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Kevin moaned as he thrust harder into the blonde. Working his hips furiously he groaned as he watched Nick bite his lip and throw his head back in pleasure.

"Harder Kev," Nick said, drawing his legs up by his knees to give Kevin better access.

Kevin leaned down and caught those ruby red lips with his own, thrusting his tongue into the younger man's mouth in time with the way his cock was thrusting in and out of his ass. Nick returned the kiss, clutching the sheets in his hands as he gave himself over the other man. He ground his ass back against Kevin, causing him to go even deeper and they both moaned as Kevin hit his prostate over and over again. Kevin's fingers were burrowing into the fleshy part of Nick's hips, holding on for dear life as he brought them closer and closer together.

"Oh god Kev, I'm gonna cum." Nick warned, thrashing his head back and forth on the damp pillow.

Kevin smiled and picked up his pace, his own orgasm right there. "Do it baby, come for me. Show me how much you love me."

"Uhh, I do. God Kevin I fucking love you." Nick yelled as he came, white hot spurts covering Nick's stomach.

Kevin was right behind him, moaning the other man's name as he came deep inside him. He collapsed against the blonde and kissed him sweetly. Nick looked up at him and smiled. "I do, you know."

Kevin rolled over and looked at him quizzically. "Do what?" he asked, unsure he was ready for the answer.

"I do love you, it wasn't just a moment of passion comment, Kev." Nick said leaning over and brushing the sweaty hair out of Kevin’s eyes. Kevin smiled at the other man and caught the hand in his. Kissing the back of his hand, and then rolling it over to kiss the palm, Kevin smiled against the heated skin. "I love you too baby."

-

Kevin woke with a start. He was alone, sweaty and dear god, covered in cum. He'd had a fucking wet dream, while Nick slept less than a floor away. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so embarrassed. He peeled the covers away from his skin and climbed out of bed. He would definitely have to wash his sheets now. He stripped the sheets and bundled them into a ball by the hamper before shedding his clothes and walking into the spacious master bathroom. What in the world had gotten into him? He felt like an idiot. It had been so long since he'd had a dream like that he'd thought they were gone for good, but apparently all it took was the object of his desire to show up unannounced and destroy the wall he'd put up around his inner thoughts.

He sighed heavily as he stepped into the steaming shower. This was going to be hard, probably one of the hardest things he'd ever done. But it was something he had, no, needed to do for the younger man. Right now Nick needed someone to help him, take care of him and get him back on his feet. He didn't need someone lusting after him and making everything more difficult.

He showered quickly. Stepping out of the shower he toweled off and dressed in record time. The less time he spent alone and naked the better. Walking back into his bedroom he took notice of the time. It was a little after eight. He had no idea if Nick’s kids were early risers or not, but he figured he would go start breakfast anyway. Before he’d even hit the staircase he could hear the cacophony of shrieking, cartoons and laughing. He descended the stairs quickly and hurried into the kitchen. There was flour, or what Kevin only hoped was flour, everywhere. Every surface appeared to be covered in it. It was on the floor, down the front of the dishwasher and leaking out of the bag on the counter. Sairose sat on the floor, putting fistfuls of it in her hair and in her mouth while Nick and Odin were turned trying to make the mixer work. Kevin surveyed the extensive mess before him and wondered again what he had gotten himself into. He leaned against the doorway and cleared his throat. Nick jumped and whirled around, his face reddening as his eyes landed on Kevin.

“Kevin, I am so sorry. I promise we will clean it up.” he stared, putting his hands up in a calm down gesture Kevin had seen a million times before. He tried to keep his face looking stern, but the near panic in Nick’s eyes and the terror on Odin’s face was enough to break his tough guy demeanor, even if it was all a façade. Kevin smiled and walked further into the kitchen. The closer he got, the worse the mess got. Behind the kitchen island, hidden from his original place in the doorway was cracked eggshells, even more flour and what could only be described as some kind of paste that Kevin determined had to have been made by Sairose when she was eating the flour. He shook his head in laughter and lifted her off of the floor. She stared at him with wide blue eyes, much like her fathers’. Kevin had to smile wider. Oh how these same eyes had looked at him in much this way for so many years. He hugged her little body against him and turned to Nick. “What exactly are you attempting to do Nicky?” Kevin asked peering over the edge of the mixing bowl.

“The kids were hungry and I wanted to surprise you with breakfast as a thank you for all you’ve done for us. I’ve never used one of these things.” he said gesturing towards the mixer. “And before we knew what was happening, flour was flying everywhere out of here. Kevin looked at the mixer, and then looked back at Nick. “Was it off when you added the flour?”

Nick’s face turned crimson. “At first it was, but then while I was pouring the flour in, Odin flipped the button. I tried to shut it off fast enough, but I guess I didn’t quite get there quick enough.” He smiled sheepishly. Kevin laughed. Well that explained everything. He smiled down at Odin so the boy would know he wasn’t angry.

“What were you trying to make Odin?” Kevin asked.

His grin was a mile wide on his pale sweet face. “Cakes!!”

“Ah!” Kevin said. “Do we want pancakes for breakfast?” He asked first looking at Odin and then asking Sairose while tickling her belly. She laughed out and smiled. Odin nodded enthusiastically.

“Alright Nicky. You take baby girl so she stops eating the flour. Odin and I will make breakfast.”

Odin clapped his hands excitedly while Nick started to protest. “Kev, I.” he started.

Kevin didn’t listen. He handed the baby to Nick and steered Odin towards the sink, taking the mixing bowl with him as they went. “Since we have no idea how much flour actually ended up in the bowl, let’s wash it out and start over. Sound good?” Odin nodded and smiled up at him. Kevin smiled back and ruffled his hair. Cleaning the bowl, the two set to work making enough pancakes for an army.

-

Hours later, the kitchen cleaned and the kids napping, Nick and Kevin found themselves alone and in silence. This was the first run of the kids sleeping in their newly organized rooms so Nick was hesitant to leave the second floor in case they needed him. Kevin offered him some privacy, opting to work in the studio and give his boys a call. Nick had agreed to finally call Brian so he would stop blowing up both of their phones.

Calling his boys was always a welcome distraction. He learned all about what they had been up to, how school was going and what they had done for classes that day. Since the beginning of the year the boys were doing virtual school, which was easy enough to facilitate with their split custody schedule, all they needed was a good internet connection and they were good to go. After talking for a while to each of the boys they put their mother on the phone. Even though they were now divorced, Kevin and Kristin tried really hard to keep a good relationship for the boys.

“Hey Kev,” she said taking the phone from Mason.

“Hey honey. They giving you a hard time?”

She laughed. “These boys? They are either loving each other or trying to kill each other. There is never any happy medium. For the most part it’s okay. They aren’t happy we won’t let them go trick or treating this year. I’ve explained to them until I am blue in the face that it’s just not safe but you know how stubborn they can be.”

Kevin laughed. “I wonder where they get that from.” he teased.

“Yeah, I wonder.” she said sarcastically with a laugh. They both knew he was extremely stubborn and they had most definitely inherited that trait from their father.

“Kev.” She said, suddenly serious. “Did I overhear correctly? Is Nick there?”

The question hung in the air, the silence crackling between them.

“Yes.” he said quietly, knowing exactly where this conversation was going.

“Kevin, is this a good idea? You know how you...” Kevin cut her off before she could finish the thought.

“Kris, believe me I know what you are going to say. I understand why you are worried, and I can only ever be honest with you, so honestly, I am a little worried too. But I can’t do anything else, you know I can’t.” he said softly.

She sighed. “I know. Believe me Kev, I know. I’m just worried about you. With the kids coming home in a few days, is it all going to be okay?” She asked, the worry evident in her voice.

Kevin nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “Yeah Kris. It’s going to be okay. You will be the first to know if I think the boys need to come to you any earlier or we need to extend the time you have them, but honestly I think the boys will enjoy new friends to play with. Plus, you know how big of a kid Nick is."

She laughed at that one. “Yeah, I know. I am just worried about you. How you’re going to handle it all. I still love you, even if we’re not “in love” with each other anymore. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Thanks Kris. I love you too, you know. Always will.” he said, his voice breaking a little. He did not intend to get this emotional on the phone just talking to his ex wife and kids.

They finished the conversation and after another quick goodbye to his boys he hung up. Left in silence, his mind drifted back to their conversation. He understood completely why Kristin had her guard up, why she was worried. After all, Nick played a big part in the reasons for their divorce, even though he had no idea. Only he and Kristin did, and that’s exactly the way it would stay.

The boys had seemed excited about having house guests, especially when they knew that no one was allowed in their rooms and all their own toys were safe. He chuckled at that one. The boys had way too many toys, in both houses! If he was honest he figured all of their kids were pretty spoiled, but hey, why did they work if they couldn't provide nice things for their kids? He knew he went overboard quite often.

Kristin was always vilified by the fans of being a gold digger and spender of his money, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. To start with, she had a large trust fund from her grandparents, so even when they’d married she had quite a bit of money of her own name. He’d still given her way more than she wanted when they divorced, it was only fair. Secondly, she was huge on saving. She chided him all the time for the amount he spent, not only on himself and his kids, but groceries as well. She never could understand paying more for something because of convenience when you could get it cheaper somewhere else. Frugal was the best word to describe her.

He admitted he spent the majority of his money. A lot of the time he always felt like he needed to make up for something. At first it was being on the road so much and then later when they told the boys they were divorcing he felt more than ever the need to make it up to them. He still spoiled them with time as well. On the weeks the boys were home they did everything together. He was completely devoted and available to them, a lot of times too much to where they would tell him to go away or to give them space. He loved that most of all, it meant he’d done his job correctly. It reminded him of how overbearing his own father had been at times. It made him miss him a little less sometimes, knowing he was carrying on his traditions.

He wondered briefly how Nick’s conversation with Brian was going. He prayed his cousin was being understanding and supportive. Sometimes you could never tell what kind of mood you would catch Brian in. He hoped Brian wasn’t encouraging him to work it out with Lauren for the sake of his marriage. Brian had tried that line when Kevin told him that he and Kristin were divorcing. Kevin had never explained all the reasons, and Brian never fully understood, but frankly, it was none of his business. And while Kevin knew that Brian mostly meant well and wanted his friends and family to be happy, there were times when he got too caught up in what was “right” to worry about how it impacted the person he cared about. This was another reason Brian had never been told the true reason for the dissolution of his marriage.

Kevin looked at his watch. It was 2:30. The kids had been asleep for about an hour. If lucky, they would have an additional hour before they woke up. Kevin didn’t want to go downstairs and risk waking them early if he could help it. His mind made up, he took out the notebook he kept in the studio. Flipping to the page he was looking for he grabbed a pencil and set to work on the song he’d been working on for the past six months. He had the melody down and knew where he wanted it to go. He even had some of the words, but he’d been stuck for the past few months and even though something inside of him said this was going to be the song to change his life, to put him on the map as a solo artist, he still struggled with the words he wanted to get out. He stared at the notepad for several long moments, waiting for inspiration to strike. He hummed quietly. He had the first verse down, he just had to write the rest of it. He’d started the groundwork for the song the day after he told Kristin it was over, the emotions of their fight pouring from his fingertips onto the piano keys and his notebook. He was starting to feel that same spark of inspiration now and was determined to do everything in his power to make sure it didn’t slip away from him this time.

I don't know where to begin
I don't know how to get out there to see you
I don't know where to dig in.
I don't know how to get in there: to feel you