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Nick was feeding Saoirse applesauce in the kitchen then Brian came in through the patio door. Nick glanced up at him, peering around his small frame in search of his lover. Not seeing him, Nick frowned and peered up at the other man. “Where’s Kev?” They had both been gone for quite a while. Nick had taken a small nap and woken up when Saoirse did. He'd been disappointed to find that Kevin still wasn't back, but tried to push it out of his mind. If he convinced himself that Kevin being absent all day would get Brian out of their hair quicker than that's what he was going to do. All he wanted to do was curl up with the older man and never crawl out of his arms. He was a little embarrassed for being so needy, but they had just dealt with some of the most emotional weeks of Nick's life and all he wanted was for things to calm down so they could start enjoying life together, their new life together.

Brian flinched and briefly flicked his eyes to where Nick sat. He stood with his hands in his pockets and bounced on the soles of his feet. “He’s not in here?” he asked as his eyes skittered around the room. He refused to focus in on Nick and instead looked everywhere but. Nick shook his head, fear prickling as he gazed at Brian curiously.

Nick gave Saoirse another spoonful of applesauce and sighed heavily as she smacked the spoon out of his hand and watched it fall onto the high chair tray. Once it was off the spoon she was more than happy to stick her fingers in it and raise them to her mouth, sucking the sticky sweet puree off her fingers. Deciding it was a lost cause, Nick positioned the bowl in front of her and ditched the spoon. This made her happy and she proceeded to shove both hands into the applesauce before sticking her hands in her mouth. Nick figured it would be easier to give her a bath than continue to fight her to eat off the spoon.

“Did something happen? Is he alright?” Nick stood and took the spoon to the sink before turning to face the other man. Brian’s face was white and he was shaking slightly. “Brian what is going on?” Nick demanded.

Brian took a seat, well fell into the kitchen chair was more like it. “I fucked up Nicky.” He dropped his head and ran his fingers through his curls to avoid looking at the other blonde. Now Nick was really freaked out. He'd never seen Brian look or act like this for that matter. Why was Kevin missing? What could Brian possibly have done that kept Kevin from coming back to the house. “Brian, tell me what the fuck is going on right now.”

Brian sighed. “We had a fight. He left the barn. I thought he came back here, but obviously he didn’t. I don’t know where he went.”

Nick perched on the island bar stool. Keeping one eye on Saoirse and the applesauce he was convinced would momentarily be painting the floor and the other eye on his best friend. He tried to keep his breathing under control, growing increasingly anxious as the time ticked by. What in the world had happened out there. Kevin had only been planning on talking to him about his reasonings for Leigh kicking him out. How in the world had it ended in a fight that left Kevin somewhere outside. Why hadn’t he come and found Nick immediately after it happened? Nick tried not to let that part bother him. Finding out what had happened was more important right now.

“What were you fighting about that was so bad he didn’t come back to the house.”

Brian hesitated for a moment before answering. “You.”

Nick startled. “Me? Why were you fighting about me?”

Brian looked away, unable to meet Nick’s gaze. Instead he focused on the baby playing happily in the applesauce. She alternated between shoving tiny baby fistfuls of it into her mouth and wiping it in her hair. He smiled softly as he watched her, remembering what Baylee had been like when he was small. He had a momentary pain of sadness, wishing he'd agreed to another child all of those years ago. Perhaps if he had things would be completely different now. Maybe he'd never felt this way. He could feel Nick's eyes boring into him and he knew he was going to have to tell him the truth, as much as he didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Nick..’

“What the hell did you do to him?” Nick demanded crossing his arms over his chest. “How come every time you come here you start a fight with someone?”

Brian looked at him for the first time. Nick was pissed, which made this conversation so much harder to have. Brian didn’t want to tell him with the younger man glaring at him like that. But he also knew there was no way he was getting out of this kitchen without telling him. If he didn’t do it himself, now, then he knew for sure Kevin would when he finally decided to come back inside. Where was he anyway? Why had he gone off somewhere instead of coming back to the house. Kevin must be really pissed too. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He was honest when he said he loved them both and didn’t want this to change anything between them. He wasn’t there to try to break them up, not at all. He just wanted, well Brian had no idea what he wanted.


“I told Kevin that I have feelings for you. Feelings I’ve had for quite awhile. Leighanne found out about it in the course of an argument and she said she didn’t and couldn't live with me anymore knowing I could have feelings like that for another man. Like I told Kevin, I’m not here to cause trouble. I’m not trying to interfere. I just needed a place to go and Kevin’s always been the first place I go when something is seriously wrong.“

Nick felt like he’d been slapped. Brian had feelings for him? Brian, holier than thou Brian, who gave him nothing but shit every time he tried to talk to him about how he felt about Kevin. This fucker was going to stand in front of him and try to tell him he had feelings for him? Had told Kevin this?

Oh god. Kevin. He could only imagine how it must have felt to hear this, to know his cousin had feelings for his boyfriend. Suddenly Nick was furious. Madder than he could remember being in a very long time.

“I don’t even know what to say to you right now. I can’t believe after all the things I told you about how I felt about him and how much he meant to me that you would go and pull something like this. How many times did I cry to you about how much I loved him and you tried to make me feel like shit for being gay, for loving him. Now you’re going to waltz in here, in OUR home and try to say that you have feelings for me? You’re seriously fucked up. I do not, have not and will never have feelings for you. I want to be very clear on that. I love him, with everything I am. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and as long as he will have me, he’s everything I’ll ever need. I think it’s best if you pack your stuff and you find somewhere else to stay tonight. I’ve got to go find him and when I bring him back here, I don’t want you here.”

Nick turned away from him and grabbed Saoirse from the high chair. Taking the steps two at a time he went upstairs to clean up his daughter, never once looking back at the crestfallen man in the kitchen.

--

Nick was so mad he was shaking. He wasn’t sure what to do, but he knew he needed to find Kevin. To touch him, to hold him. He racked his brain for where to even look for him as he quickly bathed and changed the baby. Once she was clean he hesitantly headed back down the stairs. He did not want to face Brian again. Mason, Maxwell and Odin were playing in the living room. The older kids played on the Xbox while Odin played with dinos and hot wheels on the rug. Mason looked up at him as he came in the room. “Uncle Brian left.” he said looking at Nick quickly before focusing back on the television.

Nick breathed a sigh of relief. One issue was resolved. “Hey Mas, your dad and Brian got into an argument. He’s still outside somewhere and I need to go find him. Any ideas on where to look?”

Mason nodded. “If it was a bad one he’s probably out in the woods, down by the pond. It’s a little ways past the stable. He used to go there a lot, before you moved in. He always said it made him feel closer to grandpa out there.”

Nick smiled. He’d never seen it, but it sounded exactly like Kevin. He had to find him now. “Mason would you mind keeping an eye on all the kids while I see if I can track him down? I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t necessary.”

Mason’s eyes lit up. “You trust me to watch all the kids?”

Nick smiled, remembering what it felt like to be entrusted to watch over someone else, even if it were for a brief moment of time. He’d felt the same way the first time he’d been asked to watch Angel and Aaron. “Of course buddy. I know you can handle it. Do you mind?”

Mason shook his head, a smile of pride on his face as he settled back into the couch. “Nope. I’ll do great.”

Nick smiled and ruffled his hair. “Of course you will. I’ll try to be gone long. If something happens call your mom okay?”

Mason nodded and with one last look around the room to make sure all the kids would be safe and relatively okay while he was gone he grabbed his jacket and headed out the kitchen door.

--

Fuck it was cold. Nick was not used to winters in the Midwest. He needed to get an actual winter jacket and hats and gloves for him and his kids. He never really had to worry about it before living in Nevada or Florida for that matter, but it was cold up here. He pulled his jacket tighter around him and pushed forward. He passed the stable relatively quickly. His long legs and determination to find his lover propelling him forward quickly through the acreage. Mason had said it was a little ways away from the stable. He kept his eyes open, peering every which way for any sign of a pond or Kevin. It was beginning to get dark and Nick was kicking himself for not grabbing a flashlight, or his cell phone before venturing outside. When he’d left the house his only thought had been to get to Kevin as quickly as possible, nothing else had even crossed his mind. Still he pushed on.

The more he walked, the angrier he got, but now he was starting to get a little scared as well. He’d never spent much time out in the woods, especially after dark. Why did everything seem so much creepier when the sun was setting? How in the world did Kevin find this relaxing? The beach was relaxing, the waves crashing and caressing each other as they rose and fell. The feel of hot sand underneath your skin. That was relaxing, this was downright terrifying. He heard a tree branch snap and felt the fear rise in his chest. He whirled around, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the difference in light. Nothing popped out at him. An owl hooted somewhere in the distance and Nick though again how there were never any owls on the beach. He kept moving, his legs taking him deeper and deeper into the wooden confines of Kevin's property.

He rounded a corner, convinced he’d been walking for hours. There, up ahead seemed to be a clearing. Possibly a pond on the other side? At least it looked like it might have been. As he grew closer he saw several cut trees and wondered what this part of the property was used for. Nick really needed to learn more about the land and all of it’s secrets he thought as he advanced on the cleared area.

“Nick?”

Hearing his name made him stumble and he shot out his hands to break himself if he fell. He tripped over his own two feet but managed to stay upright as he turned towards the voice. Kevin sat a few feet away on a tree stump, peering out at the small pond. Relief filled the younger man. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been happier to see him. Kevin was here, safe. Kevin would protect him from the woods. All the thoughts jumbled in his mind as he quickly made his way to his lover.

“God baby, I was so worried.” Nick said as he dropped to his knees in front of the older man. He laid his head against Kevin’s thigh and took one of his hands in his. Threading their fingers together he sighed out loud.

“How did you find me?” the older man questioned as he took the hand Nick wasn’t holding and ran it through Nick’s hair. Needing the connection, the contact with the younger man.

“When Brian came back to the house you weren’t with him. I got upset and demanded he tell me where you were, what happened out here.” Nick pushed closer into him, needing his warmth as well as his comfort. Kevin was okay, at least physically.

“Did he tell you about the fight?” Kevin asked, his voice full of unshed tears.

Nick looked up at him from where he sat on the ground, watched those beautiful green eyes he loved filling with tears was enough to break Nick’s own heart. He nodded. “Yeah he told me. After I told him off I kicked him out. I hope you’re not mad.”

Kevin inhaled sharply, the sound wet and garbled with his emotions so high. “You...you kicked him out?”

Nick smiled shyly at him. “Are you mad at me?”

The tears sprang forward, falling down Kevin’s cheeks so quickly he couldn’t brush them away quick enough. Horrified, Nick jumped to his feet. “I’m sorry Kev, I can call him and tell him to come back. I didn’t mean to overstep. I was just so angry and if he didn’t get away from me right then I was going to hit him.”

The tears came quicker and Kevin grabbed Nick’s wrist and pulled him down into his lap. Nick adjusted himself until he was straddling Kevin on the tree stump, his long legs hanging off the other side. He placed his forehead against the older man’s and pulled their upper bodies as close as he could manage. “Talk to me baby, did I do the wrong thing?”

Kevin shook his head, his eyes never leaving Nick’s blue ones. “No baby, you did everything right. It’s me, it’s my issue.”

“Your issues are my issues. Talk to me.” Nick said as he hugged him close.

“I was scared. I was so scared, baby. I guess on some level I always felt like I always came in second to Brian, in everything. You two were so close and I know the only reason you pulled away from each other was his marriage. When he told me he loved you, all I could think about was here was another avenue for me to be second best. If he wanted you, then maybe there was a part of you that had wanted him back then. I know it’s stupid. I just couldn’t face either of you until I got myself under control. I wasn’t even sure how to tell you.” Kevin said dejectedly.

Nick leaned in and brushed their lips together before pulling back and smiling at the other man. “I love you. I have only ever loved you. The only thing I felt when he told me was blinding anger. Anger that he put all of this on you, anger that he made me feel so bad about myself for loving you, for being gay. I was so angry I swear if Saoirse hadn’t been in the room I would have gone after him. The best thing I could think of to do was to get rid of him and come find you. You’re all I ever want.”

Kevin smiled at the blonde. His heart filling with love at each word that fell from his lips. The fact that Nick had not hesitated, not even tried to prolong the discussion with Brian about his feelings for him told Kevin everything he needed to know right there. He’d never felt so much compassion for another person. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted too Nicky. Just you.” Kevin buried his head into Nick’s neck and inhaled the scent of his lover.

​He looked up suddenly. “Where are the kids?”

Nick laughed and pulled him closer. “I left Mason in charge.”

Kevin chuckled. “Oh god. We’d better get back. There’s no telling what kind of mess we’ll come back to.”

Nick smiled and stood up offering his hand to Kevin as he went. Kevin took it and laced their fingers and together they headed back towards the house.