, fine!” Dani hissed. “You want out? Go!” She gave him a half-hearted shove. “Get out of here!”

“Come with me,” said Rob, extending his hand to her. “We can both get out of here. Let Liz and Pat take care of the problem.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m not leaving.”

Rob shrugged. “Suit yourself. But you better not call me to bail you out when you get caught, ‘cause I’ll be long gone by then.”

Dani decided to call his bluff. “Well, I guess it’s goodbye then,” she replied with forced casualness. She didn’t think Rob would really walk out. But when she woke up the next morning, he and his boat were gone.

She missed her husband more than she wanted to admit. But he would be back someday. They were meant for each other - soulmates, some would say. He couldn’t stay away from her forever. Sooner or later, he would start to miss her, too, and come crawling back to beg for her forgiveness.

But in the meantime, she had Nick.

“Relax,” she told him, resting a hand on his heaving chest. His heart was pounding, and his pale skin was slick with perspiration. She could practically smell the panic oozing from his pores. It aroused her even more. Rob was right, she realized. She did want to fuck him.

“How am I supposed to relax?” Nick panted. “My heart’s not beating right... I can barely breathe. Help me… please...” His face had taken on a gray pallor that reminded her of the boy at the beach, and his lips looked bluer than ever, thanks to the hypoxic blend of breathing gas flowing through his oxygen cannula. Dani didn’t know what they would do when the last tank ran out - Rob was the only one with the certification required to order it through the dive shop.

“I know a way to help you relax,” she told Nick, smiling, as she turned down his covers. She had seen his naked body plenty of times before, but she had always maintained an air of professionalism as she helped him bathe, change, and do his business. Now that he knew the truth about Elizabeth and Patrick, she didn’t see the point in pretending anymore. She was going to get as much pleasure as she could out of her Backstreet Boy toy before they broke him beyond repair.

She took a tube of electrode gel out of the top drawer of the crash cart and squirted a liberal amount into her palm. The conductive gel was normally used to improve the flow of electricity through defibrillator pads or electrodes, but it would also work as a lubricant. She rubbed it around in her hands to warm it before she reached between Nick’s legs.

He let out a loud gasp when she grabbed him, wrapping her hand around his penis. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

Dani giggled. “Helping you relax, silly,” she replied with a wink. She heard his heart rate shoot right back up as she squeezed and tugged. With his breathing as rapid and shallow as it was, she could almost pretend he was panting in pleasure instead of pain. In spite of his distress, it didn’t take long at all for her to give him an erection. That was a relief, for they didn’t have much time left. The pacing spikes on Nick’s monitor told her his ICD was sending impulses to his heart, trying to stabilize its rhythm, but the device couldn’t counteract the toxic effects of the digoxin indefinitely.

She pulled off her shoes and socks, then loosened the drawstring waist of her purple scrub bottoms so she could lower them along with her panties. She took off her top, too, but left her black push-up bra on. No longer flat as a board, Dani liked the way it made her cleavage look.

“Please… don’t...” Nick pleaded faintly, as he watched her undress in front of him. Tears were pouring down his pale face. He looked so pathetic, she felt a fleeting surge of pity for him. But it wasn’t enough to prevent her from satisfying her own impulses. She had waited long enough for this opportunity.

“Hold still now, baby,” she whispered, as she boosted herself onto the bed and straddled his hips, planting her knees on both sides of his body. He let out a groan of pain as she pointed his erect penis between her legs and lowered herself onto him, forcing him to penetrate her. She moaned with pleasure as she went down further and felt him deep inside of her. Watching the monitor, she rocked her pelvis to the unstable rhythm of his heart as she waited for it to stop.

She had always wondered what it would feel like to fuck someone with an ICD while it went off. She had heard Elizabeth tell her patients it was perfectly safe to have sex with an ICD, that it wouldn’t harm their partners if it discharged during the act, but Dani imagined the other person would still be able to feel the flow of electricity. She wanted to experience the sensation herself.

When the monitor began to wail, its waveform swooping wildly up and down as the QRS axis alternated its direction with each labored beat of Nick’s heart, she knew it was only a matter of seconds before she got her wish. Her own heart fluttered with anticipation as she leaned forward, putting both hands flat on his chest to brace herself for the impending shock.

Just before Nick’s eyes rolled back into his head, he let out a harsh cry. His body jerked, jolting Dani backwards like a bucking bronco. She dug her nails into his flesh, drawing in a sharp breath as she felt a strange tingling sensation shoot through her body and into her fingertips. It was no more painful than a static electricity shock, and it left her feeling energized, heightening her arousal.

Meanwhile, her partner had lost consciousness, and an alarm was going off on his monitor. Recognizing the chaotic rhythm as ventricular fibrillation, she realized the cardioversion had failed - Nick was now in full cardiac arrest. Her heart leaped into her throat as she leaned forward, lacing her fingers together to start CPR. She could still feel him inside her as she compressed his chest, forcing his heart to contract. Closing her eyes, she imagined the blood being pumped to every part of his body, from his brain to his penis, by the power of her own two hands. Her pleasure peaked. As a second shock from the defibrillator flickered from his body into hers, she felt herself climax. She threw her head back, her whole body shuddering with pure ecstasy.

“Am I interrupting something here?”

Startled, Dani turned to see Elizabeth standing in the doorway, a wry smile on her face. She took a shaky breath before answering. “No… I could use your help. Nick coded again; he needs oxygen.” She paused just long enough to pull his blanket up around her waist to cover herself before she continued compressions.

“Yes, I can see how it would be a bit hard for you to bag him from that position,” Elizabeth replied sarcastically, slipping behind Nick’s bed to retrieve the Ambu bag. She secured the mask over his mouth and nose and squeezed the bag. “How long has he been down?”

“Not long - maybe a minute?”

“And you already had an orgasm?” Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “You’re quick.”

Dani shrugged, doing her best to keep pumping Nick’s chest hard and fast, even though her arms now felt like spaghetti. “When you know exactly what turns you on, it doesn’t take long.”

Elizabeth smiled and nodded. That was what Dani liked about the doctor - she always seemed to understand. With as much as they had in common, including a longtime love of the Backstreet Boys, it was no surprise that they had become fast friends, going from colleagues to partners in crime in the few years they’d known each other.

“Did you give him more dig?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yeah,” Dani admitted. “I had to do something to shut him up. He was shouting at me.”

“Understandable. I’ll get Patrick down here to help us so we can administer the antidote.” Elizabeth hit the code button on the wall again. Dani hoped her worthless brother would take his cue to come down and help. Rob would have been there in a heartbeat; he had always gotten off on running codes.

Patrick shuffled in a few minutes later. By that point, Elizabeth had convinced Dani to trade places with her, so Dani was standing at the head of the bed in her bra and panties, delivering breaths while Elizabeth pumped Nick’s chest. “Did you get hot in here or something?” Patrick asked Dani with a smirk, his eyes panning up and down her body.

She smirked back. “Something like that. Come here and bag him so I can get the Digibind going.”

Once Patrick had taken over ventilating Nick, Dani opened the second drawer of the crash cart, where they kept vials of digoxin immune fab, a drug used to treat digoxin toxicity. “You need to get some more of this next time you go to work,” she told Elizabeth, as she prepared the first vial for injection, mixing its contents with four milliliters of sterile water in a syringe. “If I give him the normal dose, we’re gonna be running low.”

“Go ahead and push ten vials like usual,” Elizabeth instructed in between compressions. “I took a shift at the hospital tomorrow night; I’ll bring more back then.”

“Got it.” Dani held the syringe up to the light to make sure the Digibind had dissolved before she injected it into Nick’s central line. “One down… nine to go.”

“Don’t you girls ever get tired of torturing the same guy over and over again?” Patrick asked, stifling a yawn as he squeezed the Ambu bag.

Dani and Elizabeth exchanged glances over Nick’s body before agreeing in unison, “Nope.”

They were so busy working to keep oxygenated blood circulating through Nick’s body while they waited for the antidote to take effect that none of them noticed the tears trickling down Brian’s cheeks as he lay in the next bed over, listening to every word they said and wondering why.

***


Chapter End Notes: